VIDEO SUMMARY:A NEW VLOGGING CAMERA (SONY ZV-1)
[Description: A day or normal shinanigans, but with a new vlogging camera!]
TLDR:
- GOT A NEW CAMERA BECAUSE SHE'S A SOLE TRADER
- COMPARES HER NEEDING ANOTHER NEW CAMERA TO A TRADESMAN NEEDING TOOLS
- IS GOING TO TRAVEL TO LONDON TO GET HER HAIR DONE, DESPITE GETTING BACKLASH LAST TIME
- STILL CAN'T WEAR A MASK PROPERLY
Helga KettleVision and messy kitchen shot
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The title card is I got a new vlogging camera - we're in for a treat here, folks!
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Two months later and she still has her
crappy cardboard "welcome to Norville" sign up
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The state of it...
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It's Tuesday for Helga
She shows us her bowl of porridge
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"DATS UH CHOCK SHOT"
She wants to get a new vlogging camera - She says the lens on it is terrible... as she says this the camera she records on keeps going in and out of focus
"GOD I LOOK AWFUL RIGHT NOW," She says
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She wipes her snotty nose with her hand as she checks herself out in the monitor of her camera and repeats that the lens on it is terrible
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She says her eyelashes look good though
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"I GET AN LVL SOON THEY'RE GUNNA BE MEGA"
She says the common problem with the camera she has is that dust and grit gets into it easily... but really it's because the lazy biatch never cleans her devices.
She comments about the vlog on Easter Sunday where it looked awful - huh funny that she's mentioning that after we all talked about it...
"THE FOOTAGE FOR ME WAS JUST UGHHHHHH I COULDN'T BARE IT BECAUSE IT WAS JUST FULL OF DUST AND STUFF" ...yet Miss Quality over Quantity still used the footage despite knowing it was
tit?
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Does she never bother doing a test shot with her cameras before filming?
She continues making excuse after excuse for why she needs a new camera. She says she loves her chin mic
"JUST SOUNDS GREAT" ............................No, Helga. It does not sound great. No one needs to hear you chomping pasta that clearly or hearing your burps or the sound your scalp makes when you itch it.
She says the chin mic is great on the DSLR camera she's using now or the other camera she's got but those cameras aren't very "transportable"
"AND WIV DER WORLD OPENING UP AND ME WANTIN TO VLOG MORE AND MORE OUT AND AB-AOUT I WANT SUMFINK COMPACT AND STILL ABLE TO USE MY MICROPHONE"
She's going to wear that thing out and about... yay.
She rambles on about her camera and says she's been looking at reviews on this shiny new camera and it's got "loads of settings" and it can focus "like in milliseconds"
She shows us an example by holding her hand up to the camera to try and show how
tit it is as it won't focus on her hand
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"SEE WOT I MEAN?"
She's going to pop to Wex to see if they got any "I KNOW THEY GOT SUM I CHECKED THE STOCK ONLINE"
She mentions that she's going to London on Friday to get her hair done and is also meet up with Manager Ryan and is going to take new shiny camera with her
She laughs about the thought of how many cameras she's had and how much money she's spent on them
"HAHAHA THIS ISN'T ME JUSTIFYING IT... THIS IS ME JUSTIFYING IT TO MYSELF" ...so you are justifying it...
She carries on justifying it
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"THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS I.AM.A.BUSINESS ....I AM A.... INDEPEN.... I AM A SOLE TRADER ....I AM SELF EMPLOYED ....AND.... YOU KINDA HAVE TA ....YOU HAVE TO INVEST IN YOUR BUSINESS ....AND BUYING CAMERAS IS NO DIFFERENT TO... A
bleeping' BUILDER BUYING NEW TOOLS OR A CARPENTER BUYING A NEW DRILL OR A SANDER OR....."
She rubs her face all over and jumpcuts to continue her rant
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"EVERYONE IN DER BUSINESSES HAS TO BUY
tit TO MAKE THEIR BUSINESSES RUN... AND TO BE HONEST IT'S QUITE KEWL. I LIKE COLLECTING CAMERA"
Jumpcut to her talking with her mouthful and sniffing loudly.
She's now in the dressing room
"OH BALLSACKS, WHERE DID I PUT MY PHONE?" she says waddling in, rubbing her gunt to check if it's hidden in there
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She rambles on about making a reel super close up, a makeup palette that she randomly found and some earrings that she got sent through her POO Box
She complains that she can't find her Apple Watch
Cut to later. She's done her reel this is the makeup for it
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Why do her eyelashes look like they've fallen off??
"FREE ATTEMPTS IT TOOK ME TO DO DIS!!!!!" She yells,
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Quality over quantity.... nope
"THREE!" She yells again "DIS IS 'ARD!"
"PEOPLE IN DER SIXTIES... HONESTLY..." She starts clapping "....BIG CONGRATZ"
She says she's seen so many people doing this look on IG - so naturally, she had to copy them
She then goes on ranting and making excuses for her
tit attempt, blames it on not finding the right eyeliner (what out all ALLLLL the eyeliners you get sent?! Shocked)
She says she needs to find herself a really "WET" eyeliner then gasps as she says "A GEL!"
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She's calling someone on the phone now and makes random faces as it rings
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She potters about and complains every now and again as the phone keeps ringing
She shows off the boots she's going to wear today. They're the circulation cutter ones.
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The phone's still ringing as she goes downstairs
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She's finally through, she films her gunt as she speaks to what sounds like the vet "HELLO I AM WANTING TO BOOK MY DOG...." she jumpcuts to the camera shop
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She walks in forgetting to put her mask on "OOH I NEED TO PUT A MASK ON..."
Cut to her walking towards the exit of the shop... still with no mask?
Quirkz has so much stuff in her tiny ham slabs
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"I GOT MASELF SUM PRETTIES HERE!"
She's got the camera, a suction cup for when she vlogs and drives in the car (how safe) and a new lead for her microphone
"YER MIGHT 'AV NOTICED, YER MIGHT NOT I DEFINITELY HAVE CUZ IT GETS ON MA TITS... BUT IT'S BEEN MAKIN' A REALLY HIGH FREQUENCY LIKE...... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she squeaks in a high pitched tone
She's chomping loudly on her chewing gum.
"I TRY TO DROWN IT OUT WIV DER MUSIC BUT I'M SEEING IF IT'S A LEAD ISSUE"
The mic gets louder and the sound distorts as she says "BUT I'D BE SO ANNOYED IF IT'S DER MICROPHONE!"
She's back in B&M now.... with her mask slipping down yet again.
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witch, throw that mask away, it's
bleeping awful and constantly slips down for fucks sake.
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She pulls it back up but it instantly slips down again. Helga just keeps on talking
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She's too distracted by the sweet aisle
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Back home now
"ANYONE ELSE HAS THE UH UH.... HAS THE UH UH... BLUBLUHLUHGH" She stutters out of shot
She waddles in with hands full of crap
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"GUILTY OF GOING TO B N M RIGHT? AND GOING IN JUST TO BUY BOG ROLL N JUST ENDING UP WIV A FUCKIN' RING LIGHT AN A TRAY OF
tit"
She says she only went in there for milk, loo roll and washing tablets
She bought a £25 ring light for her phone, she explains that when she uses her phone to film it's a bit "DODGE" because she balances it on her radiator or she'll use her fake "SUCK LEEE AIN'TS" to hold it.
"I HOPE IT'S NOT MASSIVE," She says to her impulse buy
She takes it out and shrieks a laugh
"HO HO HO!!!! THAT WOZ SOOOO EASY TO ERRECT!"
Helga, it's probably the only thing you can get up these days, hun.
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"KEWLLLLLL!"
She bought a £5 fake plant
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And she bought Fiwllly a widdle treat... oh wait she got HERSELF and Fiwllly a treat
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Eco friendly Helga has also got him some disposable hayfever wipes
"BECAUZ HE'S SOOOO SNOTTY AT DER MOMENT! HIS SINUSES ARE TERRIBLE"
She's got a tiny bottle of sauce (I'd imagine that she'll probably have that as a shot)
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She's got herself a KitKat gold because she's not tried it
She got a leaf dish
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And a couple of storage baskets "CUZ I FUCKIN LOVE STORAGE BOX"
She also got teabags "ESSENTIAL!"
She rambles about being sad about not having oat milk and having to message Fiwl to pick some up because she didn't want to go back on herself and go to Asda to get some.... I AM SHOOKETH! Helga, NOT going to Asda?!
"WE'RE NOT DRINKING... WE... WE'VE NOT DRUNK COWZ MILK IN A FEW WEEKS!"
She says that she's stopped drinking it because "I FORT I DON'T NEED TO DRINK COWZ MILK AND THE FORT OF DRINKIN' COWZ MILK FREAKS ME OUT. I TRY AND AVOID IT IF I CAN" .....but she'll happily eat cow's milk...
She says that they've both been cutting out dairy "BUT NOT LIKE CHEEZE AND STUFF" so you're not cutting out dairy.... just cow's milk...
She wipes her nose with a finger
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"JUST BEING A BIT MORE, KIND OV......" She lets out a loud sigh and picks her nose
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"MORE AND MORE CONSCIOUS ABOUT..... CONSUMING..... AND.... CUTTIN' DOWN.... AND ALL THAT SORT OF STUFF"
I've had to pause and I spat out my tea laughing at that bit.
bleeping Helga.
Anyway, it's time for her lunch...
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She's going to rush and film a quick TikTok/Reel (the thank U, next one)
She's eaten food and got changed into a jumper.
"GOD THERE'S CHOCOLATE EVERYWHERE ON DA SOFA!"
She's giving us a BAND t-shirt update
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She rambles on about how quickly she sold her 90 t-shirts overnight. She's flabbergasted! She's shocked! She's amazed! She's overwhelmed!
She's telling the story of how she put up a preorder and ordered more t-shirts but couldn't get them blah blah blah
She says she tried ordering from another company but this particular t-shirt is super popular and she can't get it anywhere.
She says that she's come up with a few other designs as well... more merch?! Girl, your band has TWO songs. TWO!
She has a huge smile on her face talking about how she's come to an agreement with a supplier so she can get back to selling her t-shirts to suckers
She says that she's stocking up on the Be Kewl t-shirt and there's going to be a couple of new designs as well
Miss "I've cut out dairy" chomps on her milk chocolate bar.
She's got her vlogging camera out now, and the first footage to christen it? Fiwl's greasy hair
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"Woah," says Fiwl. Clearly unimpressed
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She demonstrates how quickly it focuses. Fiwl doesn't give a
tit.
She's noticed that it has a red light when it's recording
"IT'S MARKETED AS A VLOGGIN' CAMERA!" She says to Fiwl.... who still doesn't seem to give a
tit
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"I LIKE THIS SO FAR"
Cut to her doing an online event. She's got a huge box sent to her from St Tropez
Every item she pulls out of the basket she has to say "OOOHH!"
She rambles on about tanning and how she couldn't tan before getting her pubes done blah blah blah
More OOOOH's as she pours herself a drink... it's a Tuesday Helga - thought you didn't drink on a weekday. LOL
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The person on the zoom calls says that she feels like she's talking to a group of EXPERTS.
bleeping looooooool. Of course she said that because she's selling this
tit.
Helga has drunk all the alcohol
Now she's chasing Diane around asking her what she's up to
Now she's getting into bed
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So graceful
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Fiwl's trying to find her Apple Watch. She says she lost it the other week and has lost it again.
She tells the story of when she last had it but then yells at Diane
"NO DEEDEE! I'M TALKIN TO THE CAMERA! WAIT YER TURN!!!"
Cut to her and Fiwl having snacks in bed.
Now she's drawing
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And now she's chucked the dogs out for wees, she's going to charge her chin mic and go to bed.
