MOD & FOD #33 Bots a plenty, we're under attack. Don't blame me I've been hacked hacked!

[heretoreaditall2019]

FoD has spent the last fortnight cycling round the Medway looking for a black person willing to have their photo taken with him and pretend to be his friend. He’s offering a pineapple lamp, a bottle of pretend craft beer from Waitrose and a Burton jean for any taker.

omg I'm betting it's a multi picture slideshow accompanied by inspiring story about being a teenage father and how it's taken him 10+ years but he's finally settling into his truest formation of blissful fatherhood perfection. Starts with thoroughly monetisable baby pics of him and the twins, throw backs to the glory days on ££ holidays with the work horse children, and final slide his current day self with ~inspiring picture of token BAME hockey/bike club member who he's never spoken to before.

OR he'll go rogue ala house de la clunge and just post a picture of the racist missus and the furloughed kids having surprised him with new spindles.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

And another...

God this was only a few weeks ago, he was clearly trying to ease her back in gently then BLM happened and white MC mamas aren’t allowed to be outright racists anymore so the fallen queen bee / ultimate racist is back in her bin once more

House of Hooper should just delete. I know they’re hard up and need the freebies to complete their #reno but honestly I’d sooner go back to full time work than publicly humiliate myself for paint and wallpaper.

 

[frostily]

FOD will be the last man standing on Instagram.

In 2052, as they prepare to cease running the platform, it’s programmers find one solitary account still producing content.

They log on to find a selfie video of a bedraggled pensioner, talking in tongues, his burton Jorts around his ankles, cuddling a ball of his children’s hair bands that he has affectionately named Clementine.

His face resembles a walnut. His hands withered and crooked from decades of smartphone usage. He resides in a derelict, draughty pile of bricks on the Kent coast and spends his days pacing the dimly lit rooms, filming himself as he goes, wailing into the void as he yearns for days gone by.

He is a sad shell of a man. He is without the comfort and warmth of close friends and family. He is destined to live out his final lonely days in an ex-Dentist’s surgery.

He is... Father of Daughters.

Then, at the last few minutes of the video, a twin will come in, and gently walk him away, before turning off the video.

FIN

 

[PoorPatrol]

I love how everyone was expecting the pandemic to kill off the cult of the influencer, it knocked them down, but not quite out - who knew that BLM would finish them all off! What a delightful side-consequence of the fight for equality and justice. Surely none of them can now survive their racism and hypocrisy, surely!!

 

[Influenced]

Well they were here 4 mins ago viewing the thread.

 

[Mangofruity]

I loved that one too. My second favourite was ‘Hanging out with my secret nanny, doing admin on my fanny’

It's 'You're pointless and he is a father.' for me. Never gets old.

 

[Bigmouth_bigpants]

No.
The next thread title really has to be the one suggested early on in this thread. I can’t remember the genius who suggested it, sorry. It was something along the lines of

FOD the Builder
Can he scrounge it?
FOD the Builder
Can he flog his children for it?
YES he can!!!!!

T’was I but I wholeheartedly support a different thread title, we need to pay homage to Glen and immortalise her in Tattle history.

Plus, I suggested the title for this thread and if I get two in a row I’ll get so big-headed I might write a parenting book or set up my own interiors Instagram.

 

[Cliqueypedia]

@Housedelaclunge if you come on tonight and give us the goss, I’ll tell you which “mate” you shouldn’t be inviting to the guest bedroom of horrors any time soon

 

[Gem74]

Can we move the school thread somewhere else please?

 

[Bizziebody]

And now just a year later you and the family are stuck up shit creek without a paddle, enjoy!

 

[Affiliatemebaby]

I can’t get over how hugely overdressed Sly is for this

I can’t speak for that event as I wasn’t there, but they tend to have different zones with different levels of access. They’d have been alongside the people that worked on the project who’d have come straight from the office in jeans & a nice top™️ or maybe some of the TOWIE lot, not Beyoncé

Totally. My other half went to a film premiere with work and ended up with the tech guys. He had a great time. He’s yet to decide how best to align himself to the celebrity world though. I’ll keep you all posted.

 

[Instashamous]

For purely selfish reasons I hope she stays at kings I’m pregnant and will labour in her most local hospitals... Hearing her smacking her lips down the corridor and announcing she’ll be catching my baby is the stuff nightmares are made of.

 

[Sweettutu]

I must have gone to the only school in the country that covered the slave trade in detail... I remember drawing maps of how the triangular trade worked, looking at that awful plan showing how the captured people were shoe horned into the boats. We learned about the Western European countries involved in the transport, how the traders generally bought the slaves from victors of wars (implication presumably being the other African tribes were as responsible...) then covered conditions of lives in slavery, and then a speeded up version of the abolition. It was probably about 3 weeks’ worth of lessons in all. Couldn’t tell you what year we did this... probably year 9. Definitely outside of the gcse curriculum (I went to an independent girls school, run by a feminist headmistress)

 

[Pocahontas]

Was a big fan of MoD/FoD #5 "Don't be fooled by the crap that I flog, I'm still, I'm still Clemmie from the blog"

I loved that one too. My second favourite was ‘Hanging out with my secret nanny, doing admin on my fanny’

 

[Bigmouth_bigpants]

I’m quite thankful for the OD’s self imposed insta hiatus, it’s giving us all time to go back through all the cringeworthy shit they’ve done over the years

a couple of little nuggets found in the Cash threads , before Alice ventured into slagging off her mates...

My favourite parts are “I wonder what her agent thinks. Must be embarrassing for her to sit back and watch.”

And...

“I’m not middle class, and I’m definitely not an instamum.”

PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Clemmie you absolute weapon

 

[Axatogrind]

They went to one lion king premiere Even his post at the time was gushing with gratitude as if they’d elevated out of the human realm into the next tier of existence, it was a cringe read tbh.

I just happened upon "the speech" when I was looking for the photo to use. It was like he thought he'd won a bloody Oscar

 

[RayanneGraff]

I just happened upon "the speech" when I was looking for the photo to use. It was like he thought he'd won a bloody Oscar

View attachment 153061

Ah so *that’s* the reason they moved...they needed a house big enough to fit their heads through the door.

 

[Spoke]

Hi Sly

Well he’s deffo reading here then. He’s turned off his activity status since Saturday so now you can’t see when he was last online.

Crafty, slimy, snakey, absolute douche canoe.

Oh what a slimy git! Stop spending all your time reading about yourself and crywanking about the horrible ladies on Tattle

 

[LuBiLu]

I'll certainly be keeping an eye out for their return.... But I can't see them coming back from this. I just can't. I think it's the end. But let's see if I'm proven wrong.

I also cannot see how they could ever come back from this.

However he has shown us twice before that he will try and weasel his way back on the gram, regardless of how royally they fucked up.

I honestly believe that they are so desperate for fame and money, they will stop at nothing to try and reach the goals they set themselves whilst at the peak of their "Insta Career".

Clemmie clearly realised she had no hope of coming back as MOD. So they tried fooling people with the HoH account she was clearly behind and running.

I mean do they really think people are that stupid? Especially when he has banged on so many times about how he leaves all the reno and interior stuff to her. What, he suddenly turned in to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen overnight?

I don't know how they leave their house.
Personally if my name was splattered over online news for all the wrong reasons, I would be so mortified and ashamed, I would have to move, change jobs and take myself off social media completely.

Their colleagues will know everything that has been said and done too. How can anyone take them seriously?

 

[Cliqueypedia]

I think we can safely say that if he doesn’t post on Father’s Day, it’s over