Jack Monroe Truth Revealed

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  • An Introduction to Jack Monroe

    Jack Monroe is a successful writer and anti-poverty campaigner with several best selling cookery books.

    If you are new to Jack on Tattle, you may find this glossary useful, as well as
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ‘Babe, same’
    ‘I did a chaos’
    ‘My maverick brain’
    ‘My sad little face’
    ‘I’m BUSY’
    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
    ‘I laughed up a lung’

    ** NEW **
    ‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.

    She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

    As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.

    *****

    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • Update to the above: She eats copious amounts of animal products on a daily basis, with particular favourites being eggs, pork, "bollock and eyelid sausages", and tinned fish. To the point where she rarely bothers with pretending to be some percentage vegan or pescatarian.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

    Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
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    Jack turned up on Tattle on thread 31 to clear her name. Read for yourself to see what happened.

    A potted history


    Jack was brought up by a high-ranking firefighter father and a nurse mother who also fostered. Her father has done a number of media pieces re: the difficulties of fostering, with emphasis on the financial impact it’s had on him having to extend his owned property & replace front doors. Jack has also been published in the Guardian criticising their foster children, calling them feral. Despite this her father received an MBE for his services to fostering.

    They have a five bed detached house in a nice part of Southend. Her father describes his occupation as a landlord on Companies House. The family’s Land Rover was navy blue. Jack used to describe her upbringing as middle class in her earlier blogs, but now claims to have had an impoverished, working-class background. In Hunger Hurts she references a £4-5k Omega Seamaster gifted to her by the family for her 21st

    Jack’s Grandad was Greek-Cypriot and was a landlord with a string of properties and restaurants alongside two hotels around Essex. Edwina Currie pointed this out during a televised debate while Jack pretended she was working class and Jack screamed “My Grandfather is DEAD” in place of an actual rebuttal (from about 32:00 in this clip). Then she wrote a whingey open letter as a response a few days later. Jack’s mother is Northern Irish. Jack likes to hint at her status as a “second generation immigrant” when she can.

    After primary school, Jack went to a grammar school (Westcliff High School for Girls). She claimed to have been expelled (unbeknownst to her parents) for stealing a scalpel, but this is disputed. After receiving 4.5 GCSEs (the half GCSE is in RE), she left school in 2004.

    After some casual work in cafés and bars, Jack somehow (read: Daddy) got a job in the control room for the fire service in 2007. This was a highly paid role for someone in their early twenties with no qualifications. She's repeatedly stated that she earned £27k ((see here in hunger hurts). When Grenfell happened she cosplayed as an ex fire fighter who helped on the ground, as detailed in her since deleted blog post.

    Jack got pregnant through a dalliance with a friend in 2010 and states that at that time aged 21 she was working three jobs and earning almost 40k a year.

    While pregnant she claims she was sexually assaulted by her then partner (not SB's father). She describes her experience as well as her life as a sex worker (Pink News confirmed that 'Sam' is Jack)

    She subsequently claims that she was dismissed from the fire service or forced to leave because they would not accommodate her request for flexible working to look after her son. In February 2021, she tweeted that after a mental health breakdown she resigned from her hospital bed and then immediately rescinded her resignation. She claims to have had the full support of everyone, but the fire service upheld her resignation and she lost her job.

    Despite having well off relatives who could have helped her, and the father of her child being famously supportive (she literally wrote a Guardian article thanking him), she chose to keep her problems with the benefit system quiet and instead allowed herself and her baby son to go hungry for between 6 months and two years. She claims to have sold a piano, a very fancy watch, her son’s cuddly toys, the lightbulbs and last of all her very fancy camera to make ends meet. A complete timeline of her period in poverty can be found below.

    Despite being too proud to ask for help from her parents, Jack wasn’t too proud to tell her story on a publicly available blog, or to publicise her situation through a friend who happened to be a local journalist. Her story of woe gained a LOT of traction. The piece that got her attention was Hunger Hurts.

    Increasingly she was given writing work, publishing deals, corporate sponsorships and awards for her work. She became Quite Famous as the palatable face of the poverty.

    By May 2015, Jack had moved in with millionaire chef Allegra McEvedy and began to rub shoulders with the West London media set, losing a £5,000 deposit on a flat in Southend due to the move. The relationship was short-lived and she soon moved back to Essex.

    Not long after got with Louisa Compton, head of news at Channel 4. She continued to get TV work, writing jobs and book deals despite her brief stint in poverty being increasingly irrelevant given spreading disadvantage and the rollout of universal credit.

    As late as 2019 she claims to 'get paid £9 an hour', even though she is a freelancer and author, who doesn't have an hourly wage. She has a business listed on companies house, so if she only pays herself £9 an hour that is a very different scenario to being paid £9 an hour. (Please note her birth year is wrongly listed. It's a typo, not a smoking gun).

    In October 2019, Jack claims that she lost £5,000 because her phone number got hijacked. The Independent ran a story on it. She centred herself re:Jo Cox’s murder, upsetting actual friends of Jo Cox in the process.

    In March 2020, at the start of lockdown, despite living with a very well paid partner in a large detached property, she posted an extended freak out about loss of income and aggressively posted links to her PayPal and Patreon for donations. Jack targeted Jamie Oliver (That Man) on Twitter, when he got commissioned for a lockdown cookery show by Channel 4. Here's a link to the Lime Goss article, which explains what happened in detail. Her Twitter campaign quickly led to her being booked for Daily Kitchen Live which she was consistently underprepared for.

    In May 2020, her partner broke up with her. She had another freak out about the rent on her large property and rattled the tip jar again. Around the same time, she threatened to sue Tattle posters for saying she was not very good on the telly.

    During 2020 and 2021, Jack secured several corporate partnerships, including Hellmann's, Del Monte, Linda McCartney's and Netflix. She also wrote for the Express, the Guardian and GQ. Despite continuing to work, Jack regularly complained about being part of the 3Million Excluded freelancers who are not able to receive financial help from the government. She conveniently ignored the fact that the reason she was included is because she didn't file her taxes on time AND was unlikely to be entitled to much help, as she had been able to continue to work and even got her two week BBC job due to the pandemic.

    Jack owns a large number of high end items, including a Burberry scarf, expensive crockery, an Emin (which is hung in her toilet), a large number of Cotswolds sideboards, a Mulberry bag, designer coats, high end make-up and lots of tech. None of this is a problem in itself, however, Jack claims to have either been gifted or found most of these items (most notably the Burberry scarf that was found in a puddle). At the same time, she can't afford to buy food (she can only afford lard, not butter), pay her rent and is in permanent fear of being destitute.

    She claims that she can feed a family of 3 (her ex came back to ‘bubble’ with her) on £20 per week. This is bullshit as she doesn’t include toiletries, cleaning stuff, pet food or lots of what makes an appearance in her photos. We suspect she actually uses Ocado for fancy deliveries and performs this poverty.

    In December 2020 she started alluding to potentially having cancer, wearing a head scarf synonymous with chemotherapy whilst apparently undergoing routine tests after an abnormality was spotted on an x ray.

    A summary of “tip jar rattling” 2017-2022

    2022


    ⭐ 2022 updates are still in progress, please everyone who can, feel free to edit for detail, clarity, and links/sources ⭐

    Corporate collaborations
    So far this year, Jack has been hired by:

    - Netflix (Jan - tail end of Sticky Brown Poo with Aardman films)
    - Twitter (April - campaign to use up leftovers)
    - the Lorraine Show on ITV - Super Savers (April - cheap recipes to counter the cost of living rise)
    - Superdrug (announced May - campaign to lower the prices of basic hygiene products, including sanitary).

    In spite of this work (together with her patreon / books / speaking slots on radio & TV), Jack has frequently claimed to have less than £50 in her account at various points in the year.

    T-shirt fundraising
    A summary here from @usefullyuseless -

    Jack launched a charity tshirt shop on Teemill. The shirts had tasteless slogans. She said the profits would go to the Trussell Trust. She then decided money would also go to other, unnamed food bank charities, too. She got some flack on Twitter for the slogans. She said TT were fully on board and she claimed to have raised just over 10k from tshirt sales in a couple of days.

    After a a few days it transpired TT only found out about the fundraising after the fact. They didn't approve the slogans. Jack had to backpedal a bit and said money up to the declared 'just over 10k' would go to TT and other monies would go to the smaller charities previously mentioned.

    What seems like a lifetime later she eventually donated around 11k to TT saying it was the tshirt money. To date she still hasn't announced how much else was raised or who exactly it is going to.

    And as @Cack Conroe pointed out -
    Jack only donated the Teemill money after a journalist started investigating her! And she wasn’t actually transparent, we saw the end amount donated, but not how much had actually been raised.

    As of May 2022 the main link on the teeshirt page still states that 100% of the profits are going to charity - exactly where and when, is currently unclear as the site / page is personal to Jack, rather than having been set up as a charity page (possible on the site).

    Threat to sue MP Lee Anderson, Martin Daubney and Laurence Fox

    Summary from @traumatised sideboard -

    She has accused Lee Anderson of libel (or slander, all legal terms are interchangeable) when he stated on an interview with the Reclaim Party’s social media, that she was 'taking money off some of the most vulnerable in society'. Now she is counting the views on the video and talking to her pro bono (or no win no fee - again, all interchangeable) lawyer in Israel to take them to court. Laurence Fox has got involved and even sent her a fiver after she announced people could contribute to her legal fees (for a court case that her lawyer hasn't even agreed to take yet) via Paypal. She is also already planning how to spend the winnings from her court case that hasn't been taken by a lawyer, let alone made it to court and won. The canal are thrilled as we planned our court outfits two years ago and we may finally get a chance to wear them.

    She has also started making frequent references to her "team of paralegals", presumably in an attempt to instil fear in anyone who dares to criticise her.

    Rising food prices and the ONS survey / the Vimes Boots Index (see glossary below)

    In January 2022, Jack claimed that food prices for the poorest using basic goods, were rising faster than for everyone else. Wild claims of the cost of rice rising by 344% were thrown around. The ONS went off to track the price of the cheapest grocery basket products and published an update on 30 May 2022. This research showed that figures for all groceries are essentially tracking more or less the same and at similar rates of inflation (6-7%).

    In an interview with BBC News, Jack claimed to have been working with the ONS in 'collaboration' (gently, softly, behind the scenes) although appeared to not have understood their new figures when posting on Twitter. This was backed up by an article in the Telegraph stating that she was wrong and that the ONS figures were correct.

    As of May 2022, the Vimes Boots Index, which she claimed to have started in January 2022, remains unpublished (it is currently lingering in a set of lever arch files in the shitty bungalow). Jack has stated that she needs to complete a UK wide tour of the poorest places, to go see what's on the shelves in each location and whether anything is in stock - it's unclear how this set of datapoints will be statistically relevant.

    It now appears that rice has not infact gone up by 344%.

    The Short Sweet Saga of The Other Half (OH) (unnamed, referred to by Jack as OH in tweets March to June 2022). There is divided opinion on whether they were real life or fantasy. See here for a history in tweets.

    Timelines


    Jobs and Poverty timeline

    ***Primarily from this excellent post here ***
    Sourced timeline of Jack's poverty experience. Obviously journalists may make mistakes, but Jack herself wrote that she sold pretty much everything of value before the "yard sale".

    2011


    Oct 2011: Jack moves into a 2-bedroom flat after ending a relationship (4)

    Nov 2011: Jack resigns from fire service

    Nov 2011: Jack sells Omega Seamaster watch (1)

    Dec 2011: Jack turns off heating (1)

    11 December 2011: during the height of the poverty, Jack is posting in a Southend family group on FB, inviting people round for cakes, toys and chat.

    2012


    BETWEEN DEC 2011 AND BEFORE JULY 2012:

    10 January 2012 - first official press photos appear on Shutterstock - these photos are subsequently used in several media articles / stories about 'the poverty'

    Jack is unable to move to a cheaper flat as she can't afford a deposit (3)

    Jack sells iPhone for a quarter of its original price (1)

    Jack unplugs everything (1) and claims fridge stays unplugged for two years (7)

    Jack takes lightbulbs out (1)

    Jack sells DVDs, netbook, camera, and all belongings except two plates, two bowls, two mugs, two glasses, two forks, two knives and two spoons (1)

    Jack sells "Ford Kia" (2) (not actually a car that exists. Also, she can't drive because of autism)

    Jul 2012: Jack comes out as poor (3)

    Jul 2012: Jack sells guitar and TV (1)

    Aug 2012: Jack sells TV again (4)

    18 Aug 2012: Jack has her famous "yard sale" and sells everything including toy dinosaur, piano, two more guitars, Denby and Wedgwood crockery, curtains, clothes, her iPhone again, armchairs, coffee table and bathroom storage units (4). She earns 3k, then moves to a cheaper house share (3). The flyer for the yard sale is here.

    19 August 2012: Jack's mum comments on a post about the yard sale asking her not to sell her camera. Indicates parents were fully aware of Jack's life at this time.

    Dec 2012: Jack is living on a tenner a week and will be spending Christmas with her parents (2)

    2013


    In 2013: Jack is in prostitution and stealing to survive(7)

    Feb 2013: Jack starts writing for the Southend Echo (5)

    March 2013: Jack takes part in an outside sleepover to raise awareness of homelessness. She blogs about it. She states that she has never been homeless. In later accounts she claims to have slept rough for two years.

    May 2013: Jack wins a prize from Fortnum & Mason (5)

    July 2013: Jack lives in a shared house with five others and (6) but her fridge must still be switched off, as she switched it off at the earliest in December 2011 (see above) and says it stayed off for two years (December 2013 at the earliest). (7)

    July 2013: Jack is first published in the Guardian (8)

    At some point between December 2013 and July 2014: Jack switches on her fridge (1 and 7)

    2014


    Jan 2014: Poverty over? Jack works for Sainsburys, signs book deal, goes to Tanzania, etc. (3)

    Jan 2014: Jack moves to a new flat (3)

    SOURCES:
    1 https://web.archive.org/web/20130201235747/http://agirlcalledjack.com/2012/07/30/hunger-hurts/
    2 https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/young-mum-turns-off-heating-so-she-can-1502710.amp
    3 https://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/15/...-has-become-britains-austerity-celebrity.html
    4 https://web.archive.org/web/2013020...oyed-mum-sells-off-belongings-essex-enquirer/
    5 https://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jul/23/jack-monroe-face-modern-poverty
    6 https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jul/20/10-pound-food-shop-blog
    7 https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...dessicated-olive-and-grape.15760/post-3995885
    8
    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jul/20/10-pound-a-week-recipes?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

    In late 2021 Jack referenced that she was still using her Sony vaio laptop which she had written her first book on and used to write her blog(link)
    In Jan 2022 Jack decided to sell some old clothes including a beaded Monsoon dress she had bought to wear to a fire service event


    Kitten timeline (summer 2020)


    *** The sad timeline of the kitten here ***

    (Long/short) Covid-19 timeline (autum/winter 2020/21)


    On December 27, 2020, Jack Monroe strongly implies that she has long Covid-19. She never explicitly states it in her first tweet of many but soon also starts asking the #LongCovidCommunity for help.

    If we take this at face value, she would have had Covid-19 since somewhere between October 4 and November 1 (it is generally accepted that you have to have had symptoms for 8 – 12 weeks before you get diagnosed with long COVID-19).

    October takes us back to the heady days of what we refer to as Krishmateday, when she tried to instigate a pile on on Krishnan Guru-Murthy and calls him 'Krish, mate' to demonstrate her particular brand of #bekind

    It also is in the heyday of her £20 shop, where she merrily scampers off to Asda multiple times a day to spend £20 on lard. It is clear from her extensive tweeting that she has no symptoms and is not self-isolating. One can only conclude she didn’t have Covid-19 then.

    BUT, things are differenent in December. She clarified on December 27 that her symptoms started three weeks ago.

    This is alarming, as that would take us to somewhere between December 6 and December 13. Yet, in that time period she went to an important meeting dressed as a school boy

    She foraged for mushrooms in her local Tesco

    And she bought three copies of the Daily Express, as any respectable left-winger would

    The last two actions also seem to coincide with her Bubble Buddy (BB) Louisa Compton, Head of Channel 4 News being symptomatic and self-isolating in JM’s rented bungalow. A full timeline of that shitshow

    When some of her followers started questioning the timeline of her illness, Jack Monroe, ex-girlfriend of Louisa Compton and Covid-19 sufferer, went on a mass tweet delete spree.

    Curious contradictions


    • Jack repeatedly claimed to have invented Healthy Start vouchers, a lie that has been repeated by Louisa Compton, Jack's (ex-) partner and Head of Channel 4 News. However, the Healthy Start voucher scheme started in 2005 (p.11 of this review of the scheme from 2013). This means Jack was 17 when she invented and immediately implemented the scheme.
    • Jack has a pop at Jamie Oliver for using capers as apparently they're too specialist, then uses capers the next week for her first column in the metro. The following week posts a recipe with lime pickle.
    • Jack says she bought designer clothes and accessories with her book advances in order to sell during times of hardship. At the very start of the covid-19 outbreak she was saying how broke she was and using emotional language to get people to donate cash.
    • Jack has had 7 books out, a popular website with adverts, many commissions, paid for public events and generally a successful career but claims to only pay herself the living wage and talks about financial struggles.-
    • Jack lives with her partner that's an executive at Channel 4 who is estimated to earn £250'000 but regularly pleads poverty. -UPDATE: SHE LEFT (her partner left in May 2020)
    • Jack calls her rented bungalow shitty and shabby when it looks pretty nice in newspaper articles. Back-pedals to say she was talking about the state she lives in it. It is also debatable whether her dwelling is, in fact, a bungalow as it looks suspiciously like a two-storey house.
    • Jack regularly claims that she has been doxxed on Tattle, however, while many Tattlers have easily managed to find her house due to the many photos and bits of information she puts on her public social media channels, no one has ever put her address out publicly on this forum.
    • Jack claims to have rheumatoid arthritis that is so bad (especially "right foot, hand, knee and hip") it leaves her regularly requiring a walking stick. On International Women's Day 2020 she posted a picture of herself delivering a complete speech standing on tiptoes, stating she always delivers speeches this way and has done for years. Apparently as she can stand like this for 12 minutes (and therefore knows when to start finishing up), due to her previous ballet training.
    • Jack as also invented marmite butter (even though you can buy it in jars). Other inventions include the word "twunt" and Gregg's vegan pasty.
    • Has a love of Facetune, despite being body positive.
    • Jack changes her mind on many things, however her love of pot noodles seems to be everlasting.
    • Jack claimed not to have a toaster however she caught herself out by posting a picture with an expensive toaster in the background emblazoned with the legend ‘TOASTER’.
    • After spending over £100 on battered old cutlery in January 22 on eBay and claiming some of it was included by the seller for free, which the eBay listing disproved, Jack claimed within the same week to need money to fix her website and gave her grifting tin a rattle.
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    • Jack claimed to desperately need to have a kitchen not designed by someone who hates cooking and turns out she’s previously said she designed it herself
    • In one of the many, many tweets sent around the time of her viral Twitter thread in January 2022, Jack claimed to have never bought a new TV. This is in direct contradiction to a previous Twitter rant in which she alleged a Hermes delivery driver had left her new TV on the doorstep.
    19th Jan 2022 Jack tweeted that Asda had removed certain smart price items from her local Asda in Shoebury. She claimed products such as 45p rice, 20p pasta and 22p beans weren’t available any more. A local tattler went to check and these items are still on the shelves and in good stock. Photos of items in Shoebury Asda

    BBC Daily Kitchen (April 2020)


    After her Twitter outburst claiming she deserved a programme during lockdown above Jamie Oliver, JM landed a BCC gig, co-presenting Daily Kitchen Live with Matt Tebbutt. Links to all the episodes are below:

    Kickstarter campaign (December 2015 until 2018)

    Jack Monroe ran a Kickstarter campaign to fund one of her books. She raised close to £70,000 but due to a lack of transparency and delays caused by her inability to complete any task, many of her backers ended up turning on her. The link to the campaign and comments is here: Kickstarter and our discussion is Here in thread 124-125

    A brief summary:
    • Jack fundraised for a book in December 2015 that was only to be available via the Kickstarter.
    • She promised a delivery deadline of May 2016.
    • Thousands of people pledged money to buy a copy for the book for themselves and another one for a foodbank.
    • The book did not materialise in May 2016.
    • Backers did eventually receive self-published black and white copies in summer 2018, after the same book was already available in colour on Amazon.
    For how Jack treated people who gave her money to fund this project, go to the Kickstarter link above and read the comments.

    In jokes


    Shitty bungalow - Jack called her rented bungalow shitty then backtracked as her posts showed it was actually rather nice. It has a lovely garden that she seems to have discovered once she moved in while also being the reason she chose to live there.

    Cotswold Sideboards - after years of poverty Jack has now purchased at least three of these pricey and bulky furniture items, one weighs 90kg and she carried it up the “spiral staircase” of the bungalow, alone. At this time she claimed she could “bench press the Queen” as a show of strength. It has been estimated from Jack's own photos of her home that she has around 13 items from the Cotswold Company altogether.

    You only get cake if you've been in her vagina - from an Instagram post by Jack about making a birthday cake for Mrs J, stipulating that she only bakes cakes for people who have 'come out of her fanny or been in it'.

    Traazers? On a bird? - comes from this iconic post by @edinburghcastle …

    …. which was inspired by Jack’s story about her days as a call handler for the fire service -

    “I missed my own passing out parade in 2008 because “female” dress uniform was a knee length skirt, sheer tights and high heeled court shoes. I asked the tailor to measure me for trousers. He refused. “It’s the way it’s always been,” he shrugged. “Old chief liked the girls in skirts.” He laughed. I didn’t.”

    Squiggle / viggle - a squiggle is anyone from social media anonymised by scribbling over their name and profile photo. A viggle is the vegan variant that emerged during Jack's disastrous Linda McCartney partnership in Veganuary.

    Hating gays, autistics, differences and success - what we hate- from a squiggle who leapt to Jack's defence on Twitter. This is obviously not true and is used solely for comedic effect.

    In restaurant parlance - from Jack's trip to Edinburgh where she visited Dishoom and tried to imply it was an independent restaurant and definitely not a chain, bolstering her argument by saying 'in restaurant parlance a chain is somewhere with ten or more outlets'. Now used by the canal more generally to explain anything at all.

    Masculine-leaning aesthetic - used by Jack to describe her fashion sense (specifically this ensemble) when she wants to dabble in being non-binary again, forgetting that birds have been wearing traazers, jumpers and trainers for many decades by this point.

    Unruly labia - nobody has freely speculated about this, Jack herself alleged she had to 'tuck [her] labia into three pairs of pants' when she worked at a club.

    Shan't - used by Jack when she refused to leave after turning up uninvited on Thread #31.

    I love facts - everyone loves facts. Jack in particular loves facts, as she told us during her upside-down chicken pineapple Instagram live for Del Monte.

    Going viral - Jack was convinced that her brief appearance in a GQ awards video with Marcus Rashford would be the big break she needed. It was not. This is also the source of any reference to dancing in six inch heels.

    Diagnosed gifted - from the Del Monte-sponsored Saddest Christmas Dinner feature Jack did where she claimed to have been 'diagnosed gifted at school'.

    Joe Le Taxi - nickname given to a poster who posted in March 2021 claiming to have known Jack as their taxi driver when writing for the local Southend paper. Claims Jack is “on the spectrum” and also they “were like a reindeer” to Jack, driving around town late one Xmas eve to silently deliver gifts to the doorsteps of friends. Upon hearing this, we all clapped.

    Krish mate/ Rishi mate - Jack has been overly familiar in me-rail tweets to C4 news anchor Krishnan Guru Murthy and Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak.

    Can’t afford butter around Oct 2020 and the £20 per week shop phase Jack claimed to have bought lard because she couldn’t afford butter. She later clarified she could afford butter (after being seen with lots of butter) -but her £20 budget couldn’t.

    Bung it in a curry - a suitable answer to any and all culinary questions.

    Kumquat - originally from a squiggle asking what to do with kumquats #JackMonroesLockdownLarder and there being some confusion over what a kumquat is. It is now used to refer to this creature from The Dark Crystal due to its resemblance to Jack's questionable orange hair during the Katie Hopkins court case-era.

    Ring binders / court outfits / 100% success rate / "Lawyer up, ladies" - all relating to Jack's repeated threats to silence the canal by taking the matter to court. She will supply the evidence in ring binders of printed out pages from Tattle that her lawyer regularly reads through. Her 100% success rate is the single case she won against Katie Hopkins. The lawyer later relocated to Israel.

    Herbs are herbs and variations thereof - all herbs are interchangeable, as are all types of salt. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, it's all the same. In early 2021 Jack made spa style bath salts from dried rosemary, orange peel and table salt in a glass milk bottle.

    Dead gloves - during Jack's longest ever long COVID she claimed to have mistakenly identified an abandoned glove as a dead pigeon. Now there is much confusion over gloves and birds which we struggle to tell apart.

    Mediterranean arse - from one of many of Jack's train exploits. She claims to have fallen onto the train platform and under a train, spared by her chunky Mediterranean arse.

    Zoe Eccentricity - a byproduct of the Mediterranean arse, which independently posted a bunch of gibberish onto Jack's Twitter account, including the mysterious “J. 1g” then apparently randomly coming up with the name Zoe Eccentricity. Jack promptly made it her entire personality.

    Send doggos/cattos/animalos - a common request when you need a distraction technique to purge all the chaos from your Twitter timeline or require an immediate infusion of attention.

    Deploy the floof/Cooper - when things are not going well pictures of Cooper the cat are deployed to drive up engagement, allowing for earlier tweets to be silently deleted. See also 80s sweets/wagon wheels used to be bigger/who remembers vienetta?

    Russell Brands
    - rhyming slang for praying hands*. Jack uses 🙏 these on Twitter when tying to be a ~guru~ type.
    *and sometimes just for hands.

    Caroline WhoHasHands- Caroline was employed by Jack as administration for On A Bootstrap Ltd last known to be “on furlough” despite her job being computer based and a photo showing she does in fact have hands. Also known as having Russell’s. In Jan 22 Jack revealed Caroline had moved on to better things.

    SEVERE - used for emphasis as everything Jack has experienced is always the most SEVERE form possible. See: adult ADHD, doctor-diagnosed 99% classic autism, breaking more bones in her foot than exist in a normal human skeleton, receiving abuse on Twitter etc.

    Bodybuilding pescatarian - Jack fired back at squiggles on Twitter questioning the purchase of low-welfare meat and her lack of ethics around the time of her £20 weekly shop charade with a ridiculous claim of being a bodybuilding pescatarian. Evidence of any bodybuilding - pescatarian or otherwise - is yet to emerge.

    Brambly mice - the mice that live in the blackberry bush in Jack's garden that allegedly scratched Cooper's nose but the charges against them may have been dropped as a magpie or a grass allergy could also be responsible. There is also a fox who ate the hose LJC forgot to put away.and a deceased sparrow called Terry

    LJC
    - Louisa Jane Compton Head of news at Channel 4. Jack’s former fiancée who lost the Burberry scarf Jack gave her with LJC embroidered on it. Used as emphasis like saying “Lord Jesus Christ!”

    Slop - general term for any of Jack's cooking as the overwhelming majority of it is at least semi-liquid, completely lacks texture and is often an unpleasant shade of brown. Sometimes used in conjunction with low and slow - Jack's favourite way to obliterate any texture, flavour and colour an ingredient may once have had by putting it in a slow cooker for between six hours and three days. See also “base” a thing Jack is trying to make happen for all recipes, and sloup a sloppy soup.

    That'll do. - used when you are feeling very self-satisfied after having posted some new form of slop on social media, usually one containing upwards of fifteen ingredients. See also “oooft” and “you’re welcome”

    Lady Di poems
    - Jack once said in an interview that she admired Diana Princess of Wales. Jack has also written some poems. These two facts came together in this amazing post from @LavaFlake and we have continued to pay tribute in our own way ever since.

    POBP - Plenty Of Black Pepper, Jack’s seasoning of choice at the end of most recipes.

    🦉 and 🍾 / Owl and Champagne/ hooting and fizzing - laughing. Jack frequently described that some funny incident was causing her to be hooting and fizzing around the room.

    Howling and clawing at the floor- upset. Jack frequently described anything from the post arriving, to the Grenfell tragedy as causing her to react in this way.

    WFK/ Who Fucking Knows? - @kachoochoo famously tried to work out how Jack’s £20 shop would feed three people for a week and concluded with a picture. As nothing Jack says ever adds up, the phrase has become used regularly ever since.
    C11FEE23-C698-4ADC-AE06-F66DE25AAEB6.jpeg


    Russell Hobbs - rhyming slang for “knob” from the time Jack claimed to have knocked her glass RH kettle over (because ADHD) and smashed it, then posted pictures of an antique copper kettle she was planning to use, until a squiggle @ Russell Hobbs to give Jack a new kettle. They offered, we may never know the outcome.

    Schrodinger's Jack - like the cat in the box in this famous philosophical discussion, someone can be in two opposite states at the same time because you can’t prove which state is true until you see for yourself. Jack has been both rich and poor, awake and asleep, worked 20 hours per day whilst being asleep, has not had a holiday in years plus had a number of holidays, previously owned two cats despite never having owned a cat before Cooper, and not had covid whilst worrying she had long covid after just catching it but then went out to lots of shops. Or something. And many other polar opposites at the same time.

    #1978Truther - the simple error made on Jack’s birth year by Companies House, however Jack sometimes seems to reference cultural norms from before she was born in ‘88. There are other years used at times, such as the tip to use old hair for firelighters setting off #1878truther.

    #thunderclapforcarers Jack invented this hashtag and immediately added “hashtag founder #thunderclapforcarers” to the twitter bio in early 2021, during lockdown. That was possibly the last time Jack ever typed the phrase. It got about 5 retweets and the only people who remembered it the following Thursday at 7pm was...us

    Doing a chaos - taken from Jack's own account of calling her then-partner home from social events to help her because she "did a chaos." Now used by the canal to refer to the whole gamut of Jack behaviour, from slandering people on Twitter to producing a particularly appalling slop.

    90% vegan - shortly after the release of her vegan cookbook, Jack (who had previously presented as a quite militant vegan) started to reintroduce animal products into her diet and got arsey with followers who politely enquired as to her status. She then started to make the ludicrous claim of being "90% vegan" despite her social media providing ample evidence of her eating frequent fish, drinking cow's milk, cooking things in lard, eating Five Guys burgers, buying "bollock and eyelid sausages", eating eggs with almost every meal, etc. Now she claims to not put a label on her diet, but still tries to appeal to her former vegan audience when there's a profit to be made (e.g. Veganuary, her partnership with Linda McCartney).

    20 hour working days / 90 hour working weeks - Jack regularly claims to work these hours (or similar numbers in this ridiculous ballpark). She somehow manages to achieve this while also sleeping 16 hours a day, parenting her child, spending several hours a day on Twitter and rearranging her furniture on a near weekly basis. The canal have therefore reached the conclusion that she classes everything in between waking up and going to sleep as work.

    Eating Pringles - from Jack's claim that eating Pringles had caused her to develop suspiciously plump lips.

    Opal Fruits - On the day she was due to speak on a food poverty panel at the 2021 Labour Party Conference, rather than preparing Jack spent her morning excitedly tweeting about the overpriced Opal Fruits she'd bought at the train station. Her seemingly being late to said conference may or may not be related.

    Crack team of tech experts - In December 2021 Jack claimed that "a dozen engineers and experts" were working round the clock to fix her broken website, despite this being a simple WordPress site that should have been fairly straightforward to fix. Despite their combined expertise, as of January 2022 her team have been unsuccessful, only being able to restore the site to a backup from 2018.

    Lights on/off - from Jack's pattern of documenting her mental health journey. Every so often she'll post a smiling selfie with a long post about how she's been a broken, hollow husk for the past year but is now the happiest she's ever been, is back in the kitchen for the first time in forever and has found the light in her eyes again. This happens approximately once every couple of weeks.

    Vimes Boots Index Terry Pratchett made an homage to The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists in one of his Discworld books. Basically if you’re poor you can only afford poor quality and have to keep replacing whereas the rich can buy the best, once and it lasts. Jack decided to apply this to food (I know, it doesn’t work) the canal have since replaced the V, B and sometimes I with ridiculous words, because it’s a ridiculous idea.

    Dead people cant riot - Jack Monroe A T-shirt collection designed by Jack, who refuses to use apostrophes but remembers to get her name printed on this “charity” Merch range. Yes, it does sound like a threat.

    Please add to this!

    Jack's Tax


    As of Spring 2022, Jack's company 'On a Boostrap Ltd' is extremely overdue in filing its business micro-accounts for the tax year 2019-2020 and the subsequent tax year 2020-21. As a result, Companies House had received a request for compulsory strike-off, which has since been rescinded. You may see reference to the need for Jack to 'pay her taxes' and it is this lack of accounts (and the subsequent payment of corporation tax owed from her business, which can only be processed once the accounts are completed and filed with HMRC) which is being referred to.

    The tax year ends in March and you are supposed to file a confirmation statement soon after. She seems to have managed that every year, but only just. Honestly, it takes maybe 5 minutes.

    For a company out of its first year, annual accounts are then due nine months after the end of your company's last tax year (so tax year ends March 31, accounts due Dec 31).

    The last accounts that Jack has filed are for up to March 31 2019, and were filed in June 2020. Those were due by December 31st 2019 (so she was 6 months late).

    The accounts for up to March 31 2020, which were due by December 31 2020 are absent.

    The accounts for up to March 31 2021 are due by December 31 2021. As of January 2022 they remain AWOL.

    So she's over a year late in filing 2020's accounts. A threat of action is displayed on the companies house record. In April 2022 Jack admitted in a Tweet that she was 'dealing with the situation' and that the unpaid tax was due to disorganisation and severe depression (and possibly ADHD).

    Update: April 2022
    ACB54742-72F9-4DA5-8C22-49BE98CBE557.jpeg


    Jack's Coming Soons


    a frequently updated list of all the recipes, articles, blog posts, projects etc that Jack herself has said she will do. Includes green ticks and evidence for when she completes something.


    £15 a week lunches
    £20 shops as a whole
    9 half-written manuscripts
    35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
    2000 words for print glossy ✅ GQ awards
    advent calendar
    aged chicken thigh bone stock
    article for The Breakdown
    base system going in next book
    BBC show ✅ guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
    big press photo shoots
    BLM video monetization donation
    blog post excited about for ages
    blog post about flannels
    book on culinary history
    book signing in Belfast
    books for slow cooker appeal
    books for the rural coffee caravan
    Brand New System for desk - wallpaper ✅
    Camp Kitchen from the shed
    chestnut fudge thing
    chicken livers
    cinnamon granola recipe
    coffee scrub
    comic filter security
    Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
    curating regular book recommendations
    David Walliams book reviews
    dauphinoise pie
    depressipes
    detailed blog on nutrition
    devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate ✅
    drawing nigella's garden
    ethical on a budget
    explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem
    festive pop tarts
    festive vegan loaf
    food truck of joy
    gailymail
    great resources by trans + non binary writers
    greek cook book
    half-written budget xmas recipes
    handing over her platform to poc
    healthy on a bootstrap
    helping disability and mental health writers
    history of York road market
    homemade hand sanitiser
    homemade cleaning items
    huge depop or Ebay sale
    jack and coke ramen recipe
    jackfruit version of something
    James Bond conspiracy theory
    Klingon gagh recipe
    knitted blanket
    kombucha whisky
    lever arch files of fan mail
    links to small businesses
    lockdown larder 2.0 resumption threatened
    lockdown list of services
    maple syrup story
    militant boiled eggs
    mince pie doughnuts
    mushroom drying ✅ completed 2018
    newspaper campaign ✅ the fucking express
    onion chopping song
    ouchy mouth recipes
    patreon update
    photo of list of recipes that could be done in the slow cooker (two columns of double sided A4)
    pistachio milk
    pointing out real plants
    post recipe for foolproof brioche dough ball wreath
    postcards, postcards, postcards
    poverty memoir
    puttanesca soup
    radish recipes
    recipe roundup on Instagram
    recipes for small people
    recipe for leftover chippie chips ✅ April 2022
    red ephemera soup recipe
    repotting spider plants from a friend
    rooting out Amazon from website

    running around in heels with a Tall Man ✅ GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award.

    sausage and kale slop
    Secret Ingredient - possibly banana skin
    secret stock ingredient ✅ potato water
    setting her teenage musings to music
    sexy kitchen makeover reason
    shopping trolley
    sideboard photos reason
    sleep hygiene routine
    slow cooker bubble bath ✅ awaiting blog post
    slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
    some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
    super secret shopping trip hack
    supper nanny
    sweet and sour soup
    sweet potato caramel
    thrifty shades of beige
    Thursday thunder clap
    tin juice cordial recipe
    tomato soup water content - done ✅
    top tips for tinned fruit
    transcribing and blogging non binary talk
    translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
    unorthodox cheese sauce - done ✅
    Up To Something
    vegan char sui buns
    vegan cheese list
    vegan crackling ✅ confirmed to be rice paper April 2022 (not a JM original - stolen off interwebs)
    vegan haggis
    vegan pastitsio in collab with veganuary Linda ✅
    vegan pie glaze
    visit Poland
    weekly routine

    Patreon and other begging


    Despite 6 books and brand deals with Unilever and Del Monte Jack Monroe struggles to make ends meet and regularly turns to her audience to financial assistance via Twitter, pointing towards her long standing Patreon account or her PayPal link frequenting her bio. As soon as Twitter introduced their tip jar functionality, Jack turned hers on.

    Some receipts of blatant begging are helpfully screenshot

    Many of these requests for donations have been made shortly before or after a significant and unnecessary expense (e.g. a city break in Edinburgh, a new SMEG fridge, £100 on vintage spoons from Ebay). The most egregious example came on the same day she tweeted that she had paid her wedding deposit.

    At least one person has felt compelled to donate their winter fuel allowance to Jack following her povertyfishing.

    She has a long standing Patreon with circa 700 (as of Feb 2022) Patrons, yet still tweets implying that she can't afford to turn her heating on. In late January 2022, Nigella Lawson signal-boosted the Patreon to her huge following, resulting in an increase in Patrons from around 250 to more than 700.

    Assuming that everyone is signed up to the lowest £3.50 tier (many will have pledged more), this is estimated to earn Jack at least £2,200 a month, but the true figure may be much higher.

    Despite passively receiving more Patreon cash each month than a majority of people earn working full time (and having multiple other income streams besides), within a week of gaining 500 new Patrons she was shaking her begging tin yet again, asking for donations to fix her website.

    Historically she offered no goods or services in return for her Patrons' sponsorship. Outright suggesting that she is so hard up their donations will be used to keep her fed - a far cry from her actual lifestyle.


    Thrifty Shades of Beige/ Postcards
    Jack set up a Patreon around Aug 2020, and shortly after invented the basic level (pay £3 per month to Jack and you will be rewarded with “a sense of well-being” however pay £10 per month and Jack will send an exclusive high quality recipe photo card of British comfort food each week, as well as a monthly discount code for the Jack shop. Discount codes were posted on 2 or 3 months in late 2020. As at Nov 2021 no word on anyone ever having received ANY postcards AT ALL.

    Bad Politics


    Unsurprisingly for the self professed bootstrapper & daughter of a multi property landlord, Jack Monroe’s politics are not great.

    Previous online activity on a Lib Dem forum has unveiled a weird “what about the Christians” sentiment.

    In an interview with The Guardian in 2013, Jack made appalling and judgmental generalisations about the working class, stating "I had a £27 grand a year job. I've not been brought up on benefits and a tracksuit watching Jeremy Kyle. I'm a middle class, well educated young woman who fell a bit by the way side. You think it doesn't happen to normal people, and you think we are all scumbags, eating burgers and watching day time TV. It can happen to anyone." Article

    Alcoholism


    Jack came out as an alcoholic immediately after making some pretty abhorrent comments about David Cameron’s recently deceased disabled son. It’s been a riddled journey ever since. Highlights:

    * a brilliant timeline of her on again off again alcoholism and recovery

    * two completely different recollections of the same interaction with her local corner shop

    On 2 Jan 2022 Jack posted about abstaining from alcohol stating several untrue, unhelpful and medically dangerous “tips” which drew a small and well behaved backlash of blue tickers including the legend Neville Southall




    Autism


    The first mention of Jack having autism is in this article published by the Scotsman on 23rd February 2019. In the article Jack claims that she only got her diagnosis of autism a few years back after being unable to drive due to the existence of roundabouts. An unspecified variety of doctor tested her and immediately diagnosed her with '99 per cent of the qualities of classic autism and there are ADHD qualities to it'. In the early 2010s, professionals working in the field of autism diagnosis were starting to use the term Autism Spectrum Disorder rather than outdated terms like 'classic autism'. The term 'classic autism' implies a severe expression of the condition, usually with accompanying intellectual disability. Furthermore, a diagnosis would never be expressed in terms of a percentage score.

    The second version of the origin story is from a Guardian article entitled Go, Greta. Autism is my superpower too published on the 27th April 2019 in which she says that she saw a GP three years prior to the article being written, which would have been in 2016, following a breakdown. The GP asked if anyone had ever told her she might be autistic and gave her some resources to look at, failing to mention that she had apparently already been diagnosed as a child. Since this article followed the one about the miscellaneous doctor, it seems she was implying that this GP diagnosed her which is not within their remit and they would have to refer her to specialists which can take years to access via the NHS.

    During her famous appearance in thread #31, Jack claims in this post that she was diagnosed at the age of 11 by an educational psychiatrist and her parents were aware of the diagnosis and a recommendation to send her to a different school but chose to withhold it from her. Firstly, the job of educational psychiatrist doesn't exist. Secondly, she would have been 11 in 1999, a time during which it was extremely rare for a girl to be diagnosed with any form of autism due to poor understanding of how autism is expressed in girls. Thirdly, there is no earthly reason why any parents (especially those who are foster carers for vulnerable children) would refuse to acknowledge such a diagnosis. It would be tantamount to neglect to deny her any additional care that she would benefit from, including a more appropriate school placement. In this version of events, she also only found out about the diagnosis from a GP she saw in her early twenties who asked if she had followed up her childhood autism diagnosis.

    As she has no real experience of living with the condition, Jack likes to trot out tired stereotypes about autism whenever the mood strikes her. In the original Guardian article she likens her mind to a pocket calculator and that recipes just fall into her mind like Roald Dahl's Matilda. She constantly talks about her forensic, autistic brain and her love for maths. In March 2022 and on multiple occasions since, she tweeted about how somebody accusing her of lying has no understanding of autism as she literally can't lie (source: this post. A quick survey of the cable confirmed that not only can autistic people can lie but Jack does nothing except lie.

    Other stereotypes she has wheeled out include needing to cut labels off all her clothing and for some reason a blanket, having a wardrobe full of denim shirts and being hypersensitive to sound to the point of being able to hear electricity in the walls. By perpetuating these stereotypes she is causing harm to the autistic community who she is misrepresenting.

    The Southend English Jacktionary


    Despite being a writer, author, poet and journalist, there are many words that Jack does not know how to use. This has led to the creation of the Southend English Jacktionary. Sources are provided where known. It is also interesting to note that her entire brand is based on a confusion of the phrases 'on a shoestring' and 'pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps'.

    Aberration (sp.)
    Believes it is abberation.
    Source: this tweet

    Acerbic (sp.)
    Thinks it is spelt ascerbic.
    Source: this post

    Accoutrements (n.)
    Used in a description of enforced Hobbycraft ransacking with her son to refer to what are in fact embellishments.
    Source: this post

    Altruistic (adj.)
    General misuse of the term, believing herself to be such.

    Atrociously (adv.)
    From a recipe for ice cream cake in Good Food for Bad Days. The cake is described as atrociously light. Potentially meant astonishingly.
    Source: this book excerpt

    Avaricious (adv.)
    From a tribute to Nigella article on her now defunct website in which she states she reads avariciously, rather than voraciously.
    Source: this post

    Basking (v.)
    From the GQ article about her meeting with Marcus Rashford. The word is used to describe a gymnasium and assembly hall, neither of which are able to bask, in softbox sunlight or otherwise.
    Source: Marcus Rashford interview

    Béchamel (sp.)
    Believes it is spelt bechemal. Also routinely fails to understand what a béchamel actually is and its physical properties when put in an oven.

    Belligerent (adv.)
    From a description of herself while experiencing the worst dental problems any one human has ever experienced. The word she meant is obstinate.
    Source: this post

    Beside oneself (phr.)
    Used in the context of being excited even though the definition of the phrase is to be overcome with worry, grief or anger.
    Source: this tweet

    Beseiged (v.)
    She has complained that all of her books have been 'besieged by some kind of technical disaster'. She means plagued.
    Source: this post

    Big House (n.)
    Used to refer to the Houses of Parliament when it is usually used to refer to prison.
    Source: this post

    Bit-part (n.)
    She described herself as a 'bit-part bolshy baked bean blogger' in a tweet which she was obviously thrilled with as it became her Twitter bio for a brief while. A bit-part is a small acting role. Unsure what she actually meant.
    Source: this post

    Buttercream (n.)
    A buttercream is a mix of butter and icing sugar used to make cakes interesting. Jack believes that creaming sugar and butter together in the process of making a cake creates buttercream, to which you add the rest of the ingredients.
    Source: this post

    Cantankerous (adj.)
    Used to describe a toothache, even though toothaches are not capable of being cantankerous. Intended word unknown.
    Source: this post

    Cacophony (n.)
    Used the phrase 'a cacophony of photos' on a Facebook post. Intended word is collage.
    Source: this post

    Catatonic (adj.)
    A reprise isn't catatonic. Impossible to know what a 'perpetual catatonic reprise' is supposed to mean in this, or indeed any, context.
    Source: this post

    Cannellini (sp.)
    Despite this being Jack's favourite bean she is consistently unable to spell it, preferring 'cannelini' instead.

    Ceremoniously (adj.)
    Claims to have been 'ceremoniously expelled' from her grammar school after stealing a scalpel which sounds more exciting than being unceremoniously expelled, the correct phrase she was looking for.
    Source: this post (TRIGGER WARNING)

    Compassion (n.)
    Included in the first edition of the Jacktionary as she seems to be generally unaware of the meaning of the word.

    Correlation (n.)
    She can't take Sudafed 'in correlation' with her ADHD medication. She means in tandem or concurrently.
    Source: this post

    Dervish (n.)
    After writing her new scathing essay Pasta, she plugged Potatoes again, saying 'enjoy revisiting that particular dervish of cold rage'. Intended meaning is entirely unclear. Diatribe? Whofuckingknows.jpg
    Source: this post

    Diametrically opposed (phr.)
    Claimed in an interview to be diametrically opposed to electric hobs. There is no evidence she is the opposite of an electric hob so it is assumed the intended phrase was vehemently opposed.
    Source: this post

    Doused (v.)
    Her mother used to douse her mushroom pasta in cheese. Unlikely, unless the cheese was liquid or the pasta was on fire which is possible given that her family is firefightery around the edges.
    Source: this post

    Dregs (n.)
    Cooked a horrid slop using 'the dregs of the cooking bacon'. This makes sense in either of two circumstances. One: the cooking bacon has been liquidised. Two: it's the most worthless part of the bacon.
    Source: this post

    Electorate (n.)
    In her scathing essay Pasta, using an overwrought Titanic metaphor she says the poors are forced to drown while 'the electorate drink taxpayer-funded champagne'. An electorate comprises everyone in an area who is able to vote, which in this century includes the poors. Intended meaning was the elected.
    Source: this post

    Ephemera (n.)
    Used in a DKL episode where she said you could 'use any ephemera' you had lying around in a recipe. Intended meaning was miscellany or bits and pieces. Also used in the context of 'chickpea ephemera' meaning liquid.
    Source: DKL and a cookbook (pls help)

    Eponymous (adj.)
    From an article where she used the phrase '...it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love', the intended word being synonymous.
    Source: this post

    Erstwhile (adj.)
    She described her mental issues as 'erstwhile' when using a metaphor about bin men refusing to take them away. Erstwhile means former. If they were former she wouldn't need to be getting shot of them, they'd already be gone.
    Source: this post

    Evergreen (adj.)
    Referred to one of her own tweets as 'an evergreen quote'. The quote in question had no enduring freshness, success or popularity.
    Source: this post

    Excoriatingly (adj.)
    Not a word.
    Source: this post

    Exhumed (v.)
    She claimed to have exhumed all colour from her wardrobe. Intended word was expunged.
    Source: this post

    Expunged (v.)
    From an excerpt of a draft for the temporarily shelved drain hair manual manuscript, in which she says she expunged her worries to a doctor. The intended word was expounded.
    Source: unable to locate

    Extrapolate (v.)
    In a recipe for Fuck Me Sauce, she says she is making said sauce for herself that night, and we should 'extrapolate from that what you will'. Presumably just meant 'take from that what you will' but that doesn't sound as fancy.
    Source: this post

    Extricate (v.)
    During a BBC interview she said she has never extricated her food and politics from each other, seemingly believing it means the same as separated. It does not.
    Source: this post

    Fauna (n.)
    During the great finger splinter debacle she said that the thing stuck in her finger was a 2mm piece of fauna. The source of the splinter having never been proven by the canal, we are unable to say for sure that it wasn't some piece of an animal. It is however more likely that she meant flora.
    Source: this post

    Febrile (adj.)
    Used in several instances including as a description of the 'febrile atmosphere' of her social media. Unclear as to what she actually means.
    Source: this tweet

    Firepower (n.)
    From the vegan pastitsio recipe during the doomed Linda McCartney partnership in which she says 'the large hob will still give off a generous amount of firepower'. Intended word was heat, unless her hob does indeed have some sort of destructive military capacity.
    Source: her website which has disappeared

    Flummox (v.)
    Usually used as a verb, Jack believes for some reason that flummox is part of the phrase 'at a flummox'. Unable to find original source.

    Fold (v.)
    Used in multiple recipes. In every occasion she means stir, unaware that fold has a very specific definition and is an entirely different process.

    Forensic (n.)
    She believes that doing something forensically is to take great care and be detailed and not pertaining to crime in any way. Many, many instances of use in this context.

    Gangly (adj.)
    Famously smol 5'1.7" Jack described herself in a tweet as a 'gangly awkward kid'. Intended word was likely ungainly.
    Source: this post

    Garrotty (adj.)
    Described her sleep pattern as being 'absolutely garrotty'. It is believed she meant garraty, an old Romany word which means losing your temper and not relating to a garrotte.
    Source: this post and explanation

    Garrulous (adj.)
    In her cold dervish 'What's the Difference Between Jack Monroe Suggesting Budget Recipes and a Tory MP' she talks about putting receipts into a spreadsheet to ensure you can get 'every grasping, garrulous penny back for yourself'. They do say money talks but that is a figure of speech, it doesn't actually speak and certainly not to such an extent. Intended meaning is, as ever, unclear.
    Source: this post

    Gaslighting (v.)
    Accuses the canal and anyone who questions her lies of gaslighting which leads us to believe she doesn't know what the word means.
    Source: this post

    Gavotte (v.)
    Apparently being autistic means she doesn't 'gavotte around the internet making sweeping and incorrect statements'. Firstly, yes she does, that's her life's work. Secondly she doesn't know what gavotte means.
    Source: this post

    Geegaw (n.)
    Alternative spelling of gewgaw which is a useless or worthless showy item, so she considers 'buttons and screws and panel pins and elastic bands' to be showy. They are certainly worthless.
    Source: this post

    Ginger (adj.)
    Used in the phrase 'gave it a ginger sniff' referring to some over-fermented dough, thereby turning an adverb into a noun, obviously meaning that she sniffed something gingerly.
    Source this post

    Glimpse (n.)
    Unable to find source for inclusion in first edition of the Jacktionary.

    Glowering (v.)
    In a tweet about illegal gruel she says her 'washing up tower is now glowering at' her. Unless the tower has gained sentience like the rag rug, it is incapable of glowering.
    Source: this post

    Granular (adj.)
    Used in multiple instances where she means minute or miniscule. Also granular mathematics is apparently a branch of mathematics that only forensic autistic nerds can do.

    Gumshoe (n.)
    She has been 'a regular part of the gumshoe door knocking' that has helped to shrink the margins in her local constituency. A gumshoe is defined as a detective. Perhaps it was some very forensic door knocking. She has since doubled down on her use of gumshoe after a squig questioned it by giving it a brand new definition.
    Source: this post

    Ham-spluttering (adj.)
    An invented phrase to describe Alex Beresford. Presumably she was trying to compare him to a gammon.
    Source: this tweet

    Hex (v.)
    Hex and jinx are interchangeable apparently.
    Source: this post

    Homogeneous (adj.)
    Unable to find original reason for inclusion but it is believed to have something to do with food labelling.

    Honked (v.)
    In the context of '...if I just honked about with the three people I agree with on everything'. Doesn't mean anything. She means hung, although she does honk in the aural and olfactory sense.
    Source: this post

    Hungrily (adv.)
    Thinks that a scent can linger hungrily which it cannot. It could potentially linger tantalisingly or invitingly though.
    Source: this post

    Imbibe (v.)
    From the delightful-sounding beer bread recipe that recommends using the dregs of other people's beer, specifically the phrase '...a gathering imbibe themselves on sun...' which is nonsensical.
    Source: this post

    Immaculate (adj.)
    She wrote an article for The Mirror about her white saviour mission to Tanzania where a woman has a 'ripped -if immaculate - sofa'. It is unclear how something can be immaculate but also damaged and is likely she meant impeccably clean.
    Source: this article

    Impetuous (adj.)
    Used in a recipe for the infamous pasta e ceci which comprises rinsed spaghetti hoops and chickpeas boiled to the point of imminent collapse. Apparently said recipe 'may look a little impetuous, or at the very least unappetising'. The intended meaning is unclear.
    Source: this post

    Incremental (adj.)
    Used multiple times in place of instrumental i.e. people having been incremental in reversing the voucher scandal during the FSM chaos.
    Source: this post

    Infallible (adj.)
    From a tweet where she apologised for being 'infallible and human'. While she does genuinely believe she's infallible, she meant fallible.
    Source: this post

    Inimitable (adj.)
    In the recipe for mashed potatoes from Good Food for Bad Days, she says that her potatoes are in 'the inimitable but oft-imitated' style of Anthony Bourdain. So the potatoes can't be copied but also are often copied. Got it.
    Source: this post

    Innate (adj.)
    She has an innate fear of not having food available, learned from her hunger during The Poverty. So not innate then.
    Source: this post

    Impressionism (n.)
    'Oh the impressionism of youth'. Yes, that well known 19th century art movement of youth.
    Source: this post

    Irregardless (adv.)
    Not a word. She means regardless.
    Source: this post

    Kahunas (n.)
    In a recipe for red lentil and mandarin curry, she bought a bullet blender for whichever Mrs J was entrapped at the time but didn't have the 'cahunas' to hand it over at Christmas. Intended word was cojones.
    Source: or in the event of further website disaster, this post

    Languishing (v.)
    There are two different instances of incorrect use. The first is in a recipe for five-a-day couscous which tells the reader to set aside some ingredients for a dressing to allow them to 'languish and intensify in flavour', a physical impossibility since it requires something to become stronger and weaker at the same time. The second is in a recipe for creamy beans and aubergine, where she says she gives her family newspapers so she can 'languish through the oddments in the fridge' in peace. Intended word is likely browse.
    Source: this post and also this website link

    Lascivious (adj.)
    Jack cooked mussels and pears and ate it 'from the pan like a hyena, mopping it out with cheap white bread and terribly lascivious noises'. Nobody is sure what she really meant, although voracious is a strong possibility.
    Source: this post

    Lining their own troughs (phr.)
    An invented phrase, confused with lining their own pockets.
    Source: this post

    Loath (sp.)
    Is apparently unaware that loathe and loath are two different words and consistently uses loathe when she means loath.
    Source: this post

    Love-in (n.)
    Apparently when her son started school, her 'lazy days of laconic love-ins' were over. Possibly meant lay-in.
    Source

    Luxuriate (v.)
    From the infamous Del Monte spicy jackfruit patties with pineapple hats where the reader is instructed to allow something to cool while 'your jackfruit and mushrooms luxuriate in their flavour bath'. Neither jackfruit nor mushrooms are capable of luxuriating.
    Source: disappeared from the internet after Jack's website crashed

    Macerated (v.)
    Another instance of failing to understand a specific culinary term, misspelled as 'mascerated' for bonus points. She 'mascerates (sic)' kale in oil, salt, chilli and vinegar and claims this basically means to vigorously rub it with your fingertips. It does not.
    Source: this post

    Macrophilanthropy (n.)
    She has become confused and belives that macro and micro are interchangeable as she in fact means microphilanthropy. For some reason she was so enamoured with the phrase she expanded her fascist merch to include a t-shirt with the incorrect word on.
    Source: this post

    Marauding (v.)
    Used many, many times usually as a catch-all term for any kind of movement. There is one instance of using it in the context of 'marauding through many many Xmas food mags', in which circumstance she likely meant poring.
    Source: this post

    Marinade (sp.)
    Does not know there is a difference between marinade (n.) and marinate (v.), notably confused in the Del Monte upside-down chicken recipe.
    Source

    Mendacious (adj.)
    Has been over-used to the point of being meaningless.

    Military (adj.)
    Even though she is military around the edges, she likely means spartan.
    Source: this post

    Minimal (adj.)
    At one point claimed her house was pretty minimal. We have seen no evidence of this, leading us to believe she does not understand what minimal means.
    Source: this post

    Mullet (n.)
    After the canal agreeing she looked good in a Joe Exotic mullet, she went to Toni & Guy to request a mullet and was thrilled with the outcome even though it was quite clearly a reverse mullet.
    Source: this post

    Naga (n.)
    Jack replied to a tweet from an account with the word Naga in their name and said 'fire by name, fire by nature'. Naga means serpent. Presumably she was thinking of the naga chilli.
    Source: this post

    Naive (adj.)
    During a tedious thread about prescriptions for healthy food, she says 'call me naive, but I'd like to follow the money trail on this one'. She meant cynical.
    Source: this post

    Non-fungible token (n.)
    Used in discussion about AA tokens which are actual tokens that can be bought off eBay if you so desire, making them very fungible.
    Source: this post

    Nudge-hiss-erosion (n.)
    A nonsensical invented phrase. For context, it was used during the brief period where she decided to stop dyeing her hair and embrace her greys. She says 'it doesn't feel massively revolutionary but in a world that's constantly chipping away at our self esteem with nudge-hiss-erosion, maybe it is a lil bit'. Intended meaning is completely unclear.
    Source: this post

    On a hairpin (phr.)
    She merged the phrases 'taking a hairpin turn' and 'on a dime', or perhaps that's just a special gremlin feelings thing.
    Source: this post

    Officious (adj.)
    Believed to be from a podcast appearances in which she described nurses as officious but cannot currently verify.
    Source: this post

    Palette (sp.)
    Confused with palate, in reply to a squig who has a child with a 'picky palette'.
    Source: this tweet

    Peripatetic (adj.)
    After Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, Jack (in her Peeky Mink guise) paid tribute to her by describing her as 'peripatetic'. Intended word was philanthropic, although Jack has issues with this word too (see: macrophilanthropy)
    Source: this post

    Perpetual (adj.)
    Something perpetual goes on endlessly, unlike a song which does have an end.
    Source: this post

    Poblano (sp.)
    Misspelled as pablano and possibly meant ancho (dried poblano) as the mole she claims to have made is made with the dried chilli, not the fresh poblano.
    Source: this post

    Politically identifying (adj.)
    During a Twitter thread about gender identity she claimed to be 'politically identifying' as female. She just means identifying.
    Source: this tweet

    Precocious (adj.)
    From a recipe for beefyboozy (sorry, that's genuinely what it's called) in which she says with regard to the unnecessary amount of tinned steak rinsing that 'the method may seem a tad precocious'. It is unclear what the intended word was but stupid seems like a good shout.
    Source: this post

    Progeny (n.)
    Used in a recipe for everyday sausages in Vegan(ish), the online version of which has disappeared from her site so the original phrase cannot be confirmed at time of publishing.

    Provocative (adj.)
    From the infamous cannellini beurre blanc recipe, the sauce of which provides a provocative shroud for the pasta. Intended meaning is unclear See also: unctuous
    Source: the original beurre blanc recipe has been lost since her website crashed

    Pulpit (n.)
    She watched former US president Barack Obama give a speech from a pulpit which sounds unlikely unless he did actually speak in a church. She meant a podium.
    Source: currently unable to find

    Relinquish (v.)
    On her way home from Venice she described her overwhelming urge to 'relinquish [other passengers'] lids' on the plane. She can't give up someone else's lids. She likely meant requisition.
    Source: this post

    Rigorous (n.)
    A 'rigorous foot stamp' is what she does when she eats something particularly good i.e. when she eats something that someone else has cooked, probably. She potentially meant vigorous but nobody knows.
    Source: this post

    Sabbatical (n.)
    Her corner shop an hour's walk away sells Heinz sandwich spread so she 'make(s) the sabbatical' to buy it. Possibly means excursion or even pilgrimage.
    Source: this post

    Sacrilegious (sp.)
    A screed on broccoli stalks contains the word sacrilegious, except it is spelt sacreligious.
    Source: this post

    Satiate (v.)
    Despite never reading Tattle, Jack decided she would live her life the way she wanted to and 'sod trying to satiate a cabal of faceless bullying gits'. Intended word was most likely please.
    Source: this post

    Sauté (v.)
    Apparently unable to pronounce the word, she also doesn't understand what it means and believes it means 'to cook gently on low heat, every stirring now and then'. It actually means to fry quickly in a little fat.
    Source: this post

    Sedition (n.)
    Accused Trump of inciting sedition during the time when he was about to leave office. Sedition is itself the act of incitement, so he incited incitement. Obviously.
    Source: this post

    Siesta (n.)
    Said that the afternoons with her son were their 'siesta time' during which they did many, many activities. So not a siesta.
    Source: this post

    Skein (n.)
    Described her eyebrows as being plucked to the width of an embroidery skein. A skein is a bundle of thread. She presumably meant a single thread.
    Source: this tweet

    Skewer (v.)
    In the midst of the VBI she was thoroughly self-congratulating for having returned all Smart Price items to supermarkets but was concerned it 'might skewer my #VimesBootsIndex figures a touch'. Despite knowing both Big and granular maths, she meant skew.
    Source: this post

    Smithereens (n.)
    From the hideous collection of images of some rancid soup which she said contained coriander 'wilted to smithereens'. It seems unlikely that a plant was blown to smithereens in a slop, unless cooked to the point of complete disintegration.

    Smorgasbord (n.)
    In an old blog post about a real thing with a security guard in a shop that really happened for real, she says her reaction was a 'smorgasbord of amused of furious'. Her intended meaning was mixture.
    Source: this post

    Smudge (n.)
    Interchangeable with smidge or smear, depending on whether it's irony (smidge) or mustard (smear).
    Source: this post

    Soliloquy (n.)
    Jack has 'penned many a soliloquy' about tinned potatoes, despite the fact a soliloquy is supposed to be spoken and not heard by others.
    Source: this post

    Sordid (adj.)
    Eating cheese slices out of a packet in the fridge is apparently sordid, meaning a guilty pleasure.
    Source: this post

    Spanglingly (adj.)
    A #jackshack is to wash flannels with bleach at 60 degrees along with anything else you want to keep 'spanglingly white'. Aside from the fact this is an invented word, even spangling would be incorrect unless her washing machine adds sparkly embellishments.
    Source: this tweet

    Spiral stairs (n.)
    Jack has claimed on multiple occasions that her bungalow has spiral stairs. It does not. They appear to be in fact dog-leg stairs. Staircase experts please confirm.
    Source: she famously carped about our obsession with her spiral stairs in diva.pdf

    Stationery (n.)
    She has confused stationery with stationary unless she thinks that people have to budget for not moving in three dimensional space.
    Source: this post

    Subtly (sp.)
    Spelled 'subtley'.
    Source: this post

    Succulent (adj.)
    In the bumf preceding a recipe for a chocolate pear brick, she says in one of the worst things she's ever written 'Fat fulsome pears, swimming sodden in their own slippery, succulent syrup'. Because syrup is well known to be tender and juicy like a bollock sausage. No idea what she meant but sweet would have sufficed.
    Source: this post

    Sumptuous (adj.)
    Herbs (which are all interchangeable) are 'sumptuous little bursts of flavour'. She must have extraordinarily low expectations if she considers herbs luxurious.
    Source: this post

    Sojourn (n.)
    From the Marcus Rashford GQ interview, she 'arrived early for our afternoon sojourn'. A sojourn is normally defined as a temporary stay in a holidaying context. Intended word was perhaps rendezvous.
    Source: https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/marcus-rashford-interview-2020

    Tang (n.)
    Interchangeable with twang.

    Thank you (sp.)
    She is convinced to a pathological degree that thank you is one word and has gone so far as to say her phone auto-correcting the incorrect Thankyou to the correct thank you is 'a violence'.

    Tinfoil (adj.)
    During a political tweetfest she called the government 'tinfoil dictators'. She doubled down on her use of tinfoil having obviously realised she was wrong and meant tinpot.
    Source: this post

    Travailed (v.)
    In a Guardian article full of repulsive imagery, she said she 'travailed [her] spice shelves whispering them aloud in a language of love and longing'. Intended meaning was possibly perused.
    Source: this post

    Triumvirate (n.)
    Often used where trinity or trio would be more appropriate.
    Source: this post

    Truffles (v.)
    From an Instagram post about an appalling combination of potato cakes, rotting banana and scraps of cooking bacon that she says her son 'truffles away at', implying her son is a truffle pig.
    Source: this post

    Tutelage (n.)
    A classic from her David Walliams pile-on. A critical element of her attack was that a black character with the last name Tutelage was racist because it was a backhanded attack on Desmond Tutu. The character in question was white and tutelage is a real word.
    Source: the entire thread #40

    Umbrage (sp.)
    Unable to find the original source but she misspelled umbrage as umbridge.

    Unctuous (adj.)
    She thinks that unctuous is a positive descriptor, similar to luxurious. The Jacktionary editor's favourite context is from her recipe for a cannellini beurre blanc in which the 'unctuous and subtly powerful sauce makes a thick provocative shroud for the pasta'.
    Source: the original beurre blanc recipe has been lost since her website crashed

    Vicariously (adj.)
    She's writing her will and nobody cares but it's ok because she plans to live 'as long as possible, vicariously & noisily' to irritate people. So she's going to imagine living via another person's life? Does she mean vivaciously?
    Source: this post

    Vulgarities (n.)
    In diva.pdf she bemoans the 'vulgarities of fame'. The intended word was vagaries.
    Source: the entire article can be read in this post

    Wistful (adj.)
    She made some sort of bread-based bricks that she described as 'little weighty wistful whirls of whimsy'. Food items are incapable of being wistful unless they have gained sentience and begin to experience regret at having been brought into an inedible existence.
    Source: this post

    Work (n.)
    She claims to do a lot of this, giving different ludicrous work hours at different times. Since most of her time seems to be spent at home eating sardines and holding court on Twitter we must conclude that she does not understand the meaning of the word.

    Thread Bookmarks

    When the economics editor of the FT presents data and facts to Jack, then goes on to target Asda

    SLOPBOT & The Sloppies

    Visit SLOPBOT at http://www.slopbot.com/
    The Sloppies 2020:
    The Sloppies 2021


    Poverty Cosplaying

    Jack has a long line of pretending to be very poor while spending a lot of money which seems to be a good way to elicit donations from naive squiggles.

    On the 10th of February 2022 Jack claimed she had been able to buy a new pair of boots from the payment from the media articles about the VBI after walking around in a pair of old DMs held together with an elastic band for a year which gave her cold ankles [1]. Eagle eyed Fraus remembered that she had posted a photograph of herself in a pair of nice new boots in December 2021 which calls the claims to be too poor to buy adequate footwear into question [2].

    1 https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-256-the-da-vinci-code-is-easier-to-solve-than-her-timeline.27241/page-12
    2 https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-256-the-da-vinci-code-is-easier-to-solve-than-her-timeline.27241/page-17

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