Father of Daughters #40 they’ve gone completely rogue

[Dogmuck]

Congratulations to @Rosieee on popping your thread cherry with a not too shoddy 28 votes

Whoop whoop we are rolling now Trolls - special thanks to ST who’s great (non) swimming adventures and luxury gifts allowed us to motor through the last thread in just 14 days!

Also Congratulations to all those trolls who’ve been with us for a year - can you Adam and Eve it? A whole year since Glen broke ranks with us anonymous trolls and came out! I’m Spartacus Aliceinwanderlust

Once again a tip of the cap to our photoshop queen @Axatogrind who brought home the chuckles with her fabulously creative takes on Slys and Swim Tits thoroughly bland content

So recap, the thread began with a little bit of in fighting about who loves who most, we hugged it out and got on with business.

It may come as a surprise to many nobody FOD was buying bots! It’s clear the money he’s saving on his DIY projects is going directly to webuyanybots.com. Despite this, his numbers are still going down and mostly when he posts...I’m no marketing maverick but hun the world is telling you something about your content.

FOD told us to vote because “our vote matters” - well it does if you live in the good old US of A, but really he was wasting his time as most of his Bots followers now live in the land of the rising sun and fortunately his Texas hunz were too busy packing their Stars and Stripe T-shirts, MAGA caps, Kalashnikovs, a fist full of beef jerky and heading out to anywhere with a blue hue to “stop the vote”.

@leopardmidi made the very valid point that “Father of Daughters”, without the of Daughters, just made him Father and what was the point in that Quite frankly all us Trolls were thinking the same and thus...

...Swim tits (credit to @Emmerdale for that beauty) featured heavily, first thing our crafty coven member @houseofhoop noticed...swim tits doesn’t actually appear to swim - but she DOES have a lot of swimming costumes !

Fod still hadn’t got in to full swing and so we talked quite a lot of bollocks, weighted blankets got a lot of air time along with boiling taps and cookers

As the Fod account remained impotent we took comfort snuggling under our group weighted blanket and watched the horror of swim tits as she cranked up her IG presence. A photo shoot where she is wearing her nans curtains/Martha frock/ Jedi cloak, a cake with half a hydrangea bush plonked “artistically” on top, more, not swimming, sea swimming, bone dry shots, fluffy Birkenstock’s (also bone dry) and socks, her mates cushions in Her magazine, Claudia Winkleman, more gifts, Claudia winkleman, more Fuxking Swim suits, did she mention Claudia Winkleman?

ST asked us what we would like to see “more” of...we double dared @Emmadale to ask for more “Simon & Clemmie”. Fod bless her, she rose to the challenge and was promptly blocked - no worries emms, you’re our Queen get yourself a new burner with your bonus $

@Pocahontas & @Sweettutu collabed to bring us their hilarious take on the Hoopers John Lewis ethical Christmas Ad

The HOH beg began, their target market...small businesses. Watch out small business they are coming for your stuff. Seems they were playing snap with swim tits as they featured some of the things she was pushing including her mates cushions and then she ran pay £50 & sign up for my below par magazine Christmas content.

An eagle eyed @rainbowlemon found the HOH has been designed (but much better) on SIMS & they’d made Sly & Glen look better too!

Everytime he goes for a walk with his girls Sly becomes a pack horse...and this is a revelation why? Did this not happen with your first two kids or is this only something parents of twins can relate to? Oh no, it’s a desperate attempt for interaction on your account but mate, FAIL, because saying they were dead to you, was just another example of your shockingly tone deaf behaviour!

Over on HOH sly treated us to his makeover of the smallest room in their house “the bathroom” @Bizziebody noted that Nanny Howard was throwing shade on Sly by asked if he was in America, translation : - it’s a Fuxking downstairs loo, you twat! All 30 of Slys adoring fans thought it looked stunning and he was amazing, incredible and so talented. They still haven’t caught on to the fact Glen runs that account.

Banging tunes - It was all shades of wrong but I think @Axatogrind sums this post up perfectly here

On Fleek - Fod had a makeover it was grim, not much to add

He’s done several pointless desperate stories about...nothing anyone gives a rats ass about!

Please add anything I’ve missed

 

[Axatogrind]

That is AMAZING!
I've quickly mocked up a South East England version.

 

[LuBiLu]

The irony is the lady who messaged back is called Alice.

 

[MimiRogers]

these have been spotted around the area where I live in Dublin...a bit of slagging for all these instagram "sea swimmers" most people have been swimming for years without making a song and dance about it and now all these knobs are parading around in their dryrobes all over the town so everyone knows that they "sea swim" oh and taking photos of themselves. Reminded me of our pal Swim Tits

 

[yellow_daisies]

Imagine a working class dad posting on Instagram drinking on his own in front of his kids then tying them naked in a towel in an attempt to get more drinking time. The double standard is astounding. I’m really not comfortable with the direction he’s taking at the moment. The drinking/verbal abuse/deranged look. I know he’s trying to be funny but a/ he’s failing and b/he still have 900k followers/bots so normalizing that kind of behavior is irresponsible.

I'm not so convinced it's all for the "lols", I think what we are seeing is the real Simon. We only got flashes before- like when Clemmie spilt paint all over the boot of the car, he was fuming. I think he's utterly frustrated living in Kent (we all know he wanted to go Bristol way), I think he massively misses his office environment as a social outlet. He may jest about it, but he hugely resents the amount of estrogen he is surrounded by, he resents Clemmie for crashing their gravy train, he resents that he, Simon, minus the Mother and the Daughters, is not enough to reel in the sponcon, #ad, #gifted. The very few things he did manage to get, he fucked right up. Then, after a 140 day break, he came back even more deranged and deluded with a pretend interest in interiors (it is SO Clemmie, they are fooling no one).
It's over a year since Alicegate broke and, even allowing for the fact that 2020 hasn't been kind to any of us (regardless of how on the surface "easy" we might of had it), the man has aged dramatically. His wife's actions have not been forgotten, and every single time they attempt something there will be people commenting about the racist troll midwife, former Queen Bee of the Instamums, and the blog post/podcast/interview will be pulled because NO ONE WANTS TO ASSOCIATE THEMSELVES WITH IT!!!
If his content is any reflection of his mental state, he really needs to take his own advice and reach out. I wonder if the pandemic hadn't happened if he and Clem would even be together now?

 

[Rosieee]

Clemmie made sure we don’t think it’s her behind the house of horrors account by signing “Simon”. So sharp and subtle.

 

[Rosieee]

Imagine a working class dad posting on Instagram drinking on his own in front of his kids then tying them naked in a towel in an attempt to get more drinking time. The double standard is astounding. I’m really not comfortable with the direction he’s taking at the moment. The drinking/verbal abuse/deranged look. I know he’s trying to be funny but a/ he’s failing and b/he still have 900k followers/bots so normalizing that kind of behavior is irresponsible.

 

[Wolf359]

ST is just a proxy for invisible Glen. They’re basically the same, cardboard cut out Instagram character anyway - fugly curtain dresses, sea swimming, expensive blond hair, hydrangeas on cakes, stunt lemon bowl in every room of the house, grammar school education but can’t spell, initials on everything... Can FOD even tell the difference between them?

 

[Emmadale]

My main reason for not giving her her own thread is as mentioned above - I don’t want to give her free content to write about trolls. If she had her own thread she could refer to it and how mean trolls mock her non swimming.

But she can hardly refer to how she’s part of a different thread and the main reason she’s on it is cause she broke lockdown rules and went to a Halloween party!

Also, she’s pretty boring so we’ll probably move on from her soon anyway!

 

[Axatogrind]

Except last month on that very sideboard it was all about lamps, vases & nick nacks.

 

[HarderFaster]

What priorities ? Going to a lowest point with every post and story he makes ? Completing his social media suicide ?

Nobody can convince me that this wizened prune is in his thirties. Nobody.

If this is what having kids does to you, well, *kisses pill packet*

In seriousness, though, his recent posts about wanting his kids to choke are vile. They’d be better off without him - if he’s that miserable he should leave and get a tragic bachelor pad in the city. It’d actually be great content to watch him try and pull 20-somethings on Tinder with that pickled grill. I dare him. And if he’s not that miserable then he should shut the fuck up. We’ve all seen press stories about the numerous men who kill their wives and children. It isn’t funny, flippant content: it’s a horrible mirror into an all-too-common flaw of the male psyche.

 

[Axatogrind]

Let's re-cap how the Hoopers' week is going at the halfway point:

- Major feature pulled from Home Stories
- High profile grid posts removed from Times Property
- Roger Oates brand trying to disassociate themselves

You love to see it

 

[rainbowlemon]

View attachment 329421

Interesting approach from the Selfish Mother (mother/mama sweatshirts) woman. Imagine if FOD did this, he’d have nobody left!

I don't buy it. Think its just a cover for losing followers...

 

[Axatogrind]

My somewhat mangled reaction & random thoughts on the @home_stories__ debacle
(also a pro tip: if your preferred account name is taken, think of another name instead of using ugly trailing underscores ):

1. A lot of work went into that feature only for it to backfire. The author either didn't do anything by way of due diligence, or just ignored the massive red flags when she did. Not great.
2. Promoting it as "Simon and Clemmie chat through their reno" and then all the answers are from "Simon" (haha). Did they think we wouldn't notice? Writers, please STOP treating readers like we're stupid!
3. I would love to see Simon give a live interview about his passion for interiors using the vernacular he (supposedly) uses here such as "skewing our aesthetic" and "pleasing knurled finish" .
4. A lot of the answers don't exactly cover the questions that were asked, and a lot of questions that should have been asked, weren't.
5. The Hoopers never miss an opportunity to jerk off about themselves, do they?
   
6. I notice they're not being so identifying about the house, e.g. Thanet instead of the actual town, "a commercial property" instead of the precise former use. This is good (albeit a bit late).
7. Have the former owners ever said why they decided to sell so quickly instead of going through with their plan to live in it and rent some of the rooms out?
8. Lol at "the rooms hadn't been messed about with too much" . Only enough to merit a multi-page & cover feature in Real Homes magazine.
9. Fuck, this whole series of stories is so DRY, there's no character whatsoever (unless you're into dullard Clemmie and her ego-tripping).
10. Was it really 18 months of saving (lol) and planning between moving in and having the kitchen installed? FOD's stories show the kitchen being installed in September 2018 (they were using the utility room as a makeshift kitchen). Didn't they move into the house around late 2017? How does that accord with his No.2 tip of firmly believing you have to live somewhere for a while before planning a big-ticket item like a kitchen?
    
11. Where's the inspiration behind the reeded glass cabinets we were promised? All I see is a wanky comment about it being Herringbone's best selling kitchen design. Reeded glass isn't a kitchen design, it's a cabinet option, you knobs .
12. The almost total erasure of the freebies, trades, discounts etc. that were the basis of Clemmie's account for so long, while he attempts to take most of the credit by stealth, using his recent DIY videos.
13. "It takes a lot of skill, but there is usually a tutorial for it online". I can't.
14. If I hear about the push-button on that toilet ONE more time...
    
15. Number one in "Simon's words of renovation wisdom" is to place paint samples all around a room because they look different in different light conditions. Gee, nobody ever thought of that before
    
16. "Don't assume you have to get rid of all the sanitaryware" is surely just a troll to Tattle. He cannot be serious!
17. That en-suite bathroom gets worse in every respect each time I look at it. And it was shit to begin with.
18. Now, what did I do with that House of Horrors bingo card........

 

[Axatogrind]

HOUSE!

 

[Dogmuck]

Let's re-cap how the Hoopers' week is going at the halfway point:

- Major feature pulled from Home Stories
- High profile grid posts removed from Times Property
- Roger Oates brand trying to disassociate themselves

You love to see it

And it’s only Wednesday - Craig David would be proud

 

[LuBiLu]

And TimesProperty have removed the bathroom post!!

 

[Rosieee]

“Life is too short to care about what people think” but not too short to scroll trough someone’s insta old pics and like a Kid pic because you’re upset about what people think. He’s crazy.
Sorry @allybongo the guy is a creep.

 

[Axatogrind]

Semmie and Climon Hooper

 

[Blahblahbuzzy]

I really don’t see any brand consultant approving that kind of content. Not a chance. They’re on their own and it’s tragic.

He looks completely deranged in these stories.

It's annoying me as well that he lives in a gigantic, completely refurbed house with the beach down the road... yet he is pratting about doing some am-dram about lockdown and going into tier 3. Try living in a flat with no garden, or tiny cramped house with your 4 kids and going into tier 3. He lives in total luxury. His videos are either toe-curling puketasticly stupid or try-hard, tone deaf nonsense.