10. Badger
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ok, as I think all the outstanding items are ongoing, not distinct events like selfies, recipes, lies etc (also I'm bone idle) I'll leave the list intact
my own nom ofc goes togranola
9. The sloppy scuffins by @PoorPatrol, the swamp soup by @Hollaaa (it's even worse than I remembered) and though it's gauche darling to nominate myself, I'm still upset about my smol portion of headrush spaghetti
There are many solid (no pun intended) candidates for the Mission Inn Star this year, so much fish
There are many solid (no pun intended) candidates for the Mission Inn Star this year, so much fish
Are we doing a long list then a shortlist?
@Switchstreetz loving the return of the hose Fox avatar btw
Half the fun is nominating stuff to reminisce on how bonkers the last 12 months were
1. Recreating the film Elf by sitting at a tiny desk to zoom the Tory Thinktank benefits discussion, complete with pleather blazer with pens in pocket and allegedly 8 a4 pages of ideas (both sides)
@Switchstreetz loving the return of the hose Fox avatar btw
Half the fun is nominating stuff to reminisce on how bonkers the last 12 months were
1. Recreating the film Elf by sitting at a tiny desk to zoom the Tory Thinktank benefits discussion, complete with pleather blazer with pens in pocket and allegedly 8 a4 pages of ideas (both sides)
1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
The late appearance at Conference (that picture of the panel, complete with empty chair where Jack should have been, is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen).
2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The very recent admission that she bought the designer suit she was given to wear for the DIVA.pdf shoot. If I was supposedly in the midst of a no-spend year, had spunked upwards of £10k on private therapy and aparthotel stays, had no work in the pipeline and had fines for unpaid taxes hanging over my head, couldn't be me hun.
3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Part of me wanted to nominate the omnichaos that was the entire month of January, but if we're restricted to one single chaos I'll go for the GoHenry debacle. Smug bragging followed by meltdown and attempted rewriting of history in real-time. Jack distilled into her purest form.
4. The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Not harmful but mind-bogglingly useless: "Put a baking sheet over your sink to keep the washing up water warm."
5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
Disapproving Tory Mum Jack (Nov 21).
6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
The Christmas Dinner from Hell, as recreated on Jack's Twitter following the Express spread (maggot cocktail, dirty flaccid veg, peel stuffing loaf, lardy gravy and furry brain pudding). If that's cheating, then the Linda McC bellend and sewage curry.
7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
Being expelled from school for stealing a scalpel (without her parents ever finding out and also still being allowed to sit her 4.5 GCSEs).
8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
Column for Breakdown magazine (yet to materialise despite Jack's bragging of being able to "bash one out in 20 minutes.")
9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe
Hotes Oats. The one frau recreation that had me actually fearing for the safety of said frau.
10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Trifle Defender!
The late appearance at Conference (that picture of the panel, complete with empty chair where Jack should have been, is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen).
2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
The very recent admission that she bought the designer suit she was given to wear for the DIVA.pdf shoot. If I was supposedly in the midst of a no-spend year, had spunked upwards of £10k on private therapy and aparthotel stays, had no work in the pipeline and had fines for unpaid taxes hanging over my head, couldn't be me hun.
3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos”
Part of me wanted to nominate the omnichaos that was the entire month of January, but if we're restricted to one single chaos I'll go for the GoHenry debacle. Smug bragging followed by meltdown and attempted rewriting of history in real-time. Jack distilled into her purest form.
4. The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
Not harmful but mind-bogglingly useless: "Put a baking sheet over your sink to keep the washing up water warm."
5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
Disapproving Tory Mum Jack (Nov 21).
6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
The Christmas Dinner from Hell, as recreated on Jack's Twitter following the Express spread (maggot cocktail, dirty flaccid veg, peel stuffing loaf, lardy gravy and furry brain pudding). If that's cheating, then the Linda McC bellend and sewage curry.
7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
Being expelled from school for stealing a scalpel (without her parents ever finding out and also still being allowed to sit her 4.5 GCSEs).
8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list” see posts by @kachoochoo for the full list in all it's fear and awe inspiring length
Column for Breakdown magazine (yet to materialise despite Jack's bragging of being able to "bash one out in 20 minutes.")
9. (As yet untitled - open to suggestions) award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe
Hotes Oats. The one frau recreation that had me actually fearing for the safety of said frau.
10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
Trifle Defender!
Oh @Switchstreetz can I add my nominations for 8 and 9? I’ve just seen I didn’t add them.
8. Granola
9. Even though it gave me the fear that it was going to come alive I nominate Hotes Oats.
8. Granola
9. Even though it gave me the fear that it was going to come alive I nominate Hotes Oats.
5. The wearing her small boys sweatshirt and shades with lit up finger tips that we all 
& 
at . Brilliant x
3 . - Go Henry fraud ! How could I forget. Honestly, the fact that she can cover up the fraudulent use of her son's debit card by whittering on about being pissed or impoverished all the time on twitter. You or i would have been nicked for fraud and it should be the same for anyone regardless of their celebrity
& at . Brilliant x3 . - Go Henry fraud ! How could I forget. Honestly, the fact that she can cover up the fraudulent use of her son's debit card by whittering on about being pissed or impoverished all the time on twitter. You or i would have been nicked for fraud and it should be the same for anyone regardless of their celebrity
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To be fair a sharp eyed Frau uncovered the truth- she was lying about the gohenry fraud as the Asda receipts showed she was paying with visa and GH is MasterCard or something5. The wearing her small boys sweatshirt and shades with lit up finger tips that we all
3 . - Go Henry fraud ! How could I forget. Honestly, the fact that she can cover up the fraudulent use of her son's debit card by whittering on about being pissed or impoverished all the time on twitter. You or i would have been nicked for fraud and it should be the same for anyone regardless of their celebrity
Think I've compiled all the nominations below but let me know if I've missed any. Mancbee's infamous stuffing soup is older than the deadline so have had to leave it off but bloody hell he deserves a medal and lots of pictures of nice clean cutlery drawers for suffering through that! I bet it still repeats on him in the night 
1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
- labour conference (in which she turns up 45 minutes late because she's been performing a starbust Vs opal fruits ingredients dissection)
- conservative conference (in which she finally did a tiny bit of good with her Instagram platform, posting some graphics to support trussell trust...only to delete the posts a few weeks later once she'd had her paid gig "at conference")
- BBC news free school meals interview
2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
- Aparthotel with fully stocked fridge
- Lip fillers
- Halloween (Wilko's almost-cerberus, and the squid game cosplay with premium brand boiler suit purchased solely to dye pink and wear once)
- army of houseplants "Feed me tinned fish Seymour"
- the 2 packets of opal fruits/starburst apparently worth missing her conference for
- 16 weeks aparthotel in London
- purchasing the designer suit from her diva photoshoot
3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos” (I laughed out loud at Hotes just putting 'all of january' LJC that was a hell of a month,
)
- Go Henry debacle
- The Linda McCartney collab & resulting Viggles uprising
- tweeting out a "crying selfie" and tagging Rishi Sunak, chancellor of the Exchequer, in it to beg for money
- Titmas
4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
- dryer fluff candle lighters in a tin can-dle holder
- putting glass in the freezer
- ignoring the sugar content of her prune cake and recommending it to diabetics
- put a baking sheet over your sink to keep the washing up water warm
5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
- Trifle selfie with anime hair
- Dib Dab 12 year old boy selfie
- crying rish mate selfie
- cringey meme selfie in poor SB's sweater with lasers firing out her fingers, just like she imagines the sun shining out of her orifices
- Cherie Blair/disapproving Tory mum selfie
- Pleather blazer selfie with her pocket of pens sat at a tiny desk
- soft pink curtains & 'good lighting' selfie
6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
- burned anchovy-cado breakfast (I'm trying to find this one to make sure it's in date, if anyone fancies linking it to me to ruin my day I'd be very grateful. I've seen some awful meals just searching for "jack Monroe anchovies" let me tell you. )
- prune cake
- Linda's sausage curry
- ephemeral cassoulet which keeps changing its ingredients
- 2020 Xmas dinner from hell (express article spread - veg peel stuffing loaf, lardY gravy & furry brain pudding)
-The ominous Xmas pudding, looking like a polished gold turd and sparkling away with Southend Chainsaw Massacre audio in the background
7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
- go henry. Where she was either lying about using her son's card for no reason, and consequently got his account locked...or she was fraudulently using an under 18 bank account in her son's name and then lying to the bank when they found out.
- meekly calling Boris Johnson 'disingenuous' on air then swaggering onto Twitter to claim she'd been cut off early in the interview for calling him a liar
- the diva essay
- I don't own a toaster. Here is my toaster
- Easter Island Holmes advising her to go into politics
- excuses for how she time travels in her selfies e.g "stepped into a sunbeam" "it's just good lighting" "soft pink curtains"
- expelled from school for stealing a scalpel (without her parents ever finding out, and somehow still managing to sit her 4.5 GCSEs)
8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list”
- household management book (help I have 200 litres of used bubble bath stored in a garage and I need to Jack to release this book so I know how to make them into a bechamel sauce.)
- vegan pineapple upside down cake
-The granola recipe
- column for breakdown magazine
9. The Bad Food for Good Days award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe (thanks @FlowerOfTheEast for the name!) Borrowing from Sidey B's suggestion though, I rather like the idea of the award being a golden pineapple filled with tampons
- Turned up in Tipp's lard gravy
- Beautiful Trauma's bake along of prune poo
- Hotes oats (@ the oats no you can't make a tattle account and vote for yourselves )
- Poor Patrol's sloppy scuffins
- hollaaa's swampy soup
- Traumatised sideboard's -brainrot- headrush spaghetti
10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
- Trifle Defender
- ICO squiggle
- Sardine Calender bloke (real or ersatz tattle edition)
- a badger? (you've lost me with this one Frauen, I'm very behind on the threads
)
1. The Eye of Sauron award for “best public appearance”
- labour conference (in which she turns up 45 minutes late because she's been performing a starbust Vs opal fruits ingredients dissection)
- conservative conference (in which she finally did a tiny bit of good with her Instagram platform, posting some graphics to support trussell trust...only to delete the posts a few weeks later once she'd had her paid gig "at conference")
- BBC news free school meals interview
2. The Golden Grifty award for “most egregious waste of money from someone claiming to be poor”
- Aparthotel with fully stocked fridge
- Lip fillers
- Halloween (Wilko's almost-cerberus, and the squid game cosplay with premium brand boiler suit purchased solely to dye pink and wear once)
- army of houseplants "Feed me tinned fish Seymour"
- the 2 packets of opal fruits/starburst apparently worth missing her conference for
- 16 weeks aparthotel in London
- purchasing the designer suit from her diva photoshoot
3. The Full Moon award for “best chaos” (I laughed out loud at Hotes just putting 'all of january' LJC that was a hell of a month,
)- Go Henry debacle
- The Linda McCartney collab & resulting Viggles uprising
- tweeting out a "crying selfie" and tagging Rishi Sunak, chancellor of the Exchequer, in it to beg for money
- Titmas
4.The Yes Absolutely award for “most useless/actively harmful advice”
- dryer fluff candle lighters in a tin can-dle holder
- putting glass in the freezer
- ignoring the sugar content of her prune cake and recommending it to diabetics
- put a baking sheet over your sink to keep the washing up water warm
5. The Facetune Award for “selfie of the year”
- Trifle selfie with anime hair
- Dib Dab 12 year old boy selfie
- crying rish mate selfie
- cringey meme selfie in poor SB's sweater with lasers firing out her fingers, just like she imagines the sun shining out of her orifices
- Cherie Blair/disapproving Tory mum selfie
- Pleather blazer selfie with her pocket of pens sat at a tiny desk
- soft pink curtains & 'good lighting' selfie
6. The Mission Inn Star Award for “best slop”
- burned anchovy-cado breakfast (I'm trying to find this one to make sure it's in date, if anyone fancies linking it to me to ruin my day I'd be very grateful. I've seen some awful meals just searching for "jack Monroe anchovies" let me tell you. )
- prune cake
- Linda's sausage curry
- ephemeral cassoulet which keeps changing its ingredients
- 2020 Xmas dinner from hell (express article spread - veg peel stuffing loaf, lardY gravy & furry brain pudding)
-The ominous Xmas pudding, looking like a polished gold turd and sparkling away with Southend Chainsaw Massacre audio in the background
7. The Novak Nail award for “most entertaining/outrageous lie”
- go henry. Where she was either lying about using her son's card for no reason, and consequently got his account locked...or she was fraudulently using an under 18 bank account in her son's name and then lying to the bank when they found out.
- meekly calling Boris Johnson 'disingenuous' on air then swaggering onto Twitter to claim she'd been cut off early in the interview for calling him a liar
- the diva essay
- I don't own a toaster. Here is my toaster
- Easter Island Holmes advising her to go into politics
- excuses for how she time travels in her selfies e.g "stepped into a sunbeam" "it's just good lighting" "soft pink curtains"
- expelled from school for stealing a scalpel (without her parents ever finding out, and somehow still managing to sit her 4.5 GCSEs)
8. Missed Deadline Award for “most urgent item on Kacha's list”
- household management book (help I have 200 litres of used bubble bath stored in a garage and I need to Jack to release this book so I know how to make them into a bechamel sauce.)
- vegan pineapple upside down cake
-The granola recipe
- column for breakdown magazine
9. The Bad Food for Good Days award for 'favourite' cabal recreation of a Jack Monroe Recipe (thanks @FlowerOfTheEast for the name!) Borrowing from Sidey B's suggestion though, I rather like the idea of the award being a golden pineapple filled with tampons
- Turned up in Tipp's lard gravy
- Beautiful Trauma's bake along of prune poo
- Hotes oats (@ the oats no you can't make a tattle account and vote for yourselves )
- Poor Patrol's sloppy scuffins
- hollaaa's swampy soup
- Traumatised sideboard's -
10. The Silver Poca Plate for “honorary frau of the year”
- Trifle Defender
- ICO squiggle
- Sardine Calender bloke (real or ersatz tattle edition)
- a badger? (you've lost me with this one Frauen, I'm very behind on the threads
)Hi @Switchstreetz Badger is a sheep, who looks a bit like a badger
1-Labour Conference, lol.
4-Baking sheet haha!
5-Pleather Blazer
7-Go Henry
9-Hotes Oats!
4-Baking sheet haha!
5-Pleather Blazer
7-Go Henry
9-Hotes Oats!
Hey @Switchstreetz I nominated Jack claiming to have COVID/long COVID for number 7. That was inside the time frame wasn't it? Apologies if not. It's been a long year
Hey Switch:
2 - All the chairs known to man
- Jack's jungle
3 - The Tile train chaos
4 - Hold a griddle pan out of the window to cool it down
- table salt for bath salts
- Slow cooker bubblebath in a recycled squash bottle
- Painting tin cans to knock them down
5 - Pixie cut and a bra
- Smartly Dressed Monroe in a Nicole Farhi jacket
- The 'meme' t-shirt selfie
- 90s Indie chanteuse
- 'If you know you know'
6 - This thing
- This 'ramen'
7 - Not opening post for a decade
- Sizzling Pringles lip fillers
- Watching a former manager place her book in the No. 1 position
- Having teeth kicked in at karate
8 - Drawing Nigella's garden - why has Nigella not had this framed for posterity?
10 - Terry the sparrow, in all his lives
2 - All the chairs known to man
- Jack's jungle
3 - The Tile train chaos
4 - Hold a griddle pan out of the window to cool it down
- table salt for bath salts
- Slow cooker bubblebath in a recycled squash bottle
- Painting tin cans to knock them down
5 - Pixie cut and a bra
- Smartly Dressed Monroe in a Nicole Farhi jacket
- The 'meme' t-shirt selfie
- 90s Indie chanteuse
- 'If you know you know'
6 - This thing
- This 'ramen'
7 - Not opening post for a decade
- Sizzling Pringles lip fillers
- Watching a former manager place her book in the No. 1 position
- Having teeth kicked in at karate
8 - Drawing Nigella's garden - why has Nigella not had this framed for posterity?
10 - Terry the sparrow, in all his lives
I fear I won’t have such a good memory next year without the aid of my trusty links in the recaps (Not that I’m shading the recaps without the links as they take FOREVER )
)I love it when you or others do the links, takes us all on a nice trip down memory lane*I fear I won’t have such a good memory next year without the aid of my trusty links in the recaps (Not that I’m shading the recaps without the links as they take FOREVER
I remember I started a thread once or twice though and, wow, it's a massive endeavour, takes ages to get the links added!
(*Except the food, thats a trip down nightmare street
I'm trying to find a name for the thing when I add it to nominations, but words fail me. I can't even put "tit in a bowl" because you'll all be like "er, could you narrow it down?" We've had meals across the whole stool consistency chart at this point )
How can soup look dry?I love it when you or others do the links, takes us all on a nice trip down memory lane*
I remember I started a thread once or twice though and, wow, it's a massive endeavour, takes ages to get the links added!
(*Except the food, thats a trip down nightmare street
‘A riff on the peri peri black bean soup that is not peri peri’?I love it when you or others do the links, takes us all on a nice trip down memory lane*
I remember I started a thread once or twice though and, wow, it's a massive endeavour, takes ages to get the links added!
(*Except the food, thats a trip down nightmare street
Why you cry
Soup dry
I think we need a category for cabal photo shopping
Thought of some more
1. Does the disastrous Del Monte live with her disgusting chicken juice hands, filthy baking dish and pineapple full of tampons/sweets count as a public appearance?
5. The 'happy place' selfie with her arse front and centre, the double pupil nightmare, the 'hoofing it straight from the pan' photo
6. Polish sausage and yoghurt, the chocolate salame she allegedly made with her son
7. PYTHAGORAS
9. Fruitjack's pineapple and jackfruit patties, Orphy B's slow cooker bread
I'm hooting at the memory of a squig mistaking the Linda's sausages in the curry for dumplings
1. Does the disastrous Del Monte live with her disgusting chicken juice hands, filthy baking dish and pineapple full of tampons/sweets count as a public appearance?
5. The 'happy place' selfie with her arse front and centre, the double pupil nightmare, the 'hoofing it straight from the pan' photo
6. Polish sausage and yoghurt, the chocolate salame she allegedly made with her son
7. PYTHAGORAS
9. Fruitjack's pineapple and jackfruit patties, Orphy B's slow cooker bread
I'm hooting at the memory of a squig mistaking the Linda's sausages in the curry for dumplings