Alfie Deyes Truth Revealed

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  • Alfie Deyes a.k.a Aldo is a YouTuber who rose to fame by dating Zoella a.k.a Zoe Sugg and using her as clickbait in thumbnails, as well as using Zoe for his YouTube video tags. He has proven himself to be incredibly dim by offending multiple communities, such as the LGBTQ+ community, domestic violence victims, people living below the poverty line, and more.

    He left Gleam Futures to manage himself and employ several friends in a company based in Brighton. The company is called A to Z creatives but has not signed any social media talent and was mocked by the guardian after Deyes invited a reporter to visit.

    Abandoned Projects

    • Two mobile apps, said to be in development in 2018 and have not been heard of since.
    • 90 day fitness challenge in 2019, before and after photos were taken but never released.
    • Learning to play the piano, bought a piano and never had any lessons.
    • Most expensive outdoor chair bought to date a.k.a his "half-pipe". Last used by his friends around May-June 2019. RIP.
    • Flying lessons.
    • Podcast series.
    • Pub
    • Indoor food market with 12 restaurants.

    Forgotten and discarded items

    • A tent which lingered in the garden for 6 months, killing all the grass underneath, leaving a patch of mud on their mansion lawn.
    • A swimming pool which grew a thick layer of algae after being left in the garden for months and then mysteriously disappeared. Alfie reckons he gave it to a 'friend', a.k.a. his staff took it to the tip.
    • Custom BMXs, given to Alfie and Zoe by Ryan Taylor. These were left outside, allowed to rust, and completely forgotten about until they were discovered by Ryan; at which point Alfie unsuccessfully tried to cover himself.
    • An actual woodland, complete with mattress
    • A motorbike
    • A slackline
    • An entire house a.k.a his 'office'
    • Zoe
    • A BBQ grill gifted by Jamie Oliver. Retail price £672.
    • A trampoline for daily essential backflips
    • A hoverboard he used to zoom around in the old Zalfie house
    • A yoyo to do sick tricks
    • Morgan - whose only crime was actually trying in a 90 Day Challenge and getting some nice abs
    • Top of the range piano he bought a day after deciding he wanted to learn how to play
    • Baby simulator dolls he bought 2 years ago for him and Zoe to do a parenting challenge with. This was never spoken of again.
    • Sex Q&A he promised his 12-year-old fans, while 27-year-old Zoella laughed next to him because he said the word "sex".

    Copied Merch Designs

    Alfie Deyes has released countless merch that shamelessly copies existing products

    Controversies

    • Released an insensitive video about living on a pound a day that included Zoella laughing about one pound, and Alfie driving in his land rover to Waitrose to get some discounted pain au chocolat, before using a loyalty card to get a free coffee, then driving into central Brighton and parking in their hired car space and using his influencer status to get a large box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts for free.
    • Manipulated the Amazon reviews of his book by offering to send a direct message to anyone who left a 5 star review.
    • Gratuitously sat on an AIDS memorial whilst attending Brighton Pride (with glitter smeared on his face and waving a rainbow flag).
      alfie-deyes-aids.jpg
    • #IDONTWANTADADBOD - He is constantly going on about not wanting a dad bod, that it could be triggering to people with eating disorders.
    • #FUCKTHETORIES - He was caught up with a fan who had a sign stating FUCKTHETORIES, this was unfortunately caught on camera and Aldo has not been able to live it down.
      Screenshot_20220117-115714.jpg

    Ads and Freebies

    Teeth

    He had all of his teeth replaced for veneers for free by a dentist in Dubai. His before and after photos he released were misleading as he's had several years of Invisalign and didn't show a true before picture.
    alfie-deyes-teeth.jpg


    Sky TV ads

    Aldo was mocked on Twitter for his terrible acting as he attempted to solve who had committed the crime in the latest Sky series he was promoting.

    Screenshot_20220117-120403.jpg

    Screenshot_20220117-120502.jpg

    Screenshot_20220117-120551.jpg


    Faux Activism

    Climate Change - Alfie-stotle likes to think he is a deep philosophical man(child) who also gives unsolicited advice. One of the faux causes he pretends to believe in is climate change. There was a climate change strike happening all around the world on September 20, 2019 and all Alfie had to contribute was this on his IG, moments before he complained how his gf got her new iphone before him. He has a reusable straw though [“so don’t you worry Guyz”].
    Palace to Palace - His second charity for 2019 in which he cycled. We honestly couldn’t tell you what the charity (Prince’s Trust) is for. Neither can Alfie who is the ambassador.
    Regenerate - His first charity in which he kayaked. No idea what the charity was about and neither did Alfie. His mum donated.

    Getting ZoElLa Up The Duff

    Aldie and Zozo announced in March 2021 that mini 1 pound deyes would be joining the family later that year. Aldo confirmed to the world that ZoElLa has a tEeNy TiNy VaG and they didn't know if mini 1 pound deyes would get Aldo's giant Tory head. Baby Pay was born in August and Aldo wasted no time in using her to shill his FuturesElf tat. This was the start of many Instagram posts featuring only Alfie and the baby as he lived out his 'cool single Dad' fantasies.

    20220117_130838.png


    Dianne and the footsie incident

    Dianne is Aldo's first love, he has licherally left Zoe to the side to help Dianne off a wall, and can often be found lurking on Dianne's live workout videos. Aldie thought all his dreams had come true one day when Dianne started playing footsie with him, but it turns out she thought his foot was Joe's. Aldo claimed he "didn't even feel it". Course you didn't, Alfredo.

    FutureSelf

    Aldo's latest project in ripping off his young and naïve fans, he recently released a pair of shorts which you could get from Primark for £3 and he is selling them for £30!! Licherally!!
    It's the biggest pile of shite which will be added to the list of abandoned projects in a few months!

    The 1975

    He trended on twitter after going to a 1975 gig where their fans called him a Tory who didn't know any songs other than the singles.



    Words by Alfie

    Savage - describes everything under the sun as this.
    Licherally - literally
    Foliage - three syllable word so naturally difficult for Aldo to say
    Liddle - little
    SHICKKK - he says it 20 times a day
    BlEsS yOu - Tory cunt has to be blessed about everything.
    AnTiNaTaL cLaSsEs - Refers to the maternity videos Aldo and ZoElLa watched, to prepare for her TeEnY tInY vAg to get destroyed.
    Thankasomach - Thank you so much!
    heyhowyadoin - I'm a huge twat.
    Dianne - His secret love.
    PeLeToN - His precious bike to help with #IDONTWANTADADBOD

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