MOD & FOD #33 Bots a plenty, we're under attack. Don't blame me I've been hacked hacked!

[Axatogrind]

I'm so sorry folks, I couldn't help myself

 

[Axatogrind]

While we're on the topic of thread titles, may I present today's offering

 

[Bigmouth_bigpants]

My thread title offering...

FOD’s gone AWOL while his followers plunge, he’s biding his time in the house of clunge

 

[Dogmuck]

Hello and welcome to all newbies to this thread...I hope you all enjoyed the complimentary drinks and nibbles in the reception area.

Two things I’m absolutely gagging to know:

1. Why now, what is it that has compelled you to come here? I’m genuinely glad you have because it means the Tattle is strong in you. Just there are so many of you, I’ve never seen such an influx.

2. We had a security breach the other night. Our very own @Pocahontas was supposed to be on watch but to be fair she let us ALL down, but more importantly she let herself down. We don’t hold grudges here at Tattle so she did her time on the naughty step, we explained why she was there and then hugged it out. However as newbies I feel that now is the perfect time for you to show your commitment and join our security team
VAGINAS - Volunteers Against Greedy Instagram Narcissistic Arseholes Society - as one of the VAGINAS you’ll be given a high viz jacket an extra £3.75 per month in your pay packet and 20% Gusto code. You’ll be expected to screen shot ANY dodgy interlopers posts, go and check their profiles for any info and respond, but only if you have back up...don’t put yourself at risk.
So sign up to become one of FODs VAGINAS your Tattle needs you!

 

[Aboveallelse]

Catching up with the last few threads.... I was one of those who defended clemmie saying she wasn't a racist. As a poc whose grandparents grew up in empire. I feel so confused and conflicted. Over the last few years, especially as my children are growing up. I feel nothing but a sense of dread towards the future. I've always convinced myself that if you work hard you can achieve in those careers full of white people, you can go and live in the country or by the coast. But as black/poc we are not welcome in those areas. I've become accustomed to the comfort of living in a mixed community in London. But I think now perhaps I've been accepting the bias and prejudice I've faced in everyday life as normal. That I, as a poc and my children are not deserving of wanting more for ourselves. I'd love to give my children a wholesome less polluted and busy life in the country /beside the coast. But these options are not available
Sorry I'm waffling... I stopped following the white middle class insta mum brigade when it hit me just how priveledged and exclusive they were. The racism is subtle and insidious. I grew up being called all sorts in the 80s. Thankfully my children have not experienced that. But they will face bias and racism in their work life from those who are priveledged. I think I'm facing up to a lot of denial I've had in regard to these issues. Because a black /poc working twice as hard still isn't good enough.
Clemmie is extremely priveledged and racist but not the only insta mum. Instagram is full to the brim of those just like her.

 

[Bigmouth_bigpants]

FOD will be the last man standing on Instagram.

In 2052, as they prepare to cease running the platform, it’s programmers find one solitary account still producing content.

They log on to find a selfie video of a bedraggled pensioner, talking in tongues, his burton Jorts around his ankles, cuddling a ball of his children’s hair bands that he has affectionately named Clementine.

His face resembles a walnut. His hands withered and crooked from decades of smartphone usage. He resides in a derelict, draughty pile of bricks on the Kent coast and spends his days pacing the dimly lit rooms, filming himself as he goes, wailing into the void as he yearns for days gone by.

He is a sad shell of a man. He is without the comfort and warmth of close friends and family. He is destined to live out his final lonely days in an ex-Dentist’s surgery.

He is... Father of Daughters.

 

[SansaStark]

Hi all, another first time poster here. Not a journalist and I’ve read ALL the threads over the past year or so

I followed the SoDs for years, commented on pics, liked posts and feel for the hardworking midwife persona portrayed by CH. It honestly made me feel quite lonely when I was a new mum without a ‘girl gang’ like they seemed to have.

Tattle opened my eyes to it all and I’ve found myself nodding along in silent agreement to the discussions here and also some proper lol moments too, so thanks!

I could kind of forgive them for being so grabby were it not for selling out their kids privacy and also deleting a comment I made about the ‘BML’ post on FODs page. Then they blocked me.

If it wasn’t for people like us following and engaging with their accounts they wouldn’t have been gifted everything they have. They repulse me with their arrogance and entitlement.

I’ve since unfollowed every single one of their insta friends too- especially just how desperate and selfish they’ve all been during the BLM protests and blackout tuesday. CT, DLAM- all of them.

Anyway sorry for the essay. Just wanted to put my two pence in and say hi to you all, stop being a lurker and be able to read the screen pics

And thank you all for continuing the discussion so that more people realise just how self-serving these people are, and totally shitty parents for what they do to their kids x

 

[Britney Spiers Morgan]

MOD & FOD #34 Sly & Glen are missing in action but HousedelaClunge is now part of our faction

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

He will. He’ll think he’s safe because it’s about men and he is (allegedly) a man so he won’t make the pesky feminists angry again. Maybe he’ll do a post with a token black dad friend. Either way, he will be fucked, even his hun army can’t save him now

FoD has spent the last fortnight cycling round the Medway looking for a black person willing to have their photo taken with him and pretend to be his friend. He’s offering a pineapple lamp, a bottle of pretend craft beer from Waitrose and a Burton jean for any taker.

 

[Emmadale]

Loved remembering the different thread titles last night so did a summary of them all for you to remember, must be bored waiting for then to post!


MOD & FOD - Mother Of Daughters & Father Of Daughters
MOD & FOD #2 Non stop cringe, shady AF, daddy's unhinged
MOD & FOD #3 Part time parents full time grifters
MOD & FOD #4 The kids are on show to fund the reno!
MOD & FOD #5 Don't be fooled by the crap that I flog, I'm still I'm still Clemmie from the blog
MOD & FOD #6 Hanging out with a secret nanny, doing admin on my fanny
MOD & FOD #7 When my grid gets full of #pressdiscount plugs, it’s time to whip out my saintly scrubs!
MOD & FOD #8 Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie Japan after midnight, help me when Slymon’s away
MOD & FOD #9 Gifted loot, pink jumpsuit, I like to pair it with a clumpy boot
MOD & FOD #10 Wonder if Gousto do a recipe for humble pie?
MOD & FOD #11 Sorry seems to be the hardest word
MOD & FOD #12 When I throw my wife under the bus, I always use National Express #ad #gifted
MOD & FOD #13 My wife has jeopardised our brand, but where oh where did I put that hair band?
MOD & FOD #14 Who cares that my wife is going through hell; when there’s hair bands to lose and children to sell
MOD & FOD #15 Now we know Slymon really is a prick, because all he’s doing is taking the mick!
MOD & FOD #16 Slymon is being penetrated in the ears, whilst Gimmie is hiding from her peers
MOD & FOD #17 Eat, Sleep, Deactivate, Repeat.
MOD & FOD #18 You will always find her in the kitchen at parties
MOD & FOD #19 Slymon’s too sexy for the gram, too sexy for the gram, Tenerife and Japaaaan
MOD & FOD #20 Chanandler Bong, your content’s all wrong!
MOD & FOD #21 If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 999k followers and my wife ain’t one
MOD & FOD #22 A draughty pile of pricks #ifyouknowyouknow
MOD & FOD #23 He's going doooooowwwn, he's yelling vulvaaaa
MOD & FOD #24 You’re pointless and he is a father
MOD & FOD #25 Is it time he got the AXA?
MOD & FOD #26 Fodcliffe, it’s mee, I’m Clammie, I’ve come home, so cold, let me in you drafty Victorian window!
MOD & FOD #27 Roll out the bint in her leopard print, it’s the only way we’ll make a mint
MOD & FOD #28 Pink jumpsuit MAMIL, toe of camel, had corona, but got no boner
MOD & FOD #29 Old lady rooms and lies a plenty, soon he'll be down to 720.
MOD & FOD #30 Comments from Yoda: A tw*t, you are
MOD & FOD #31 Stay Alert -> Delete the Comments -> Save Sponsorships
MOD & FOD #32 Herringbone, it’s Clem. I need new locks, the skeletons have escaped
MOD & FOD #33 Bots a plenty, we're under attack. Don't blame me I've been hacked hacked!

 

[Pocahontas]

Okay .. I’m going to try a thread title suggestion (taps mike):
Housedelaclunge or monarch of the Glen? We’ll keep guessing until FOD posts again

 

[Dogmuck]

Do you think they will call it a day like Mrs Meldrum who has deleted all her social media accounts

I tell you what though guys, we need an exit strategy if the SODs do a Mrs Meldrum, as that thread was unceremoniously shut down mid “will she won’t she” come back speculation and all the Meldrum trolls were evicted to who knows where? I think I saw one of them in the Hinch thread earlier but couldn’t be sure, didn’t look like she’d had a decent troll for days, hair looked messy, no spark, looked lost really. Let’s not let that happen to us here...we need a plan. So I’d like some volunteers to come forward for basic evacuation training. You’ll get a high vis jacket, an extra £3.75 in your pay packet and 20% off Gusto. The volunteers will lead the rest of the SOD trolls out of the defunked thread and to a safe place. Safe place to be agreed at first volunteer meeting.
Right, just sign up below.

 

[rainbowlemon]

"Simon has been featured in Marie Claire UK, Grazia, The Times, The Evening standard and on EllenNation amongst many other online publications. He also talks on panels for the likes of Stylist Live and Facebook. "

Yea also the Daily mail, the sun, the mirror and irish times:

:: Do you allow tech at the table?

"No, there's time enough for screens away from the table. Apparently, 40 per cent of parents now allow mobile devices at the dinner table, but we want our girls to focus on the value of normal human interaction. Real life is more important than the virtual one, although I'm sure they would beg to differ – and I'm sure this will be discussed over the table at some point in the very near future."

Think my skills are wasted in medicine.

Bait. I love it. You’re putting yourself on the line - that’s sacrifice to the cause right there

Thank you comrade. A first class order of Merlin coming your way through owl post.

 

[caitlinbullen]

Ah! How is Echo? X and also @EddieBeds how is Ophelia? All of mine are with so many children at the moment, but I’ve let them reproduce and not taken cuttings of the babies! My biggest mama

I can almost hear the MOD/FOD supper conversation now...

FOD "They send each other cuttings!"

MOD "Wallpaper samples?"

FOD "No- like plant cuttings- they are very friendly."

MOD "Have you been on 'that site' again?"

FOD "Of course not. That Grace O'Leary minion sent me a weekly summary/update."

MOD "Is House of Horrors ready for the next obligatory post? We have so much more to do to this draughty old pile of bricks!"

FOD "Erm..they said wait a while longer. It's...umm...complicated."

MOD "Ah. Ok. The BML thing? Well I'm off to the Rugby Mums social, don't wait up. Be sure to bump our follower numbers if you get a sec after putting the kids to bed- 3,000 should do it for the time being."

FOD "Rugby? None of the girls DO rugby?"

MOD "They're aspiring darling, and I am supporting them in the best way I know." (head bobs up and down under tshirt) *#ifyouknowyouknow*

 

[Aboveallelse]

Statues are erected to commemorate someone’s achievements. They are there to celebrate the person immortalised in stone/copper/whatever material used.
Would you be happy to take down a statue of jimmy saville and replace it with a plaque? After all, he did a lot for charity...

As you said, you’ve been walked past that statue many times and not noticed. That’s because it didn’t effect you. I’m sure you’d feel different if you had to walk past a statue of hitler every day.
Imagine someone saying “what if we take down the state of hitler and put a plaque on place instead?”

I don’t think you have considered what it is like to be a minority. I’m not trying to shame you. But please try to understand why there is a general outcry to tear these statues down. Your response screams white privilege and I think you would really benefit from some extra reading.

Side note, I am really trying not to be bitchy here. I am a white woman who has faced a lot of hard truths over the last couple weeks, and I am just trying to ask you to perhaps do the same.

I am a poc. What offends me more in that area is the gleaming towers of canary wharf. I worked there for many years. And the hierarchy is blatantly visible. White Middle classes in their suits and top jobs, local Asians in the shopping outlets and Black cleaners/maintenence /security. What is crap is that all the bankers and top people commute into the area. E14 is a area of huge disparity. So I didn't find that forgotten old statue in a corner offensive, it barely registered on my conscious. What upsets me the creeping gentrification of the area. That is the daily reality that upsets me. The average person is being pushed out. But someone like Hitler is very recent history . That would be hugely upsetting. The figures from slavery I will admit my ignorance of. The docks have a very rich and deep history. I am not fully aware of all of it, but it does interest me.

This country is built on the profit of slavery, empire robbed countries of their resources. What needs to happen is education for British kids. Teach them the true history of this country.
Anyway forget about me now, this thread is about the mofods!

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

Time to reveal that I (drum roll) am in a Whatsapp group with an Instamum, and appear to have mutual FB friends with both Clemmie AND Budget Clemmie AND both Scummy Mummies. I am going to look up some others; I expect to find I am at the very nexus of Instastardom.

Speaking of whom, I believe one massive glam weekend away was for one of the Scummies’ 40th and I remember it made me feel absolutely shit because I was at a similar life stage and had quite a difficult time around my own 40th and I felt totally inadequate and friendless. I stopped looking and it all felt much better.

 

[Cliqueypedia]

There have been some bloody brilliant MOFOD titles, but nothing will ever beat this gem to coincide with the loss of his mil:

“If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 999k followers and my wife ain’t one”

Still makes me chuckle

 

[Axatogrind]

Time for a little throwback to July 2019...

 

[Spoke]

Yes. The twins must be confused. How do they feel? Sad that they are suddenly unemployed? Happy about their unexpected non-ending vacation? Will they even recognize their dad without a phone?

Can influencers’ children be furloughed?

 

[Cliqueypedia]

It’s not Stephen’s looks that are the problem, but his wife!

Ok if you want me to break it down.

Boris. Couldn’t shag him with his hair that looks like it’s been brushed by a toffee apple in my grill and his pallid torso crushing me to death while he pounded away talking dirty with his ridiculous voice.

Couldn’t marry him either for aforementioned reasons plus his incessant philandering. And all those kids. Haven’t even got to the politics. Has to be avoid.

Stephen. Couldn’t shag him in a kids bunk bed (his current wife banishes him in favour of the kids with her) and because he’s so weak-willed he’d be apologising the whole time while slowly fucking me silent missionary to the sound of tumbleweeds and crickets.

*Could* marry him I suppose and get my satisfaction elsewhere though, because I wouldn’t have to lift a finger round the house he’s so whipped!

That leaves shag for FOD. But I couldn’t do that for many reasons, not least because the sight of his naff Chinese laundry branded pants in a kitchen island makes me CLAM up (pun intended).

Soooo. That’s where I’m at. Ok?

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.