VIDEO SUMMARY: Yay Hormones
[Description: Just a wee bit irritable today. Its my time. Though I did get to see my pal. ]
TLDR:
- She has a gusher of a period
- She hurt her shoulder
- She went to PT
- She doesn't know what to do when driving in front of an ambulance on lights
- Lola has "butt stuff" done at the vet
- She went shopping and went out for food
- She HATES wearing masks
- She fell up the stairs
- She's raging
- She looks and sounds like she's on something
[Description: Just a wee bit irritable today. Its my time. Though I did get to see my pal. ]
TLDR:
- She has a gusher of a period
- She hurt her shoulder
- She went to PT
- She doesn't know what to do when driving in front of an ambulance on lights
- Lola has "butt stuff" done at the vet
- She went shopping and went out for food
- She HATES wearing masks
- She fell up the stairs
- She's raging
- She looks and sounds like she's on something
We're in for a treat with this video
HelgaKettleVision...
Now we're in the car, it's her first full day vlogging on her new camera (woo)
"I'M SO 'XCITEEED!"
She's got a rig for the car (so she can be even more dangerous on the roads)
She's off to PT now, as she reverses she almost hits the bin.
Helga has warned her PT that she's hurt her arm while skating "I LANDED FUNNEH!"
"I REALLY HURT ME SHAWL-DAH" She says she couldn't move it for a couple of days
"SO I TOLD 'ER MA SHAWL-DAH IS A LITTLE BIT OUTTA ACTION" why is she talking as if she can't open her mouth?
Fun news, her period started this morning "LIKE MEGA BAD!"
She stutters over her words as she says "AS KAT'S ME MATE SHE'LL GO... I HOPE SHE'LL GO EAZY... SHE WILL GO... SHE'LL UNDERSTAND.... GO EASY ON ME" Helga is slurring her words again.
The music on her video is really loud, but then she did say in her last vlog that she turns the music up when the mic quality is tit, so it's probably that...
She freaks out as an ambulance goes behind her "OOOH I DUNNO WOT TO DO WEN AN AMBULANCE COMES... WOT DO I MOVE OVER BUT LIKE ALSO WHERE DO I GOOO???
(The dirty witch STILL hasn't removed that makeup from her hand)
She makes lots of screeching noises as the ambulance approaches, she then swears as it comes closer "AH duck crappy duck duck crappy crappy BITTY duck duck..... TITTY WHERE DO I GOOOOO???? AH GOD IT'S COMING... I'M GUNNA STOP.... I'M GUNNA STOP HERE!!!! WE'RE GUNNA LET IT GO FREW GUYS!!
"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE"
The ambulance goes past "OKAY KAY KAY KEWL"
She laughs and asks if anyone else just panics when they see an ambulance
She says it's like "ARGHHHH I MUST BE HELPFUL!!!" but then says "AND THEN YOU GOT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO HELPFUL..... THAT ARE TOO EAGER, THAT GET UP ON THE KERB EVEN THOUGH THERE'S PLENTY OV SPACE HAHAHA!!!"
"I'M HELPING!" She yells
She's in the gym, she's set the camera up and she waddles over to Kat saying that she's feeling very fragile today.
"are yer?" says Kat
"WELL MA ARM STILL 'URTS!!!!" She says holding it out in case Kat doesn't know where her arm is
"AND THEN MA PERIOD CAME DIS MORNING"
"BUT LIKE, YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S LIKE.....YOU SIT UP AND IT GOES WOSHHHHPFFFFFFFFT!!" of course this is said with OTT gesturing.
"AND THEN IT'S JUST LIKE... I WOZ LIKE... EHHHHHHHHHHUGHHHHH!"
"SO I'M FEELING LIKE... REALLY crappy... BUT I'LL BE OKAY" She soldiers on
Kat doesn't give a tit, she just wants to get on with the workout
She gets Helen on a bike, she peddles without putting her hands on the handlebars
"I'LL JUST DO IT LIKE DIS!!!" she yells at Kat
"IS DAT ALWITE?"
Kat doesn't care she just says yeah sure, knowing that Helga is just going to do what she wants anyway and at the end of the day Kat's getting paid for this tit.
Helga squeals and "WOOS!" in celebration
"KAT YER TEEF ARE SOOOO NICE!" Helga is using a compliment...
"My teeth?!" says Kat, oh dear that's the wrong answer - she obviously didn't watch the compliments video as the instant reply should have been "thanks! Yours are too!"
Helga tries again "I JUST NOTICED HOW NICE YER TEEF LUK!"
"they're really not," Says Kat, as Helga tries a third time complimenting with a voice cracking, squeaky "THEY'RE LOVELY TEEF!"
"Fankooo" says Kat, third times a charm.
Helga then yells at her "LOOK! LOOK WOT YER DOIN! YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO MA REEL I DID LAST NIGHT!!!!"
Kat says she didn't think it was warranted
"DAT IS WARRANTED!!!!!" Yells Helga
Work out is over "I AM DUN"
"HOW DO I GET OUT? I WOZ TRYIN' TO USE MY CAR KEYS TO OPEN THE DOOR..."
Doors are hard for Helga
"OH MY GOD I PARKED SOOO CLOSE TO THE DOOR"
"I'M TRYIN' TO USE MA DOOR KEY TO OPEN MA CAR... WOT DA HELL IS GOING ON?!" (you're probably drunk/high again, Helga)
She says that the workout was okay it's all leg and glutes.
Back home now and she releases the dogs from the dungeon (I can't believe she shuts them in that tiny little room when she goes out!!)
Poor Diane bolts it out of there so fast that she knocks the guitar.
Now she's bitching about the never-ending gross state of her kitchen
She then gets distracted by her camera's autofocus as she waves her gross hand in front of it.
She's been out to the vet to get Lola's "BUTT" done... and now she's getting ready to go out again.
She's off out for lunch with Josie and then she has an accounting meeting.
She's squatting down waiting to pounce on Josie
"AH THAT WOZN'T JOSIE... OH DEAR I FORT DAT WOZ JOSIE BUT IT WEREN'T JOSIE"
Helga is getting impatient and calls her - Helga records this conversation
"sorry I was talking to the delivery man at the door," Says Josie
"WHO??"
"A delivery man at the door"
"AHHH CHATTIN', I WOZ, WOZ CHATTIN' UP DER DELIVERY MAN ARE YA?!" she slurs.
Josie says that she had to show him ID as he was delivering tools for her boyfriend
Helga makes loud noises
"WHAAA-WOSSS HE BEEN ORDERIN'? HA HA HA HA!!!!" Her words are blending into each other, what is this girl on?
Josie says it's tools for work. Of course, you wouldn't know what that is, Helga.
"I'M ON DA CORNER"
A car beeps in the background and Helga has to comment on it
"WHO'S bleeping BEEPIN WHO?
"I'M ON DA CORNER OPPOSITE RUMSEY WELLS BECUZ I PARKED AT ST ANDREWS..."
Josie says she's going to walk up and Helga says see you in a minute. (Way to give out your friends home location, Helga....)
Helga zooms in on Josie walking up and cackles
"HE HA HE HA HA! HI! HOW YER DOIN' NICE DREZZZ" (Although with the accent Helga is doing it sounds like she's asking Josie how's her ass)
"NICE NICE!" She says in her weird accent again... she's being so bleeping weird
Helen zooms into Josie's breasts.
"YER TIT'S LOOK GREAAAAAAAT JOSE!!!!!!!!"
Helen does a weird Krusty the Clown laugh.
They're at Expresso now, she's getting a lot of food.
"I'VE ALSO ORDERD SUM CAKE... BECAUSE.. WELL.... WHY NOT? IT'S WEDNESDAY!"
Lunch eaten, they're now in the Dr Martens store
Helga really wants some sandals and Josie wants some shoes but can't afford them at the moment
"SHE'S GUNNA SAVE HER PENNIES"
Helga has whipped her mask off it looks bleeping gross in there, I bet the dirty witch has never bleeping washed it
"WHEN YOU SAVED YER PENNIES AND I SAVED MY PENNIES., WE'LL COME IN"
She grabs Josie by the shoulder... clearly social distancing not a thing in Helen's world
She tells Josie that she can take her mask off now.... duck off Helga, just duck right off.
Josie says she likes wearing her mask because they keep her face warm.
Helga stutters, "I, I , I , I , I DON'T LIKE WEARING THEM"
She remembers that she's on camera
"I MEAN I WILLLLLLLL.... UGHLHHH THAT'S TABOOO... I MEAN THAT'S ... CONTROVERSIAL SAYIN' I DON'T LIKE WEARIN DEM... WELL I DON'T! THEY'RE NOT COMFORTABLE!"
Maybe bin that gross, free, ill-fitting Alton Towers one that falls off your beak every three seconds and try another one.
"I'LL WEAR DEM CUZ I HAVE TO AND I KNOW IT'S A GOOD IDEA ... BUT I DON'T LIKE WEARIN' DEM"
Back in the car now
"TIME TA GO 'OME!" She yells with a ticket in her mouth
What a great camera Helga, it's not even focused on you
Helga says she's raging because her fat arse fell up the stairs and whacked her shin
She takes her jeans off
"CUZ DER WERE LOADZ OF COATS ON DER BANISTER... AHHH.. IM GUNNA GET A REAL NASTY BRUISE"
"AND I'M LIKE.... FUCKIN' COATS!!!!! ...HUNG DEM UP..... FIWL'S COATS... FIWL'S BLOODY COATS AND IM GUNNA.... WEN HE GETS 'OME FROM WORK I'LL TELL HIM NO MORE BLOODY COATS ON DER BANISTER!!!! TRIP ON DEM ALL THE TIME! AND I REALLY HURT!! WUUUUUGH!!!" She grunts loudly
"RAY GIN!!!! RAY GIN!!!!!"
"DON'T MESS-WHEN-WIV A WOMAN WEN SHE'S bleeping HORMONAL AND IN PAIN ALREADY"
"TRACKY BUMS" She's changed now.
She's emptying the dishwasher and then will finish editing her vlog and will upload it and that's her done for the day
"WOZ HAVIN' A BIT OF A TANTRU.....A BIT OF A MOMENT THEN" lol at her correcting herself.
She goes back to raving about her lunch at Expresso, and how she went to Dr Martens and then she went to an incense shop
Cut to the sofa of nightmares and a shot of her bending over.
"I'M GETTIN' IN MA SOFT OFFICE"
soft office.. Jesus christ she has a name for her lazy workspace...
"BLOODY ICE CREAM WRAPPERS EVERYWHERE!" she yells, the quietly adds "...THAT'S MY FAULT"
Ugh what a slob.. how can you sit in a pile of old food wrappers
"I'M IN DA SOFT OFFICE"
"DIS IS ME NOW FOR THE REST OF THE DAY," She says as she covers herself with her sofa duvet
Cut to a bath and someone saying "tips on how to not die"
Helga wants a bit of a scrub as she's going to tan tomorrow morning.
She's in bed now saying she's skipped dinner because she's not hungry (Blimey that must be a first!)
Her eyes roll around
She says her eyeshadow has stained her eyes
Fiwl's busy tidying up after his tea and Helga is uploading her vlog which she edited today.
She gives her nose a big old wipe with the back of her hand, looks at it and sniffs really loudly
"DOIN' ALL THE BITS.. I HOPE IT'S OKAY" She blinks slowly and then rolls her eyes around
"DEN I GUESS WE'LL WATCH SUM TV"
She makes more "EEEE" noises and pulls faces
The end
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on another note, I don't think Helen could gross me out more than she does. I think period talk is great but did we need to know the details of it whooshing out of her????
