Jack Monroe #208 Noooo it’s Jack Monroe

[heretoreaditall2019]

Slightly off topic but can you imagine Mark Lewis and his army of high powered NWNF legal minds having to scour these threads for months/years on end, enduring everything from the forearms spanking people with spoons through to afterbirth oats, leaving these threads for a hard earned palette cleanser and finding

I just hope the reverend’s alright on her first night amongst us

 

[FunnyFuneral]

I know Marmalade said she wasn’t going to post old pics, but I feel an intervention is needed.

This everyone, is peach and evaporated milk baked oats. Hotes, over to you hun .

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State of her filthy grubby hands lads. Once seen never unable to unsee. Jack you scummy give your hands a bleeping wash. You'll feel like you've had a glorious me day if you give it a try soap

State of her filthy grubby hands lads. Once seen never unable to unsee. Jack you scummy give your hands a bleeping wash. You'll feel like you've had a glorious me day if you give it a try soap

Quoting myself like a total twit but those hands 100% look like feet

 

[Gildinwen-TKB]

If Full Time Meals really is doing a "peaches and chickpea" curry I'll be intersted to see if it's Jack's actual recipe or Tom will have made it ....edible

 

[Emmapism]

If they have done it, it will bring down the entire quality of the brand tbh. They've taken the time to make everything simple and tasty so this just wouldn't make sense.

 

[AlphaBetaDeux]

Excellent news, cabal! Vlad has communicated to me via the medium of targeted advertising that I should push forward for a collaboration with another Lady Doctor on the “highly pigmented lipstick used for the management of open wounds” as I think the results could look very promising!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I couldn't remember seeing a Jack recipe with couscous so I asked Twitter because I'm a boomer who is confused about how to find out things on the internet now that Ask Jeeves is DEAD. Anyway, I found her recipe for five-a-day couscous.

For a start, it's closer to four of your five-a-day. One portion is 80g of fresh fruit or vegetables, 30g of dried fruit or 150ml of fruit juice. Secondly, it is apparent she has no idea what 'languishing' means, unless the dressing is Schrodinger's dressing and is both intensifying and growing weaker at the same time. Thirdly, the classic cold pan method for cooking onions. Fourthly, is spinach a sturdy salad leaf? It wilts if you so much as look at it. Fifthly: a riff. How the flip is a watery fruity chickpea-ridden couscous slop a riff on a minestrone?

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

I couldn't remember seeing a Jack recipe with couscous so I asked Twitter because I'm a boomer who is confused about how to find out things on the internet now that Ask Jeeves is DEAD. Anyway, I found her recipe for five-a-day couscous.

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For a start, it's closer to four of your five-a-day. One portion is 80g of fresh fruit or vegetables, 30g of dried fruit or 150ml of fruit juice. Secondly, it is apparent she has no idea what 'languishing' means, unless the dressing is Schrodinger's dressing and is both intensifying and growing weaker at the same time. Thirdly, the classic cold pan method for cooking onions. Fourthly, is spinach a sturdy salad leaf? It wilts if you so much as look at it. Fifthly: a riff. How the flip is a watery fruity chickpea-ridden couscous slop a riff on a minestrone?

Sultanas, cumin and couscous? In a minestrone?

Traaaazers? On a bird?

 

[Lanie]

I couldn't remember seeing a Jack recipe with couscous so I asked Twitter because I'm a boomer who is confused about how to find out things on the internet now that Ask Jeeves is DEAD. Anyway, I found her recipe for five-a-day couscous.

View attachment 776310

For a start, it's closer to four of your five-a-day. One portion is 80g of fresh fruit or vegetables, 30g of dried fruit or 150ml of fruit juice. Secondly, it is apparent she has no idea what 'languishing' means, unless the dressing is Schrodinger's dressing and is both intensifying and growing weaker at the same time. Thirdly, the classic cold pan method for cooking onions. Fourthly, is spinach a sturdy salad leaf? It wilts if you so much as look at it. Fifthly: a riff. How the flip is a watery fruity chickpea-ridden couscous slop a riff on a minestrone?

I cook with spinach alot. It is not a hardy leaf.

 

[Cookiecookie]

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this looks like a peach and chickpea concoction

I'm hoping the IG comments guessing it to be a butternut and chickpea tagine are right.

Unless Jack's drastically tweaked the recipe, I cannot see the Full Time Meals squad letting her get away with calling her peach and chickpea curry 'Moroccan' either. Fingers crossed at any rate!!

 

[HotesTilaire]

I’ve got the slow cooker clean

 

[PortiaControl]

I wonder if they're apricots. I do a Moroccan lamb type thing with chickpeas, couscous and apricots so might be similar.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Excellent news, cabal! Vlad has communicated to me via the medium of targeted advertising that I should push forward for a collaboration with another Lady Doctor on the “highly pigmented lipstick used for the management of open wounds” as I think the results could look very promising!
View attachment 776288

Ah, the Lips Monroe chaos. Spends two entire days tweeting about the hellish, unfathomable, soul-rending agony she was in because she'd chewed her lip down to the nerve and had a 50p sized hole. Asks her followers for remedies then acts like a colossal bleep to anyone who responds. Posts the contents of her medicine cabinet and admits to being "off her tits" on Tramadol while filming that week's Letdown Larder. Then appears looking like a Victorian corpse with bright red lippy applied to the mouth that was supposedly in shreds, all under the orders of a nice Lady Doctor.

Completely deranged.

Edit: spoilered pic as a few people found it quite triggering first time round

Spoiler

 

[FlashBoof]

If they have done it, it will bring down the entire quality of the brand tbh. They've taken the time to make everything simple and tasty so this just wouldn't make sense.

I am torn. In one sense, to see how small her reach has become, a Full Time Meal video will be perfect. But, more than that, I am in agreement with you - I have been very impressed with the recipes and the simplicity of them. I even watched the ridiculous LadBaby one but I will not be watching a Jack one. My one view, measly as it may be, will not contribute to the figures that week.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Ah, the Lips Monroe chaos. Spends two entire days tweeting about the hellish, unfathomable, soul-rending agony she was in because she'd chewed her lip down to the nerve and had a 50p sized hole. Asks her followers for remedies then acts like a colossal bleep to anyone who responds. Posts the contents of her medicine cabinet and admits to being "off her tits" on Tramadol while filming that week's Letdown Larder. Then appears looking like a Victorian corpse with bright red lippy applied to the mouth that was supposedly in shreds, all under the orders of a nice Lady Doctor.

Completely deranged.

View attachment 776408

Holy tit

eta: I love that you can see that telltale filler ridge as well. Also everything about the terrifying glassy eyes

 

[maytoseptember]

Ah, the Lips Monroe chaos. Spends two entire days tweeting about the hellish, unfathomable, soul-rending agony she was in because she'd chewed her lip down to the nerve and had a 50p sized hole. Asks her followers for remedies then acts like a colossal bleep to anyone who responds. Posts the contents of her medicine cabinet and admits to being "off her tits" on Tramadol while filming that week's Letdown Larder. Then appears looking like a Victorian corpse with bright red lippy applied to the mouth that was supposedly in shreds, all under the orders of a nice Lady Doctor.

Completely deranged.

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Don’t forget the hashtag she started, with hints that she’d start compiling recipes for a book, benefitting people undergoing chemotherapy. Was it #BadMouthMeals ?

 

[HotesTilaire]

That pic must have been taken next to the Victorian ghost curtain

 

[lilamay]

I imagine a lot of it was designed to make Allegra feel Incredibly guilty for snatching away this millionaire lifestyle Jack imagined she was entitled to.

ETA Snap @bowiethesdmn

And we know Jack has form for making people feel guilty.
E.g:

 

[Fruitjack]

I couldn't remember seeing a Jack recipe with couscous so I asked Twitter because I'm a boomer who is confused about how to find out things on the internet now that Ask Jeeves is DEAD. Anyway, I found her recipe for five-a-day couscous.

View attachment 776310

For a start, it's closer to four of your five-a-day. One portion is 80g of fresh fruit or vegetables, 30g of dried fruit or 150ml of fruit juice. Secondly, it is apparent she has no idea what 'languishing' means, unless the dressing is Schrodinger's dressing and is both intensifying and growing weaker at the same time. Thirdly, the classic cold pan method for cooking onions. Fourthly, is spinach a sturdy salad leaf? It wilts if you so much as look at it. Fifthly: a riff. How the flip is a watery fruity chickpea-ridden couscous slop a riff on a minestrone?

Also, how is it not suitable for freezing in its current, compact state but can be frozen by adding liquid? If there’s something in it that’s unsuitable for freezing then how will adding liquid change that? Surely you’d add the liquid after you’d defrosted it to save space in your freezer? I also note with interest the 90% vegan addition of chicken stock. I’d normally be against this suggestion but as this hellsite’s 2nd most prominent vegan even I can see it’d add some much needed flavour.
Please please someone take one for the team and make this.

 

[Raker]

Also, how is it not suitable for freezing in its current, compact state but can be frozen by adding liquid? If there’s something in it that’s unsuitable for freezing then how will adding liquid change that? Surely you’d add the liquid after you’d defrosted it to save space in your freezer?

I think that maybe even Coldpan Jack can’t countenance frozen couscous? Of all her ludicrous suggestions for what to do with ingredients “recipe” instructions, this is one I can get behind: frozen clumps of couscous — there’s no need for that. Waste of the planet’s resources.

But to be fair I wouldn’t riff it into terrible soup and freeze that either

 

[Orphan_Black]

The red lipstick photo is a horrifying way to start one's day.

I'll be perturbed all day now!