Jack Monroe #108 You’re really good on camera mate, honestly

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emmer_moans

VIP Member
It's the weekend and that normally means more chaos but yesterday what quite a lot, so, we'll see.

Regards,
Emmer_moans, BA, FA, HOHIOE, PDYSL, SADS, PGAD, ECZ, AstMa.

🔺BA degree, Food Allergies, Hard of Hearing in One Ear, Probably dyslexic (coped through school, I struggle still), Seasonal Affective Disorder, probable General Anxiety Disorder for which should really get a diagnosis as it gets quite bad, Eczema, Asthmatic.

From reading this thread it seems we all have something we are dealing with whether mental or physical. We don't define ourselves with the letters of it really. Yes visibility of conditions needs to happen, but not in the way Jack does where she self diagnoses and adopts stereotypical behaviours for 1) attention and 2) excuses 3) immunity from criticism. It harms the very perception of people truly suffering with these things.
 

LennyBriscoe

VIP Member
Well..... aren't you lot an absolute bunch of wonderful and understanding and inspirational humans. Everyone who has contributed to this whole labelling talk. I'm literally screaming inside at Jack for her stupidity in all she is saying. Many have worked so so hard to move away from what she is declaring we all should do! We are not our illnesses or disabilities, they do not define us, we do not use them as an excuse! We embrace them and adapt and develop and progress and with support and confidence overcome hurdles as they arise. I for one will not be labelling all my issues and ailments. Because I am SO OVER THAT.
Now FUCK OFF JACK and everyone else come here for a hug! That includes those delightful sheep!
I would like to second this. Thank god for you guys as where I am just now, I need to see the positive, rational, realistic, non-judgmental, non-controversial honesty that you mothering bunch of ninnies give so freely.

I think Jack is dangerous with her “tweet first, think later” and the fact she blames a lot of her defects of character on medical conditions is sickening.

I have had the longest visit from the black dog in a long time, and it’s still bounding about looking a bit like that drawing I’ve shared. It’s funny, when I’m in here cracking crappy jokes and overusing the gifs, I start to doubt that I’m depressed because I wouldn’t be able to do that surely? But this is my escape and I love the wit, the honesty, the sheep...all of it. Well, not her pictures of food because, 🤮.
 

JJusa69

Chatty Member
Congratulations to @Scarletfever for the thread title! 78 reactions 🎉 Seeing as this is your second, I believe you have to eat a plate of the three tin tender. May the odds be ever in your favour.

Ok, so technically @JoyceDivision won with: ‘Are ewe aware of our work, Tattle?’, but I’m afraid I made an executive decision and chose the more relevant title to Jack’s latest chaos, seeing as this is a Jack Monroe thread. Apologies! 🌸

Buckle up, ninnies. This is a long one.

Recap of thread #107
  1. She reminisced about the good old days. Matt! Matt! Matt! Matt? Matt?! Matt! Matt!!!
  2. Erm, you need to tag the right Matt, Jack.
  3. Jackbot 2020 overheated again and spouted code. U wot m8?
  4. Not again, said Jack. FFS. (Did the Daily Mail catch it? No? Oh.)
  5. Let’s all gloss over her three tin tender beef (really, let’s) - because, look! She’s having a beef with Sia.
  6. Screenshot extravaganza HERE of the long thread of her increasingly egregious tweets that prove without a doubt that she is NOT ... hard work.
  7. She’s moved her office again. Such a tiny bungalow.
  8. Cancel mob? Lol. You don’t know a damn thing about her, buddy.
  9. Don’t be snitch tagging her now, she has every right to thoroughly make something about her on a large public platform and keep it a secret from Sia. ‘Sake.
  10. She’s really good on camera, honestly. If you don’t believe her, here’s the proof, mate.
  11. And just like that, none of it ever happened. Not again FFS.
  12. She’s so proud of her new Twitter byline. That’ll do, Jack.
  13. She made her signature bake.
  14. Oh dear.
  15. She ‘accepts criticism’, people. (One for the list, @kachoochoo 😂)
  16. Jack, you forgot your honorary double doctorate with the letters after your name.
  17. She’s a self-described ‘kitchen maverick’.
  18. She has changed her byline again. And AGAIN. And A G A I N.
  19. She’s not a ‘fucking pick n mix’, she’s as white as mayo, and don’t you forget it.
  20. Jack says: ‘I’m not here to create outrage, I do recipes hun.’
  21. Cup-o-sick, anyone? Truly awful.
  22. The Breakdown has hired her as a columnist. It’s a new magazine that is Patreon-funded. She must have fit the bill.
  23. She’s gifting her column fee back to The Breakdown to fund another writer. Jack says: ‘My suggestion, not theirs.’
  24. Would anyone like to do the next few recaps? 🥴
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’

**New**
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
  • Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
  • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
  • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
  • She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

  • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
WTF?!!!!!
Honestly, I missed like 2 days.
How does she not exhaust herself! She must be so sick of herself.
 

Aardvark

Active member
I’m overly annoyed by how she chooses to do the shop on a Sunday when as a self employed person who is at home during the week she can shop on literally any other day she chooses. Shopping on a Sunday is awful, there’s so many people trying to get round the store due to the reduced hours.

It doesn’t even make sense with her apparent need to get the best yellow sticker deals - she could go on a weekday evening and there would be plenty of things in the reduced aisle. She could do it when SB is with his father so child care wouldn’t be an issue

Of all the heinous things Jack does for some reason it’s the most blatantly impractical things that anger me the most 😂 (though not more than stealing from people on benefits I should add of course)
 

jenny2603

Chatty Member
After all that chaos, my money is on SHE LEFT (I know that doesn’t make grammatical sense, but wanted to stay on brand!)
Completely agree. I suspect SHE arrived at Shitty Bungalow to find Jack doing her version Father Ted's Golden Cleric acceptance speech and did a swift about turn, merrily lobbing truth bombs as she went. Now we are plunged into SHE LEFT II: The Howling Intensifies.

I predict we're in for one hell of a festive season. Will Jack invade Scotland again or will Northern Ireland be gifted the opportunity to sidle up to Jack in a branch of Sainsburys? Will she sit on a sideboard again? When will she drop her new disability activist persona? How many ouchies will she wail through? What will she claw? Will Christmas dinner be ingested through a straw? Only the wallpaper knows what that weird little brain will throw up next.
 
It's the weekend and that normally means more chaos but yesterday what quite a lot, so, we'll see.

Regards,
Emmer_moans, BA, FA, HOHIOE, PDYSL, SADS, PGAD, ECZ, AstMa.

🔺BA degree, Food Allergies, Hard of Hearing in One Ear, Probably dyslexic (coped through school, I struggle still), Seasonal Affective Disorder, probable General Anxiety Disorder for which should really get a diagnosis as it gets quite bad, Eczema, Asthmatic.

From reading this thread it seems we all have something we are dealing with whether mental or physical. We don't define ourselves with the letters of it really. Yes visibility of conditions needs to happen, but not in the way Jack does where she self diagnoses and adopts stereotypical behaviours for 1) attention and 2) excuses 3) immunity from criticism. It harms the very perception of people truly suffering with these things.

Oh, I forgot about my Tinnitus when I twatted about with the wanky letters. And the allergies. And the dermatographia/possible mast cell fuck up that means taking any medication is 100% 'Do I really need to take this? What do I do if I have an allergic reaction to it?', taking it only when Mr D is around, there is a handy supply of antihistamines and timed for when it's most likely an ambulance could get here quickly and 1% of 'Good grief. I'm not having a reaction to this one. Let's add it to the list of things I can take' and about 60% of 'Oh, for fuck's sake. WHY AM I ALLERGIC TO THIS NOW?' and taking it off the list of things I'm able to take.

And the Psoriasis (remembered the Psoriatic Arthritis, though).

Probably because a) I was a bit tired from a week at work and b) because they don't have convenient little acronyms, so wouldn't fit in a tweet. And c) because there isn't enough time in the day or space in my head to give everything its time in the spotlight.



I do mutter 'FFS, it would be easier to say what doesn't hurt or fuck up'. So, my jaw is fine crosses wonky fingers and...and...


FFS. My jaw is fine. Oh, and my eyebrows look good.



Maybe I should become a vastly overpaid slop merchant?
 
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LyraBalaqua

Member
Completely agree. I suspect SHE arrived at Shitty Bungalow to find Jack doing her version Father Ted's Golden Cleric acceptance speech and did a swift about turn, merrily lobbing truth bombs as she went. Now we are plunged into SHE LEFT II: The Howling Intensifies.

I predict we're in for one hell of a festive season. Will Jack invade Scotland again or will Northern Ireland be gifted the opportunity to sidle up to Jack in a branch of Sainsburys? Will she sit on a sideboard again? When will she drop her new disability activist persona? How many ouchies will she wail through? What will she claw? Will Christmas dinner be ingested through a straw? Only the wallpaper knows what that weird little brain will throw up next.
We’ll know because the light will have left those eyes.
 

Icing _on_ the_cake

Well-known member
I mentioned on the F&D thread that I taught a blind student this week, so Jack was particularly pissing me off. Having ruminated a little further, I think it's this:

My student told me that she hates people defining her by her disability. She is a blind person, and there's no getting around that (she also hates people pretending not to notice and going "you can do anything!" because, like...driving? No), but "blind" is not a personality trait. Coincidentally, I also had a student this week who works as a sign language interpreter, so there were some interesting discussions about disabilities and how we react to them.

Reality: we need to tailor things to be friendly to people with disabilities. This week, for example, I never wrote anything on the board without saying it out loud, I removed a few video- and photo-based activities, and so on.

Jack world: "...so that's why we use the present perfect continuous here. Do you all see what I mean? OH SHIT, SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT! I'm so sorry María, of course you can't see, can you? Now, moving on, has anyone been watching an interesting series lately? Not you María, you can't watch things of course, but maybe you could listen to a series?"

Who the fuck wants to live like that, with people around them constantly singling them out and drawing attention to their medical conditions?

I have GAD and I spent more than half my life battling bulimia. I do not introduce myself as "HELLO I HAVE ANXIETY SO IF I FREAK OUT PLEASE #BEKIND."

This is the most annoying Jack yet, I think.
I really like how Bake Off has dealt with disabilities. In most other shows - especially american shows - disabilities are often turned into these sob stories about 'overcoming' and being 'so strong'. And I'm not saying that that kind of story is never valid, it's just that that's the only story that's produced. I really liked how when Briony went on Bake Off, they didn't hide her hand, but they also didn't make a thing about it. She was allowed to be herself and not just her disability. Same this year with Mark E. He mentioned his story of his leg and his journey with it, but it wasn't the first thing they made sure you knew about him.

Jack would probably hate this. She'd much rather be on something like the Got Talent franchise where she could produce the sobbiest sob story and have everyone feel sorry for her and think of her as some tragic hero.
 

JuliaGulia

Member
I was in bed at half 6 last night after a bit of an intense work week, and decided to comfort watch Nigella. I love her but haven't had a chance to watch the new series yet because, y'know BUSY!

My god does Jack want to be Nigella. It's aaaall there. Big doe eyes to camera, check. Scampering off with delicious food to eat it all because it's delicious and she is a mischievous pixie? The sensuous use of words to describe flavours and textures? Check.

Except Nigella is real and Jack is putting her on like clothes. It's like a computer pretending to be human - there is no understanding so it comes out all wrong. She needs to spend some time finding herself instead of frantically copying people (badly) and hiding behind labels.
(But she won't because that's hard)

Signed Julia Gulia CFS/ME, IBS, GERD, GAD, BGOWI*
*Bloody Getting On With It
 

Imainlylurk

Active member
Just checked Jack's Twitter to see if she retweeted any of the more useful critique of Sia's film from a disability rights , trans or sex worker perspective. Nope! It only mattered in as much as she could use it as launchpad to complain about her own issues. Just a remarkably shallow and self centred understanding of liberation politics... can't wait for that mental health column
 
I also think this putting letters after your name thing is really ignorant of the people who don’t have the privilege to be open about their health. There’s still a massive stigma attached to mental illness and, in a professional role, I would not feel comfortable signing off an email listing them after my name. I wouldn’t even feel comfortable with my boss coming across my twitter name and seeing details about my health. We don’t all have the privilege of shouting our disabilities/illnesses from the rooftops as for most of us it would seriously impact how we are perceived professionally. She gets to be quirky but most people working normal jobs would be seen as a liability.

Obviously she doesn’t acknowledge any amount of privilege because she’s literally the poorest, illest, most downtrodden person in the world and couldn’t possibly have it better than anyone.
 
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