Jack Monroe #108 You’re really good on camera mate, honestly

sarahjay said:

After all that chaos, my money is on SHE LEFT (I know that doesn’t make grammatical sense, but wanted to stay on brand!)

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Sooverthat said:

Well..... aren't you lot an absolute bunch of wonderful and understanding and inspirational humans. Everyone who has contributed to this whole labelling talk. I'm literally screaming inside at Jack for her stupidity in all she is saying. Many have worked so so hard to move away from what she is declaring we all should do! We are not our illnesses or disabilities, they do not define us, we do not use them as an excuse! We embrace them and adapt and develop and progress and with support and confidence overcome hurdles as they arise. I for one will not be labelling all my issues and ailments. Because I am SO OVER THAT.
Now FUCK OFF JACK and everyone else come here for a hug! That includes those delightful sheep!

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Nottonightbabe said:

So do we think she's going to do the heroic expedition to Asda tomorrow? £20 shop Jack is the Jack I hate most, she gives me the Sunday rage .

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Pocahontas said:

Congratulations to @Scarletfever for the thread title! 78 reactions Seeing as this is your second, I believe you have to eat a plate of the three tin tender. May the odds be ever in your favour.

Ok, so technically @JoyceDivision won with: ‘Are ewe aware of our work, Tattle?’, but I’m afraid I made an executive decision and chose the more relevant title to Jack’s latest chaos, seeing as this is a Jack Monroe thread. Apologies!

Buckle up, ninnies. This is a long one.

Recap of thread #107

1. She reminisced about the good old days. Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt? Matt?! Matt! Matt!!!
2. Erm, you need to tag the right Matt, Jack.
3. Jackbot 2020 overheated again and spouted code. U wot m8?
4. Not again, said Jack. FFS. (Did the Daily Mail catch it? No? Oh.)
5. Let’s all gloss over her three tin tender beef (really, let’s) - because, look! She’s having a beef with Sia.
6. Screenshot extravaganza HERE of the long thread of her increasingly egregious tweets that prove without a doubt that she is NOT ... hard work.
7. She’s moved her office again. Such a tiny bungalow.
8. Cancel mob? Lol. You don’t know a damn thing about her, buddy.
9. Don’t be snitch tagging her now, she has every right to thoroughly make something about her on a large public platform and keep it a secret from Sia. ‘Sake.
10. She’s really good on camera, honestly. If you don’t believe her, here’s the proof, mate.
11. And just like that, none of it ever happened. Not again FFS.
12. She’s so proud of her new Twitter byline. That’ll do, Jack.
13. She made her signature bake.
14. Oh dear.
15. She ‘accepts criticism’, people. (One for the list, @kachoochoo )
16. Jack, you forgot your honorary double doctorate with the letters after your name.
17. She’s a self-described ‘kitchen maverick’.
18. She has changed her byline again. And AGAIN. And A G A I N.
19. She’s not a ‘fucking pick n mix’, she’s as white as mayo, and don’t you forget it.
20. Jack says: ‘I’m not here to create outrage, I do recipes hun.’
21. Cup-o-sick, anyone? Truly awful.
22. The Breakdown has hired her as a columnist. It’s a new magazine that is Patreon-funded. She must have fit the bill.
23. She’s gifting her column fee back to The Breakdown to fund another writer. Jack says: ‘My suggestion, not theirs.’
24. Would anyone like to do the next few recaps?

Spoiler: Jack for Dummies

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’

**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:

• She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
• She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
• Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
• Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
• Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
• She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
• During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
• The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
• She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

• Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.

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sarahjay said:

After all that chaos, my money is on SHE LEFT (I know that doesn’t make grammatical sense, but wanted to stay on brand!)

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emmer_moans said:

It's the weekend and that normally means more chaos but yesterday what quite a lot, so, we'll see.

Regards,
Emmer_moans, BA, FA, HOHIOE, PDYSL, SADS, PGAD, ECZ, AstMa.

BA degree, Food Allergies, Hard of Hearing in One Ear, Probably dyslexic (coped through school, I struggle still), Seasonal Affective Disorder, probable General Anxiety Disorder for which should really get a diagnosis as it gets quite bad, Eczema, Asthmatic.

From reading this thread it seems we all have something we are dealing with whether mental or physical. We don't define ourselves with the letters of it really. Yes visibility of conditions needs to happen, but not in the way Jack does where she self diagnoses and adopts stereotypical behaviours for 1) attention and 2) excuses 3) immunity from criticism. It harms the very perception of people truly suffering with these things.

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jenny2603 said:

Completely agree. I suspect SHE arrived at Shitty Bungalow to find Jack doing her version Father Ted's Golden Cleric acceptance speech and did a swift about turn, merrily lobbing truth bombs as she went. Now we are plunged into SHE LEFT II: The Howling Intensifies.

I predict we're in for one hell of a festive season. Will Jack invade Scotland again or will Northern Ireland be gifted the opportunity to sidle up to Jack in a branch of Sainsburys? Will she sit on a sideboard again? When will she drop her new disability activist persona? How many ouchies will she wail through? What will she claw? Will Christmas dinner be ingested through a straw? Only the wallpaper knows what that weird little brain will throw up next.

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PoorPatrol said:

View attachment 318615
This is what my keyboard offered up, when I clicked on the search bar. Seasonal Affective Disorder is one of the few things she hasn’t diagnosed herself with isn’t it?

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colouredlines said:

I mentioned on the F&D thread that I taught a blind student this week, so Jack was particularly pissing me off. Having ruminated a little further, I think it's this:

My student told me that she hates people defining her by her disability. She is a blind person, and there's no getting around that (she also hates people pretending not to notice and going "you can do anything!" because, like...driving? No), but "blind" is not a personality trait. Coincidentally, I also had a student this week who works as a sign language interpreter, so there were some interesting discussions about disabilities and how we react to them.

Reality: we need to tailor things to be friendly to people with disabilities. This week, for example, I never wrote anything on the board without saying it out loud, I removed a few video- and photo-based activities, and so on.

Jack world: "...so that's why we use the present perfect continuous here. Do you all see what I mean? OH SHIT, SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT! I'm so sorry María, of course you can't see, can you? Now, moving on, has anyone been watching an interesting series lately? Not you María, you can't watch things of course, but maybe you could listen to a series?"

Who the fuck wants to live like that, with people around them constantly singling them out and drawing attention to their medical conditions?

I have GAD and I spent more than half my life battling bulimia. I do not introduce myself as "HELLO I HAVE ANXIETY SO IF I FREAK OUT PLEASE #BEKIND."

This is the most annoying Jack yet, I think.

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