Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Jack turned up on Tattle on thread 31 to clear her name. Read for yourself to see what happened.
They have a five bed detached house in a nice part of Southend. Her father describes his occupation as a landlord on Companies House. The family’s Land Rover was navy blue. Jack used to describe her upbringing as middle class in her earlier blogs, but now claims to have had an impoverished, working-class background. In Hunger Hurts she references a £4-5k Omega Seamaster gifted to her by the family.
Jack’s Grandad was Greek-Cypriot and was a landlord with a string of properties and restaurants alongside two hotels around Essex. Edwina Currie pointed this out during a televised debate while Jack pretended she was working class and Jack screamed “My Grandfather is DEAD” in place of an actual rebuttal (from about 32:00 in this clip). Then she wrote a whingey open letter as a response a few days later.
Jack’s mother is Northern Irish. Jack likes to hint at her status as a “second generation immigrant” when she can.
After primary school, Jack went to a grammar school (Westcliff High School for Girls). She claimed to have been expelled (unbeknownst to her parents) for stealing a scalpel but this is disputed. After receiving 4.5 GCSEs (the half GCSE is in RE), she left school in 2004.
After some casual work in cafés and bars, Jack somehow (read: Daddy) got a job in the control room for the fire service in 2007. This was a highly paid role for someone in their early twenties with no qualifications. She's repeatedly stated that she earned £27k ((see here in hunger hurts). When Grenfell happened she cosplayed as an ex fire fighter who helped on the ground, as detailed in her since deleted blog post.
Jack got pregnant through a dalliance with a friend in 2010 and states that at that time aged 21 she was working three jobs and earning almost 40k a year.
She subsequently claims that she was dismissed from the fire service or forced to leave because they would not accommodate her request for flexible working to look after her son. In February 2021, she tweeted that after a mental health breakdown she resigned from her hospital bed and then immediately rescinded her resignation. She claims to have had the full support of everyone, but the fire service upheld her resignation and she lost her job.
Despite having well off relatives who could have helped her, and the father of her child being famously supportive (she literally wrote a Guardian article thanking him), she chose to keep her problems with the benefit system quiet and instead allowed herself and her baby son to go hungry for between 6 months and two years. She claims to have sold a piano, a very fancy watch, her son’s cuddly toys, the lightbulbs and last of all her very fancy camera to make ends meet. A complete timeline of her period in poverty can be found below.
Despite being too proud to ask for help from her parents, Jack wasn’t too proud to tell her story on a publicly available blog, or to publicise her situation through a friend who happened to be a local journalist. Her story of woe gained a LOT of traction. The piece that got her attention was Hunger Hurts.
Increasingly she was given writing work, publishing deals, corporate sponsorships and awards for her work. She became Quite Famous as the palatable face of the poverty.
Not long after got with Louisa Compton, head of news at Channel 4. She continued to get TV work, writing jobs and book deals despite her brief stint in poverty being increasingly irrelevant given spreading disadvantage and the rollout of universal credit.
As late as 2019 she claims to 'get paid £9 an hour', even though she is a freelancer and author, who doesn't have an hourly wage. She has a business listed on companies house, so if she only pays herself £9 an hour that is a very different scenario to being paid £9 an hour. (Please note her birth year is wrongly listed. It's a typo, not a smoking gun).
In March 2020, at the start of lockdown, despite living with a very well paid partner in a large detached property, she posted an extended freak out about loss of income and aggressively posted links to her PayPal and Patreon for donations. , Jack targeted Jamie Oliver (That Man) on Twitter, when he got commissioned for a lockdown cookery show by Channel 4. Here's a link to the LimeGoss article, which explains what happened in detail. Her Twitter campaign quickly led to her being booked for Daily Kitchen Live which she was consistently underprepared for.
In May 2020, her partner broke up with her. She had another freak out about the rent on her large property and rattled the tip jar again. Around the same time, she threatened to sue Tattle posters for saying she was not very good on the telly.
During 2020 and 2021, Jack secured several corporate partnerships, including Hellmann's, Del Monte and Linda McCartney's. She also wrote for the Express, the Guardian and GQ. Despite continuing to work, Jack regularly complained about being part of the 3Million Excluded freelancers who are not able to receive financial help from the government. She conveniently ignored the fact that the reason she was included is because she didn't file her taxes on time AND was unlikely to be entitled to much help, as she had been able to continue to work and even got her two week BBC job due to the pandemic.
Jack owns a large number of high end items, including a Burberry scarf, expensive crockery, an Emin (which is hung in her toilet), a large number of Cotswolds sideboards, a Mulberry bag, designer coats, high end make-up and lots of tech. None of this is a problem in itself, however, Jack claims to have either been gifted or found most of these items (most notably the Burberry scarf that was found in a puddle). At the same time, she can't afford to buy food (she can only afford lard, not butter), pay her rent and is in permanent fear of being destitute.
She claims that she can feed a family of 3 (her ex came back to ‘bubble’ with her) on £20 per week. This is bullshit as she doesn’t include toiletries, cleaning stuff, pet food or lots of what makes an appearance in her photos. We suspect she actually uses Ocado for fancy deliveries and performs this poverty.
Jobs and Poverty timeline
***Primarily from this excellent post here ***
Sourced timeline of Jack's poverty experience. Obviously journalists may make mistakes, but Jack herself wrote that she sold pretty much everything of value before the "yard sale".
Oct 2011: Jack moves into a 2-bedroom flat after ending a relationship (4)
Nov 2011: Jack resigns from fire service
Nov 2011: Jack sells Omega Seamaster watch (1)
Dec 2011: Jack turns off heating (1)
BETWEEN DEC 2011 AND BEFORE JULY 2012:
Jack is unable to move to a cheaper flat as she can't afford a deposit (3)
Jack sells iPhone for a quarter of its original price (1)
Jack unplugs everything (1) and claims fridge stays unplugged for two years (7)
Jack takes lightbulbs out (1)
Jack sells DVDs, netbook, camera, and all belongings except two plates, two bowls, two mugs, two glasses, two forks, two knives and two spoons (1)
Jack sells "Ford Kia" (2) (not actually a car that exists. Also, she can't drive because of autism)
Jul 2012: Jack comes out as poor (3)
Jul 2012: Jack sells guitar and TV (1)
Aug 2012: Jack sells TV again (4)
Aug 2012: Jack has her famous "yard sale" and sells everything including toy dinosaur, piano, two more guitars, Denby and Wedgwood crockery, curtains, clothes, her iPhone again, armchairs, coffee table and bathroom storage units (4). She earns 3k, then moves to a cheaper house share (3)
Dec 2012: Jack is living on a tenner a week and will be spending Christmas with her parents (2)
In 2013: Jack is in prostitution and stealing to survive(7)
Feb 2013: Jack starts writing for the Southend Echo (5)
March 2013: Jack takes part in an outside sleepover to raise awareness of homelessness. She blogs about it. She states that she has never been homeless. In later accounts she claims to have slept rough for two years. https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-157-every-time-jack-lies-a-tattler-is-born.16306/page-37#post-4112621
May 2013: Jack wins a prize from Fortnum & Mason (5)
July 2013: Jack lives in a shared house with five others and (6) but her fridge must still be switched off, as she switched it off at the earliest in December 2011 (see above) and says it stayed off for two years (December 2013 at the earliest). (7)
July 2013: Jack is first published in the Guardian (8)
At some point between December 2013 and July 2014: Jack switches on her fridge (1 and 7)
Jan 2014: Poverty over? Jack works for Sainsburys, signs book deal, goes to Tanzania, etc. (3)
If we take this at face value, she would have had Covid-19 since somewhere between October 4 and November 1 (it is generally accepted that you have to have had symptoms for 8 – 12 weeks before you get diagnosed with long COVID-19).
It also is in the heyday of her £20 shop, where she merrily scampers off to Asda multiple times a day to spend £20 on lard. It is clear from her extensive tweeting that she has no symptoms and is not self-isolating. One can only conclude she didn’t have Covid-19 then.
When some of her followers started questioning the timeline of her illness, Jack Monroe, ex-girlfriend of Louisa Compton and Covid-19 sufferer, went on a mass tweet delete spree.
Jack repeatedly claimed to have invented Healthy Start voucher, a lie that has been repeated by Louisa Compton, Jack's (ex-) partner and Head of Channel 4 News. However, the Healthy Start voucher scheme started in 2005 (p.11 of this review of the scheme from 2013). This means Jack was 17 when she invented and immediately implemented the scheme.
Jack has a pop at Jamie Oliver for using capers as apparently they're too specialist, then uses capers the next week for her first column in the metro. The following week posts a recipe with lime pickle.
Jack says she bought designer clothes and accessories with her book advances in order to sell during times of hardship. At the very start of the covid-19 outbreak she was saying how broke she was and using emotional language to get people to donate cash.
Jack has had 7 books out, a popular website with adverts, many commissions, paid for public events and generally a successful career but claims to only pay herself the living wage and talks about financial struggles.-
Jack lives with her partner that's an executive at Channel 4 who is estimated to earn £250'000 but regularly pleads poverty. -UPDATE: SHE LEFT (her partner left in May 2020)
Jack calls her rented bungalow shitty and shabby when it looks pretty nice in newspaper articles. Back-pedals to say she was talking about the state she lives in it. It is also debatable whether her dwelling is, in fact, a bungalow as it looks suspiciously like a two-storey house.
Jack regularly claims that she has been doxxed on Tattle, however, while many Tattlers have easily managed to find her house due to the many photos and bits of information she puts on her public social media channels, no one has ever put her address out publicly on this forum.
Jack claims to have rheumatoid arthritis that is so bad (especially "right foot, hand, knee and hip") it leaves her regularly requiring a walking stick. On International Women's Day 2020 she posted a picture of herself delivering a complete speech standing on tiptoes, stating she always delivers speeches this way and has done for years. Apparently as she can stand like this for 12 minutes (and therefore knows when to start finishing up), due to her previous ballet training.
Jack as also invented marmite butter (even though you can buy it in jars). Other inventions include the word "twunt" and Gregg's vegan pasty.
Has a love of Facetune, despite being body positive.
Jack changes her mind on many things, however her love of pot noodles seems to be everlasting.
BBC Daily Kitchen
After her Twitter outburst claiming she deserved a programme during lockdown above Jamie Oliver, JM landed a BCC gig, co-presenting Daily Kitchen Live with Matt Tebbutt. Links to all the episodes are below:
Jack Monroe ran a Kickstarter campaign to fund one of her books. She raised close to £70,000 but due to a lack of transparency and delays caused by her inability to complete any task, many of her backers ended up turning on her. The link to the campaign and comments is here: Kickstarter and our discussion is Here in thread 124-125
Shitty bungalow - Jack called her rented bungalow shitty then backtracked as her posts showed it was actually rather nice. It has a lovely garden that she seems to have discovered once she moved in while also being the reason she chose to live there.
You only get cake if you've been in her vagina - from an Instagram post by Jack about making a birthday cake for Mrs J, stipulating that she only bakes cakes for people who have 'come out of her fanny or been in it'.
…. which was inspired by Jack’s story about her days as a call handler for the fire service -
“I missed my own passing out parade in 2008 because “female” dress uniform was a knee length skirt, sheer tights and high heeled court shoes. I asked the tailor to measure me for trousers. He refused. “It’s the way it’s always been,” he shrugged. “Old chief liked the girls in skirts.” He laughed. I didn’t.”
Squiggle / viggle - a squiggle is anyone from social media anonymised by scribbling over their name and profile photo. A viggle is the vegan variant that emerged during Jack's disastrous Linda McCartney partnership in Veganuary.
Hating gays, autistics, differences and success - what we hate- from a squiggle who leapt to Jack's defence on Twitter. This is obviously not true and is used solely for comedic effect.
Masculine-leaning aesthetic - used by Jack to describe her fashion sense (specifically this ensemble) when she wants to dabble in being non-binary again, forgetting that birds have been wearing traazers, jumpers and trainers for many decades by this point.
Shan't - used by Jack when she refused to leave after turning up uninvited on Thread #31.
I love facts - everyone loves facts. Jack in particular loves facts, as she told us during her upside-down chicken pineapple Instagram live for Del Monte.
Going viral - Jack was convinced that her brief appearance in a GQ awards video with Marcus Rashford would be the big break she needed. It was not. This is also the source of any reference to dancing in six inch heels.
Diagnosed gifted - from the Del Monte-sponsored Saddest Christmas Dinner feature Jack did where she claimed to have been 'diagnosed gifted at school'.
Bung it in a curry - a suitable answer to any and all culinary questions.
Kumquat - originally from a squiggle asking what to do with kumquats #JackMonroesLockdownLarder and there being some confusion over what a kumquat is. It is now used to refer to this creature from The Dark Crystal due to its resemblance to Jack's questionable orange hair during the Katie Hopkins court case-era.
Ring binders / court outfits / 100% success rate - all relating to Jack's repeated threats to silence the cabal by taking the matter to court. She will supply the evidence in ring binders of printed out pages from Tattle that her lawyer regularly reads through. Her 100% success rate is the single case she won against Katie Hopkins.
Herbs are herbs and variations thereof - all herbs are interchangeable, as are all types of salt. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, it's all the same.
Zoe Eccentricity - a byproduct of the Mediterranean arse, which independently posted a bunch of gibberish onto Jack's Twitter account, including the mysterious “J 1g” then apparently randomly coming up with the name Zoe Eccentricity. Jack promptly made it her entire personality.
Send doggos/cattos/animalos - a common request when you need a distraction technique to purge all the chaos from your Twitter timeline or require an immediate infusion of attention.
Russell Brands - rhyming slang for praying hands*. Jack uses these on Twitter when tying to be a ~guru~ type.
*and sometimes just for hands.
SEVERE - used for emphasis as everything Jack has experienced is always the most SEVERE form possible. See: adult ADHD, doctor-diagnosed 99% classic autism, breaking more bones in her foot than exist in a normal human skeleton, receiving abuse on Twitter etc.
Bodybuilding pescatarian - Jack fired back at squiggles on Twitter questioning the purchase of low-welfare meat and her lack of ethics around the time of her £20 weekly shop charade with a ridiculous claim of being a bodybuilding pescatarian. Evidence of any bodybuilding - pescatarian or otherwise - is yet to emerge.
Brambly mice - the mice that live in the blackberry bush in Jack's garden that allegedly scratched Cooper's nose but the charges against them may have been dropped as a magpie or a grass allergy could also be responsible.
Slop - general term for any of Jack's cooking as the overwhelming majority of it is at least semi-liquid, completely lacks texture and is often an unpleasant shade of brown. Sometimes used in conjunction with low and slow - Jack's favourite way to obliterate any texture, flavour and colour an ingredient may once have had by putting it in a slow cooker for between six hours and three days.
That'll do. - used when you are feeling very self-satisfied after having posted some new form of slop on social media, usually one containing upwards of fifteen ingredients.
Lady Di poems - Jack once said in an interview that she admired Diana Princess of Wales. Jack has also written some poems. These two facts came together in this amazing post from @LavaFlake and we have continued to pay tribute in our own way ever since.
Please add to this!
Jack's Coming Soons
a frequently updated list of all the recipes, articles, blog posts, projects etc that Jack herself has said she will do. Includes green ticks and evidence for when she completes something.
£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
9 half-written manuscripts
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
2000 words for print glossy GQ awards
aged chicken thigh bone stock
article for The Breakdown
base system going in next book
BBC show guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
big press photo shoots
BLM video monetization donation
blog post excited about for ages
blog post about flannels
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appeal
books for the rural coffee caravan
Brand New System for desk - wallpaper
Camp Kitchen from the shed
chestnut fudge thing
cinnamon granola recipe
comic filter security
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate
drawing nigella's garden
ethical on a budget
explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf
food truck of joy
great resources by trans + non binary writers
greek cook book
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
healthy on a bootstrap
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
homemade hand sanitiser
homemade cleaning items
huge depop or Ebay sale
jack and coke ramen recipe
jackfruit version of something
James Bond conspiracy theory
Klingon gagh recipe
lever arch files of fan mail
links to small businesses
lockdown larder 2.0 resumption threatened
lockdown list of services
maple syrup story
militant boiled eggs
mince pie doughnuts
mushroom drying completed 2018
newspaper campaign the fucking express
onion chopping song
ouchy mouth recipes
photo of list of recipes that could be done in the slow cooker (two columns of double sided A4)
pointing out real plants
postcards, postcards, postcards
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
repotting spider plants from a friend
rooting out Amazon from website
running around in heels with a Tall Man GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award.
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient - possibly banana skin
secret stock ingredient potato water
setting her teenage musings to music
sexy kitchen makeover reason
sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
slow cooker bubble bath awaiting blog post
slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
super secret shopping trip hack
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
thrifty shades of beige
Thursday thunder clap
tin juice cordial recipe
tomato soup water content - done
top tips for tinned fruit
transcribing and blogging non binary talk
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce - done
Up To Something
vegan char sui buns
vegan cheese list
vegan pastitsio in collab with veganuary Linda
vegan pie glaze
Thrifty Shades of Beige/ Postcards
Jack set up a Patreon around Aug 2020, and shortly after invented the basic level (pay £3 per month to Jack and you will be rewarded with “a sense of well-being” however pay £10 per month and Jack will send an exclusive high quality recipe photo card of British comfort food each week, as well as a monthly discount code for the Jack shop. Discount codes were posted on 2 or 3 months in 2020. As at July2021 no word on anyone ever having received ANY postcards AT ALL
Unsurprisingly for the self professed bootstrapper & daughter of a multi property landlord, Jack Monroe’s politics are not great.
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