Clemmie Telford #5 There once was an a-hole from Peckham who likes to buy houses and wreck’em

[hattie20]

People like Clembo, with her upbringing and contacts always land on their feet in whatever they do.

They float through life with a “nightmare reno” being their biggest worry. Or fake bankruptcy, with mummy and daddy bailing them out and spell of exotic travelling to get them over the shock.

I mean, look at her brother. A musician. You can’t just be a musician at a low level, with no other income unless you have family money behind you. It’s complete smoke and mirrors with a certain class of people.

I’ve just come off 16 hours on a ward, nightshift ran over as I had to give a statement to police, so yeah, bit bitter

 

[hattie20]

Fuck me, who did she get her inspiration from for the playroom, Josef Fritzl?

 

[skronkywildcat]

She looks like an explosion in a custard factory. The whole panel, sartorially speaking, are what we call in the trade “a fucking state”.

 

[Somerset girl]

This isn't snagging this is absolutely piss poor planning?

 

[Exhaustednurse]

‘looks like the waiting room in a charity drug advisory centre’ has got to be a thread title

 

[Venuslurker]

I'm inspired, I'm going to paint my garden fence with watercolours.

 

[Wolf359]

I hate how she keeps describing herself as sober. I work with recovering addicts and unless she was an alcoholic, she really ought to be using ‘teetotal’ rather than sober. I know it’s just a word but it feels like she’s appropriating the awful struggle of addiction just to spice up her content for the gram and make her giving up drinking seem more interesting than it is. It’s not cool IMO. Making a tit of yourself on a bender and having beer fear the next day is not the same thing as addiction.
Or, if she genuinely did have a problem with drink, she should be honest about it rather than playing it down and filtering it for the middle class mummy likes.

 

[RestingBunchFace]

When you google your new boss and find a photo of her sitting naked and pregnant on the toilet

 

[Wolf359]

They were close to bankruptcy because her husband used to own a business and fucked it into the ground, basically. He had a ton of debt and kept it secret from her and when she found out it nearly sunk their marriage. But luckily the Bank Of Mummy And Daddy bailed them out at the 11th hour. So to celebrate, and also recover from the extreme stress of almost being a bit poor by middle class standards, they went on a family holiday to Thailand for three weeks.

She wrote about all of this on her instagram. Talk about airing your dirty laundry.

Boggling that I, a complete and utter random on the internet, should know any of this deeply personal stuff. But whatever keeps that 'gram dolla flowing I guess? Selling every single detail about her private and family life really does seem like her only career option at this point.

 

[Cascara]

How many bathrooms do they need!

It is a very well known fact that middle class people suffer a debilitating medical condition that means they simply cannot pee in the same bathroom as any other members of their family. No one knows quite why, but it seems to especially affect people called Clemmie. It is not their fault, and we should not stigmatise Budget Clemmie for needing no less than five fugly bathrooms. We must grateful she is only mildly afflicted, and is not struck down with such a severe case as Clemmie Hooper, who requires not only all the bathrooms, but also multiple kitchens to ease her suffering.

 

[Venuslurker]

Things to ask BudgetClem:

How does she speak with so many plums in her mouth?
How does she get through life with such a burden of privilege weighing her down?
Does she still speak to Big Dog Clemmie?
How are the painted tiles going down?
Where did she gain the skills to be so proficient in devaluing properties?

I'd like to add:

HOW DOES THE WARDROBE POKING OUT OVER THE WALL NOT BOTHER YOU???

 

[FrannyGallops]

How can she get it so consistently wrong every time? I’ve realise what her decor reminds me of and it’s Chernobyl. It’s like she watched that tv show about the explosion and thought ‘mmmmmhhhmmmm. Soviet power stations in the 80’s Must make a Pinterest board’.

 

[Wolf359]

And what were they ever insta famous for? Being thick, middle class, posh women from London, popping out kids.
Post-pandemic and in the middle of the COL crisis, the whole thing seems utterly mad that it was ever given any credibility. It seems like something you'd do as a parody now.

 

[FrannyGallops]

I wonder what her parents think about all this. They’ve bailed her husband out and he now loafs about the house looking pissed off all day, while she twats about on IG for a ‘living’. I wonder if they’ll have the balls to tell her no next time she goes for a handout, which will probably be to stop the house getting repossessed.

All I’ve learned from Poundshop Clemmie and Racist Clemmie is that an expensive private education is a monumental waste of money that churns out entitled tossers.

 

[Wolf359]

"Our accommodation was free in Thailand (family lent it to us) so it was just the flights, which were cheaper than any uk holiday we could find. They were a stretch and maybe not a sensible purchase. But it was our way of marking a new chapter."

Fucks sake.

 

[Wolf359]

“I had an accident and my rich dad gave me horse drugs and not only was I cured but by chance I also discovered the cure for acne and now I’m even richer” is not the relatable struggle to success out of adversity story that they think it is.

 

[Wolf359]

The Hoopers bought a house that had already been done up to a really high standard. All they did was rip out the cosmetic stuff and redecorate with a load of #gifted Insta tat. It wasn’t a ‘Reno’ so much as set dressing for grid pics.

In classic Telford style over substance, they found something that ticked all the superficial boxes: period property, by the sea, in Kent, lots of bedrooms. But typically overlooked the important details: front door opens right onto the street, abandoned car park opposite, building is an actual wreck that ought to have been condemned and razed to the ground.

Their flair for timing also meant that after four years of trying to buy the place, they’d missed the boat on all the freebies and had to actually fork out for their own overhanging wardrobe carpentry, bodged kitchen refit, exposed electrical wiring and basic plastic light switches.

 

[maytoseptember]

It’s actually so demoralising to see how success in life has very little to do with talent and hard work, but instead relies on a plummy accent, private school connections and family money.

 

[Rosieee]

Exactly, remember when Clembo was supposed to rough sleep one night with the homeless to raise awareness for a charity, got gifted a fancy sleeping bag to do so and didn't do it in the end because it was raining ?

 

[hattie20]

I hate it when they say people are stifling discussion or shutting things down.

No, what’s happening is people are saying things that you don’t want to hear so you throw a strop and delete it all.

They just want echo chambers.