- Notice
Emmapism
VIP Member
Got the call to say I got the job 
Start in a couple weeks. Thanks cabal for all of the positive thoughts, they obviously worked!
So if I go quiet soonish, it will be because of all of the 20 hour days
Start in a couple weeks. Thanks cabal for all of the positive thoughts, they obviously worked!So if I go quiet soonish, it will be because of all of the 20 hour days
Mod edit: Please post any replies in the chat thread - food and drink
Last edited by a moderator:
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Speaking of nudge-hiss-erosion, I am now able to reveal the results of my forensic and granular investigation into Jack's mangling of the English language which has culminated in the first edition of the Southend English Jacktionary. Spoilered for massive length. Thankyou x to all the dedicated screenshotters who provided the receipts. Where I have been unable to find the screenshot within the threads I have supplied my own. I will put this in the wiki for anyone to contribute later as I am BUSY so leave me alone.
Aberration (sp.)
Believes it is abberation.
Source:
Accoutrements (n.)
Used in a description of enforced Hobbycraft ransacking with her son to refer to what are in fact embellishments.
Source: this post
Altruistic (adj.)
General misuse of the term, believing herself to be such.
Atrociously (adv.)
From a recipe for ice cream cake in Good Food for Bad Days. The cake is described as atrociously light. Potentially meant astonishingly.
Source: this book excerpt
Avaricious (adv.)
From a tribute to Nigella article on her now defunct website in which she states she reads avariciously, rather than voraciously.
Source: this post
Basking (v.)
From the GQ article about her meeting with Marcus Rashford. The word is used to describe a gymnasium and assembly hall, neither of which are able to bask, in softbox sunlight or otherwise.
Source: Marcus Rashford interview
Béchamel (sp.)
Believes it is spelt bechemal. Also routinely fails to understand what a béchamel actually is and its physical properties when put in an oven.
Belligerent (adv.)
From a description of herself while experiencing the worst dental problems any one human has ever experienced. The word she meant is obstinate.
Source: this post
Beside oneself (phr.)
Used in the context of being excited even though the definition of the phrase is to be overcome with worry, grief or anger.
Source:
Beseiged (v.)
She has complained that all of her books have been 'besieged by some kind of technical disaster'. She means plagued.
Source: this post
Bit-part (n.)
She described herself as a 'bit-part bolshy baked bean blogger' in a tweet which she was obviously thrilled with as it became her Twitter bio for a brief while. A bit-part is a small acting role. Unsure what she actually meant.
Source: this post
Buttercream (n.)
A buttercream is a mix of butter and icing sugar used to make cakes interesting. Jack believes that creaming sugar and butter together in the process of making a cake creates buttercream, to which you add the rest of the ingredients.
Source: this post
Cantankerous (adj.)
Used to describe a toothache, even though toothaches are not capable of being cantankerous. Intended word unknown.
Source: this post
Cacophony (n.)
Used the phrase 'a cacophony of photos' on a Facebook post. Intended word is collage.
Source: this post
Cannellini (sp.)
Despite this being Jack's favourite bean she is consistently unable to spell it, preferring 'cannelini' instead.
Ceremoniously (adj.)
Claims to have been 'ceremoniously expelled' from her grammar school after stealing a scalpel which sounds more exciting than being unceremoniously expelled, the correct phrase she was looking for.
Source: this post (TRIGGER WARNING)
Compassion (n.)
Included in the first edition of the Jacktionary as she seems to be generally unaware of the meaning of the word.
Diametrically opposed (phr.)
Claimed in an interview to be diametrically opposed to electric hobs. There is no evidence she is the opposite of an electric hob so it is assumed the intended phrase was opposed.
Source: this post
Ephemera
Used in a DKL episode where she said you could 'use any ephemera' you had lying around in a recipe. Intended meaning was miscellany or bits and pieces. Also used in the context of 'chickpea ephemera' meaning liquid.
Source: DKL and a cookbook (pls help)
Eponymous (adj.)
From an article where she used the phrase '...it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love', the intended word being synonymous.
Source: this post
Evergreen (adj.)
Referred to one of her own tweets as 'an evergreen quote'. The quote in question had no enduring freshness, success or popularity.
Source: this post
Exhumed (v.)
She claimed to have exhumed all colour from her wardrobe. Intended word was expunged.
Source: this post
Expunged (v.)
From an excerpt of a draft for the temporarily shelved drain hair manual manuscript, in which she says she expunged her worries to a doctor. The intended word was expounded.
Source: unable to locate
Extrapolate (v.)
In a recipe for Fuck Me Sauce, she says she is making said sauce for herself that night, and we should 'extrapolate from that what you will'. Presumably just meant 'take from that what you will' but that doesn't sound as fancy.
Source: this post
Fauna (n.)
During the great finger splinter debacle she said that the thing stuck in her finger was a 2mm piece of fauna. The source of the splinter having never been proven by the cabal, we are unable to say for sure that it wasn't some piece of an animal. It is however more likely that she meant flora.
Source: this post
Febrile (adj.)
Used in several instances including as a description of the 'febrile atmosphere' of her social media. Unclear as to what she actually means.
Source:
Firepower (n.)
From the vegan pastitsio recipe during the doomed Linda McCartney partnership in which she says 'the large hob will still give off a generous amount of firepower'. Intended word was heat, unless her hob does indeed have some sort of destructive military capacity.
Source: her website which has disappeared
Flummox (v.)
Usually used as a verb, Jack believes for some reason that flummox is part of the phrase 'at a flummox'. Unable to find original source.
Fold (v.)
Used in multiple recipes. In every occasion she means stir, unaware that fold has a very specific definition and is an entirely different process.
Forensic (n.)
She believes that doing something forensically is to take great care and be detailed and not pertaining to crime in any way. Many, many instances of use in this context.
Gangly (adj.)
Famously smol 5'1.7" Jack described herself in a tweet as a 'gangly awkward kid'. Intended word was likely ungainly.
Source: this post
Gaslighting (v.)
Accuses the cabal and anyone who questions her lies of gaslighting which leads us to believe she doesn't know what the word means.
Source: this post
Ginger (adj.)
Used in the phrase 'gave it a ginger sniff' referring to some over-fermented dough, thereby turning an adverb into a noun, obviously meaning that she sniffed something gingerly.
Source this post
Glimpse (n.)
Unable to find source for inclusion in first edition of the Jacktionary.
Granular (adj.)
Used in multiple instances where she means minute or miniscule. Also granular mathematics is apparently a branch of mathematics that only forensic nerds can do.
Ham-spluttering (adj.)
An invented phrase to describe Alex Beresford. Presumably she was trying to make some sort of allusion to a gammon.
Source:
Homogeneous (adj.)
Unable to find original reason for inclusion but it is believed to have something to do with food labelling.
Imbibe (v.)
From the delightful-sounding beer bread recipe that recommends using the dregs of other people's beer, specifically the phrase '...a gathering imbibe themselves on sun...' which is nonsensical.
Source: this post
Immaculate (adj.)
She wrote an article for The Mirror about her white saviour mission to Tanzania where a woman has a 'ripped -if immaculate - sofa'. It is unclear how something can be immaculate but also damaged and is likely she meant impeccably clean.
Source: this article
Impetuous (adj.)
Used in a recipe for the infamous pasta e ceci which comprises rinsed spaghetti hoops and chickpeas boiled to the point of imminent collapse. Apparently said recipe 'may look a little impetuous, or at the very least unappetising'. The intended meaning is unclear.
Source: this post
Incremental (adj.)
Used multiple times in place of instrumental i.e. people having been incremental in reversing the voucher scandal during the FSM chaos.
Source: this post
Innate (adj.)
She has an innate fear of not having food available, learned from her hunger during The Poverty. So not innate then.
Source: this post
Irregardless (adv.)
Not a word. She means regardless.
Source: this post
Kahunas (n.)
In a recipe for red lentil and mandarin curry, she bought a bullet blender for whichever Mrs J was entrapped at the time but didn't have the 'cahunas' to hand it over at Christmas. Intended word was cojones.
Source: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/03/12/red-lentil-mandarin-curry-26p-vg-v-df-gf/ or in the event of further website disaster, this post
Languishing (v.)
There are two different instances of incorrect use. The first is in a recipe for five-a-day couscous which tells the reader to set aside some ingredients for a dressing to allow them to 'languish and intensify in flavour', a physical impossibility since it requires something to become stronger and weaker at the same time. The second is in a recipe for creamy beans and aubergine, where she says she gives her family newspapers so she can 'languish through the oddments in the fridge' in peace. Intended word is likely browse.
Source: this post and https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/03/03/creamy-beans-and-aubergine-66p-vg-v-df-gf/
Lascivious (adj.)
Jack cooked mussels and pears and ate it 'from the pan like a hyena, mopping it out with cheap white bread and terribly lascivious noises'. Nobody is sure what she really meant, although voracious is a strong possibility.
Source: this post
Loath (sp.)
Is apparently unaware that loathe and loath are two different words and consistently uses loathe when she means loath.
Source: this post
Love-in (n.)
Apparently when her son started school, her 'lazy days of laconic love-ins' were over. Possibly meant lay-in.
Source: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/12/applesauce-pancakes-17p-vg-v-df/
Luxuriate (v.)
From the infamous Del Monte spicy jackfruit patties with pineapple hats where the reader is instructed to allow something to cool while 'your jackfruit and mushrooms luxuriate in their flavour bath'. Neither jackfruit nor mushrooms are capable of luxuriating.
Source: disappeared from the internet after Jack's website crashed
Macerated (v.)
Another instance of failing to understand a specific culinary term, misspelled as 'mascerated' for bonus points. She 'mascerates (sic)' kale in oil, salt, chilli and vinegar and claims this basically means to vigorously rub it with your fingertips. It does not.
Source: this post
Macrophilanthropy (n.)
She has become confused and belives that macro and micro are interchangeable as she in fact means microphilanthropy. For some reason she was so enamoured with the phrase she expanded her fascist merch to include a t-shirt with the incorrect word on.
Source: this post
Marauding (v.)
Used many, many times usually as a catch-all term for any kind of movement. There is one instance of using it in the context of 'marauding through many many Xmas food mags', in which circumstance she likely meant poring.
Source: this post
Marinade (sp.)
Does not know there is a difference between marinade (n.) and marinate (v.), notably confused in the Del Monte upside-down chicken recipe.
Source: http://www.delmonteeurope.com/recipes/UpsideDown-Pineapple-Chicken.htm
Mendacious (adj.)
Has been over-used to the point of being meaningless.
Minimal (adj.)
At one point claimed her house was pretty minimal. We have seen no evidence of this, leading us to believe she does not understand what minimal means.
Source: this post
Mullet (n.)
After the cabal agreeing she looked good in a Joe Exotic mullet, she went to Toni & Guy to request a mullet and was thrilled with the outcome even though it was quite clearly a reverse mullet.
Source: this post
Naive (adj.)
During a tedious thread about prescriptions for healthy food, she says 'call me naive, but I'd like to follow the money trail on this one'. She meant cynical.
Source: this post
Nudge-hiss-erosion (n.)
A nonsensical invented phrase. For context, it was used during the brief period where she decided to stop dyeing her hair and embrace her greys. She says 'it doesn't feel massively revolutionary but in a world that's constantly chipping away at our self esteem with nudge-hiss-erosion, maybe it is a lil bit'. Intended meaning is completely unclear.
Source: this post
Officious (adj.)
Believed to be from a podcast appearances in which she described nurses as officious but cannot currently verify.
Source: this post
Palette (sp.)
Confused with palate, in reply to a squig who has a child with a 'picky palette'.
Source:
Peripatetic (adj.)
After Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, Jack (in her Peeky Mink guise) paid tribute to her by describing her as 'peripatetic'. Intended word was philanthropy, although Jack has issues with this word too (see: macrophilanthropy)
Source: #384 in 74
Poblano (sp.)
Misspelled as pablano and possibly meant ancho (dried poblano) as the mole she claims to have made is made with the dried chilli, not the fresh poblano.
Source: this post
Politically identifying (adj.)
During a Twitter thread about gender identity she claimed to be 'politically identifying' as female. She just means identifying.
Source:
Precocious (adj.)
From a recipe for beefyboozy (sorry, that's genuinely what it's called) in which she says with regard to the unnecessary amount of tinned steak rinsing that 'the method may seem a tad precocious'. It is unclear what the intended word was but stupid seems like a good shout.
Source: this post
Progeny (n.)
Used in a recipe for everyday sausages in Vegan(ish), the online version of which has disappeared from her site so the original phrase cannot be confirmed at time of publishing.
Pulpit (n.)
She watched former US president Barack Obama give a speech from a pulpit which sounds unlikely unless he did actually speak in a church. She meant a podium.
Source: currently unable to find
Rigorous (n.)
A 'rigorous foot stamp' is what she does when she eats something particularly good i.e. when she eats something that someone else has cooked, probably. She potentially meant vigorous but nobody knows.
Source: this post
Satiate (v.)
Despite never reading Tattle, Jack decided she would live her life the way she wanted to and 'sod trying to satiate a cabal of faceless bullying gits'. Intended word was most likely please.
Source: this post
Sedition (n.)
Accused Trump of inciting sedition during the time when he was about to leave office. Sedition is itself the act of incitement, so he incited incitement. Obviously.
Source: this post
Siesta (n.)
Said that the afternoons with her son were their 'siesta time' during which they did many, many activities. So not a siesta.
Source: this post
Skein (n.)
Described her eyebrows as being plucked to the width of an embroidery skein. A skein is a bundle of thread. She presumably meant a single thread.
Source:
Skewer (v.)
In the midst of the VBI she was thoroughly self-congratulating for having returned all Smart Price items to supermarkets but was concerned it 'might skewer my #VimesBootsIndex figures a touch'. Despite knowing both Big and granular maths, she meant skew.
Source: this post
Smithereens (n.)
From the hideous collection of images of some rancid soup which she said contained coriander 'wilted to smithereens'. It seems unlikely that a plant was blown to smithereens in a slop, unless cooked to the point of complete disintegration.
Source: this post
Spanglingly (adj.)
A #jackshack is to wash flannels with bleach at 60 degrees along with anything else you want to keep 'spanglingly white'. Aside from the fact this is an invented word, even spangling would be incorrect unless her washing machine adds sparkly embellishments.
Source:
Sumptuous (adj.)
Herbs (which are all interchangeable) are 'sumptuous little bursts of flavour'. She must have extraordinarily low expectations if she considers herbs luxurious.
Source: this post
Sojourn (n.)
From the Marcus Rashford GQ interview, she 'arrived early for our afternoon sojourn'. A sojourn is normally defined as a temporary stay in a holidaying context. Intended word was perhaps rendezvous.
Source: https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/marcus-rashford-interview-2020
Thank you (sp.)
She is convinced to a pathological degree that thank you is one word and has gone so far as to say her phone auto-correcting the incorrect Thankyou to the correct thank you is 'a violence'.
Tinfoil (adj.)
During a political tweetfest she called the government 'tinfoil dictators'. She doubled down on her use of tinfoil having obviously realised she was wrong and meant tinpot.
Source: this post
Travailed (v.)
In a Guardian article full of repulsive imagery, she said she 'travailed [her] spice shelves whispering them aloud in a language of love and longing'. Intended meaning was possibly perused.
Source: this post/url]
Triumvirate (n.)
Often used where trinity or trio would be more appropriate.
Source: [url=https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-61-complete-made-up-fanciful-nuclear-level-bollocks.8325/page-29#post-2137034]this post
Tutelage (n.)
A classic from her David Walliams pile-on. A critical element of her attack was that a black character with the last name Tutelage was racist because it was a backhanded attack on Desmond Tutu. The character in question was white and tutelage is a real word.
Source: the entire thread #40
Umbrage (sp.)
Unable to find the original source but she misspelled umbrage as umbridge.
Unctuous (adj.)
She thinks that unctuous is a positive descriptor, similar to luxurious. The Jacktionary editor's favourite context is from her recipe for a cannellini beurre blanc in which the 'unctuous and subtly powerful sauce makes a thick provocative shroud for the pasta'.
Source: the original beurre blanc recipe has been lost since her website crashed
Vulgarities (n.)
In diva.pdf she bemoans the 'vulgarities of fame'. The intended word was vagaries.
Source: the entire article can be read in this post
Wistful (adj.)
She made some sort of bread-based bricks that she described as 'little weighty wistful whirls of whimsy'. Food items are incapable of being wistful unless they have gained sentience and begin to experience regret at having been brought into an inedible existence.
Source: this post
Work (n.)
She claims to do a lot of this, giving different ludicrous work hours at different times. Since most of her time seems to be spent at home eating sardines and holding court on Twitter we must conclude that she does not understand the meaning of the word.
Believes it is abberation.
Source:
Accoutrements (n.)
Used in a description of enforced Hobbycraft ransacking with her son to refer to what are in fact embellishments.
Source: this post
Altruistic (adj.)
General misuse of the term, believing herself to be such.
Atrociously (adv.)
From a recipe for ice cream cake in Good Food for Bad Days. The cake is described as atrociously light. Potentially meant astonishingly.
Source: this book excerpt
Avaricious (adv.)
From a tribute to Nigella article on her now defunct website in which she states she reads avariciously, rather than voraciously.
Source: this post
Basking (v.)
From the GQ article about her meeting with Marcus Rashford. The word is used to describe a gymnasium and assembly hall, neither of which are able to bask, in softbox sunlight or otherwise.
Source: Marcus Rashford interview
Béchamel (sp.)
Believes it is spelt bechemal. Also routinely fails to understand what a béchamel actually is and its physical properties when put in an oven.
Belligerent (adv.)
From a description of herself while experiencing the worst dental problems any one human has ever experienced. The word she meant is obstinate.
Source: this post
Beside oneself (phr.)
Used in the context of being excited even though the definition of the phrase is to be overcome with worry, grief or anger.
Source:
Beseiged (v.)
She has complained that all of her books have been 'besieged by some kind of technical disaster'. She means plagued.
Source: this post
Bit-part (n.)
She described herself as a 'bit-part bolshy baked bean blogger' in a tweet which she was obviously thrilled with as it became her Twitter bio for a brief while. A bit-part is a small acting role. Unsure what she actually meant.
Source: this post
Buttercream (n.)
A buttercream is a mix of butter and icing sugar used to make cakes interesting. Jack believes that creaming sugar and butter together in the process of making a cake creates buttercream, to which you add the rest of the ingredients.
Source: this post
Cantankerous (adj.)
Used to describe a toothache, even though toothaches are not capable of being cantankerous. Intended word unknown.
Source: this post
Cacophony (n.)
Used the phrase 'a cacophony of photos' on a Facebook post. Intended word is collage.
Source: this post
Cannellini (sp.)
Despite this being Jack's favourite bean she is consistently unable to spell it, preferring 'cannelini' instead.
Ceremoniously (adj.)
Claims to have been 'ceremoniously expelled' from her grammar school after stealing a scalpel which sounds more exciting than being unceremoniously expelled, the correct phrase she was looking for.
Source: this post (TRIGGER WARNING)
Compassion (n.)
Included in the first edition of the Jacktionary as she seems to be generally unaware of the meaning of the word.
Diametrically opposed (phr.)
Claimed in an interview to be diametrically opposed to electric hobs. There is no evidence she is the opposite of an electric hob so it is assumed the intended phrase was opposed.
Source: this post
Ephemera
Used in a DKL episode where she said you could 'use any ephemera' you had lying around in a recipe. Intended meaning was miscellany or bits and pieces. Also used in the context of 'chickpea ephemera' meaning liquid.
Source: DKL and a cookbook (pls help)
Eponymous (adj.)
From an article where she used the phrase '...it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love', the intended word being synonymous.
Source: this post
Evergreen (adj.)
Referred to one of her own tweets as 'an evergreen quote'. The quote in question had no enduring freshness, success or popularity.
Source: this post
Exhumed (v.)
She claimed to have exhumed all colour from her wardrobe. Intended word was expunged.
Source: this post
Expunged (v.)
From an excerpt of a draft for the temporarily shelved drain hair manual manuscript, in which she says she expunged her worries to a doctor. The intended word was expounded.
Source: unable to locate
Extrapolate (v.)
In a recipe for Fuck Me Sauce, she says she is making said sauce for herself that night, and we should 'extrapolate from that what you will'. Presumably just meant 'take from that what you will' but that doesn't sound as fancy.
Source: this post
Fauna (n.)
During the great finger splinter debacle she said that the thing stuck in her finger was a 2mm piece of fauna. The source of the splinter having never been proven by the cabal, we are unable to say for sure that it wasn't some piece of an animal. It is however more likely that she meant flora.
Source: this post
Febrile (adj.)
Used in several instances including as a description of the 'febrile atmosphere' of her social media. Unclear as to what she actually means.
Source:
Firepower (n.)
From the vegan pastitsio recipe during the doomed Linda McCartney partnership in which she says 'the large hob will still give off a generous amount of firepower'. Intended word was heat, unless her hob does indeed have some sort of destructive military capacity.
Source: her website which has disappeared
Flummox (v.)
Usually used as a verb, Jack believes for some reason that flummox is part of the phrase 'at a flummox'. Unable to find original source.
Fold (v.)
Used in multiple recipes. In every occasion she means stir, unaware that fold has a very specific definition and is an entirely different process.
Forensic (n.)
She believes that doing something forensically is to take great care and be detailed and not pertaining to crime in any way. Many, many instances of use in this context.
Gangly (adj.)
Famously smol 5'1.7" Jack described herself in a tweet as a 'gangly awkward kid'. Intended word was likely ungainly.
Source: this post
Gaslighting (v.)
Accuses the cabal and anyone who questions her lies of gaslighting which leads us to believe she doesn't know what the word means.
Source: this post
Ginger (adj.)
Used in the phrase 'gave it a ginger sniff' referring to some over-fermented dough, thereby turning an adverb into a noun, obviously meaning that she sniffed something gingerly.
Source this post
Glimpse (n.)
Unable to find source for inclusion in first edition of the Jacktionary.
Granular (adj.)
Used in multiple instances where she means minute or miniscule. Also granular mathematics is apparently a branch of mathematics that only forensic nerds can do.
Ham-spluttering (adj.)
An invented phrase to describe Alex Beresford. Presumably she was trying to make some sort of allusion to a gammon.
Source:
Homogeneous (adj.)
Unable to find original reason for inclusion but it is believed to have something to do with food labelling.
Imbibe (v.)
From the delightful-sounding beer bread recipe that recommends using the dregs of other people's beer, specifically the phrase '...a gathering imbibe themselves on sun...' which is nonsensical.
Source: this post
Immaculate (adj.)
She wrote an article for The Mirror about her white saviour mission to Tanzania where a woman has a 'ripped -if immaculate - sofa'. It is unclear how something can be immaculate but also damaged and is likely she meant impeccably clean.
Source: this article
Impetuous (adj.)
Used in a recipe for the infamous pasta e ceci which comprises rinsed spaghetti hoops and chickpeas boiled to the point of imminent collapse. Apparently said recipe 'may look a little impetuous, or at the very least unappetising'. The intended meaning is unclear.
Source: this post
Incremental (adj.)
Used multiple times in place of instrumental i.e. people having been incremental in reversing the voucher scandal during the FSM chaos.
Source: this post
Innate (adj.)
She has an innate fear of not having food available, learned from her hunger during The Poverty. So not innate then.
Source: this post
Irregardless (adv.)
Not a word. She means regardless.
Source: this post
Kahunas (n.)
In a recipe for red lentil and mandarin curry, she bought a bullet blender for whichever Mrs J was entrapped at the time but didn't have the 'cahunas' to hand it over at Christmas. Intended word was cojones.
Source: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/03/12/red-lentil-mandarin-curry-26p-vg-v-df-gf/ or in the event of further website disaster, this post
Languishing (v.)
There are two different instances of incorrect use. The first is in a recipe for five-a-day couscous which tells the reader to set aside some ingredients for a dressing to allow them to 'languish and intensify in flavour', a physical impossibility since it requires something to become stronger and weaker at the same time. The second is in a recipe for creamy beans and aubergine, where she says she gives her family newspapers so she can 'languish through the oddments in the fridge' in peace. Intended word is likely browse.
Source: this post and https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/03/03/creamy-beans-and-aubergine-66p-vg-v-df-gf/
Lascivious (adj.)
Jack cooked mussels and pears and ate it 'from the pan like a hyena, mopping it out with cheap white bread and terribly lascivious noises'. Nobody is sure what she really meant, although voracious is a strong possibility.
Source: this post
Loath (sp.)
Is apparently unaware that loathe and loath are two different words and consistently uses loathe when she means loath.
Source: this post
Love-in (n.)
Apparently when her son started school, her 'lazy days of laconic love-ins' were over. Possibly meant lay-in.
Source: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2018/02/12/applesauce-pancakes-17p-vg-v-df/
Luxuriate (v.)
From the infamous Del Monte spicy jackfruit patties with pineapple hats where the reader is instructed to allow something to cool while 'your jackfruit and mushrooms luxuriate in their flavour bath'. Neither jackfruit nor mushrooms are capable of luxuriating.
Source: disappeared from the internet after Jack's website crashed
Macerated (v.)
Another instance of failing to understand a specific culinary term, misspelled as 'mascerated' for bonus points. She 'mascerates (sic)' kale in oil, salt, chilli and vinegar and claims this basically means to vigorously rub it with your fingertips. It does not.
Source: this post
Macrophilanthropy (n.)
She has become confused and belives that macro and micro are interchangeable as she in fact means microphilanthropy. For some reason she was so enamoured with the phrase she expanded her fascist merch to include a t-shirt with the incorrect word on.
Source: this post
Marauding (v.)
Used many, many times usually as a catch-all term for any kind of movement. There is one instance of using it in the context of 'marauding through many many Xmas food mags', in which circumstance she likely meant poring.
Source: this post
Marinade (sp.)
Does not know there is a difference between marinade (n.) and marinate (v.), notably confused in the Del Monte upside-down chicken recipe.
Source: http://www.delmonteeurope.com/recipes/UpsideDown-Pineapple-Chicken.htm
Mendacious (adj.)
Has been over-used to the point of being meaningless.
Minimal (adj.)
At one point claimed her house was pretty minimal. We have seen no evidence of this, leading us to believe she does not understand what minimal means.
Source: this post
Mullet (n.)
After the cabal agreeing she looked good in a Joe Exotic mullet, she went to Toni & Guy to request a mullet and was thrilled with the outcome even though it was quite clearly a reverse mullet.
Source: this post
Naive (adj.)
During a tedious thread about prescriptions for healthy food, she says 'call me naive, but I'd like to follow the money trail on this one'. She meant cynical.
Source: this post
Nudge-hiss-erosion (n.)
A nonsensical invented phrase. For context, it was used during the brief period where she decided to stop dyeing her hair and embrace her greys. She says 'it doesn't feel massively revolutionary but in a world that's constantly chipping away at our self esteem with nudge-hiss-erosion, maybe it is a lil bit'. Intended meaning is completely unclear.
Source: this post
Officious (adj.)
Believed to be from a podcast appearances in which she described nurses as officious but cannot currently verify.
Source: this post
Palette (sp.)
Confused with palate, in reply to a squig who has a child with a 'picky palette'.
Source:
Peripatetic (adj.)
After Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, Jack (in her Peeky Mink guise) paid tribute to her by describing her as 'peripatetic'. Intended word was philanthropy, although Jack has issues with this word too (see: macrophilanthropy)
Source: #384 in 74
Poblano (sp.)
Misspelled as pablano and possibly meant ancho (dried poblano) as the mole she claims to have made is made with the dried chilli, not the fresh poblano.
Source: this post
Politically identifying (adj.)
During a Twitter thread about gender identity she claimed to be 'politically identifying' as female. She just means identifying.
Source:
Precocious (adj.)
From a recipe for beefyboozy (sorry, that's genuinely what it's called) in which she says with regard to the unnecessary amount of tinned steak rinsing that 'the method may seem a tad precocious'. It is unclear what the intended word was but stupid seems like a good shout.
Source: this post
Progeny (n.)
Used in a recipe for everyday sausages in Vegan(ish), the online version of which has disappeared from her site so the original phrase cannot be confirmed at time of publishing.
Pulpit (n.)
She watched former US president Barack Obama give a speech from a pulpit which sounds unlikely unless he did actually speak in a church. She meant a podium.
Source: currently unable to find
Rigorous (n.)
A 'rigorous foot stamp' is what she does when she eats something particularly good i.e. when she eats something that someone else has cooked, probably. She potentially meant vigorous but nobody knows.
Source: this post
Satiate (v.)
Despite never reading Tattle, Jack decided she would live her life the way she wanted to and 'sod trying to satiate a cabal of faceless bullying gits'. Intended word was most likely please.
Source: this post
Sedition (n.)
Accused Trump of inciting sedition during the time when he was about to leave office. Sedition is itself the act of incitement, so he incited incitement. Obviously.
Source: this post
Siesta (n.)
Said that the afternoons with her son were their 'siesta time' during which they did many, many activities. So not a siesta.
Source: this post
Skein (n.)
Described her eyebrows as being plucked to the width of an embroidery skein. A skein is a bundle of thread. She presumably meant a single thread.
Source:
Skewer (v.)
In the midst of the VBI she was thoroughly self-congratulating for having returned all Smart Price items to supermarkets but was concerned it 'might skewer my #VimesBootsIndex figures a touch'. Despite knowing both Big and granular maths, she meant skew.
Source: this post
Smithereens (n.)
From the hideous collection of images of some rancid soup which she said contained coriander 'wilted to smithereens'. It seems unlikely that a plant was blown to smithereens in a slop, unless cooked to the point of complete disintegration.
Source: this post
Spanglingly (adj.)
A #jackshack is to wash flannels with bleach at 60 degrees along with anything else you want to keep 'spanglingly white'. Aside from the fact this is an invented word, even spangling would be incorrect unless her washing machine adds sparkly embellishments.
Source:
Sumptuous (adj.)
Herbs (which are all interchangeable) are 'sumptuous little bursts of flavour'. She must have extraordinarily low expectations if she considers herbs luxurious.
Source: this post
Sojourn (n.)
From the Marcus Rashford GQ interview, she 'arrived early for our afternoon sojourn'. A sojourn is normally defined as a temporary stay in a holidaying context. Intended word was perhaps rendezvous.
Source: https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/marcus-rashford-interview-2020
Thank you (sp.)
She is convinced to a pathological degree that thank you is one word and has gone so far as to say her phone auto-correcting the incorrect Thankyou to the correct thank you is 'a violence'.
Tinfoil (adj.)
During a political tweetfest she called the government 'tinfoil dictators'. She doubled down on her use of tinfoil having obviously realised she was wrong and meant tinpot.
Source: this post
Travailed (v.)
In a Guardian article full of repulsive imagery, she said she 'travailed [her] spice shelves whispering them aloud in a language of love and longing'. Intended meaning was possibly perused.
Source: this post/url]
Triumvirate (n.)
Often used where trinity or trio would be more appropriate.
Source: [url=https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-61-complete-made-up-fanciful-nuclear-level-bollocks.8325/page-29#post-2137034]this post
Tutelage (n.)
A classic from her David Walliams pile-on. A critical element of her attack was that a black character with the last name Tutelage was racist because it was a backhanded attack on Desmond Tutu. The character in question was white and tutelage is a real word.
Source: the entire thread #40
Umbrage (sp.)
Unable to find the original source but she misspelled umbrage as umbridge.
Unctuous (adj.)
She thinks that unctuous is a positive descriptor, similar to luxurious. The Jacktionary editor's favourite context is from her recipe for a cannellini beurre blanc in which the 'unctuous and subtly powerful sauce makes a thick provocative shroud for the pasta'.
Source: the original beurre blanc recipe has been lost since her website crashed
Vulgarities (n.)
In diva.pdf she bemoans the 'vulgarities of fame'. The intended word was vagaries.
Source: the entire article can be read in this post
Wistful (adj.)
She made some sort of bread-based bricks that she described as 'little weighty wistful whirls of whimsy'. Food items are incapable of being wistful unless they have gained sentience and begin to experience regret at having been brought into an inedible existence.
Source: this post
Work (n.)
She claims to do a lot of this, giving different ludicrous work hours at different times. Since most of her time seems to be spent at home eating sardines and holding court on Twitter we must conclude that she does not understand the meaning of the word.
Lazarus
VIP Member
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
So, what unlikely disaster will prevent her sending the "finished" manuscript when she gets home?
Computer died while she was out and her ADHD puppybrain forgot to make a backup
Shitty bungalow has collapsed into a sinkhole due to the combined weight of her sideboards
The #VelcroButtplugIndex has been hijacked by a rogue AI and has deleted everything apart from itself
She never actually makes it home because her train goes through a wormhole that deposits her in the North Pole
Charlie Bigham broke in while she was out and has changed the contents of the Word doc to an ejaculating penis comprised solely of apostrophes
She accidentally left a simmering pan of beans on the hob and the juice has somehow leaked out and short-circuited her computer battery
Her long-suffering landlady finally got sick of the bouncing rent and has changed the locks
Computer died while she was out and her ADHD puppybrain forgot to make a backup Shitty bungalow has collapsed into a sinkhole due to the combined weight of her sideboards The #VelcroButtplugIndex has been hijacked by a rogue AI and has deleted everything apart from itself She never actually makes it home because her train goes through a wormhole that deposits her in the North Pole Charlie Bigham broke in while she was out and has changed the contents of the Word doc to an ejaculating penis comprised solely of apostrophes She accidentally left a simmering pan of beans on the hob and the juice has somehow leaked out and short-circuited her computer battery Her long-suffering landlady finally got sick of the bouncing rent and has changed the locks
OwlRightsReserved
VIP Member
I have made it to the present day. What a grunk - bum guns, Findus pizza, "the big boy" . I feel like I've scaled Everest.
Sorry to harp back to what was days ago, but there's something that has really radiator-dried my mushrooms, and that's Jack recommending cheap bleach and vinegar for cleaning without the caveat that you should never mix said bleach with said vinegar. Typical household bleach is sodium hypochlorite, which when mixed with acid (like that in vinegar), releases chlorine gas.
No wonder her pets keep dying, she's bloody Wilfred Owen-ing them. The woman's an outright danger.
. I feel like I've scaled Everest.Sorry to harp back to what was days ago, but there's something that has really radiator-dried my mushrooms, and that's Jack recommending cheap bleach and vinegar for cleaning without the caveat that you should never mix said bleach with said vinegar. Typical household bleach is sodium hypochlorite, which when mixed with acid (like that in vinegar), releases chlorine gas.
No wonder her pets keep dying, she's bloody Wilfred Owen-ing them. The woman's an outright danger.
Into_the_tunnel
VIP Member
If you can substitute carrot for onion, then I am definitely making an onion cake tomorrow with cream cheese icing.
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
BubbleDuck
VIP Member
Lads, this book writing lark is easy . Do you reckon I could 
Jacks publisher and pitch my completely original idea ?
Household mannual , completed it mate !
( sorry for all the daft pictures I keep posting, daft pictures are my coping mechanism for dealing with all thelies inconsistencies that Jack spouts )
Jacks publisher and pitch my completely original idea ?
Household mannual , completed it mate !
( sorry for all the daft pictures I keep posting, daft pictures are my coping mechanism for dealing with all the
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the deadly Russian invasion of Ukraine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Blame it on the deadly Russian invasion of Ukraine
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Disabled Jack can fuck off. It was bad enough when she had the wheelchair emoji in her Twitter name for weeks despite never having used a wheelchair. Are you on disability benefits? No. Have you had your benefit taken away more than once and had to go to multiple tribunals to get that money back? No. Were you eligible for the COVID jab in the priority group? No. Have you got a disabled bus pass? No. Have you got a disabled rail pass? No. Have you struggled to access employment? Inexplicably, no. Being a cunt is (unfortunately for her) not a disability.
@ChactFecker that's the same one I got! I opened a tin of chickpeas and it felt incredible, it went through like soft softy soft unsalted butter. I can't believe I was accusing Jack of having a sad little life because she was getting excited about the reappearance of Smart Price wheat bisks and here I am waxing lyrical about a fucking tin opener. Excuse me, I'm just going to have a word with myself.
@ChactFecker that's the same one I got! I opened a tin of chickpeas and it felt incredible, it went through like soft softy soft unsalted butter. I can't believe I was accusing Jack of having a sad little life because she was getting excited about the reappearance of Smart Price wheat bisks and here I am waxing lyrical about a fucking tin opener. Excuse me, I'm just going to have a word with myself.
SquattyPotty
Member
Eek, I'm not sure how I feel about getting a thread title so soon after emerging from a very long lurkdom, it's all a bit gauche darling.
I can't take any credit anyway as Jack literally writes them herself, but to mark the occasion I am going to make every single one of you a tiny chicken nugget. I've run out of oats and I don't like black pudding, so I shall be substituting with coco pops and rice pudding. Ooft...that'll do!
I can't take any credit anyway as Jack literally writes them herself, but to mark the occasion I am going to make every single one of you a tiny chicken nugget. I've run out of oats and I don't like black pudding, so I shall be substituting with coco pops and rice pudding. Ooft...that'll do!
colouredlines
VIP Member
Let's not mock Jack's disability. Being born without tastebuds is a tough burden.
Smeghead
VIP Member
I’m just going to softly, softly leave this here. If you have time to vote, please do, I don’t get paid to come up with these thread titles
Thread title nomination
#Jack Monroe: I, hypocrite
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
Person she's tagged is Ian Rankin.
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
Thread title: Why you cry? No WiFi.
MancBee
VIP Member
"LOOK AT THEM"
Hmmmmm, low welfare chicken breast covered in softy, soft,soft soft cheap white breadcrumbs with congealed pigs blood and fried in oil saved from tins of sardines.
Jack, I don't want to "look at them", thanks all the same.
NomDeGuerre
VIP Member
Oh Nige
