The Chateau Diaries #4 Jarvis in Jeopardy

[ChocLili]

‘Twas the month before Christmas, when all though Facebook
Chateau Diaries superfans were eager to look
Some pages shouted OFFICIAL in their description
While others gained members by a kind of conscription.

The Chatelaine was nestled deep in her bed
While visions of Patrons danced in her head
And mummy in her gloves, bored and trapped
Just hoping her French garden will survive and adapt

When out in the courtyard there arose such a clatter
The Chatelaine awoke to see what was the matter
Away to the balcony she flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters and threw up (the sash)

The moon on the breast of the freshly laid gravel
Gave the lustre of pinkness as the scene did unravel
When what to her infected eye should appear
A camper, a tango dancer and Heineken beer

A curly haired man, covered in sawdust
Muttering softly “To the beach, dog, or bust”
More rapid than peacocks his coursers they came
And he whistled, and whispered, and called them by name

Now DIESEL!, now RUBY!, now SITH! and THOR!
On IAN!, on IAN!, on IAN! and one IAN! more
To the top of the ramparts, to the fountain, all green
Now dash away, dash away, we mustn’t be seen!

The Chatelaine teetered, on balcony’s edge!
She was going to topple and crush a small hedge
With a gasp she felt a weak hand on her waist
“Prince Philip will save me; he’s made such great haste”

The Chatelaine fell back onto her floor
Her Thousand Stars kimono crumpled and tore
And she turned her head to thank her saviour knight
But she only saw Hanni by the dappled moonlight.

 

[ChocLili]

Without wanting to start a thermomix debate (there are millions of threads discussing pro and cons):you can be a proper cook and use thermomix. It can be a very helpful tool even in a professional kitchen especially when you cook for bigger groups. Just because we don't see her using it more often it doesn't mean she uses it only for weighing.

Look, everyone knows the only thing you need in a kitchen is an AGA, preferably in pieces.

 

[Zebraaah]

princess is soprano
we are still talking about the possibility of being a professional singer in a real opera right? not just decent singer but center stage signing?

now the princess


example of great modern voices - soprano and mezzo-soprano just for comparison



another soprano (personally not a fan, for me too flat but generally people love it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzNBeRkH9OY

princess again (btw termomix from11:37 for anyone interested ) singing from 17:16

lyric soprano (my preference - not that it matters) especially from 2:35
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBo7T8LEQ4Y

in my unprofessional opinion, these crystal voices with control are miles away from the chateau lalaland
to be fair, I've experienced horrid opera singers, long past their prime so everything is possible

Blimey you're like a dog with a bone. Yes, she is a good singer. Yes, she is probably out of practice - the voicebox is literally a muscle which needs to be kept in tip top condition for the best voice, and cosetted like an athlete looks after their body.

The reason she didn't go pro is probably that she didn't want to spend her life in a chorus for £2.50 a day hoping for her lucky break, like thousands of other good, classically trained singers!

I'm all for critique and making fun of what can sometimes be a slightly ridiculous (yet fantastic! ) lifestyle but you're really taking it to extremes at the moment.

 

[Great_Kate]

I don’t mind Stephanie‘s laying in and working in bed at all. Does it look spoiled? Sure, but that is exactly the character she shows us. The reasonable rich, Chateau owning, only having a business to not go completely broke but making sure her private money covers her lifestyle first, fun, very into culture and arts bon vivant. I would say she tries to emulate the life of the poor gentry gentleman. Having an estate, still keeping up the lifestyle in parts, but struggling to keeping the estate afloat, no official employment (a gentleman doesn’t work) but savvy enough to create schemes that bring in money. The B&B to pay for the Chateau (not herself) run more as private fun than real hard commitment (too many holidays for her to be there all the time), work aways and volunteers because she feels lonely instead of making the B&B running and renovations the important part. Her having a lie in every morning, while staying up very late fits this pattern. It’s a mix between lady of the house and socialite with long entertaining evenings. Parading around in expensive beautiful morning gowns just showcase this more. It’s the perfect modern translation of the Downtown Abbey vibe.
Apart from that- answering mails and editing can be perfectly done in bed, on a sofa, in the car, on a desk. I don’t think she is a person that lacks the energy or the work motivation when not getting dressed in the morning or leaving her bedroom. Not everyone needs that. She produces a ton of footage and has only increased her output. Staying on top of the mails was never her strongest suit, she admitted as much, but she does ok and she employs Natti. I doubt she would describe herself as a self employed Youtuber. I don’t even think she would describe her B&B venture as her job in that sense. It doesn’t fit the narrative for her to hold down a serious job. It more fun than anything else. The B&B was only there to help the Chateau. Never to fund her own life- so basically she doesn’t work to earn her living.
I will say, I love that narrative. It really emulates modern British gentry and their quirks. She ticks many boxes but little things give it away. For example PRO: she is not vain (at least on the surface), educated, interested, not picky in regards to food ingredients but quality, travel, international group of friends, doesn’t NEED to work, no problem in getting her finger dirty, values family heirlooms and things with a history, good at entertaining and I imagine very easy to talk to- but being a true confidant you are not CONTRA she doesn’t put as much importance on quality (especially in terms of interior) anymore, showing off those gift excesses, but most importantly she doesn’t care for the Chateau itself and the land enough. Bad renovations, not tackling important (but not glamorous) structural renovations, not enough interest in the outdoor areas. With her fan base she could market the Chateau highly successfully. Produce from the garden (cider, chutney, jam), cookbook, postcards, prints from old drawings or old maps/structural maps, after COVID- organising exhibitions, those country fairs...
It’s a very charming existence.
Only problem- No idea how much of that is real for her whole life or if we actually only see a small snippet of her reality.

 

[Definitely Maybe]

I wonder if SJ started editing in bed because it's so cold in the chateau in winter. I do think some of you are being rather unkind, I love how she doesn't mind us seeing her as she is, warts and all

 

[Viva La Loca]

The overuse of 'amazing' and 'actually' is annoying, especially when it isn't - MP !!

Why give them money ???
Nic Larkin and Michael Potts are both computer programmers who earn at least 100k a year. Nic also has some sort of 5G company registered in Belgium. All of her friends are well heeled.
'Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, But she ain't messin' with no broke'
Her parents had multiple mansions that became care homes. She has never had paid employment worth speaking of even though she is a capable woman who is fortunate enough to be bilingual and with a degree from Oxford university which I'm sure will be a 2:1 or a 1st class with honours.

Also, it seems to me that the running of the B&B is a bloody joke. On the French B&B programme one of the rooms had not been cleaned and had hair in the shower plug. Absolutely ridiculous!! No wonder Percy was going on about 'standards, standards, standards'!!

Soaking up pictures in lots of expensive interior design books does not give someone the ability to create well appointed and beautiful rooms. That's why designers design and other people buy. Simple!
What is with the insidious use of gold everywhere. It makes the place look like Changing Rooms.
Oh, and don't get me started on her bedroom. The fabric isn't pulled correctly, the practically neon pink edge is awful and she never prepares the woodwork before painting. Everything is done arse about face. For some people the term DIY should mean Don't Involve Yourself.

And seriously, its taken all this time to get a desk upstairs so a 45 yr old woman can get her ass out of bed. It is pathetic that she claims not to know that you can get replacement pencils. They are Faber Castell for gods sake, although she has had to mention the pencil set twice before she got a refill set sent to open during the gift grab.

https://www.graf-von-faber-castell.co.uk/products/shop-our-products/desk-set-with-platinium-plated-perfect-pencil-brown/desk-set-with-platinium-plated-perfect-pencil-brown/

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[soll]

Recap
Still on the whole enjoying SJ's vlogs and agreed she is streets ahead of the spinoffs in quality, but still questioning her finances and her volunteers' motives. Not so keen on her little poodle prince.
Still laughing and gasping at the Trotter bodging and grifting. Getting angry at Brenda's antics.

 

[NotAChatelaine]

Sorry to say that champagne is very expensive in France too. Most French people don't drink champagne. At least, not the champagne they drink at Lalande.
French people are interested in foreigners living with them. Ask Dan the gardener and his wife.
They welcome and help them if these foreigners want to be part of their local community.
That doesn't seem the case of Lalande despite Isabelle being French.


Whatever. I give up.
She does have an association LOI 1901 now. (Non profit non taxable). Unless she wants to get everything for free (materials, working hours etc).
Not sure Stephanie is good in understanding French system, lake, taxes, internet and so on. Must be exhausting to work for her.

Stephanie, for all her charm, would be an absolute nightmare to work for as she doesn't- or won't - absorb or pay attention to the big, important details. She is intelligent but is also really quite dim. An odd amalgamation of sophisticated yet unworldly, educated yet naive, fascInating yet exasperating.

 

[Viva La Loca]

Also I can clearly see SJ being one of those woman having a child with 49lots of content waiting for us

Just given my crystal ball a polish and it's telling me that we need another core module added to the University of La La Lande ...
Core Module - The Indispensable Life Experience of Maternal Ambivalence
Thesis Title - We don’t tend to ask parents why they choose to have kids, so why would we want to question non-parents’ motives

 

[Minxxx]

I think Stephanie’s lack of children is her own business. Women have so much societal pressure to breed, and it’s irritating that child free women are looked on as an anomaly.
Some women simply don’t like them, some women aren’t prepared to make the sacrifices that having children bring. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

A friend of mine has slight narcissistic tendencies that she inherited from her mother. She made the decision never to have children because she has the foresight to see that she wouldn’t/couldn’t be selfless enough to be a good mother. Maybe this is something that Stephanie recognised in herself given her own personality and relationship with Isabelle.

 

[frenchessence]

My feeling is that Stephanie J. is a child.
She needs Mummy to get the chateau ready for the BnB season while she's on holidays somewhere around the world.
She plays with people (preferably young - the older ones never stay for long at the chateau), then forgets about them.
She gets excited for nothing and knows what to do to get it.
My opinion is that people need to be very strong and stable in their mind (if you can say this in english ?) to "survive" around her. Marie (Nick's Marie), Natti and Selmar belong to this category of people.
Not sure for the others (even Cat who's very young).
I enjoyed her first videos when everything was light, spontaneous, fun with "normal" people - I mean people of more or less her age, less influenced by her flamboyance.
This story with Brenda...not sure Stephanie has the good role in this TBH. It seems that she's good at sending her cannon fodders to the front line while keeping safe in her chateau.
I don't know how this will end up. But certainly not as it has started more than one year ago now. A shame.

I bow to your superior written analysis of SJ It’s everything I thought myself but was struggling to phrase. She constantly seeks parental approval from Isabel (& will rarely if ever receive it) She twirls like a five year old at the sight of the postman, a parcel or a dandelion shoved into a milk bottle. She seems to be regressing if anything - not maturing in way at all. This is both charming & annoying in equal measure.

Isabel had previously always prepared the chateau for her daughter to play ‘Bed & Breakfast’ and a lot of her frustration & pent up anger towards her beautiful daughter, must come from the fact that without her there to crack the whip and keep it all going, it simply falls apart, going back to where it was. Chateau de Lalande is like a glorious luxe Wendy House for Stephanie. I watched an old (as you say, light, spontaneous ) vlog yesterday where Isobel was fuming because she’d done nothing with the cherries & raspberries. Stephanie then made her a cake at 3.00 am ! Isabel pointedly told her daughter she ‘saw it at 6.00 am when I got up’ ... and said ‘very nice’ yet when SJ said ‘I hope it was worth it ....’ Isabel scathingly replied under her breath ‘I doubt it ...’

Her true playmates are the ‘Oxford’ crowd as someone here called them. Probably used to her exhibtionist tendencies, & happy to leave their own secure less flamboyant lives for a while to hang out & party at the chateau. Other younger helpers/outsiders are in awe of her & cling to her coat tails in the hope they’ll become a favourite. Which I doubt they ever will. This beautiful chatelaine collects people with the same gusto she collects porcelain. It shall be interesting to see in due course, if she handles them as carefully ....

 

[Hemerocallis]

Some of the Lalande volunteers do seem to cook food from home for all and sundry but who knows if the recipes become part of the repertoire. In some cases, one would hope not. Philip's pea risotto for one.

Think that with this attempt at cooking, he freed himself from this task.
Clever !

 

[C’est la vie]

@burnrave Even those that don’t want to comment are welcome it’s not an exclusive club. Some people are happier just observing, happy in the knowledge they are not alone

 

[Pno]

I really want to like her too. She's not lacking in technical skills but courage. And as wonderful it is to cook dinners in lalande, she's not growing professionally in a place where she's thought to be a genius every time she puts two twigs in a milk bottle. It's in her best interest to leave.


Everybody's allowed to return to their homes, coming back is the difficult part. Hope Nati flies back to her home as well, but she works in the Shat-O, it's a risk to become unemployed if she can't return. When the restrictions are lifted and B&B starts to function again, Steph needs to hire somebody else if she's stuck in South America. I suppose she wants to live and work in France?

Was the B&B even still running before this lockdown? It seems like it has been seasonal in the past. I’m not a patron because I don’t give money to people who have $500 pencil sets. I know that is a fine line but you need to draw it somewhere...

 

[ChocLili]

One fan, Two fans, Red fan, Blue fan.
Black fan, Blue fan, Old fan, New fan

This one has a little Page.
This one has a little wage.
Say! What a lot of fan outrage.

Yes. Some are crazy, and some are sane.
Some are fancy and some are plain.

Some are sad, and some are glad,
And some are very, very bad.
Why are they sad and glad and bad?
I do not know, go email Lalande.

Some are admins, some just follow.
The admin one is a bit hollow.

From there to here,
From here to there,
Funny fans are everywhere.

Here are some who like to run.
They run silly polls, just for fun.

Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot of ‘craic’ goes awry.

Some give five bucks, some give four.
Some give many gifts, some give more.
Why do they give? I can’t say.
But I bet they all want to come and stay.

We see them fawn, we see them defend.
Some are real. Some pretend.
Some have the card that Stephanie penned.

Not one of them is really ‘OFFICIAL’.
Don’t ask us why, it’s superficial.



(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

 

[C’est la vie]

(Sorry I’ve got too much time on my hands this morning)

 

[Old-Oxonian]

Can I just add a small recap. I think by general consent, we agreed not to discuss in personal terms any of the children who appear in CD or the associated vlogs.

 

[Heathcliffe]

Just tried to watch a bit of the ETRF (The gardener & his wife). I wish them well, nice people. He is very protective of his wife, you can tell when he is at Lalande that he makes bloody sure his interaction with ladies is purely professional. If they flirt a bit, he ignores it and gets on with work. I can tell this is something he does with intent, as I have had to do that myself on occasions when my wife was watching (green eyed monster!). He is making sure she does not feel threatened by other women. He would never be Mrs. Chatterleys lover. He is a gentleman and a protective husband, I like the man. I also like Selmar and Phillip, also good men, well boy in Phillip's case. Selmar is exceptionally empathic and kind, and young Phillip means well. I did enjoy seeing his boyband video, hah ha, most amusing. Phillip and Selmar are really trying to look interested at this dreadful Cadeaux horror, I bet they have a stiff drink when it is done. Would love to be a fly on the wall and hear what they say when it is a wrap. Bet they hate having to do it. I wonder what Stephanie gives Phillip in return, heh he, (no I don't think she does).

 

[PeacockQueen]

Selmar Baby, just slip some Spode under the tree, for me.
Been an awful good girl, Selmar baby,
And tango down to my room tonight.

Philip honey, an 1854 cocktail tray, silver grey
I'll wait up for you dear, Philly baby,
And scurry down to my room tonight.

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,
Next year I could be oh so good,
If you'll check off my Chateau list.

Patreon honey, I wanna lake, gotta 15 year thirst to slake
Been an angel all year, Patreon baby,
Make my water feature dreams tonight.

Goatman cutie, there's one little thing I do need, not cheese
And not a mash pastry dish, Goatman cutie,
Warm my lady oven tonight.

Baron Baby, please fill my stocking, les Cles, s'il vous plait
A Venetian Pied à terre, Baron Bébé
So hurry down my chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's,
I really love Limoges Porca-layne
Let’s see if you’ve bought me some again

Mason honey, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring.
I don't mean on the phone, Mason honey,
So hurry down to La Lande tonight

 

[Jeeves]

It's all starting to kick off about BG on Escape to the Chateau!