- Notice
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
I want to preface this by saying I've had mental health problems so this doesn't sound glib, but I don't want to read a magazine named Breakdown just like I don't want to fly with an airline called Crash
kachoochoo
VIP Member
I know it's too early, but i would be puppyishly enthusiastic about Jack Monroe's Network Bandwidth Is Low for thread title! 
I love that you've said 'team' - it's just me (and a designer). Thank you. I try not to be too earnest or preachy, or too platitude-y. It's very hard to find the right balance.
I've lurked for a few months ever since I saw Tattle mentioned on a blind gossip site (I think). Jack fascinates me, as do a number of other Twitter 'personalities' that have been mentioned on here. I signed up a few days ago (just before Marbles was mentioned on here!) because I wanted to view the links and images posted. This thread is a good resource on what not do on social media tbh.
LennyBriscoe
VIP Member
I would like to second this. Thank god for you guys as where I am just now, I need to see the positive, rational, realistic, non-judgmental, non-controversial honesty that you mothering bunch of ninnies give so freely.
I think Jack is dangerous with her “tweet first, think later” and the fact she blames a lot of her defects of character on medical conditions is sickening.
I have had the longest visit from the black dog in a long time, and it’s still bounding about looking a bit like that drawing I’ve shared. It’s funny, when I’m in here cracking crappy jokes and overusing the gifs, I start to doubt that I’m depressed because I wouldn’t be able to do that surely? But this is my escape and I love the wit, the honesty, the sheep...all of it. Well, not her pictures of food because,
.
Congratulations to @Scarletfever for the thread title! 78 reactions 
Seeing as this is your second, I believe you have to eat a plate of the three tin tender. May the odds be ever in your favour.
Ok, so technically @JoyceDivision won with: ‘Are ewe aware of our work, Tattle?’, but I’m afraid I made an executive decision and chose the more relevant title to Jack’s latest chaos, seeing as this is a Jack Monroe thread. Apologies!
Buckle up, ninnies. This is a long one.
Recap of thread #107
Seeing as this is your second, I believe you have to eat a plate of the three tin tender. May the odds be ever in your favour.Ok, so technically @JoyceDivision won with: ‘Are ewe aware of our work, Tattle?’, but I’m afraid I made an executive decision and chose the more relevant title to Jack’s latest chaos, seeing as this is a Jack Monroe thread. Apologies!
Buckle up, ninnies. This is a long one.
Recap of thread #107
- She reminisced about the good old days. Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt? Matt?! Matt! Matt!!!
- Erm, you need to tag the right Matt, Jack.
- Jackbot 2020 overheated again and spouted code. U wot m8?
- Not again, said Jack. FFS. (Did the Daily Mail catch it? No? Oh.)
- Let’s all gloss over her three tin tender beef (really, let’s) - because, look! She’s having a beef with Sia.
- Screenshot extravaganza HERE of the long thread of her increasingly egregious tweets that prove without a doubt that she is NOT ... hard work.
- She’s moved her office again. Such a tiny bungalow.
- Cancel mob? Lol. You don’t know a damn thing about her, buddy.
- Don’t be snitch tagging her now, she has every right to thoroughly make something about her on a large public platform and keep it a secret from Sia. ‘Sake.
- She’s really good on camera, honestly. If you don’t believe her, here’s the proof, mate.
- And just like that, none of it ever happened. Not again FFS.
- She’s so proud of her new Twitter byline. That’ll do, Jack.
- She made her signature bake.
- Oh dear.
- She ‘accepts criticism’, people. (One for the list, @kachoochoo
) - Jack, you forgot your honorary double doctorate with the letters after your name.
- She’s a self-described ‘kitchen maverick’.
- She has changed her byline again. And AGAIN. And A G A I N.
- She’s not a ‘fucking pick n mix’, she’s as white as mayo, and don’t you forget it.
- Jack says: ‘I’m not here to create outrage, I do recipes hun.’
- Cup-o-sick, anyone? Truly awful.
- The Breakdown has hired her as a columnist. It’s a new magazine that is Patreon-funded. She must have fit the bill.
- She’s gifting her column fee back to The Breakdown to fund another writer. Jack says: ‘My suggestion, not theirs.’
- Would anyone like to do the next few recaps?
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
housemouse
Member
So she can stop begging then, if she’s got all that work on
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Falkor
VIP Member
That's what I've been wondering. The Royal Academy on its own usually refers to the Royal Academy of Art, and they're the ones who use the abbreciation RA, but they don't have Fellows, they have Academicians. To become an RA you have to be (a) under 75, (b) professionally active as an artist or architect in the UK, (c) nominated by an existing RA and (d) have your nomination supported by another eight RAs. Then you become a candidate and new RAs are voted in from the candidate list three times a year IF there is a vacancy - there are a maximum of 80 RAs at any one time and new ones are only admitted if there's a death or an RA reaches 75 and becomes a Senior RA.
So either Jack is lying or she's doing the equivalent of the time I told someone I got my dress at Selfridges when it was in fact Miss Selfridge.
Jay-cloth Cow
VIP Member
So I got off the phone about an hour ago from a call with one of my oldest friends, who has lost her job due to covid, and has been struggling to claim benefits whilst she tries to get something else. I've been in floods of tears as she was saying things along the lines of "maybe the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it" and "am I so stupid that no employer wants me". She is a JM fan, and actually mentioned how she tried to do the £20 shop (this being someone living alone) and felt like a failure as it wasn't enough! This re-confirms to me why I think Jack is so dangerous with her posts. (I am now in the doghouse as I rang my friend's mum as soon as we got off the phone and she is driving over tomorrow morning, apparently I broke the trust. Tbh I would rather my friend be alive and hate me than anything else)
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Hope you enjoy this retro Corrie Jack gif because when the hell else would I post itI would like to second this. Thank god for you guys as where I am just now, I need to see the positive, rational, realistic, non-judgmental, non-controversial honesty that you mothering bunch of ninnies give so freely.
I think Jack is dangerous with her “tweet first, think later” and the fact she blames a lot of her defects of character on medical conditions is sickening.
I have had the longest visit from the black dog in a long time, and it’s still bounding about looking a bit like that drawing I’ve shared. It’s funny, when I’m in here cracking crappy jokes and overusing the gifs, I start to doubt that I’m depressed because I wouldn’t be able to do that surely? But this is my escape and I love the wit, the honesty, the sheep...all of it. Well, not her pictures of food because,
ChickenPorridge
VIP Member
The old "how dare I buy something nice for myself!" Feat. overuse of the crying with laughter emoji always rears it's ugly head in these situations. Oh what a tangled web
This particular squiggle seems to be nicely calling her out lately. She'll be blocked soon I'm sure
This particular squiggle seems to be nicely calling her out lately. She'll be blocked soon I'm sure
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Jack's kitchen, November 9th #soaptruther
colouredlines
VIP Member
Great news, this tweet cured my anxiety disorder! I can't wait for more fresh insights from Breakdown.
Lastoftheflumps
Active member
Here we go. The I’ve never been busier tweets. Actual who cares. People are losing their jobs left right and centre and out she comes bragging. Funny how she said she lost a years work at the beginning of lockdown but now she’s never been busier. All I can say is the people who are hiring her must not look at her twitter or they might see what an absolute melt she actually is.
Well if she’s so busy she can shut her Patreon and stop rattling her tip jar and pay her own bills with her own hard earned cash.
Sorry Jack. You don’t have it all ways. You don’t rub other people’s noses in it in the middle of a pandemic about how BUSY you are and then carry on pleading poverty.
Well if she’s so busy she can shut her Patreon and stop rattling her tip jar and pay her own bills with her own hard earned cash.
Sorry Jack. You don’t have it all ways. You don’t rub other people’s noses in it in the middle of a pandemic about how BUSY you are and then carry on pleading poverty.
Harrybosch
VIP Member
Patreon update. These posts are all from this week. Guess it's more important to sound off about an entirely unrelated film than respond to people who pay you money. (I guess it's possible she responded privately, but A) why? and B) how likely is that, really?)
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
63 - I’ve got ADHD
85 - my grandad’s no longer alive
24 - postman’s sniffing at the door
56 - this is my mate Vix
85 - my grandad’s no longer alive
24 - postman’s sniffing at the door
56 - this is my mate Vix
Blurp
VIP Member
Is she asleep yet?
When she's like this, she really upsets me. I spent years ticking the not disabled option on application forms for fear of automatically ruled out because of it (yes, I know it's illegal but it's not hard to get round, especially not in the 1980s and 1990s). This lockdown has left me in limbo as far as mental health goes with no chance of challenging my diagnosis and maybe, just maybe, getting a proper assessment for both H-ADHD and autism. The only support I get is Penumbra phoning me once a week to chat and Citizens Advice doing my PIP application form, again over the phone. Luckily lockdown has helped my mental health in that I can avoid people but I'm already signed off from February on Occupational Health advice that I'll have another breakdown if I return to my job. I could easily announce my self-diagnosis like Jack but it still wouldn't get me the help and possible medicine that I need.
Blurp, MA(Hons), PG Cert Personnel Admin, DipGradSec, OA, D, E, A, Al, BPD, GOW, W&W, Ar, HH, FR
Osteoarthritis
Dyspraxia
Eczema
Asthma
Allergies
Borderline Personality Disorder
Grumpy Old Woman
Witch & Wiccan
Aries
Hiatus Hernia
Former Redhead
When she's like this, she really upsets me. I spent years ticking the not disabled option on application forms for fear of automatically ruled out because of it (yes, I know it's illegal but it's not hard to get round, especially not in the 1980s and 1990s). This lockdown has left me in limbo as far as mental health goes with no chance of challenging my diagnosis and maybe, just maybe, getting a proper assessment for both H-ADHD and autism. The only support I get is Penumbra phoning me once a week to chat and Citizens Advice doing my PIP application form, again over the phone. Luckily lockdown has helped my mental health in that I can avoid people but I'm already signed off from February on Occupational Health advice that I'll have another breakdown if I return to my job. I could easily announce my self-diagnosis like Jack but it still wouldn't get me the help and possible medicine that I need.
Blurp, MA(Hons), PG Cert Personnel Admin, DipGradSec, OA, D, E, A, Al, BPD, GOW, W&W, Ar, HH, FR
Osteoarthritis
Dyspraxia
Eczema
Asthma
Allergies
Borderline Personality Disorder
Grumpy Old Woman
Witch & Wiccan
Aries
Hiatus Hernia
Former Redhead
Last edited:
jenny2603
VIP Member
As CCJs expire after 6 years we can safely assume she's continued to run up debts long after she ceased to be poor and her recent "poverty" has been the result of self indulgent overspending rather than genuine need. I feel really sorry for the poor squiggles still taken in by that self serving toad.