WELCOME TO THREAD #18
BEDROOM SNACKING, CONTENT LACKING, WHEN WILL FIWL BE PACKING?
Big thank you to everyone who suggested titles and voted.
Congratulations to @lhb120 for the most voted title with a total of 104 votes!
BEDROOM SNACKING, CONTENT LACKING, WHEN WILL FIWL BE PACKING?
Big thank you to everyone who suggested titles and voted.
Congratulations to @lhb120 for the most voted title with a total of 104 votes!
PREVIOUSLY ON QUIRKERZ...:
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▷"I'M SELLING T-SHIRTS. WHAT SIZE ARE THEY? WELL I'M A 14 AND A COMPULSIVE LIAR, SO JUDGE OFF THAT
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- The band is busy making more merch than music and are now selling t-shirts for £25
- One of the selling points was that the shirts are sustainably produced, but it doesn't fit with our fast fashion ASOS "ambassador" influencer Helen.
- Lists her merch before her music because that's where her priorities lie
- Goes on about how she's amazed she sold out so quickly... but she only ordered like 100 shirts in the first place
- Gets multiple comments asking for a size guide, but she just keeps saying that she's a size 14 and is modelling a large because she likes her shirts baggy
- Only has a size S left, but instead of telling people the actual measurements, she just guesses that they'd probably fit an M person
- The size guide for the company supplying her the shirts was found and it seems like Helga was trying to hide her real size
- Posts a close-up shot of her neck and necklaces instead of the t-shirt
- Posts a story and pathetically #ad's herself
- False advertises the shirt by pulling it in to make it look more fitted
- Makes Fiwl awkwardly pose in the shirt, he looked like a wet water goblin. Reminding us of how the song lyric is about her ex-boyfriend, Mark.
- Matchy Matchy! Remembering the time she dressed up Joe in the same outfit
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▷"WE AIN'T AN ONLINE SHOP"
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- The greed is real when she rushed to put up a pre-order to sell more t-shirts, before even seeing if it was a possibility to get more stock.
- After 3 days of grabbing people's money on her pre-order shirts, she announced that she had to refund everyone due to a stock error (because she jumped the gun and didn't check before trying to sell as much as she can)
- EMBARRISINGLY claims that "WE AIN'T AN ONLINE SHOP" while selling items... in an online shop
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▷I CAN ONLY WRITE MUSIC IF YOU BUY MY tit, SO HERE'S MORE OF MY tit. BUY IT.
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- 3 days after selling t-shirts, she starts selling her THIRD merch item, another poster for £20 (+£5 P&P)
- This another limited run, she only has 50 in stock, but this one isn't selling so well for someone who has over 300k followers on IG - she's only sold 29 prints in 15 days
- She and Ben went out specifically to a screen printing place to make these posters, she posted a picture of herself indoors with no mask on and making out with the print place owner's dog
- Also shows how Ben can't wear his mask properly
- This merch is released at the same time as she promotes her t-shirts in her haul video where she says when people buy her t-shirts it helps her create music
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▷"I'M A FULL-TIME WORKER AND A FULL-TIME LIAR"
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- Claims in an interview that she's a "full time online lifestyle content creator"
- On her merch website she claims that postage may be delayed because they post items out themselves alongside their "FULL-TIME JOBS AND WRITING MUSIC"
- In her Packing and Pies vlog our "full-time worker" goes to the gym, food shopping, films a quick video talking about her pubes from her bed, goes to a bakery, eats a pie, eats a doughnut and then ditches "work" to go skating with her skating group and breaks covid rules by meeting more than 6 people
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▷NEW MUSIC VIDEO SHOWS BREAKING COVID RULES & RACIST UNDERTONES
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- Releases a new music video which was shot during lockdown
- It shows Helen and Ben not social distancing and standing close together. This was most likely filmed at Helen's house with her green screen
- The caricature she describes as the villain of the video, a "strange, sinister, hitchhiker" is has qualities of racist portrayals of black people in cartoons with the nose and the big lips style
- The video also shows stock/news footage of forest fires and house fires which is in very poor taste considering the recent Californian wildfires
- She thinks the girl in the video is her, but the character is skinnier than Ben, doesn't have her hair or nose ring or tattoos... ...In her 'FASHION FAVES & NEW IN' video, she went on the spend for new clothes, but she doesn't want to call them hauls (because of the backlash), but they are hauls.
- Still claims that she's a size 14 and describes her clothing as being roomy and baggy on her
- Slurs, gurns, stumbles and incoherently rambles her way through the video as if she was drunk or high
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▷AGONY AUNT IS BACK, THANKS TO TATTLE!
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- Tattle asks what happened to her Agony Aunt series?
- 8 hours later Helen is announcing that her Agony Aunt series is returning, she totally doesn't read Tattle BTW lol.
- She weirdly labels it episode #1, is she forgetting that she has already done an episode?
- Still uses clickbait in her thumbnail
- Gives her usual advice of "JUST DO IT", while she gurns, stutters and slurs her words - as if she was on something... again
- Complains about people having an issue with her last Agony Aunt video, where she used clickbait to get the views
- On a question about finances, she stupidly asks the person "why do you want to build your finances?"
- Glamorises antidepressants but telling people to just go on them, that they're wasting time and the potential just waiting and thinking about taking them, says she can't stop raving about them and how they make life easier and it should be normalised like taking paracetamol
- Gets into a debate with a commenter who tells her that her comments in the video are dangerous
- She responds that she wasn't glamorising them and that she would like to chat with this person in more detail, just not on YouTube comments
- Gets comments asking if she was high in the video, also comments critising her "advice", she replies to some before deleting them all
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▷LOCKDOWN IS OVER, LET'S DO EVERYTHING WE CAN AND STILL BREAK COVID RULES
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- Claims she went on her first "outing" of the year... as if the witch has stayed at home all this time.
- Goes out day drinking with a bunch of friends. Passes her dogs round everyone
- Keeps posting about the pub on posts that have nothing to do with a pub...
- Breaks covid rules by having her family indoors when she dyed and styled her niece's hair... again
- In her Taking Back Sunday vlog, she posts quality content such as picking up tit for 2 minutes and then goes out to various pubs with mates
- Not content with just seeing her friends, family and having pub crawls, Helen organises a skating gathering where she invites anyone and everyone
- She organises another skating meet up for anyone and everyone, where at least 7 people turned up
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▷QUALITY CONTENT: HERE'S HELEN PICKING UP A TON OF DOG tit
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- In her TAKING BACK SUNDAY vlog she films herself picking up a heap of dog tit in her garden
- She also films Fiwl struggling with the lawnmower and muttering to himself in his clip-on chin mic
- Gets comments on how the dog poo picking and Fiwl's lawnmowing was the highlight point of the vlog
- Minnie comments "You can tell Fiwl was raised by generations of great women"
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▷"INTITLEMENT"
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- On her TAKING BACK SUNDAY vlog she gets a comment calling out her privilege and attitude about the lockdown and saying that some people have lost family members, they wished Helen would see what a fortunate position she was in.
- Helen replied accusing the person was ignorant and then had a rant about it on her IG
- On her IG rant she uses the toxic "BE NICER TO STRANGERS" phrase ironically after taking a screenshot of the comment to post on her IG and then bitch about to her followers in hopes that some of them will stick up for her
- The original comment got a couple of comments from Helga's molluscs but eventually got deleted from the comments section (probably by Helga because the comment was generating more likes)
- She thanks her molluscs for responding to the original comment on her video saying that it's not okay to make people feel bad if your issues aren't as bad as their issues...
- HOWEVER, Helen has previously asked people to pit against each other in a "who has it worse" scenarios... in her "WHAT NOT TO SAY TO AN EXTROVERT" video she asks people who has it worse? A person with social anxiety or a person who's extroverted? Her comments section called her out for the ignorant comments which she deleted most of the comments but replied to some that she wasn't making a comparison, just a general comment...
- She has also been commenting about how influencers have had it worse during the pandemic because of the increase in criticising comments.
- "ALEXA PLAY THE SOUND OF A THOUSAND TINY VIOLINS"
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▷DOES HER THIRD VIDEO ABOUT HER PUBES
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- In her Laser Hair Removal she can't be arsed to get out of bed to film the video
- Lists off different names for a vagina and has to inform us that her dog has a "bean" vagina
- She has
- She's previously done 2 other videos about her pubes, saying the exact same things
- Rants on about how she hates pubes and how her ass hair made her uncomfortable
- Backtracks and says "if yer like yer bush, keep yer bush"
- Mocks people who say it's too much money to spend in one go
- Shows footage of her getting laser done with informative stuff such as how to open the front door, how to pose in your glasses and how to screech like a banshee
- Ends the video with a weird crotch rubbing session in her period pants
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▷JUST TAKE THE bleeping COMPLIMENT, GUYS... AND SAY FANK YOU!
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- In her How to Accept a Compliment video she rushes a video out during her lunch break and lets us hear all the gross noises by talking with her mouthful
- She has the weirdest pose in her thumbnail
- In this poorly laid out video she rambles on about the same points over and over
- Says you have to accept compliments even if you don't want them and rants on and on about having to say thank you to compliments and how you have to give them back to people
- When she gives a compliment she fully expects the other person to give it back to her, and will get upset if they don't
- Goes on a rant on how we shouldn't the phrase "I made an effort"
- Mocks people who don't agree with the compliment and yells "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY FANKS, MAN?!"
- Her views on compliments are very black and white and her video had some problematic points such as sexual harassment excused as compliments - by Helen's logic you have to say thank you and return the favour even if it makes you uncomfortable
- Posts an IG reel about her compliments video, ironically uses Ariana Grande's Thank U, Next
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▷HAS A HEALTHY SUSTAINABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH EXERCISE... THEN HURTS SHOULDER
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- Claims she has a developed a "healthy and sustainable relationship with exercise" 11 days into gyms being open, yet can't ever do anything alone and couldn't exercise during lockdown
- The video of her running spawned some funny memes:
1. Running out her PT sesh to enjoy a 4,000 calorie meal and 7 pints #earneditbabes
2. When someone suggests pub, food and grubby rule breaking
3. *Hears Fiwl in the snack jar*
4. *running to the comments to ensure they all think I'm a size 14*
5. Mini Magnum
6. Running away from responsibility and accountability
7. Quantity over quality
8. Quick, I gotta put moor printz on me wall
9. Rushing to comment on her own video as Minnie
- One week after her video of her "exercising" she posts on the Norwich Roller Girls FB group that she can't skate because she hurt her shoulder
- She then begs people to let her come meet them to take photos and videos for her Norwich Roller Girls IG account because she reeeeally wants to post daily, but no one is sending in anything for her to post
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▷IS DAIRY FREE... EXCEPT FOR WHEN SHE EATS CHEESE... AND MINI MAGNUMS... AND MILK CHOCOLATE
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- In her New Vlogging Camera vlog, she mentions that she's now dairy-free
- Says that the thought of having cows milk freaks her out
- But she is still going to have cheese, milk chocolate and basically any food item that has milk in it
- Says she is becoming more and more conscious about consuming and is cutting down... as she's unpacking her B&M haul of useless tat and foods wrapped in plastic
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▷SAME STORY, DIFFERENT BLOKE
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- In her Packing and Pies vlog she films herself throwing a childish strop because Fiwl won't put up a curtain pole because it's late and he's tired. Same argument, different bloke
- She complains on IG that Fiwl ignored her message about her wanting a donkey, the time of sending looks like he was at work and was probably too busy to reply or was so fed up of her quirky tit that he couldn't be arsed. Either way, it's the same complaint, different bloke and yet another example of how pathetic, desperate and needy she is with men.
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▷OTHER QUIRKY THINGS
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- "Imagine how fucking square their kid's head would be"
- "I've cut off my circulation but I'M VERY HAPPY"
- "She's just like Melissa McCarthy in Thunder Force"
- Copies Sophie Floyd's YouTube video on a make up look and puts out a shittier tutorial on IG which took her multiple attempts
- She mistakes Ireland for England when she tags Lidl GB celebrating "nice work" when it was Lidl in Ireland who are combating period poverty and partnering with Homeless Period Ireland
- Josie's boyfriend looks like Grace
- The super mollusc fan and the Aioli
- Yells "WREN!" at a bird who's living in her roof and is clearly not a wren
- She organised her wardrobe, but it still looks like a shit tip
- "Full-time worker" Helga wants M&S to be involved less in their lawsuit and get to making her more kievs
- A girl from her skating group comments about Helga falling over 17 times in a row
- Her outfits look more and more like ‘unexpected 3 night hospital stay / discharge chique’ by the day
- She's travelling back to London to get her hair done because she didn't learn anything from the criticism last time she went and she doesn't give a shit about the government advice of keeping it local
- Her weekend roundups are all about food, showing how many different groups of people she can mix within a short amount of time and lots of quirky filters
- Her sister idiotically blows out candles on a birthday cake, because covid can't reach you if you spit on a cake
- Spells spag bol as "spag BOWL"
- Spends well over £1,000 on her bedroom makeover, then drops £700 on a brand new camera
- Makes a bunch of excuses for buying yet another new camera and compares herself to a builder needing to buy tools
- "Nobody has eyes that scream 'guy in a hostage situation' like Fiwl"
- Fank U, Next - The Helga Version by @ekl2000 & @Tom_Nook
- Gets a comment about Fiwl looking like the lead singer from Little Big... it's worth the Google
- She's still doing her "LUNCH DESERT" thing and still can't spell DESSERT
- Gets gifted Moonshine and thinks the pouring lid is a so she can drink it neat as if it was a straw - despite it clearly being lablled as a POURING LID
| IG WEEKEND ROUND UPS: |
| 1. Friday 9th - Sunday 11th April |
| 2. Friday 16th - Tuesday 20th April |
| 3. Friday 23rd - Tuesday 27th April |
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▷VIDEO HIGHLIGHTS:
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▷PICTURE HIGHLIGHTS:
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At this stage now you do a far better job of a weekend up roundup then helga does! 
