Congratulations to @kachoochoo for the centennial thread title! 68 reactions 
Vlad bless these threads and all who sail in her. We are now one hundred. Kombusky all round (but not for Jack, she’s underage).
Recap of thread #99
Vlad bless these threads and all who sail in her. We are now one hundred. Kombusky all round (but not for Jack, she’s underage).
Recap of thread #99
- Not content with being Southend’s political correspondent, she also provided forensic commentary (translation: guff) on US election night. Sit the fuck down, Cooper, she needs to see Nebraska!
- This included claims she watched her own c-section as a prize for spending 30 hours of childbirth in silence.
- #JackMonroeslockdownlarderbyJackMonroetheoneandonlyJackMonroewhodoeslockdownlarders is back with a whimper. She’s providing a service in these trying times, so um, send in your queries - but not too many cos she’s BUSY on a train (that’s gross, Jack).
- Jack’s Top Tips: Soup, curry, stew, Google’s not for you, get your curry sloppy and make sure the stew is brewed. Also - any herb will do.
- Her lip-bustingly large grapes have possibly been been triangulated to ... <whispers> Ocado.
- The first rule of being one of her patrons, is You Don’t Talk About Not Receiving Goods That You’ve Paid For Through Patreon. She’s doing everything by herself, ok? Cut her some slack, she’s only 12, as is evident from recent photographs of her.
- Looks like her dinosaur nap ran overtime - she was late to her own lockdown larder. Jack, Jack, what do I do with a couple kilos of potatoes? Oh, mate. Don’t set her off, we’ll be here all night.
- Lockdown larder isn’t doing any favours for her follower numbers.
- Jackbot 2020 overheated and spouted a lot of nonsense #sowhatelseisnew
- She blamed her Mediterranean arse.
- She’s changed her name. Oh, Attention! You are a tricky mistress and Jack cannot conquer you.
- Full Meta Tattle. Novak Nail.
- She had a pop at Theresa May then Trump.
- More thoughts on the US presidential election. Much forensics. Many embarrassment.
- She’s written out the lockdown rules. For the love of liver, Jack, what about your damn Thrifty Shades of Beige postcards?!
- Nope, who cares about that? Not her, she’s writing out her nearest and dearests’ schedules and posting it on Twitter, as anyone worried about safety and security would.
- Aaaaaand, while she’s on a roll with practising her handwriting, she’s going to show everyone how hard her finger is on the pulse of the US election.
- Her recent follows have helped this newest branch of her forensic interest.
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Special mention to @Veronicaaa for the suggestion of: I got 99 threads but the bitch ain’t done (it was very close and deserves a mention[*]
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
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