Lauren Goodger #22 On only fans flogging her golly, earning money for her baybeh Lolly.

[Katie8ee]

Scrunchies,

I haven't caught up yet but wanted to tell you all as it's been a BIG day. Told you I had interviewed for a new job and today I got the new job big promotion new property but better and being in charge all by myself job. I am so happy I have been drinking champagne since 3pm. But thank you Scrunchies because a lot of the confidence I regained through lockdown is because of you lads.

I wouldnt change you for the world X

 

[Clickbait]

The Captain isn’t keen on my thread round-ups but he gets his nightie in a twist quite easily so for the Scrunchies who do appreciate it...

The adventures into ‘cooking’ continue - this includes frying shop-bought burgers until they have boiled (and look like curled up hockey pucks) in a pound of onions; chilli (with sweetcorn in it ) and warm salad that @Pixie7 had a delightful description of.

There was more begged takeaway - curry for 8 from the restaurant that allowed her to break Covid rules by dining out for her friend’s birthday when it was supposed to be eating with your own household only.

Talking of Covid rule breaking, @NinaStar90 was vexed by the lack of care and attention shown to the carrots when Big Loz and Oddbod went for Sunday lunch at someone’s home. The plate pattern looked familiar which led us to wonder if the randy Birdseye had invited them over

She took Oddbod (Chaz) on a trip to Bethnal Green for more free food (clearly shoving more carbs down her gaping maw is considered an essential trip ) which we were first alerted to courtesy of our new member @Benhameensmummy who pointed out the inconsistencies from her OK column that claimed she had lost her appetite.

@MunHun shared with us some of the contents of the seminal text “Secrets of an Essex Girl” by Yungel Goodger: one, two, three, with the interesting revelation she thinks boob jobs should be covered up so as not to look cheap and tacky.

Her literary career continues in earnest with her online OK column which was nice. Only joking - it was a bag of shite. She did reveal she now considers herself a five star chef and she’s not been paying her parking tickets.

As always we were blessed with some poetry, this time courtesy of @Facehugger via Grandad.

Piss off Poirot, the Scrunchies are in town and sleuthing hard! @Pearshaped another newbie found some similarities between our Lozza and a glamorous pig but @Katie8ee may have just done a @mandypandy99 and revealed the name of yungel V2.0 (i.e. Big Loz’s offspring) Lauliè! (Mash up of Lauren and Charlie, how romantic).

This was uncovered via Instagram as they want to monetise the baybeh as soon as it exits Lauren’s dropped kebab. Shame it won’t be baby Khigwell Rose - it has such a classy ring to it. Very soon after this was picked up by the lazy journos at the Daily Mail - Tattlers do all the leg work for them! We want our cut for the post lockdown mass Scrunchie gathering coming to a field in Essex very soon: the balloons and polyester jumpsuits are not going to buy themselves!

Then came the amazing discovery that @Carrington31 had called it way back in January

@Pom Bear did us proud with Top Chef Loz, Loz the walking cannelloni, an early edition of her next bestseller, and Oddbod finding the reason for her toilet blockage to name but a few.

 

[Clickbait]

Wonder if Big Loz will reach out to the Royal Family “Liz babez, I no how u feel cos my Prince was close to death with ear ache and I had to take him to A&E for ear drops. U been married 73 years and me n Charlie been together 7 munfs, you have kids and I am pregnant with a princess - we r so similar! I will say sumfink in my VIP OK column. Love Big Loz xoxo ”

 

[fluffyglitterbug]

Happy Easter you lovely lot! Have had real life things to do so haven't been as active on here but I am now all caught up

I've just made a gin & tonic cake and some quail scotch eggs - yes, Lozza. REAL cooking.

Going to head off into the garden soon to enjoy the sunshine. I have a bottle lamb at the moment so he is keeping me amused

Glad to see Lozza's continuing to embarrass herself and eating enough for 8,000 people. Wondering if she is really pregnant of if it's just a mahoosive food baby

Hope you all have a lovely day

 

[Pom Bear]

She's got her lips done again xx.

Looooool xx.

Back later

 

[NinaStar90]

She can actually fuck herself with this hospital rush shit. I would never wish ill on ANYONE with child but she is a total idiot drama queen. This is a woman who called an ambulance on a come down.

Storytime- I'm sure I mentioned I was a teen mum, but I also had a high risk of my baby having Down Syndrome. Back in the mid 00s there was less of an ethical debate and I was actively encouraged to have an amnio. And I had it. (I'll come back to this later).
So as a teen parent, I had also planned on doing other things in that summer after leaving school, and my mum had booked and paid for a trip for my cousin and I- which, because we were poor, I was told to go on. So I was 16, 20ish weeks pregnant, had JUST had an amino, awaiting the results and flew out to the destination. I was SUPER careful when there, but still managed to get horrendously sunburnt (strong ormones- not even joking!) AND took a fall at a popular tourist attraction, which was PACKED. If you've ever had an amino, the worst thing to do is fall. It can cause miscarriage.
So we all rushed to A and E in a country we couldn't speak the language and I had to pay 3k for a scan.
Now THAT... is drama.
Obviously, it all turned out well, and on that holiday I found out my child did not have downs... but see all these dramatic stories? Yeah, piss off with that.

 

[Pom Bear]

From the earlier pic with her brother...this is more like it lol xx

Back later

 

[roseturntupnose]

Bit late to the party but cant believe Lauren's anti body positivity post after her one a couple of months ago about being more real and open.

Shes a Walking Rolling contradiction and I think its disgusting. I'm not a fan of my wobbly bits. But I 100% love my stretch marks because that's how I grew my son .


When you're not shallow, vain and selfish, there is more to life than this "perfect body". If you have health problems, or love someone who's body doesn't work in the "normal" way, or have had children, or been through something traumatic, you look at your body in a different way. You are grateful to be alive and be able to breathe, or move, or grateful to have limbs, or grateful to be able to carry, feed and bring a child into the world. It isnt all about looks and likes lauren, it's about being alive, being able, and being grateful for what you have.


Sorry, I think something hit a nerve . I am fuming.

Why shouldn't we love imperfections and not feel the need to photoshop ourselves half the size online and airbrush any blemishes

 

[Gail1233]

I do love a well thought out, well researched and financially viable business plan. I know, I’ll just ask some random strangers on IG if they know anyone in the business. Total thick airhead

 

[xyzcba]

I Live for your roundups @Clickbait please don't ever stop!
For someone that literally does sweet FA with her life it amuses me to see how much I forget.

Serious question now: does everyone else watch her stories and then say out loud or think C**t ?
It's like tourettes I can't help it, it happens EVERY time.

Also I'm so proud of our tattle detectives @Katie8ee but I'm actually insulted - furiously - that the DM steal your work and then refer to the Scrunchies as Fans!!!!!! The fecking cheek, gall and sheer buggery of it all

 

[Noelc]

Gobsmacked at Khloe Kardashian's attempt to justify her wanting that photo taken down. The killer line in the diatribe is " It's almost unbearable trying to live up to the impossible standards the public have all set for me" I have never heard such drivel the public imposed nothing YOU and everyone including Lozza chased fame at any price and like all others you will be judged . If you feel pressure to that extent get a normal life out of the public eye . Trouble is people like ill educated Lozza crave fame and are desperate to have it because basically what else could they do. Reality TV is wholly to blame for paying large amounts of money to promote these no marks into a life where they believe they are stars.

 

[Pom Bear]

I've swapped faces in this pic lol xx

 

[Katie8ee]

Just reading this weeks closer mag and had to laugh at Laurens “I even put filters on my food” comment View attachment 513923

"I try to keep my pictures as real as possible" she really is an absolute nutjob

 

[MrsGripperStebson]

This was all a big coincidence (sorry I’m being cynical)

edit: what’s she wearing??

Hang on, I thought that 2 weeks ago she couldn't feel the baybeh move and rushed her stupid arse to hospital? Now she is feeling kicks for the first time? Doesn't bloody add up....

 

[Silly-old-Slapper]

Scrunchies,

I haven't caught up yet but wanted to tell you all as it's been a BIG day. Told you I had interviewed for a new job and today I got the new job big promotion new property but better and being in charge all by myself job. I am so happy I have been drinking champagne since 3pm. But thank you Scrunchies because a lot of the confidence I regained through lockdown is because of you lads.

I wouldnt change you for the world X

Congratulations, well done you, you deserve to celebrate, get completely scrunchied and eat crap in oil until you call the Almighty on the big white tefelone (as I used to call it when I was wee).

Been missing in action for a while as had to lay my lovely daddy to rest in a very small but perfect funeral which took some planning from the other end of the country and it's taken its toll However I've tried to keep up with the shenanigans now and again and you lovely lot lot have made me weep with laughter instead of sadness so thank you fellow scrunchies luv yous all

Now let's all raise a glass of sumfink (nowt healfy, it's not Monday and we're not craving goodness)nd toast the lovely @Katie8ee and wish her well on her new job.

 

[What a pile of crap]

My little Pom you look like you are in my garden! Thank you beauty we all have all the paws crossed here as well x

Good luck @Katie8ee! Will keep fingers crossed.

Just back from the hospital, Happy to say have been discharged and the lump is not sinister. Whoop!!!! I'm in my 40s and had a rare type of heart attack a year ago (not cholesterol related), had a very traumatic experience giving birth and as a result of all the above worry every single day I won't see my children grow up. People like Lauren piss me off, making out conforming to a specific appearance is the be all and end all. That being skinny is important, not being healthy and making good life choices, oh no. Then depending on which day it is she'll try and jump on the #bereal band wagon or bash women that are. She absolutely does not deserve a platform to influence anyone. I only hope having a child changes her perspective and not as method to keep her in the news.

With that I'm off to treat myself to a magazine and then a long walk. HAPPY TUESDAY!!!

Xx

 

[Blowup80]

Seriously??!!!! A grown man going to A+E for a sore ear Big Lozza probably couldn’t stand to see her poor little Prince in pain...........she’s pretty much his mum at this point if my other half woke me to go to A+E in the middle of the night with earache I’d throw some painkillers at him & tell him to get in the spare room

#earache #drops #cunt #wanker!

 

[Gembo]

Could her face be any more filtered?! it looks ridiculous I just don’t understand the point of being this fake. She may as well never go out or have her picture taken ever again and just have the same picture photoshopped into everything. It’s a joke! I can understand a little touching up but those pictures actually made me laugh for how cartoon like they look!

 

[Sazbee]

Just because her, Nicola and Marnie clearly don’t like themselves it doesn’t mean that other people can’t love their bodies and stretch marks. Why is that so hard to understand?!

 

[Gail1233]

I follow this thread and the Katie Price one, and what’s driving me mad is their total inability to throw together a healthy mea that doesn’t look like a heart attack inducing roadkill! ! How hard is it to bake a couple of pieces of salmon in the oven in tinfoil, boil up some new potatoes and spring veg. You can even buy some ready made parsley sauce. I’m no delia but the slop they serve up is really boiling my pis