VIDEO SUMMARY: Laser Hair removal - IS IT WORTH THE MONEY?
[DESCRIPTON: I have finished my course of laser hair removal and so I talk about from my experience, all the stuff you need to know. ]
TLDR:
- SHE HATES PUBES
- SHE SPENT A FORTUNE TO GET HER PUBES AND BUM HAIR LASERED
- SHE BLAGGED 3 FREE SESSIONS BECAUSE SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT LOCKDOWN INTERRUPTING HER SMOOTHNESS
- SHE IS SMOOTH
KettleVision,
bleeping KettleVision again.
"OKAY I'M JUST GOING TO DISRUPT THE BED," Says Helga as she waddles in and throws the cover back to crawl back into bed.
"OH 'ERE SHE COME"
She rolls her eyes as Diane joins her, Helga calls her needy and says she's not allowed under the covers
"DATS THE RULE! FRESH SHEETS!" Sure she allows whatever is living in Fiwl's hair to lay on the bedding, but poor Dee can't have a snuggle?
"WELCOME TO MA NEW BEDROOM!"
"I'M SO EXCITED BY DIS!"
She's going to be doing a full in-depth video on her transformation with detailing on what, why and how it happened (but let me save you a click, she painted walls, paid someone to put up the wallpaper, bought some new bedside tables and swapped over some art THE END)
"FUN NEW PERIOD SYMPTOM OF MINE! WHICH I'VE BEEN GETTING, IS FEELING EXHAUSTED!"
Some people have messaged her saying that she has the "period flu" where you just "feel a bit ill" (or it could be the corona
)
She's annoyed about it because she feels soooo drained.
"PROBABLY DIDN'T HELP THAT I OVERWORKED MA SELF......" she sniffs loudly "DOIN' ALL DIS"
"SO I'M JUST HAVIN' A BIT OF A MORE OF A CHILL APPROACH TO LIFE TODAY... HENCE WHY I'M GETTING INTO BED TO DO DIS VIDEO!!!"
(Remember she's ALL about quality over quantity, folks...)
"TODAY... I'M GUNNA BE TALKING ABOUT LAYYYYYYYY ZEEEEEEEEER!"
She looks down to Diane. "LAZER DEE DEE... LAZER HAIR REMOVAL. YES... ON YOUR NOONY.... ON YOUR MARY... ON YER VAGINA.... ON YER FANNY... ON YER...."
".....SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY" She whispers and then snogs the dog
"ON YER..."
(
duck me we're still going)
"WOTEVA YER WONNA CALL IT" she stares at Diane, "YOURS IS A LITTLE BEAN!!!! YER LITTLE BEAN BEAN BEAAAAANYAH"
bleeping quality of this content right now.
Jumpcut, she's going to be answering her "most frequently asked questions" regarding laser and giving us her honest opinion and if it's worth the money... well if anyone bothers to watch her videos they'd already know that she's already done a video on this, the vlogmas video where she was doing all sorts of Christmas themed
tit, and one of them was the jolly-laser-off-that-holly where she had her pubes lasered and told us all then what the process was and what she thought... WHY ARE WE REPEATING CONTENT?!
"I'VE HAD..........I'M HEH...." she grimaces and does a long pause, "I'M QUITE A HAIRY PERSON"
She grows very dark hair, thick hair.
"LIKE NOW MA MOUSTACHE IS JUST LIKE WAAAOOOOOAHHHHHH! HEYYYYYYYY!"
"YOU CAN'T SEE IT FROM ALL THE WAY OVER THERE" and this lazy lard arse is certainly not going to get out of her pit to get any closer to come and show us.
She sniffs loudly.
She talks to Diane again and says "MA LEG HAIR GROWS QUITE RAPIDLY.... AND VERY QUICKLY"
(Rapidly AND quickly?! .......RAPIDLY AND QUICKLY?! ....
bleeping hell)
"ARMPIT HAIR..... TODAY I WENT TO DA GYM AND WOZ LIKE... HELLO!!!! I'M JUST A HAIRY PERSON!"
So she managed to get her arse to the gym but can't be arsed to get out of bed to make proper content?
She says she doesn't really mind it...
"BUT I NEVER REALLY LIKED HAVING PEHU....... MANY PUBES.... I JUST DIDN'T I FORT IT WOZ UNCOMFORTABLE - ESPECIALLY BUM HAIR!!!!"
duck me, just how hairy is she to have uncomfortable bum hair?!
"BUTT GOT HAIRY"
So she'd always try to get rid of it herself but every time she did she got a skin reaction and just looked a bit sore.
She said the only time it looked okay was when she had it professionally waxed, but she only had that done twice coz she hated it because it was so painful.
She loudly sniffs again. QUALITY.
It made her feel self-conscious. She'd always wear something to "cover the area"
When she was intimate with people in the bedroom she would do the same and "cover the area" with her hand
She says because she was really embarrassed by it.
"I FORT IT LOOKED LIKE... IT MADE ME FINK LIKE I HAD SUM SORT OF INFECTION OR LIKE I WOZ UNWELL"
She screws her face up, disgusted at the thought.
Wow.
"IT JUST MADE ME FEEL... NOT GOOD. THAT'S JUST MY OPINION, I JUST DIDN'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT"
She knows that lots of people are comfortable with pubic hair "AND ALL THAT"
She says it's not her thinking that pubes are "bad" or "gross" but SHE just felt uncomfortable and gross having them.
She screws her face up again
"BUSH IS BUSH... KEWL"
"YER LIKE YER BUSH.......? KEEP YER BUSH"
Back to the actual laser story.... She went to the consultation
She tells us where the one she went to was "BUT IT IS A NATIONWIDE........ PLACE."
She can't remember what she did at the consultation. QUALITY.
She thinks she went for a Brazillian. She's not sure. QUALITY.
She says she's got a little bit of hair at the front
"JUST A TINY BIT" she coos (aw, just a tiny bit at the front - just like her hairline
)
She rambles on about individual sessions, but if you want a proper result you gotta buying the course in a bulk of 8
"SO IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE 'OH MA GAD IT'S SUCH A BIG... M....M SUM OF MONEY TO JUST GET RID OF IN ONE GOOOOO'" She says in a mocking tone.
But Helga tells us that "IT SAVES YER MONEY AND IN THE LONG RUN IT'S WORTH IT BECUZ THE MONEY THAT YOU'LL BE SAVIN ON OVA HAIR REMOVAL..... LIKE.... EFFECTIVE HAIR REMOVAL... TREATMENTS"
She's looking up the prices but then says "I'M NOT AFFILIATED WIV DEM THEY'RE OT SPONSORING ME"
She does another loud sniff.
She tells us the pricing £130 for a single treatment, course of 8 for £65
She gets her calculator out "£65 TIMES 8 EQUALS 520 QUID"
That's probably for your most basic bikini removal, she says.
"IT'S PROBABLY JUST YER LEGS... THAT KIND OF AREA"
The more hair you get removed, the more it costs.
"SO I GOT MA BRAZILLIAN AND MA BUM CRACK DONE... SO THAT WAS A BIT MORE EXPENSIVE"
And....she's not going to tell us how much she spent?!
She is going to tell us that the most expensive is the Hollywood
"ALL GONE," she says as she snaps her sausage fingers
She made the mistake of going to one of her sessions with fake tan on - she doesn't really know why but guesses about the laser targeting pigment in your skin/tanning agent
"AND SO IT DUZN'T WORK.... IT'S BAD... I I I I I DUNNO THE EXACT SCIENCE"
Helga, not researching a topic she's talking about?
Qualityyyyy
"BUT DON'T TAN BEFORE YER GET LAZER. END OF"
She spits out a laugh
She sounds surprised when she says that you have to go in shaven.
"SHAVE BEFORE YER GO AND THEN THEY LASER YER NAKED... BARE.... SKIN..."
"AND THEN MAGIC HAPPENS"
"YER GET THERE AND THEN TAKE PANTS OFF" she laughs, "TAKE YER PANTS OFF AS SOON AS YER GET IN THE DOOR"
Says you gotta fill out forms
"AND THEN YER TAKE YER PANTS OFF"
She sniffs loudly and has a good dig at her nose
Apparently having the lady drawing on her pubes in pencil was "QUITE KEWL"
She says "THEN THEY GIVE YOU SOME FANCY GOGGLES.... WHICH YOU SHOULD WEAR"
(you
should wear? Why is she saying it like it's optional? Not *should*.... you
HAVE to wear them, Helga)
We're now seeing a clip of her first session back in Jan 2020 when she had Grace holding her hand and filming her pubes
We have footage of Helga ringing the bell and then swinging the camera around because she can't open the door. QUALITYYYY
"I'M IN MY ROOM.... I'VE GOT NO PANTS ON!!!" Yells past Helga.
Why is she so
bleeping juvenile?
"MA LEGS ARE REALLY HAIRY TOO, BUT THEY AIN'T GETTIN' DONE TODAY!" or ever since they are covered with tattoos, you idiot.
The woman is getting ready to do her job and Helga is laying there holding her camera and pulling poses...
Cut to her "HAVING ME BUM HOLE DUN"
"I CAN'T STOP CLENCHIN'!"
She's flapping her hand around and making all sorts of weird faces yelling "OOH! IT'S NOT AS BAD! IT'S NOT AS BAD!"
Let's play a game: Is this Quirkerz Butt Hole or Quirkerz Lips?
She flaps around some more and then lets out a high pitch screech
"IT'S FINE... IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE"
She lets out another sharp screech
Cut back to present day Helga. Still in her pit.
"DUZ IT 'URT?"
She's going to be honest.... "YES, IT DOES HURT"
She always does those weird shifty eyes...
The slob finally sits up.
She says it's like someone pinging you with a hot elastic band
"THE MOST PAINFUL PART FOR ME IS THE TOP OF YER PUBES... SO THE BIT RIGHT AT THE... TOP... JUST BELOW YER BELLY BUTTON... THAT BIT... THE TOP OF THA VEE"
Biology and anatomy. Not even once.
She rolls her eyes and puffs out exhaling sighs and says that when she was first getting treatments she felt really sorry for the lady doing her treatments because she was screeching ridiculous high pitched noises...
And now she's demonstrating these noises... why? Because
duck your eardrums this is QUALITY.
"BUT THEN, LIKE, YER UNDERNEAF BIT.... LIKE WHERE YER LABIA IS... THAT'S NOT SO BAD... AND YER BUM CRACK!!! THAT'S BARELY NOTICABLE!" She says directly after showing herself screeching in pain while having her bum crack done...
"FUNNY THAT ISN'T IT? I WOOD AV FORT ME BUM CRACK WOOD AV BEEN REALLY BAD.... LIKE I'D GO IN THERE AND CLENCH MA FIST TA-GEVA I GRAB THE SIDE OF DA CHAIR"
She says that they sometimes blow cold air up there, which makes a difference from all the hot air that Helga is used to from all her molluscs (super fans)
She'd pick laser over wax. She hates wax soooo much.
She says as the sessions go on they take less and less time because there's less hair
"OBVIOUSLY WHEN YER STARTIN' YER GOT MORE HAIR TO TACKLE... AS IT STARTS TO GROW LESS AND LESS AND LESS YOU DON'T NEED AS MUCH......." she looks puzzled "I ASSUME... THAT'S WHY... THE SESSIONS ARE SHORTER.... OR FEELS QUICKER... BECAUSE...." she shrugs
Science and logic. Not even once.
She giggles and awkwardly recoils when she talks about having the front done
"YER HAVE TO OPEN YER LEGS AS WELL"
"HOOOOH! LOOK AT THAT!"
"ROLL ON YER FRONT.... BUM IN THE AIR!!!! PEW PEW PEWM!!!!"
"BUTT CRACK IS DUN REALLY QUICKLY. SUMTIMES I HAVE TO HOLD MA BUM CHEEKS APART. THAT WAS FUN!!!!"
"YER GET QUITE CHATTY WIV YER LASER LADY! YER GET A BIT OF A BOND" ...classic Helga always harassing someone.
"YER SEEN MA FANNY AND BUTT CRACK MULTIPLE TIMES NOW!!!"
Says that afterwards, you don't get any soreness or pain or itchiness
She does a big sniff as she tells us that sometimes it looks like it's growing through really thick and black
"LIKE WEN A MAN SHAVES HIS BEARD AND YOU CAN SEE LIKE... SORT OF THE STUBBLE UNDERNEAFT"
She had that, but she got a tweezer to her fanny and the hair just fell out.
She says tweezing her old pubes out was satisfying "THAT WOZ FUN"
Says that sessions are spaced apart
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE PREPARED THAT IT'S...LIKE, AN INVESTMENT IN YOUR TIME"
Says she noticed results immediately, from thick black coarse pubic hair to whispy fine BABY blonde hair.
She said during lockdown it started growing back thicker.
Her eyes roll back in her skull when she says that she's come to the end of her 8 sessions
But because of lockdown, she's blagged herself 3 free extra sessions
"MY RESULTS WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE EFFECTIVE, HAD LOCKDOWN NOT INTERFERED!"
She's very, very happy with the results down there. She says she's not so insecure about "the area down there"
She doesn't have to do anything
"IT'S JUST THERE, IT'S DUN"
"IT'S SMOOOVE... NICE...." She says in a creepy voice.
She says she hasn't had any regrowth for a while, so didn't bother shaving it for the last sessions.
"I JUST WENT IN, GOT THE AREA ZAPPED AGAIN, WHICH WAS QUITE KEWL"
She says she can get topped up throughout the year.
"BUT IT PRETTY MUCH IS A PERMANENT FING."
She says it can initially be expensive but she thinks it's worth it because of the convenience. (We all know how Helga hates doing things herself)
"THAT IS MY SYNOPSIS... MY REVIEW OF LASER HAIR REMOVAL"
Her finger itches her moustache
Cut to her in her pants.
duck me she's out of bed.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY SHOWING YOU MY... MY... MY.... MY... MY... FANNY"
She starts rubbing underwear
"BUT THIS IS JUST IT... THERE'S NUFFIN THERE, NO RASHES"
She looks down to check her underwear,
"THERE'S NO RAISED BITS" She stares at it, "IT'S JUST SMOOOOOVE"
"IT'S LOVELY N SMOOVEEEE.... DA WHOLE FING IS JUST...." She rubs herself in circular motions
"DA SMOOOOVENESS
"JUST IMAGINE IT EVERYWHERE!" she says as she reaches to grab her ass
She waddles towards the camera
"IT'S FANTASTIC!!!"
"WOOOOOOOOO!"
