And beers! If I have a pub lunch that’s pretty much me done for the day and I’m a size 20 fatty.
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That fringe. It just doesn’t help matters.
After watching some of her recent videos again (and lurking in the comments here) I’ve come to the conclusion that Melon is not on antidepressants but in fact The Sniffy Dust.
If you grew up in the 90s/00s dance scene, you can spot them gurns a mile off!
If you grew up in the 90s/00s dance scene, you can spot them gurns a mile off!
No but I wish she would - her fans are completely brain dead. Apparently they love watching Helga pick up dogshit. What.the.duck?
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Are these people OK?
'Feels like we're hanging out'
If I was hanging out with anyone and they started picking up weeks worth of dog tit or mumbling around giving a running commentary I'd run for the hills.
Ok....so she started weekly vlogs, then cut it down to weekend vlogs and NOW has just done a Sunday vlog!
Burnt out you say Helga?.
And this.....the teeth. I can smell the bad breath from here!
Burnt out you say Helga?.
And this.....the teeth. I can smell the bad breath from here!
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And no weekend round-up on IG...
She's just trying to hide all of her covid rule-breaking by not posting anything at all now
I bet she thinks these are just her "BoUnDaRiEs"
I don't get how anyone could enjoy that piece of tit content today, collecting poo for a solid couple of minutes, getting your boyfriend to narrate his lawnmowing, the intense close-ups of her chins and up nose shots, the blurry camera, the close-ups of Fiwl and his teefts...
The weird lounging and rambling at the end... who the duck is enjoying that?
I thought this biatch was over her "burn out" and SuPeR ExCiTeD to make content after her one day of rest?
Maybe that's why they sit so far away from each other on the sofa of nighmares?
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Sooooo a year into dating Fiwl and Helga's teeth are getting all chipped too? I know we Brits have a rep for bad teeth but Christ alive.
What are they both doing?!
What are they both doing?!
I don’t have a dog so I don’t know much so...is it normal to let your dog tit all over the garden and then just leave it there? Like is that something people do? Seems so gross to me. Can you imagine being her neighbours and looking put to see dogs shitting and then the tit just sitting there for gods knows how long? 
I don’t have a dog so I don’t know much so...is it normal to let your dog tit all over the garden and then just leave it there? Like is that something people do? Seems so gross to me. Can you imagine being her neighbours and looking put to see dogs shitting and then the tit just sitting there for gods knows how long?
My elderly granny used to let her dog out to poop and she couldn’t bend down to pick it up so I’d go round and do it twice a week. Helen has no excuse.
I don’t know what’s wrong with my YouTube app! Couldn’t see any comments or the option to on a couple of her vids - thought I’d been blocked hahaaaa
I'm not sure if there's a standard. I grew up with dogs and we would pick up after them right away. I've met people who leave it a few days before doing a poo pick, but I really think you're supposed to do it straight away after they've done their business. Dog poo harbours dangerous pathogens if I'm not mistaken.I don’t have a dog so I don’t know much so...is it normal to let your dog tit all over the garden and then just leave it there? Like is that something people do? Seems so gross to me. Can you imagine being her neighbours and looking put to see dogs shitting and then the tit just sitting there for gods knows how long?
That's what I thought. I recognize the gurning and the bouts of absence of being not available/not doing YouTube.
I'm not shaming her because I get it. Because shaming is not the best route for this. I'm more of the acceptance as long as you're not actively hurting others.
I mean letting her dogs tit up the garden is not ok. I mean it shows how much she's not going into her garden and staying in her house (then complains she is cooped up but goes out anyway), only seemed to care when people were coming over? So ofc she had to get rid of poos right... right. She did get rid of them when the Easter thing happened?
I always pick up after mine as soon as they do it. Weirdly mine seem to have bit of a regular pooping routine and I can usually predict when they are going go have a shite (usually first thing in morning and straight after dinnerI don’t have a dog so I don’t know much so...is it normal to let your dog tit all over the garden and then just leave it there? Like is that something people do? Seems so gross to me. Can you imagine being her neighbours and looking put to see dogs shitting and then the tit just sitting there for gods knows how long?
) But I watch mine whenever they're outside anyway just in case. TMI, but sometimes I need to get the hose out if there's a.... well lets just say a funny tummy one.Also, I like using my garden and don't really want it becoming a total tit pit.
I get the feeling Helga just throws them outside and forgets about them. She often moans about Diane eating everything so it does make me wonder if Diane often eats her own tit and if she eats those toxic rotten apples Helga has laying around all over the garden... I do worry about that poor dog.
This (hilarious, thanks again Luna) roundup really does show her to be teetering into sloppy drunk territory.VIDEO SUMMARY: Taking Back Sunday
[Description: ....see what I did thereIm so happy life feels like its going back to normal!]
TLDR:
SHE PICKED UP A TON OF DOG tit FROM HER GARDEN
SHE WENT OUT TO THE PUB FOR FOOD AND DRINKS
WENT TO ANOTHER PUB WITH HER MATES FOR FOOD AND DRINKS
DRANK SOME MORE WHEN SHE GOT HOME
ORDER SOME MORE FOOD AND HAD MORE DRINKS
KettleVision: today she's using her dildo mug
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She's starting off her Sunday morning by picking up dog tit in the garden
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She's waddling around picking up all the shits because they're cutting the grass today
"I REALLY NEED TO GET IN THE HABIT OF PICKING IT UP STRAIGHT AFTER THEY'VE BEEN" (she's so bleeping lazy)
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Jesus Christ, when was the last time she cleared up after them? shes' still roaming around picking up tit.
She's saying that Fiwl's going to cut the grass for her (because she is lazy) because he's is very thorough
"GROSS GROSS GROSS"
She's still going.
"NEARLY THERE!"
"THE LAST LITTLE NUGGETS. UGH GROSS!"
Fiwls here and been chin mic'd to say that he's getting the dog toys off the grass. He's got his hands in his pockets as he kicks the toys
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He says that Helen's cleaned up all the dog poo already, but she might have missed some - she always does
"BUT IT'S ALRIGHT, I'LL LET HER OFF BECAUSE THE GRASS GETS LONG AND YOU CAN'T SEE IT" he says.
This is great content.
We watch Fiwl struggle to start the lawnmower. He's mumbling to himself. We have to watch this for a while...
"SMELLS LIKE PETROL AND CUTTIN' GRASS" He says, while pushing a petrol filled lawnmower which he... just filled up with petrol while... cutting bleeping grass.
Lol Fiwl yells to Helga to get him a portion allergy tablet and comments that otherwise, he'll be sniffing for 3 weeks, why do I feel that he's only yelling this after it was pointed out that he was clearly sick a few videos ago when he was breathing into a steamer and had vicks...
Helga waddles down and says "HERE YOU ARE SIR, I AM ADMINISTERING YOU A PIRITON AND I HAVE HERE SOME WATER"
Helga is screaming at him now after he chopped down some of her plants, we can't hear what she's saying because the mower is going, but the witch ain't happy!
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"SORRY MATE," Says Fiwl... not clear if he's saying this to Helga or the plant...
Helga stomps down the path with a face like thunder
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We're in the bedroom now, and Helga is painting
"I PAIN-TED! I PAIN-TED!"
She's going to be making a video on it when it's all done. Yay.
She rambles on about watching tv while she was painting all Saturday, but she feels really good about her terracotta walls and grey-black skirting boards.
Says this is more "HER" now, and feels more like HER bedroom, before she wasn't really loving it (probably because it reminded her of both Maff and Mark lol)
She's got a decorator coming in tomorrow (Monday/today) to wallpaper for her.
She says that having dark skirting boards are the way forward.
She screams because she just put her paintbrush in her cup of tea, so naturally, she has to slurp the paint-tea.
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"CAN'T WASTE A TEA!" (Or the chance to get your face off on another substance...)
Cut to bath, cut to her getting ready to go out. They've walked to a pub
And Fiwl's on his phone again
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Helga explains that they have walked into the "SIT TEA"
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She mentions that everywhere's open for them to sit outside
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She's ordering a pint with a chicken burger and chips.
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She's asking the waiter about the ale and she decides she wants that instead
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The waiter asks if she would like to taste it first and she says no it's ok, but Fiwl wants to try it so she says "ALRIGHT" while recoiling backwards
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They've come to St Andrew's Brew House.
It's great that we get to see this nice area.. oh wait no we just get treated to a super close up shot of Helga gurning and picking her ear.
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She mentions that this is the first time that Fiwl has popped into the city for a while, she came here the other day (of course)
She gets her taster shot of ale
"OH LOOK IT'S TINY!!!" She squeals.
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"SO CUTE!"
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"YER KNOW WOT.. IT'S NICE.. IT'S JUST I LIKE A STRONG IPA, so she changes her mind again and gets what she originally ordered, but hey, she got a free shot.
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She wheezes a laugh at the waiter.
"I JUST LIKE IT TO MAKE ME GO LIKE THIS..... A BIT" She bobs her head.
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She wheezes another laugh at the poor waiter
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The waiter has escaped now. "IT'S YOUR FIRST PINT" Says Helga to Fiwl.
Quality Over Quantity Quirkerz has a new filming style.... BlurVision.
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Honestly, I think it's an improvement from seeing all her bleeping chins for the last few minutes.
She asks Fiwl how it feels to have his first pint of 2020... Jesus Christ.
"2021" Fiwl corrects her.
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Helga swings the camera left to right as Fiwl says that his pint is "YEAH, IT'S GOOD. NICE"
They've eaten their food and now have moved on to another pub (Norwich Playhouse) because it's Conor's birthday so the gang are all out together.
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She asks Fiwl if he's having a nice time having his SECOND pint
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He mumbles something and Helga goes "YEAHHHH"
Cut back to home now. She's got herself some more alcohol to drink
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She starts talking but then is interrupted by Fiwl "HELLOOOO YOU OKAY?"
He can't find his phone charger
Helga sinks lower and lower into her slump positing
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She gets back to scrolling on her phone
"WOTS HAPPENING? WOTS BEEN GOING ON?" She gets distracted by a bird "OOH THERE'S A BIRD!"
She tells us she has a bird nesting in her roof and he's "GOT A LOAD OF WORMS IN HIS GOB"
She's deciding on having a takeaway because having a day out with pub grub wasn't enough for Helga.
"SUM ONE PLANTED DA SEED OF 'AVING AN INDIAN TAKEAWAY AT DA PUB AND NOW WE'RE LIKE... OOH, THAT DOES SOUND GREAT... EVEN THOUGH WE ATE OUT FOR LUNCH... OH WELL."
She's now slumped, scrolling on her phone, catching up with what her mates have been doing. Some went to a cricket match "THERE WOZ BEERS" Says the alcoholic.
"I'M JUST GUNNA SIT 'ERE... AND... SIT 'ERE... AND JUST.... SIT 'ERE...."
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"UGH THERE REALLY IS SOMETHING LIVING IN MY....." she trails off and editing Helga decides that's worthwhile to put in a vlog with a bit of text
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Such qUaLiTy
She perks up when she realises that she actually has a camera there.
She says it was nice to see Conor and Melissa... and Josie and Ross
She mentions that she went to lunch on Friday and says that going out for lunch today was weird and "kewl" because she saw so many other people... not people she knows but just watching other people "DO STUFF"
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"IT'S A GOOD, POSITIVE FEELING.. LIKE FINGS ARE ACTUALLY GOING BACK TO NORMAL"
"LIKE BEFORE THERE WOZ ALWAYS THAT UNCERTAINTY THAT FINGS WILL CLOSE AGAIN AND IT DID... THIS TIME IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE ON THE HOME STRAIGHT AND IT FEELS GOOOOD"
(What a bleeping thing to say when it's only the second week of lockdown slowly lifting... we've been in this position 3 times before and it's idiots like her who can't slow the duck down that don't help the situation. We're still going through the vaccination process and trying to figure out these new varients which are still coming over. We are not on the bleeping home straight.)
Anyway she's off to order some food and that's the end of the video
If she wasn't an influencer I could see her being a gobby barmaid, making the customers uncomfortable.
Conor always seems to dislike her.
I wondered that too.
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Ms Anderson
what the duck is that?
Knacker
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