Jack Monroe 7 Wiki

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  • Welcome to Jack Monroe Wiki 7

    If you're here and you are new to Jack, please go to Wiki 1, where we have lots of info at the top for new frauen / herren.

    Page 7 includes writings by and about Jack:
    • Notable blog posts
    • Columns from the Southend Echo
    • Diva magazine
    • The Guardian
    • The Truth Detective
    • Misc.
    • Poetry/songs
    It also contains the latest version of the Southend English Jacktionary, a compilation of all the times she has used an incorrect word or phrase.


    Notable blog posts 2012-2022

    Jack first became known to the British public after an essay she had shared on her blog went viral. She has since written many more posts that gained traction and are sometimes referenced by the canal. Unfortunately Jack has a habit of mass deleting, but we've salvaged what we can!

    Hunger Hurts, 2012 (HH) - This essay about living in poverty went viral and effectively launched Jack's career in the public eye. Jack wrote that she was using a food bank, heavily in rent arrears, and couldn't afford food or utilities. It drew attention because of her heart-wrenching descriptions of her then two-year-old son ("Small Boy"/SB) going hungry: "Poverty is the sinking feeling when your small boy finishes his one weetabix and says ‘more mummy, bread and jam please mummy’ as you’re wondering whether to take the TV or the guitar to the pawn shop first, and how to tell him that there is no bread or jam."

    Bellowing Economics At A Two Year Old (or ‘Where’s The F*cking Revolution?’), 2013 - Due to government cuts, Jack was no longer exempt from council tax and couldn't afford to send her son to nursery. She said she had yelled at him to play quietly so she could concentrate on work, or else they would have no home or food - a distressing and inappropriate thing to tell a two-year-old child.

    Hunger Hurts - Still. A Year On, 2013 - Follow-up to "Hunger Hurts", published exactly one year later. Jack said she still had just £10 a week for food but that her situation had improved and she now had a secure job. She has since claimed that she spent 2013 in desperate poverty, and was stealing food and doing sex work to survive.

    Another Suitcase in Another Hall, and Another Hall, and Another Hall, and Another Hall, 2014 - Sob story about how Jack had frequently had to move house with her son, initially because of poverty and then after breaking up with her fiancée. She ended on a note of hope that she'd finally found a flat that was perfect for her and SB, where they could live long term and she could offer him some stability. Within a couple of months, she'd left that flat so she could hastily move in with Allegra.

    I Can't Even Open My Own Front Door, 2015 - Jack says she used to be confident, but now has severe anxiety as a result of her experiences of being hounded by debt collectors. Noteworthy because it has been included in some GCSE English papers.

    Heart Attacks, Nut Burgers, School Places, and Politics, 2015 - Jack claimed to have had three "suspected heart attacks" yet signed up to run a marathon. She also spoke about home educating SB for three and a half months while she tried to find him a school place. This was a blatant guilt-trip aimed at Allegra, whom she'd recently broken up with - that's why they had moved and were looking for schools. Jack managed a 10-day trip around the USA without her son during the time he was out of school.

    Please Don't Call Me A Girl Called Jack. I Have Something to Tell You, 2015 - In this post, Jack came out as non-binary and announced that she used they/them pronouns. (Note: Jack now mostly uses she/her.) Best known for giving us "I fancy girls, babe!" and the quote that led to "Traazers? On a BIRD?" See in-jokes on wiki page 5.

    We Need To Talk About Grenfell, 2017 ("Grenfell") - Jack's infamous, now-deleted blog post about her heroics in the wake of Grenfell. She's seen a lot of fucking fires.

    I Gave Up My Smartphone For a Nokia 3310 and Radically Changed My Life, 2017. WARNING: post contains mentions of sexual assault and suicide along with uncensored racial slurs. - Jack stated that after receiving death threats and abuse on a blog post, she stopped using her smartphone and bought a regular Nokia with no internet connection. She said that this had made her more creative (plausible) and had cured her alcoholism in less than a month (less plausible). She concludes by suicide-baiting yet again, and describing herself as "proudly working class."

    My Ready Meal Is None of Your Fucking Business, 2018 - Jack complained of Tory MPs using her to argue that it's easy to live on just £10-£20 a week. As detailed elsewhere on this wiki, she has made this same argument herself many times. She stated that her partner hadn't had a working cooker for over two years; at the time, her partner was Louisa, who earns a high six-figure salary.

    Poverty Lingers in a Septic Wound, 2018 - Jack rattled the tip jar, saying that she was still desperately poor, mentally ill, and struggling. She said that she had been unable to work for months during her court case against Katie Hopkins, and the damages she'd received did not cover her lost income. She also claimed to have recently discovered that her agent had stolen as much as £50,000 in book royalties from her (and yet she went back to the same agent in 2022.) A reference to "growing tomatoes for her lover" much amused the canal, there is also an early cameo from the solar-powered garden lights Jack would later claim to be using indoors because she couldn't afford electricity.

    The Difference Between Poverty and Poverty Tourism, 2018. WARNING: triggering content relating to mental health. - Now-deleted post in which Jack lambasted millionaire Alfie Deyes for "poverty tourism." In the words of frau Cack_Conroe:
    She emits a hypocritical whinge about privileged people in their mansions “slipping into our scarred and malnourished skins”, quotes Common People without irony, rehashes The Poverty word for word, embellishes it a little bit more with additional alleged suicide attempts, then angrily practically begs for a collaboration with YouTuber Alfie Deyes. The obligatory tin rattle is below the blog.
    You Don't Batch Cook When You're Suicidal, 2020 ("Potatoes"). WARNING: triggering content relating to mental health and sexual assault. - Originally titled "The Price of Potatoes and the Value of Compassion" aka "Potatoes." The post's original title refers to comments by Annunziata Rees-Mogg that raw potatoes are cheaper than oven chips, so no one should be starving or obese. Jack began the blog post explaining that there are good reasons why poor people can't always cook fresh food. It then develops into a long, graphic description of her mental health issues and other sensitive subjects. This includes an offensive comparison between poverty and sexual assault. In an earlier version of the post, she claimed she had punched her own brother for saying she Should Have Kept Her Legs Shut. Jack was so proud of this blog post that she promoted it with a "titty shot" on her Instagram.

    The blog post features pictures of Jack's meals in 2012-13 to demonstrate how poor she was at the time. All these photos were actually taken as part of a challenge to spend just £5 a week on food to raise money for charity (Live Below the Line), yet she now claimed this was her everyday life in poverty. See wiki page 7 for more on this.

    It's Not About the Pasta, Kevin, 2022 ("Pasta") - Written in response to Tory MP Kevin Edger arguing that no one should starve when value pasta costs only 29p. Yet again Jack gave dramatic stories of poverty and proved absolutely nothing by reciting the prices of pasta from different shops. She also memorably stated "Because my god, I wish it were that easy. I wish just one other person out there in the real world could help take some of the weight off my shoulders here" and claimed to work 100 "mostly unpaid" hours per week!

    What’s The Difference Between Jack Monroe Suggesting Budget Recipes, And A Tory MP?, 2022. WARNING: discussion of suicide. Lee Anderson MP (whom Jack later threatened to sue) had recently controversially stated that no one really needs to use a food bank, claiming it need cost no more than 30p to make a single meal. The right wing press had pointed out that Jack is praised for saying that families can eat well for next to nothing, while Anderson was being criticised. Jack responded by accusing them of trying to destroy her ("a small food blogger") and saying she was suicidal at the time of writing "Hunger Hurts." The way she describes events in this post doesn't fit with what she said in 2012 around the time of posting, see wiki page 7.

    The Curse of the Poverty Hangover, Ten Years On, 2022 ("Hunger Hurts 2"/HH2") - Unofficially known as Hunger Hurts 2 / HH2, published for the 10th anniversary of the original Hunger Hurts post. Jack started by saying she was no longer poor; but then claimed she could not afford lightbulbs or basic toiletries, and was still living on a strict food budget of £20 a week. Just as the original "Hunger Hurts" launched her career, HH2 may have been the beginning of the end. It raised questions over her claims of poverty and led to a lot more public scrutiny and criticism than Jack previously got.

    Jack Monroe’s ‘Dead People Can’t Riot’ & ‘This Is An Eton Mess’ Merchandise Raises £11,369 For UK Food Banks, 2022 ("Teemill") - Jack's attempt to explain away the Teemill store disaster - see wiki page 1. Note that Southend Vineyard is the church Jack and her parents attend. It does run a food bank but that's a separate operation. Might donors not have appreciated being asked if they wanted their money going to this church?


    Echo columns - A Girl Called Jack

    Jack began writing for her local newspaper, the Southend Echo, in 2012-13 and had a regular column, "A Girl Called Jack." Here are some of them:

    Wearing A Poppy Should Not Be Motivated By Vanity, November 1, 2012 - In the UK, the Royal British Legion (a charity for veterans and members of the Armed Forces) sells paper poppies each year in memory of those who died in WWI. Jack wrote that she felt people had a duty to buy poppies and that these should be bought directly from the British Legion, not imitations sold online. She mentioned her brother being in the RAF and said she intended to join but couldn't due to having a baby. As evidenced by court documents from her libel case against Katie Hopkins, she applied at the same time as her brother (years before she was pregnant), but wasn't accepted.

    In Memory of John Hadjicostas, November 27, 2012 - Jack reminisced about her grandfather who had recently passed away. See wiki page 1 for more about her attempts to downplay the fact that he was a wealthy landlord.

    New Years Resolutions, January 1, 2013 - Jack's New Year's Resolutions were to make a business plan for Bread and Jam (her crafting business), swear less, and take a photo of her son every day. She failed at all three. Includes heart-rending descriptions of her son's premature birth, as he's what helped her land her audience.

    Scummy Single Mummy Does Dating, January 15, 2013 - Jack wrote about online dating as a single mum. She described herself as "a mother, a nutritionist, a kitchen goddess, a cleaner, an educator, a business woman, an accountant, a machinist, an errand girl, a baker, a PR and marketing woman, a blogger, a newspaper columnist, and a singleton." Jack again referred to her £10 a week food budget, yet indicated that she was on multiple subscription dating sites.

    First They Came For Woolworths, And I Did Not Speak Out, January 22, 2013 - About job cuts and the closure of High Street stores. She got in a mention of selling her expensive camera due to poverty.

    Freedom Of Speech Is Not Freedom To Threaten, Incite Violence, Or Defame, January 28, 2013 - Jack stated she was being threatened by the far right, including death threats to her home phone number. This was supposedly over an article she had published nine months previously, yes it took them that long to catch up to her (!) She listed her anti-establishment credentials including her son being born "out of wedlock." In the UK it is unremarkable and very common for a child to be born to unmarried parents.

    You're a Security Guard, Not Robocop, February 5, 2013 - Jack gave an implausible account of a store detective accusing her of shoplifting because she had used a makeup tester. She appears to have made up this story to "subtly" brag about having a love bite!

    11 Days With Small Boy, February 12, 2013 - Jack's then two-year-old son was now at home with her full time as she could no longer afford to send him to nursery.

    Vegan For Lent, 7 Days In, February 19, 2013 - Jack had spent the last week following a vegan diet after deciding to give up animal products for Lent. After this she ostensibly went vegan full time; but within a couple of years was back on the "bollock and eyelid sausages."

    Birthdays, A Rambling. March 19, 2013 - Reflections on Jack's recent birthday and the upcoming birthday of her son.

    Leveson: My Thoughts, March 26, 2013 - Jack did not feel that she as a journalist should be subject to the recommendations made in the Leveson Report because she isn't unethical and she isn't going to let corrupt media moguls tell her what to do!

    Small Boy’s Third Birthday, April 2, 2013 - Jack could finally afford to have a birthday party for her son and buy him presents as she had just received her first pay cheque from the Echo (i.e. for the regular job they gave her as a trainee reporter.)

    It's Been a Bit of a Week, April 16, 2013 - Jack was in good spirits as she'd been invited to the Fortnum & Mason Food and Drink Awards (she went on to win), and a well known food writer had sent her a package of vanilla.

    With 3,500 Twitter followers comes great responsibility, May 6, 2013 - Jack's thoughts on having a large social media audience and being considered a role model.

    I’m still friends with some of the kids my parents looked after, May 14, 2013 - Jack supported an initiative to promote fostering and spoke about her parents being foster carers. She stated she was still friends with several of her past foster siblings. We wonder how they felt about Jack describing them in terms such as "feral" and a "revolving door of troubled children?" (See wiki page 2)

    Eyes and Ears, May 21, 2013 - Jack complains that people aren't invested enough in their local communities/neighbours.


    Diva magazine

    Diva is a magazine aimed at LGBTQ women and non-binary people. Jack has appeared in Diva many times and is an old friend of Linda Riley, who publishes it.

    Columns

    In 2016, Jack wrote several columns for Diva about her experiences of parenting as a non-binary/transgender person. They can be read below.

    Transparenting - Jack described a totally real conversation on a crowded train, where she explained adoption and gay marriage to her then five-year-old son. She criticised his father for telling him that babies are made by a mummy and daddy (in other words explaining basic biology in an age-appropriate way), and praised her son for hitting another child in the face.

    "Mama, why do you want to be a boy?" - SB's classmates had teased him for having a mother who "wants to be a boy", and Jack explained to him what being non-binary means to her. Includes a vile and inappropriate joke about showing sex toys to children.

    Chicken Vegetable Soup for the Soul - Jack had recently become a vegan, and questioned the ethics of whether to make chicken soup when her son was sick.

    Say My Name - Mainly consists of Jack using her column to get back at her family, who she said were not accepting of her non-binary identity. She also said that she'd reduced her son to tears for using her "deadname."

    Mixed Blessings - Jack discussed the difficulties of telling a hairdresser, and the staff at SB's school, that she was trans. In true Jack fashion this involved people whispering behind her back and calling her slurs in the playground.

    Growing Pains - Jack complained of SB throwing tantrums, behaving badly, and wanting her to wear makeup and be "pretty like the other mamas." She said she was "livetweeting" everything he said; made a nasty comment about making him disappear (which she claimed to have said to his face); and effectively blamed him for her drinking.

    Articles

    Articles about Jack in Diva:

    "Shame on the MPs who jeered at the poor in Parliament" (March 2014) - A brief interview with Jack, mostly about her brand partnership with Sainsbury's and being attacked in right-wing press.

    Something's Cooking ... (February 2015) - An interview about Jack and Allegra's romance, which included Jack moving in a week after the first date, and an "accidental" engagement that was totally not engineered. They broke up very shortly after this was published; possibly related to Allegra mentioning that she was wary of the public attention she was getting over her relationship with Jack.

    The Power List (October 2016) - Jack made the 2016 Diva "Power List" of influential LGBTQ women.


    Notable Guardian articles

    Jack has often been featured in the Guardian and used to have a regular recipe column.

    Articles by Jack

    Dear Richard Littlejohn - here are all the things you got wrong about me (November 2013) - Right-wing provocateur Richard Littlejohn had recently published a hit piece on Jack in the Daily Mail (link archived), portraying her as your stereotype of a scrounging single mother who had chosen to live on benefits and raise her son without a father. Jack published this response, giving one of several different accounts as to why she left the Fire Service.

    Why doing a Sainsbury's advert doesn't make me a sellout (December 2013) - Jack complained of being criticised for doing a Sainsbury's ad campaign. She said she was simply showing how she would shop and cook at home, and claimed she had paid herself only the minimum wage and donated the rest of the money. Jack repeatedly stated that she had only ever agreed to work with Sainsbury's for six weeks - conveniently "explaining" recent news reports that they had dropped her for making offensive comments about David Cameron's dead son. See wiki page 1.

    Jack Monroe and Allegra McEvedy: We’re teaching the kids that food is about more than fuel (February 2015) - A lifestyle piece about family mealtimes in Jack and Allegra's house. At the time, they each had a four-year-old child. Allegra made a rather nasty comment implying SB was deliberately being naughty because he didn't like using cutlery; while Jack seemed confused that a child this young didn't understand social norms around eating. Also notice how Allegra didn't want her daughter's face shown in the national press but Jack was perfectly happy to have her son on display!

    When working-class lives can be so rich, why does reality TV choose to belittle them? (May 2019) - Jack criticised the portrayal of working-class people in the UK media. She insisted she was working-class and that if she had ever given the impression otherwise, it was only because she had felt pressure to hide her background and accent. This is especially hypocritical given comments Jack has made about The Jeremy Kyle Show in the past, see "Bad politics" on wiki page 2.

    Thank you to ... my son's father – the most decent man I've ever met (December 2019) - An "open letter" thanking her son's father for being a supportive friend and co-parent. This is quite a change from when she previously said that he did not pay her any child support when she was poor.

    Articles about Jack

    Jack Monroe's ready-meal challenge (January 2014) - Jack took part in a "challenge" to create healthier, cheaper versions of popular ready meals. Bizarrely, she said she had learned to make lasagne by buying a ready meal and physically rummaging through it, rather than simply looking up a recipe.

    Jack Monroe: ‘I want to be treated as a person, not as a woman or a man’ (July 2016) - Jack discussed coming out as non-binary. She said she had gender dysphoria and wanted top surgery; but gave the reductive, misleading impression that gender identity is about choosing between two sets of stereotypes (or being non-binary if you don't fit either.) There was also a cringemaking photoshoot of Jack as both a "man" in a suit and a "woman" in a ballgown.


    GCSE syllabus

    Articles by Jack have been used on the syllabus of different exam boards in the UK for GCSE English - including "Hunger Hurts" and "I Can't Even Open My Own Front Door." Here's an example of a paper using an article Jack published in January 2013.



    There's an obvious problem here: the entire extract is about Jack! Even the marking scheme has to reach hard to find anything in the article that relates to other people. She uses "I/me/my" almost 30 times in this short piece!


    The Truth Detective

    The Truth Detective is a 2023 book by the economist Tim Harford, intended to teach children about critical thinking and media literacy - including how to interpret statistics and figures. Harford cites Jack as a case study in a chapter on inflation. He repeats her story that after years of living in poverty, she knew the rate of inflation was vastly higher than the official figures, so she created the Vimes Boots Index (VBI) as an accurate record. (See wiki page 1 regarding the VBI.) Not only does Harford present Jack's lies as the truth but also gives the false impression that the VBI really exists. This is, to say the least, a huge oversight for a book that is supposed to be about fact-checking and critical thinking! Relevant parts of the book: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4


    Misc.

    I once touched Michael Fassbender’s chest — and I’m still a lesbian: Chefs Jack Monroe and Allegra McEvedy talk about their passion for food — and each other, Evening Standard (May 2015) - Jack made a number of dubious claims in this article:
    • She had touched Michael Fassbender's bare chest after Allegra introduced them, but was "still a lesbian."
    • The Labour Party had begged her to run as an MP for them
    • Dinner guests couldn't tell whether Jack or Allegra had cooked the food. At that time, Jack had been serving slop for three years while Allegra had been a professional chef for almost 25 years.
    • Jack cooked in Allegra's restaurant and invented some of the puddings
    • Jack had written a personal apology to David Cameron for her comments about his son, but he never replied
    • Admitting to carrying an illegal weapon

    What should you buy in a Polish deli, and what should you make with it?, New European (October 2016) - Jack gave advice on Polish food. She said she started visiting a Polish supermarket regularly after living in a house share with Polish women, in fact we suspect this never happened and she was actually living with her parents at the time. If there really was a house share, she spent only a few weeks there - see wiki page 7 for more (2013 section.)

    This is how going back to a Nokia 3310 helped change Jack Monroe’s life, Gay Times (March 2018) - Mostly repeats her blog post about ditching her smartphone (see above), but is notable for a couple of reasons. Firstly, Jack admits that she spent the money she received from Katie Hopkins on four holidays - contrary to "Poverty lingers in a septic wound ..." where she claimed she'd had very little. Second, it was where she famously claimed she could triangulate trolls from their IP addresses, leading to the frequent use of 🔺 or 🍉 on her threads.

    The BBC’s cancellation of The Victoria Derbyshire Show ends a lifeline for ordinary people, New Statesman (January 2020) - Jack criticised the decision to cancel The Victoria Derbyshire Show, highlighting the good that had come from it when it was on the air. She mentioned that she met her then-fiancée Louisa through appearing on the show, and gave a description of their supposed meet-cute when Louisa chastised Jack for being late and hungover. Apparently Jack thought this sounded romantic, rather than immature and unprofessional.


    Poetry/songs

    Jack is/was an aspiring poet and songwriter, and in the past shared a number of poems she'd written. Some were intended to be songs but she had not got around to writing a tune for them. Most were written in 2012-13 when she was poor.

    Collection of early poems - Jack published these on a poetry website when she was 18-19, under her birth name. They are mostly about breakups/regret/bad romance, apart from one about the horrors of war.

    Colour (warning for potentially triggering content) - Very bleak poem about her grandfather's death, including graphic descriptions of his suffering through a long illness. Can you imagine being Jack's family and seeing this posted about your husband/father/grandfather?

    Council of the Fucking Year - Political poem about government cuts. Contains 25 f-words and 10 repetitions of "And look -"

    Dead Men Cant Riot / Dead People Can't Riot - About people who have died in poverty due to Tory policies. Jack's rhyming of "children with rickets and crumpled bus tickets" reflects the quality of her poetry. The poem references a register of victims; may be related to her plan to write a book called The Hunger Names about deaths attributed to "austerity" cuts. She later used "Dead People Cant Riot" as a slogan for her ill-fated line of Teemill merchandise, see wiki page 1.

    Girl on the Radio - After Jack's famous yard sale (again see wiki page 1), where she sold most of her possessions to pay her debts, she was interviewed on local radio and wrote this poem about the experience. In the poem she indicates that she highly values consumer goods. She refers to herself as middle class and fallen on hard times - unlike today when she says she is working class and has always been poor.

    A Whistlestop Tour of Fucking Up Everything - Again about poverty. The "David" she refers to is the late Sir David Amess, who was then her local MP. In 2016 Jack performed this poem at a slam poetry event, the video contains a bonus poem about Orlando Bloom's "gentleman's vegetables." Yes, really.


    The Southend English Jacktionary

    Despite being a writer, author, poet and journalist, there are many words that Jack does not know how to use. This has led to the creation of the Southend English Jacktionary. Sources are provided where known. It is also interesting to note that her entire brand is based on a confusion of the phrases 'on a shoestring' and 'pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps'.

    Aberration (sp.)
    Believes it is abberation.
    Source: this tweet

    Acerbic (sp.)
    She advises cooking alliums to 'knock the raw, ascerbic (sic) edge' from them. Intended meaning was astringent. Also thinks it is spelt ascerbic.
    Source: this post

    Accoutrements (n.)
    Used in a description of enforced Hobbycraft ransacking with her son to refer to what are in fact embellishments.
    Source: this post

    Alleviated (v.)
    Her 'continuously coruscating commentary since has alleviated anyone of that particular delusion'. Unless she made it less severe, she meant relieved.
    Source: this post

    Altruistic (adj.)
    General misuse of the term, believing herself to be such.

    Anthology (n.)
    Usually a collection of artistic works unless, if you are Jack, you may edit 'an anthology of austerity deaths'.
    Source: this post

    Apex (n.)
    Meant upshot.
    Source: this post

    Ascending (v.)
    She received threats from members of far-right political parties that quickly ascended to anonymous phone calls. Potentially meant escalated.
    Source: this post

    At the behest of (phr.)
    In a Times article, she says she has had 'such a hellish time at the behest of trolls'. Such a hellish time because of being asked or ordered by trolls. Of course.
    Source: this post

    Atrociously (adv.)
    From a recipe for ice cream cake in Good Food for Bad Days. The cake is described as atrociously light. Potentially meant astonishingly.
    Source: this book excerpt

    Avaricious (adv.)
    From a tribute to Nigella article on her now defunct website in which she states she reads avariciously, rather than voraciously.
    Source: this post

    Avocados (sp.)
    Spelt it avocadoes on one of her performative shopping lists.

    Basking (v.)
    From the GQ article about her meeting with Marcus Rashford. The word is used to describe a gymnasium and assembly hall, neither of which are able to bask, in softbox sunlight or otherwise.
    Source: Marcus Rashford interview

    Béchamel (sp.)
    Believes it is spelt bechemal. Also routinely fails to understand what a béchamel actually is and its physical properties when put in an oven.

    Belligerent (adv.)
    From a description of herself while experiencing the worst dental problems any one human has ever experienced. The word she meant is obstinate.
    Source: this post

    Beside oneself (phr.)
    Used in the context of being excited even though the definition of the phrase is to be overcome with worry, grief or anger.
    Source: this tweet

    Besieged (v.)
    She has complained that all of her books have been 'besieged by some kind of technical disaster'. She means plagued.
    Source: this post

    Big House (n.)
    Used to refer to the Houses of Parliament when it is usually used to refer to prison.
    Source: this post

    Bit-part (n.)
    She described herself as a 'bit-part bolshy budget baked bean blogger' in a tweet which she was obviously thrilled with as it became her Twitter bio for a brief while. A bit-part is a small acting role. Unsure what she actually meant, possibly 'two-bit'.
    Source: this post

    Bone-leadenly (adj.)
    Overwrought meaningless tripe.
    Source: this post

    Brooding (adj.)
    Describes a pie as 'hearty, wholesome, dark and brooding'. A pie cannot be brooding.
    Source: this post

    Budget-busting (adj.)
    Her recipes are 'budget-busting' as seen on the cover of A Girl Called Jack. A budget-busting recipe would exceed your budget, the direct opposite to what she means.
    Source: this post

    Burble (v.)
    When Jack's in an Italian mood, she likes to listen to Con Te Partiro as her ragu burbles in the background. The ragu would therefore be making a murmuring noise and/or talking unintelligibly; thus ruining the effect of the music. Intended word was bubble.
    Source: this post

    Burgle (v.)
    Burgling is defined as the illegal entry into a building with an intent to commit crime. She 'burgled various bits from around the house' to decorate her son's room, despite the fact that it is her own house and her own items.
    Source: this post

    Cannellini (sp.)
    Despite this being Jack's favourite bean she is consistently unable to spell it, preferring 'cannelini' instead.

    Carabiner (sp.)
    Spelt carabina. In a published book, no less.
    Source: this post

    Catatonic (adj.)
    A reprise isn't catatonic. Impossible to know what a 'perpetual catatonic reprise' is supposed to mean in this, or indeed any, context.
    Source: this post

    Caustic (adj.)
    Knock the caustic edges off onions by frying them. Intended meaning was astringent.
    Source: this post

    Ceremoniously (adj.)
    Claims to have been 'ceremoniously expelled' from her grammar school after stealing a scalpel which sounds more exciting than being unceremoniously expelled, the correct phrase she was looking for.
    Source: this post (TRIGGER WARNING)

    Choleric (adj.)
    In a blog post title she describes poverty as lingering in a choleric manner. Choleric means bad-tempered or irritable, neither of which describes a wound.
    Source: this post

    Claves (v.)
    In a dreadful poem about how her love is like garlic she says it 'claves to your fingers'. Clave is not a verb. Claves are a pair of hardwood sticks. She meant cleaves.
    Source: this post

    Cloying (adj.)
    Sometimes you just want a 'nutty and cloying taste' to your hummus. Yes, that nutty and excessively sweet (to the point of being disgusting) taste.
    Source: this post

    Cold fury (n.)
    In justifying her reason for using 'on a bootstrap' she says she exploded in cold fury. Unlike hot fury, cold fury does not explode.
    Source: this post

    Compassion (n.)
    Included in the first edition of the Jacktionary as she seems to be generally unaware of the meaning of the word.

    Consensual (adj.)
    Jack shared a photo of her "consensual, surprising" boobs in a sports bra. We are not sure how her breasts can be in mutual agreement with her or what word she meant to use here - might be "conspicuous."
    Source: this tweet

    Correlation (n.)
    She can't take Sudafed 'in correlation' with her ADHD medication. She means in tandem or concurrently.
    Source: this post

    Dearth (n.)
    In a blog post about one of her many, many house moves she says the move is 'complicated, but in a positive, forward-looking way, rather than the daily dearth of wondering and not knowing what happens next'. A dearth is a lack of something so it is unlikely this is what she actually means.
    Source: this post

    Dervish (n.)
    After writing her blog post "It's Not About the Pasta, Kevin", she plugged her other post "You Don't Batch Cook When You're Suicidal", saying 'enjoy revisiting that particular dervish of cold rage'. Intended meaning is entirely unclear. Diatribe? Whofuckingknows.jpg. On another occasion she referred to her head as a "hissing dervish." Dervishes may dance, howl, or whirl but they're not known to hiss.
    Source: this post and this tweet

    Dialectic (adj.)
    In justifying her use of irregardless, she claims it is a 'dialectic portmanteau', dialectic as pertaining to dialectics i.e. the art of investigating or discussing the truth of opinions.
    Source: this post

    Diametrically opposed (phr.)
    Claimed in an interview to be diametrically opposed to electric hobs. There is no evidence she is the opposite of an electric hob so it is assumed the intended phrase was vehemently opposed.
    Source: this post

    Disconcertingly (adv.)
    Corned beef slices melt disconcertingly into toast. No idea of intended meaning although the image of melting meat is quite worrying.
    Source: this post

    Dismembered (v.)
    She dismembered two McPlants to make a Big McPlant, except she didn't because she actually meant disassembled.
    Source: this post

    Disparate (adj.)
    She has a 'disparate fridge' although she likely meant desolate.
    Source: this post

    Dog-whistle (n.)
    The usual suspects 'turned up with their dogwhistles already' after she posted on Twitter about malicious welfare checks. A dog whistle is defined as a subtly aimed political message which is intended for, and can only be understood by, a particular demographic group.
    Source: this post

    Doused (v.)
    Her mother used to douse her mushroom pasta in cheese. Unlikely, unless the cheese was liquid or the pasta was on fire which is possible given that her family is firefightery around the edges.
    Source: this post

    Dregs (n.)
    Cooked a horrid slop using 'the dregs of the cooking bacon'. This makes sense in either of two circumstances. One: the cooking bacon has been liquidised. Two: it's the most worthless part of the bacon.
    Source: this post

    Electorate (n.)
    In her scathing essay Pasta, using an overwrought Titanic metaphor she says the poors are forced to drown while 'the electorate drink taxpayer-funded champagne'. An electorate comprises everyone in an area who is able to vote, which in this century includes the poors. Intended meaning was the elected.
    Source: this post

    Embargo (v.)
    Jack claimed she had "embargoed" press photos of her son after he started school. Although the word (meaning to prohibit something) was used correctly, she evidently didn't know what it means - because she was still allowing photos of her son to be published in the national press.
    Source: this article

    Ensconcing (v.)
    Dreams of bacon and cheese 'ensconcing hot slippery pasta' i.e. setting the cheese in a comfortable place.
    Source: this post

    Ephemera (n.)
    Used in a DKL episode where she said you could 'use any ephemera' you had lying around in a recipe. Intended meaning was miscellany or bits and pieces. Also used in the context of 'chickpea ephemera' meaning liquid.
    Source: DKL and a cookbook (pls help)

    Eponymous (adj.)
    From an article where she used the phrase '...it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love', the intended word being synonymous.
    Source: this post

    Erstwhile (adj.)
    She described her mental issues as 'erstwhile' when using a metaphor about bin men refusing to take them away. Erstwhile means former. If they were former she wouldn't need to be getting shot of them, they'd already be gone.
    Source: this post

    Evergreen (adj.)
    Referred to one of her own tweets as 'an evergreen quote'. The quote in question had no enduring freshness, success or popularity.
    Source: this post

    Excoriatingly (adj.)
    Not a word.
    Source: this post

    Exhumed (v.)
    She claimed to have exhumed all colour from her wardrobe. Intended word was expunged.
    Source: this post

    Expunged (v.)
    From an excerpt of a draft for the temporarily shelved drain hair manual manuscript, in which she says she expunged her worries to a doctor. The intended word was expounded.
    Source: unable to locate

    Extraneous (adj.)
    Reading supermarket prices looks like 'an extraneous amount of effort'. Or it could be extravagant. Who knows?
    Source: this post

    Extrapolate (v.)
    In a recipe for Fuck Me Sauce, she says she is making said sauce for herself that night, and we should 'extrapolate from that what you will'. Presumably just meant 'take from that what you will' but that doesn't sound as fancy.
    Source: this post

    Extricate (v.)
    During a BBC interview she said she has never extricated her food and politics from each other, seemingly believing it means the same as separated. It does not.
    Source: this post

    Fauna (n.)
    During the great finger splinter debacle she said that the thing stuck in her finger was a 2mm piece of fauna. The source of the splinter having never been proven by the canal, we are unable to say for sure that it wasn't some piece of an animal. It is however more likely that she meant flora.
    Source: this post

    Febrile (adj.)
    Used in several instances including as a description of the 'febrile atmosphere' of her social media. Unclear as to what she actually means.
    Source: this tweet

    Firepower (n.)
    From the vegan pastitsio recipe during the doomed Linda McCartney partnership in which she says 'the large hob will still give off a generous amount of firepower'. Intended word was heat, unless her hob does indeed have some sort of destructive military capacity.
    Source: her website which has disappeared

    Flummox (v.)
    Usually used as a verb, Jack believes for some reason that flummox is part of the phrase 'at a flummox'.
    Source: this post

    Fold (v.)
    Used in multiple recipes. In every occasion she means stir, unaware that fold has a very specific definition and is an entirely different process.

    Forensic (n.)
    She believes that doing something forensically is to take great care and be detailed and not pertaining to crime in any way. Many, many instances of use in this context.

    Gangly (adj.)
    Famously smol 5'1.7" Jack described herself in a tweet as a 'gangly awkward kid'. Intended word was likely ungainly.
    Source: this post

    Garrotty (adj.)
    Described her sleep pattern as being 'absolutely garrotty'. It is believed she meant garraty, an old Romany word which means losing your temper and not relating to a garrotte.
    Source: this post and explanation

    Garrulous (adj.)
    In her cold dervish 'What's the Difference Between Jack Monroe Suggesting Budget Recipes and a Tory MP' she talks about putting receipts into a spreadsheet to ensure you can get 'every grasping, garrulous penny back for yourself'. They do say money talks but that is a figure of speech, it doesn't actually speak and certainly not to such an extent. Intended meaning is, as ever, unclear.
    Source: this post

    Gaslighting (v.)
    Accuses the canal and anyone who questions her lies of gaslighting which leads us to believe she doesn't know what the word means.
    Source: this post

    Gavotte (v.)
    Apparently being autistic means she doesn't 'gavotte around the internet making sweeping and incorrect statements'. Firstly, yes she does, that's her life's work. Secondly she doesn't know what gavotte means.
    Source: this post

    Geegaw (n.)
    Alternative spelling of gewgaw which is a useless or worthless showy item, so she considers 'buttons and screws and panel pins and elastic bands' to be showy. They are certainly worthless.
    Source: this post

    Ginger (adj.)
    Used in the phrase 'gave it a ginger sniff' referring to some over-fermented dough, thereby turning an adverb into a noun, obviously meaning that she sniffed something gingerly.
    Source this post

    Glowering (v.)
    In a tweet about illegal gruel she says her 'washing up tower is now glowering at' her. Unless the tower has gained sentience like the rag rug, it is incapable of glowering.
    Source: this post

    Granular (adj.)
    Used in multiple instances where she means minute or miniscule. Also granular mathematics is apparently a branch of mathematics that only forensic autistic nerds can do.

    Grizzle (adj.)
    Usually used as an adjective meaning a mixture of dark and white hairs, Jack prefers to use it as a noun thereby removing any sense from the word.
    Source: this post

    Gumshoe (n.)
    She has been 'a regular part of the gumshoe door knocking' that has helped to shrink the margins in her local constituency. A gumshoe is defined as a detective. Perhaps it was some very forensic door knocking. She has since doubled down on her use of gumshoe after a squig questioned it by giving it a brand new definition.
    Source: this post and this post

    Ham-spluttering (adj.)
    An invented phrase to describe Alex Beresford. Presumably she was trying to compare him to a gammon.
    Source: this tweet

    Here on (phr.)
    Believes that much like thank you, it is one word.
    Source: this post

    Hex (v.)
    Hex and jinx are interchangeable apparently.
    Source: this post

    Homogeneous (sp.)
    Believes it is spelt homogenous
    Source: [this post

    Honked (v.)
    In the context of '...if I just honked about with the three people I agree with on everything'. Doesn't mean anything. She means hung, although she does honk in the aural and olfactory sense.
    Source: this post

    Horn-clod (n.)
    Used to insult Boris Johnson but since it is not an actual word, the intended meaning is unclear.
    Source: this post

    Hungrily (adv.)
    Thinks that a scent can linger hungrily which it cannot. It could potentially linger tantalisingly or invitingly though.
    Source: this post

    Hunker up (phr.)
    Nobody hunkers up, everybody hunkers down.
    Source: this post

    Imbibe (v.)
    From the delightful-sounding beer bread recipe that recommends using the dregs of other people's beer, specifically the phrase '...a gathering imbibe themselves on sun...' which is nonsensical.
    Source: this post

    Immaculate (adj.)
    She wrote an article for The Mirror about her white saviour mission to Tanzania where a woman has a 'ripped -if immaculate - sofa'. It is unclear how something can be immaculate but also damaged and is likely she meant impeccably clean.
    Source: this article

    Impetuous (adj.)
    Used in a recipe for the infamous pasta e ceci which comprises rinsed spaghetti hoops and chickpeas boiled to the point of imminent collapse. Apparently said recipe 'may look a little impetuous, or at the very least unappetising'. The intended meaning is unclear.
    Source: this post

    Incremental (adj.)
    Used multiple times in place of instrumental i.e. people having been incremental in reversing the voucher scandal during the FSM chaos.
    Source: this post

    Infallible (adj.)
    From a tweet where she apologised for being 'infallible and human'. While she does genuinely believe she's infallible, she meant fallible.
    Source: this post

    Inimitable (adj.)
    In the recipe for mashed potatoes from Good Food for Bad Days, she says that her potatoes are in 'the inimitable but oft-imitated' style of Anthony Bourdain. So the potatoes can't be copied but also are often copied. Got it.
    Source: this post

    Innate (adj.)
    She has an innate fear of not having food available, learned from her hunger during The Poverty. So not innate then.
    Source: this post

    Insensible (adj.)
    In one of her many Disgusted of Southend letters, she mentions 'insensible suggestions' made by councillors. Unless the suggestions were unconscious, unaware or too small to be perceived, she meant nonsensical.
    Source: this post

    Insolent (adj.)
    In a particularly execrable piece of writing, she describes discarded espresso cups as being 'sticky and insolent'. A cup cannot be insolent so it is unclear what she intended.
    Source: this post

    Impressionism (n.)
    'Oh the impressionism of youth'. Yes, that well known 19th century art movement of youth.
    Source: this post

    Irregardless (adv.)
    Not a word. She means regardless.
    Source: this post

    Irreverent (adj.)
    She has two 'wildly irreverent' crushes. Likely meant inappropriate, unless they are wildly disrespectful.
    Source: this post

    Jezebel (n.)
    Jezebel is an evil queen described in the Bible, whose name is used to refer to a wicked or sexually promiscuous woman. Jack referred to finding bargains at "an absolute Jezebel of a wee shop." We're not sure what she meant by this, especially as she was saying she liked the shop.
    Source: this post

    Juggernaut (n.)
    'If I have something to say I juggernaut it out these days' says Jack. Of course you do. Let's ignore the fact that juggernaut is not now and has never been a verb.
    Source: this post

    Jumping to conclusions (phr.)
    Believes it to be jumping to solutions.
    Source: this post

    Kahunas (n.)
    In a recipe for red lentil and mandarin curry, she bought a bullet blender for whichever Mrs J was entrapped at the time but didn't have the 'cahunas' to hand it over at Christmas. Intended word was cojones.
    Source: this post or in the event of further website disaster, this post

    Keynote (n.)
    Claims to have given a keynote speech at a festival in Hay. It was a conversation with someone so not even a speech.
    Source: this post

    Laborious (adj.)
    Jack is normally 'laborious and methodical' when pouring horse spunk, laborious usually meaning requiring a lot of time and effort.
    Source: this post

    Laconic (adj.)
    She has a laconic love-in (see also: entry for love-in) with her son. Unless it is a terse love-in, she potentially meant languorous, languid or luxurious. All L words are interchangeable.
    Source: this blog post

    Languishing (v.)
    There are two different instances of incorrect use. The first is in a recipe for five-a-day couscous which tells the reader to set aside some ingredients for a dressing to allow them to 'languish and intensify in flavour', a physical impossibility since it requires something to become stronger and weaker at the same time. The second is in a recipe for creamy beans and aubergine, where she says she gives her family newspapers so she can 'languish through the oddments in the fridge' in peace. Intended word is likely browse.
    Source: this post and also this website link

    Lascivious (adj.)
    Jack cooked mussels and pears and ate it 'from the pan like a hyena, mopping it out with cheap white bread and terribly lascivious noises'. Nobody is sure what she really meant, although voracious is a strong possibility.
    Source: this post

    Lining their own troughs (phr.)
    An invented phrase, confused with lining their own pockets.
    Source: this post

    Loath (sp.)
    Is apparently unaware that loathe and loath are two different words and consistently uses loathe when she means loath.
    Source: this post

    Love-in (n.)
    Apparently when her son started school, her 'lazy days of laconic love-ins' were over. Possibly meant lay-in.
    Source

    Luxuriate (v.)
    From the infamous Del Monte spicy jackfruit patties with pineapple hats where the reader is instructed to allow something to cool while 'your jackfruit and mushrooms luxuriate in their flavour bath'. Neither jackfruit nor mushrooms are capable of luxuriating.
    Source: disappeared from the internet after Jack's website crashed

    Macerated (v.)
    Another instance of failing to understand a specific culinary term, misspelled as 'mascerated' for bonus points. She 'mascerates (sic)' kale in oil, salt, chilli and vinegar and claims this basically means to vigorously rub it with your fingertips. It does not.
    Source: this post

    Macrophilanthropy (n.)
    She has become confused and belives that macro and micro are interchangeable as she in fact means microphilanthropy. For some reason she was so enamoured with the phrase she expanded her fascist merch to include a t-shirt with the incorrect word on.
    Source: this post

    Mania (n.)
    Mania is a state of mental illness involving overexcitement, overactivity, and/or delusions. Jack had "bright copper dye fading from (her) wild, tousled mania of hair" when she first met Louisa. Probably meant mane, but even that would be inaccurate, as Jack had short hair at the time.
    Source: this post

    Marauding (v.)
    Used many, many times usually as a catch-all term for any kind of movement. There is one instance of using it in the context of 'marauding through many many Xmas food mags', in which circumstance she likely meant poring.
    Source: this post

    Marinade (sp.)
    Does not know there is a difference between marinade (n.) and marinate (v.), notably confused in the Del Monte upside-down chicken recipe.
    Source

    Mendacious (adj.)
    Has been over-used to the point of being meaningless.

    Military (adj.)
    Even though she is military around the edges, she likely means spartan.
    Source: this post

    Minimal (adj.)
    At one point claimed her house was pretty minimal. We have seen no evidence of this, leading us to believe she does not understand what minimal means.
    Source: this post

    Mooching (v.)
    Was too busy mooching about a broken salt pig. Meant moping.
    Source: this post

    Mullet (n.)
    After the canal agreeing she looked good in a Joe Exotic mullet, she went to Toni & Guy to request a mullet and was thrilled with the outcome even though it was quite clearly a reverse mullet.
    Source: this post

    Naga (n.)
    Jack replied to a tweet from an account with the word Naga in their name and said 'fire by name, fire by nature'. Naga means serpent. Presumably she was thinking of the naga chilli.
    Source: this post

    Naive (adj.)
    During a tedious thread about prescriptions for healthy food, she says 'call me naive, but I'd like to follow the money trail on this one'. She meant cynical.
    Source: this post

    Non-fungible token (n.)
    Used in discussion about AA tokens which are actual tokens that can be bought off eBay if you so desire, making them very fungible.
    Source: this post

    Nudge-hiss-erosion (n.)
    A nonsensical invented phrase. For context, it was used during the brief period where she decided to stop dyeing her hair and embrace her greys. She says 'it doesn't feel massively revolutionary but in a world that's constantly chipping away at our self esteem with nudge-hiss-erosion, maybe it is a lil bit'. Intended meaning is completely unclear.
    Source: this post

    Objets d'art (sp.)
    Spelt objetes d'art.
    Source: this post

    Officious (adj.)
    Believed to be from a podcast appearances in which she described nurses as officious but cannot currently verify.
    Source: this post

    On a hairpin (phr.)
    She merged the phrases 'taking a hairpin turn' and 'on a dime', or perhaps that's just a special gremlin feelings thing.
    Source: this post

    Palette (sp.)
    Confused with palate, in reply to a squig who has a child with a 'picky palette'.
    Source: this tweet

    Peripatetic (adj.)
    After Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, Jack (in her Peeky Mink guise) paid tribute to her by describing her as 'peripatetic'. Intended word was philanthropic, although Jack has issues with this word too (see: macrophilanthropy)
    Source: this post

    Perpendicular (adj.)
    She meant inversely proportional.
    Source: this post

    Perpetual (adj.)
    Something perpetual goes on endlessly, unlike a song which does have an end.
    Source: this post

    Piteously (adv.)
    'Piteously few bother to turn up to debates' at the big house. She means pitifully.
    Source: this post

    Poblano (sp.)
    Misspelled as pablano and possibly meant ancho (dried poblano) as the mole she claims to have made is made with the dried chilli, not the fresh poblano.
    Source: this post

    Politically identifying (adj.)
    During a Twitter thread about gender identity she claimed to be 'politically identifying' as female. She just means identifying.
    Source: this tweet

    Polyamorous (adj.)
    In a Q&A on Mumsnet, Jack said she is a "polyamorous nonbinary bisexual queer" but calls herself a lesbian for convenience. She has repeatedly indicated that she dates monogamously, therefore she's not polyamorous, as she does not have multiple romantic/sexual relationships with the consent of everyone involved.
    Source: this post

    Precocious (adj.)
    From a recipe for beefyboozy (sorry, that's genuinely what it's called) in which she says with regard to the unnecessary amount of tinned steak rinsing that 'the method may seem a tad precocious'. It is unclear what the intended word was but stupid seems like a good shout.
    Source: this post

    Prescient (adj.)
    'Every accusation contains a confession' is something she is 'finding out to be very, very prescient', prescient meaning to have or show knowledge of events before they take place.
    Source: this post

    Pro bono (adj.)
    She considers pro bono and no-win no-fee to be interchangeable when referring to her lawyer.
    Source: this post

    Proportional (adj.)
    Event organisers responded to threats towards Jack with 'necessary, and proportional' action. She meant proportionate.
    Source: this post

    Proportioned (adj.)
    She likes 'I love you's luxuriating in the bottom of a generously proportioned and creamy risotto. Presumably she meant portioned.
    Source: this post

    Provocative (adj.)
    From the infamous cannellini beurre blanc recipe, the sauce of which provides a provocative shroud for the pasta. Intended meaning is unclear See also: unctuous
    Source: the original beurre blanc recipe has been lost since her website crashed

    Psephologist (n.)
    Courtney Love was a 'psephologist and a soothsayer' because Jack followed her path in life according to the lyrics of a song. Absolutely no idea what she meant unless Courtney Love has a sideline in either divination by pebbles or the analysis of election results. Potentially psychic.
    Source: this post

    Pulpit (n.)
    She watched former US president Barack Obama give a speech from a pulpit which sounds unlikely unless he did actually speak in a church. She meant a podium.
    Source: currently unable to find

    Reactionary (adj.)
    Twitter thrives on 'yah-boo reactionary nonsense'. Reactionary used as an adjective means opposing political or social progress or reform. A reactionary person is right-wing.
    Source: this post

    Relinquish (v.)
    On her way home from Venice she described her overwhelming urge to 'relinquish [other passengers'] lids' on the plane. She can't give up someone else's lids. She likely meant requisition.
    Source: this post

    Rigorous (n.)
    A 'rigorous foot stamp' is what she does when she eats something particularly good i.e. when she eats something that someone else has cooked, probably. She potentially meant vigorous but nobody knows.
    Source: this post

    Ringfence (v.)
    Claims to have ringfenced all Sue Lee money but says in the same sentence that she didn't want to 'try to work out what was what' i.e. did not ringfence.
    Source: this post

    Sabbatical (n.)
    Her corner shop an hour's walk away sells Heinz sandwich spread so she 'make(s) the sabbatical' to buy it. Possibly means excursion or even pilgrimage.
    Source: this post

    Sacrilegious (sp.)
    A screed on broccoli stalks contains the word sacrilegious, except it is spelt sacreligious. There is also a variant where she spells sacrilege as 'sacrielege'.
    Source: this post and this post

    Satiate (v.)
    Despite never reading Tattle, Jack decided she would live her life the way she wanted to and 'sod trying to satiate a cabal of faceless bullying gits'. Intended word was most likely please.
    Source: this post

    Sauté (v.)
    Apparently unable to pronounce the word, she also doesn't understand what it means and believes it means 'to cook gently on low heat, every stirring now and then'. It actually means to fry quickly in a little fat.
    Source: this post

    Sedition (n.)
    Accused Trump of inciting sedition during the time when he was about to leave office. Sedition is itself the act of incitement, so he incited incitement. Obviously.
    Source: this post

    Siesta (n.)
    Said that the afternoons with her son were their 'siesta time' during which they did many, many activities. So not a siesta.
    Source: this post

    Skein (n.)
    Described her eyebrows as being plucked to the width of an embroidery skein. A skein is a bundle of thread. She presumably meant a single thread.
    Source: this tweet

    Skewer (v.)
    In the midst of the VBI she was thoroughly self-congratulating for having returned all Smart Price items to supermarkets but was concerned it 'might skewer my #VimesBootsIndex figures a touch'. Despite knowing both Big and granular maths, she meant skew.
    Source: this post

    Smithereens (n.)
    From the hideous collection of images of some rancid soup which she said contained coriander 'wilted to smithereens'. It seems unlikely that a plant was blown to smithereens in a slop, unless cooked to the point of complete disintegration.

    Smorgasbord (n.)
    In an old blog post about a real thing with a security guard in a shop that really happened for real, she says her reaction was a 'smorgasbord of amused of furious'. Her intended meaning was mixture.
    Source: this post

    Smudge (n.)
    Interchangeable with smidge or smear, depending on whether it's irony (smidge) or mustard (smear).
    Source: this post

    Smutty (adj.)
    Describes baked beans as a 'favourite smutty staple in soups and stews'. No idea of the intended meaning. Might have been referencing the trend for "slutty" food (i.e. unhealthy, high-calorie dishes laden with sauce, cheese, chocolate, etc.) which also doesn't describe baked beans.
    Source: this post

    Soliloquy (n.)
    Jack has 'penned many a soliloquy' about tinned potatoes, despite the fact a soliloquy is supposed to be spoken and not heard by others.
    Source: this post

    Sordid (adj.)
    Eating cheese slices out of a packet in the fridge is apparently sordid, meaning a guilty pleasure.
    Source: this post

    Spanglingly (adj.)
    A #jackshack is to wash flannels with bleach at 60 degrees along with anything else you want to keep 'spanglingly white'. Aside from the fact this is an invented word, even spangling would be incorrect unless her washing machine adds sparkly embellishments.
    Source: this tweet

    Spiral stairs (n.)
    Jack has claimed on multiple occasions that her bungalow has spiral stairs. It does not. They appear to be in fact dog-leg stairs. Staircase experts please confirm.
    Source: she famously carped about our obsession with her spiral stairs in diva.pdf

    Squirreled away (phr.)
    Something she does, as usual, behind the scenes. In this instance she was coming up with recipes for Del Monte. Squirreling away means hoarding, which although she does hoard, she meant beavering away.
    Source: this post

    Stationery (n.)
    She has confused stationery with stationary unless she thinks that people have to budget for not moving in three dimensional space.
    Source: this post

    Statuesque (adj.)
    Jack's son is now taller than she, so she suggested that the S in SB could stand for "statuesque." She meant tall; the word statuesque is used only for tall women, or for something reminiscent of a statue.
    Source: this post

    Stench (n.)
    One of her blog post titles is 'Poverty lingers a septic wound, choleric, stenching, bursting rancid all over your Sunday best', failing to realise that stench is a noun, not a verb.
    Source: this post

    Subsided (v.)
    In a recipe for Yorkshire puddings she says to do something when '20 minutes have subsided'. She meant elapsed.
    Source: this post

    Subtly (sp.)
    Spelled 'subtley'.
    Source: this post

    Succulent (adj.)
    In the bumf preceding a recipe for a chocolate pear brick, she says in one of the worst things she's ever written 'Fat fulsome pears, swimming sodden in their own slippery, succulent syrup'. Because syrup is well known to be tender and juicy like a bollock sausage. No idea what she meant but sweet would have sufficed.
    Source: this post

    Sumptuous (adj.)
    Herbs (which are all interchangeable) are 'sumptuous little bursts of flavour'. She must have extraordinarily low expectations if she considers herbs luxurious.
    Source: this post

    Sunk cost fallacy (phr.)
    Nefarious trolls are trying to ruin her life and won't stop due to 'sunk fallacies and all that', unaware that the full phrase is sunk cost fallacy.
    Source: this post

    Sojourn (n.)
    From the Marcus Rashford GQ interview, she 'arrived early for our afternoon sojourn'. A sojourn is normally defined as a temporary stay in a holidaying context. Intended word was perhaps rendezvous.
    Source: https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/marcus-rashford-interview-2020

    Strasse (sp.)
    Think it is spelt straza.
    Source: this post

    Sword of Damocles (sp.)
    Thinks it is spelt Domacles, has used in multiple instances.
    Source: this post

    Tang (n.)
    Interchangeable with twang.

    Thank you (sp.)
    She is convinced to a pathological degree that thank you is one word and has gone so far as to say her phone auto-correcting the incorrect Thankyou to the correct thank you is 'a violence'.

    Thrift store (n.)
    Jack claimed to have picked up a large amount of men's shirts from a "vintage thrift store." A thrift store is the US name for what is called a charity shop in the UK. The shop in question is a regular vintage clothing store, the proceeds don't go to good causes, and accordingly the clothes are priced at a markup.
    Source: this post

    Throwback (n.)
    In Jack's Mumsnet Q&A, she said she had made a "throwback comment" about admiring a man in the public eye. Unless the comment had characteristics of a former time, she probably meant throwaway. ("Throwback" can also have racist connotations, although Jack may not have known that.)
    Source: this post

    Tinfoil (adj.)
    During a political tweetfest she called the government 'tinfoil dictators'. She doubled down on her use of tinfoil having obviously realised she was wrong and meant tinpot.
    Source: this post

    Travailed (v.)
    In a Guardian article full of repulsive imagery, she said she 'travailed [her] spice shelves whispering them aloud in a language of love and longing'. Intended meaning was possibly perused.
    Source: this post

    Triumvirate (n.)
    Often used where trinity or trio would be more appropriate.
    Source: this post

    Truffles (v.)
    From an Instagram post about an appalling combination of potato cakes, rotting banana and scraps of cooking bacon that she says her son 'truffles away at', implying her son is a truffle pig.
    Source: this post

    Tutelage (n.)
    A classic from her David Walliams pile-on. A critical element of her attack was that a black character with the last name Tutelage was racist because it was a backhanded attack on Desmond Tutu. The character in question was white and tutelage is a real word.
    Source: the entire thread #40

    Umami (n.)
    In a video for microwave mug pasta she says umami means salty. It comes as no surprise to anyone that this is not what it means.
    Source: this post

    Umbrage (sp.)
    Unable to find the original source but she misspelled umbrage as umbridge.

    Unctuous (adj.)
    She thinks that unctuous is a positive descriptor, similar to luxurious. The Jacktionary editor's favourite context is from her recipe for a cannellini beurre blanc in which the 'unctuous and subtly powerful sauce makes a thick provocative shroud for the pasta'.
    Source: the original beurre blanc recipe has been lost since her website crashed

    Underfoot (adv.)
    Her plans of working with ex-offenders are underfoot. Unless she was trampling on them, she meant afoot.
    Source: this post

    Vicariously (adj.)
    She's writing her will and nobody cares but it's ok because she plans to live 'as long as possible, vicariously & noisily' to irritate people. So she's going to imagine living via another person's life? Does she mean vivaciously?
    Source: this post

    Vociferously (adv.)
    Wash your carrots vociferously i.e. in a loud and forceful manner. Alternatively you could do it vigorously which would make more sense.
    Source: this post

    Vulgarities (n.)
    In diva.pdf she bemoans the 'vulgarities of fame'. The intended word was vagaries.
    Source: the entire article can be read in this post

    Wild camping (phr.)
    Jack announced she was taking SB on a "wild camping" trip and then asked for recommendations for places to stay. As the name suggests, wild camping is when you camp out in the wild and not on a camp site.
    Source: this thread

    Wistful (adj.)
    She made some sort of bread-based bricks that she described as 'little weighty wistful whirls of whimsy'. Food items are incapable of being wistful unless they have gained sentience and begin to experience regret at having been brought into an inedible existence.
    Source: this post

    Without fear nor favour (phr.)
    During the sue everyone era she said she had a 'proven track record of crossing this particular road without fear nor favour'. The true meaning of the phrase is to be impartial.
    Source: this post

    Work (n.)
    She claims to do a lot of this, giving different ludicrous work hours at different times. Since most of her time seems to be spent at home eating sardines and holding court on Twitter we must conclude that she does not understand the meaning of the word.