Lauren Goodger #25 Cankles, FaceTune & streaky hair, she struts the streets in market wear

[JakeM]

Coco pops in the tub!! what has being pregnant got to do with it?
I'm sure a few girlies here do the same.

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I didn’t even know she was pregnant. Has she mentioned it before?...

 

[Freeka]

Yeah. She’ll be spewing with that butt size on show. Feels like Charlie’s trying to get more natural pictures of her out. Must be a sour talking point in that house.

See, there's nowt wrong with her there. She just looks like a normal average lass but she can't accept that. She needs to lie and lie that she is some international standard model. Just be yourself woman

 

[Emmie81]

Jesús, Mary, joseph and the wee donkey...
what the fuck is that cot ?

 

[AimlessShameless]

Thread suggestion

Face the shape of dairylea, begging stuff for free, baybeh now in 4D

 

[Katie8ee]

I honestly hand on heart think she believes it's like on The Kardashians (her idols show). I think she believes she will have the baby and within 24 hours be a pro all made up, skinny and baby sleeping for 17 hours a day like a cat. The thing she doesn't seem to grasp is the Kardashians have teams of Nanny's for all the kids on 24 hour duty.

With the latest Instagram ads being for pages with under 5000 followers, the big spreads in magazines never materialising and Charles part time carpet fitting it's going to be a struggle. Yes she gets a foot up with the pram, baby clothes etc freebies but nothing is going to prepare her for all the lack of sleep, fanny falling out, floaty pink bits in the bath, 2 second showers, projectile vomit/poo and frankly horrors that you lot have told me about

I can't remember the exact breed but this is the idiot who couldn't clean dog shit up from a dog the size of a mini terrier. I googled if they were King Charles Cav Puppies so smaller than my cat .

This is the person Who is going to care for a BABY

 

[Pearshaped]

A rather bulgy botty

 

[JakeM]

His arse is nearly the same size as Lauren’s. Does he have stron ormones too?

 

[Sasha Sinclair]

"He's very in love with me", not we love each other !?! Trying to convince herself

 

[Rita Chevrolet]

She doesn't just BUY fake goods - she IS fake goods!!

 

[Katie8ee]

OMFG! I have never thought of doing this.... you get bread, brown sauce, butter and bacon, you put it altogether and you get a bacon sandwich! THIS IS INCREDIBLE! Why has no one tried this before?! Thank god we have Loz to guide us through with her culinary genius!

MIND BLOWN

 

[Facehugger]

Quite clearly no underwear again, just look at that polyester sweaty bottom

 

[geordiegirl]

Ughhhh Beggy Mitchell

 

[BOTO]

In DM now. Howling

 

[Sunnydaze101]

Same hair. Same bag. Same nails. Same snout.

 

[xyzcba]

Congratulations to @MunHun for our new thread title (sorry I had to trim it slightly) and thanks to @xyzcba Big Loz has her own wiki page on here listing some of her more grotesque and maddening behaviour. Bravo and thank you for your service.

She left her pit to go to a Covid rule breaking gender reveal party and let off environmentally damaging and unsafe for animals Chinese lanterns whilst wearing her several sizes too small real-fur coat (what would PETA say? Turns out they don’t give a fuck ) whilst Oddbod sat in the corner comfort eating pizza.

She also photoshopped herself a triangular head with an almost completely flat face which was most odd. 3 days later she was posting about a factory farmed pig being let free in a field. Her hypocrisy levels have now cleared the stratosphere.

Her fanz are worried Oddbod is a wife-beater, a comment which she doesn’t think needs addressing/ denying or deleting. She’s also been writing herself messages again - noticeable as they follow her own pattern of illiteracy - purporting to be from other up-the-duff yungels with no friends who are just misunderstood.

I absolutely loved this haiku-esque number from @Blowup80 which is still making me cackle to myself. I thought I’d apply the art form myself:
Her face looked so flat
As the lantern ascended
Photoshop fail Loz

She’s still taking her ‘helfy’ eatin’ seriously with lots of nutritious things like sweets, a spag bowl with peas and pasta possibly coated in butter ; and one of her now famous bangin’ shit inducing roast roasts with enough potatoes for the population of Essex.

We were overdue another set up pap-walk and she delivered in a stretched-into-next-week blue polyester number with a suspicious stain on the side. Bewful babes, looking immaculate. Obvs photoshop and FaceApp were used in the production of these shots but the reflection of her actual figure in a window was neglected. She also forgot her trotters hands. Oops . The bloated white skin reminds me of a corpse that got dredged up from a river in ‘Silent Witness’.

The lack of bump shots was brought up and as always ask and you shall receive - lounging in the stinky “milk” and fake tan stained pit, and showing off her newly acquired rickets

We have clocked a number of secret squirrels infiltrating the thread to spy, or lead the conversation in a certain direction - we had a very not obvious code for highlighting them - I may or may not be an expert at this 🥸

@Katie8ee unearthed a very interesting article about Big Loz saying that “parents should not go to work and leave (their child) with a nanny... no amount of money or career is worth leaving my baby with a stranger.” Given she has no career or money that may not be a problem for her, but how is baby Laulie going to be fed? Puréed Papa John’s and Desi Indian?

She really does think motherhood will all be a (set up) walk in the park dressed up like a drag Queen impersonating Kim K. She’ll need to rethink the boots though because this.

She promised a ‘wardrobe page’ for the clothes that no longer fit her, some would say they never did... She’s also made Oddbod get rid of his stuff which seems to just be slightly too small shiny shiny tracksuits. Form an orderly queue people. Try not to brawl over the scuba suit.

And please don’t forget our campaign to #freecharlie who may need winching out of her flat. Thanks to @Pom Bear for our excellent poster.

@Clickbait Hilarious as always! You are a legend & this round up has brightened my day.

Excited to see what the next 50 pages will bring. It's like we're writing our own book with a self-obsessed airhead as the protagonist but we didn't write her any friends... or a job... or a house, or any assets, or even a personality so we have to make her do silly futile things to fill the pages. She doesn't disappoint, I'll give her that!

 

[xyzcba]

It seems that she actually can't stop and it's body dysmorphia. Is it even possible for her to have it dissolved and look normal again as she looked so much better before all of this?

If I had her life I would feel really low and I think she does too. At 34, she is living the life she was in her twenties with people to socialise with but that is not the same as having true friends. There are no real career prospects, she has flogged nearly all the shock factor stories she can, done sex work and gotten pregnant but is still only surviving on z-list scraps - where else is there to go?

A baby should be an amazing time but not if Charlie is only there physically (it seems he has emotionally checked out and she just irritates him). She is basically alone whether he stays or goes and I don't think she will cope physically or mentally well with that and a new baby too.

I believe she thinks she is fooling people with all the Insta BS but if here and the DM comments are anything to go by, she really isn't. It is obvious she doesn't even want her life or looks so much so that she would swap 'fame' in a heartbeat if it meant she could actually have the happy families she pretends to have.

I agree with all of this. But I honestly think that 'fame' in whatever capacity is what validates her, which is why she clings so desperately to it. And that will always affect any genuine relationships she tries to have, until she deals with those issues.

No normal person would enjoy being around this sort of ridiculous behaviour, and wouldn't put up with it, so the relationships we do see; Charlie, that twatty Goodman, KP - are also all car crash people who clearly need fame for validation too. So it's a vicious cycle that only she can break. But that would take work, and she is simply too lazy.

My tuppence for what it's worth.

 

[Katie8ee]

Just off a zoom call grabbing a quick sandwich before recommencing the packing! You lot have had me in stitches today .

That spider tape looks like the tape you use in your hands when your climbing, I have some but mine is a nicer color than hers The scrunchie seems to have made a permanent comeback, I swear she does it just to annoy me.

Her Mercedes still doesn’t have an MOT, hope it’s because she has a new one. Sorry maybe petty but it pisses me off, it’s against the law to be driving a car without an mot, it was due at the end of March. Hope she gets pulled over if she is still driving it, it’s not like she hasn’t had time to get it sorted.

Is this the car?

Edited to add: This is the woman who hasn't had her lips filled.

 

[JakeM]

‘Ting Tong from Tooting’ Pweease Mr Dudweee

“Hewow Mr Dwuway”

 

[JakeM]

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She doesn’t give a shit about the baby. It’s all going to be dress ups and Instagram.

That is horrid. My eyes!!

 

[Mollichop]

Is the jeweller as dim as her? Why is no one around her literate?