- Notice
x.
minnietheminx
VIP Member
Stupid twat! You haven’t grown up you ignorant space hopper, you’ve inserted 4 giant implants into your body, had your greedy excess fat vaccumed out, a vat of filler in your moon face, litres of filler in your ever increasing forehead, 3 pints of filler in your lips, a cartridge of ink on your caterpillar brows, enough extensions to make 20,000 wigs for people who really need them, shaved half your nose off, and spent your house money on ‘photo shoots’ no fucker wants! Stop talking 
out of your implanted arse and fuckin GROW UP you stupid imbecile 
out of your implanted arse and fuckin GROW UP you stupid imbecile 
Blowup80
VIP Member
Sang to the tune of Shaggy, it wasn't me
Waiter came in and caught me red handed sniffing coke behind the toilet door
Picture this I was looking all bewful sitting on the toilet floor
Waiter said to me you have been very very very naughty
Next thing I know he is balls deep inside of me
How can I tell anyone just what I had done?
Pregnant to a waiter who has gone on the run
I must get a boy to pretend that he was the one
Even though when baby comes out brown he will surely be gone.
Waiter came in and caught me red handed sniffing coke behind the toilet door
Picture this I was looking all bewful sitting on the toilet floor
Waiter said to me you have been very very very naughty
Next thing I know he is balls deep inside of me
How can I tell anyone just what I had done?
Pregnant to a waiter who has gone on the run
I must get a boy to pretend that he was the one
Even though when baby comes out brown he will surely be gone.
WritersBlock
Well-known member
Hello Tattle! long time lurker scrunchie here, too shy to post until now 
Just wanted to say how much I’ve enjoyed the banter on here between you all. You’ve genuinely made me laugh so much, at times when it’s been needed most! Lauren’s obscene behaviour (lies, filters, perpetrator of misinformation etc) is clearly outrageous and wrong but your humour is spot-on! I’m glad she’s being called out. 
Just wanted to say how much I’ve enjoyed the banter on here between you all. You’ve genuinely made me laugh so much, at times when it’s been needed most! Lauren’s obscene behaviour (lies, filters, perpetrator of misinformation etc) is clearly outrageous and wrong but your humour is spot-on! I’m glad she’s being called out. 
Badirene
VIP Member
She demon! (Throws holy water on the thread)
Now can the congregation join hands for The Loz Prayer.
Our Loz, who's arse is laden
Shallow be thy name
Thy Only Fans come
Thy will be done in Sheesh with the waiter Kevin
Give Loz her daily bread, pasta, sweet corn and mayo
Forgive her her wind paps
Lead her not into carparks
Deliver her kebabs and pizzas
Amen
Clickbait
VIP Member
*Thread round up alert* For those of you who enjoy reading it, here is my thread round-up. I've spoilered it for those who don't appreciate a long read.
Day 392 in the Big Brother House Loz pregacy and she is still trying to convince herself people that she has a bewful, neat, tiny, tight and 'smoothe', unmarked, flawless bump. She decided to do a photoshoot (in her own home) in some ugly polyester maternity underwear and airbrush the fuck out of her skin so that the bump looked like the surface of an egg. Ever observant, a Scrunchie detective 
@Sjr2607 spotted she'd missed a bit.
Her delusions don't stop there: @lamaitresse took one for the team and listened to her interview on the MindKite YouTube channel in which she said that drinking lots of water makes your lips bigger
I'd love to give you the time stamp for that gem but listening to more than 10 seconds of her voice and lip smacking makes me want to invite Travis the Chimpanzee to rip my ears off.
She's ever so tired again from doing sweet F.A. but don't worry Scrunchies because she'll be able to get plenty of rest when baybeh finally arrives - does anyone think the online midwife might be trolling her with such advice?
In the halcyon days of thread #29 Big Loz accused the street rat paps of using a wind machine or possibly her love of glasses of beans
to make her look bigger. Now comes further revelations that they are whitening her skin, which @mrbusiness pointed out would be a helpful narrative if the Sheesh waiter rumours are true... We can only hope that Loz puts some reins on baby Laulie in case the wind-machine tries to carry her off - it could make a nice photo like that day she walked balloons round a dirt track.
We had some frankly grotesque PDAs by the terrible two including a video of Big Loz suggesting she'd eaten Ch'Arg in which her eyebrow looks like it may soon need its own postcode. Don't watch the video if you have just eaten - you have been warned.
This incident occurred on the eve of Charlie's birthday, a day filled with begged balloons and presents perfect for her yun' boy including a Chelsea kit now far too small, trip to the football (a mere few weeks after Laulie is due) where Loz will need to be smuggled in under a blanket in case anyone does a @Bed Head Betty and captures a pic of her in the wild, a meal out, and a bowling party with his friends. Mummy Loz put on a new head, created a smaller body and flashed a camel-toe for the commemorative photo but looked somewhat different when the paps snapped her later that same day. There were also some more poems adorned with the ectoplasm baby that made me feel queasy.
I mustn't forget she scrounged a weekend away at hotels which will now be removed from anywhere I'd ever stay even if you paid me - Eastwell Manor where Ch'Arg posed for some Only Fans material, and Loz got her nips out in a several-sizes-too-small cheap looking shiny bikini and Hotel Lush where apparently Loz leaked all over a pillow and then took a photo for Instagram and they shared a romance package with extra rose pedals. They also stuffed their faces with green gunge, a steak and a side of a family sized pizza. Hope both hotels appreciated the family friendly content
Big Loz has always been more DENSER than MENSA but baby Brian has well and truly kicked in and now you need a degree in linguistics to try and piece together what it is she's trying to say on her IG posts. Notable examples: "I told him he a bike" (not sure a football kit could be remotely confused with a bicycle); asleep also holding a phone in apointless wonderfully educational tiktok video about how a man should 'trest' a woman; sharing more ill-informed anti-vax posts this time by someone trying to make a link between the Covid vaccine and a cure for cancer; and a lament about her "hornmones".
We finish the thread with the very real possibility that she will share a video of her "hand expressing" her colostrum with a syringe following the outcome of an IG poll. I am not actually joking about this sadly. My thoughts on the matter are perfectly expressed (no pun intended) here by @Caw1982.
And finally to my notable posts section where I shine a spotlight onto some of my favourite posts and artistic content from the bewful Scrunchie bunch (a rogues' gallery):
@Sjr2607 spotted she'd missed a bit.Her delusions don't stop there: @lamaitresse took one for the team and listened to her interview on the MindKite YouTube channel in which she said that drinking lots of water makes your lips bigger
I'd love to give you the time stamp for that gem but listening to more than 10 seconds of her voice and lip smacking makes me want to invite Travis the Chimpanzee to rip my ears off.She's ever so tired again from doing sweet F.A. but don't worry Scrunchies because she'll be able to get plenty of rest when baybeh finally arrives - does anyone think the online midwife might be trolling her with such advice?
In the halcyon days of thread #29 Big Loz accused the street rat paps of using a wind machine or possibly her love of glasses of beans
to make her look bigger. Now comes further revelations that they are whitening her skin, which @mrbusiness pointed out would be a helpful narrative if the Sheesh waiter rumours are true... We can only hope that Loz puts some reins on baby Laulie in case the wind-machine tries to carry her off - it could make a nice photo like that day she walked balloons round a dirt track.We had some frankly grotesque PDAs by the terrible two including a video of Big Loz suggesting she'd eaten Ch'Arg in which her eyebrow looks like it may soon need its own postcode. Don't watch the video if you have just eaten - you have been warned.
This incident occurred on the eve of Charlie's birthday, a day filled with begged balloons and presents perfect for her yun' boy including a Chelsea kit now far too small, trip to the football (a mere few weeks after Laulie is due) where Loz will need to be smuggled in under a blanket in case anyone does a @Bed Head Betty and captures a pic of her in the wild, a meal out, and a bowling party with his friends. Mummy Loz put on a new head, created a smaller body and flashed a camel-toe for the commemorative photo but looked somewhat different when the paps snapped her later that same day. There were also some more poems adorned with the ectoplasm baby that made me feel queasy.
I mustn't forget she scrounged a weekend away at hotels which will now be removed from anywhere I'd ever stay even if you paid me - Eastwell Manor where Ch'Arg posed for some Only Fans material, and Loz got her nips out in a several-sizes-too-small cheap looking shiny bikini and Hotel Lush where apparently Loz leaked all over a pillow and then took a photo for Instagram and they shared a romance package with extra rose pedals. They also stuffed their faces with green gunge, a steak and a side of a family sized pizza. Hope both hotels appreciated the family friendly content
Big Loz has always been more DENSER than MENSA but baby Brian has well and truly kicked in and now you need a degree in linguistics to try and piece together what it is she's trying to say on her IG posts. Notable examples: "I told him he a bike" (not sure a football kit could be remotely confused with a bicycle); asleep also holding a phone in a
We finish the thread with the very real possibility that she will share a video of her "hand expressing" her colostrum with a syringe following the outcome of an IG poll. I am not actually joking about this sadly. My thoughts on the matter are perfectly expressed (no pun intended) here by @Caw1982.
And finally to my notable posts section where I shine a spotlight onto some of my favourite posts and artistic content from the bewful Scrunchie bunch (a rogues' gallery):
- We had the first mention of Loz's puffy paw by @Cocobaby09 - surely we all know yungel has long and slender fingers like a Disney princess?
- Our gorgeous bundle of fluff @Pom Bear created a helpful colour chart to track Loz's skin tone;
- @fluffyglitterbug coined the phrase beggyatric surgery to describe the top of Lozza's wish list post-birth and @Chi4 renamed Charlie Ch'Arg after the effects of living with Big Loz for 9 months have taken their toll on his waistline;
- @xyzcba giving us some forensic examination of some more ridiculous photos of Loz and Chaz including some excellent hashtags;
- @BonsaiBobbi for a plethora of thread suggestions and @Blowup80 for this one that made me roar with laughter;
- @mrbusiness sharing a neat summary of Lauren Goodger.
Sunnydaze101
VIP Member
But you forget it’s the amazing bewful youngel. She had perfect love story with perfect boyfriend with perfect neat bump. She’ll have perfect birth and the midwife will tell her she was perfect and it was a award winning birth and her daughter will be perfect and sleep and eat perfectly and Lozza will have a perfect size 8 figure after five days because she had a perfect diet during pregnancy.
Pom Bear
VIP Member
xx 
Userom
VIP Member
and her head looks like when you pull a barbies head off and then push it back on too far down
lollykins11
Well-known member
I cannot believe the page that she has shared on her stories “preggolover789”, the bio reads “guy who just loves pregnant ladies” - sorry, but would anyone else be absolutely horrified that this person was looking at and reposting pictures of you pregnant for his own (clear) perversion and god knows who else’s who will also be looking at his page. She is a fucking disgusting thick moron!! She thinks he’s complimenting her and it will be a bunch of perverts! That poor little girl seriously needs safeguarding when she arrives
behindthesofa
Chatty Member
£750 for second hand boots that have had those fat sweaty trotters stuffed in them, fuck off!
Dirtybertie
Member
What's with the strange little Warwick Davis arm?!!!!Daily Fail again!
mchops
VIP Member
I'm a man so never been pregnant. I have 2 children. Before birth my ex had me out buying and testing , cots, cot beds, buggys, car seats ..... I think I visited every baby shop in the County. Looking at how little these 2 have done, zero prep I assume I was mugged off . Ffs I knew I could have stayed in the pub
Can't Help It
Well-known member
She really is the gift that keeps on giving...I always think after she drops one of her illiterate IG posts and the ridicule she gets that she would lie low for a bit. But no 5 minutes later she'll go again with another stupid post - unbelievable!!!!!! Never in my life until now have I come across a person who just annoys the fuck out of me but is also a constant facination
bignellie
VIP Member
I am beginning to think she may be native american as per bad westerns of the 60s...he a bike, me no sleep, I on tv soon....