Congratulations to @Dogmuck for your first Jack Monroe thread title! A severely impressive debut with 126 reactions 
and the most liked post in the thread! Never been more proud to have been the original OfDogmuck. Always remember the good times, babe.
Recap of thread #68
It’s the eye of the liar, it’s the thrill of the lie,
Rising up to the challenge of revival
and the most liked post in the thread! Never been more proud to have been the original OfDogmuck. Always remember the good times, babe.Recap of thread #68
It’s the eye of the liar, it’s the thrill of the lie,Rising up to the challenge of revival
- All hail Jack Monroe, for she is but a literal miracle of nature. Physiologists must study her and take samples, because her healing powers alone are to be marvelled at. She needs to bottle that shit pronto. I’d buy it - wait, does she have Patreon?
- She bashed her eye on Tuesday, had a CT scan on Wednesday, spent Thursday applying arnica and watching Supermarket Sweep and by Friday she was concealing (with 14 layers of the stuff).
- She therefore rallied and made her allotted appearance at the Total Housing 2020 online conference, wearing her signature denim shirt and a clear-eyed expression. The term ‘bright-eyed and bushy-tailed’ fits the bill.
- After ignoring several tags by the non-blue ticked hoi polloi, she finally perked up when Jay Rayner threw her a bone and suggested that she is ‘a ‘food reporter who grew up on food stamps ... who knows what it’s like to turn $20 into five days worth of meals’.
- ‘
It is indeed [her]. Hiya!’ Hopefully she was just holding her hand up to the money / meal stretching, and not to the growing up relying on food stamps bollocks, seeing as that is Not True. - We are now ‘bullying ninnies’ who create ‘sniping tedium’. Who knew, she really IS a ‘scathing essayist’. Also, her cat is above us. I mean, I like cats, but some of us have PhDs (proper ones).
- She made a batch of kombucha. Successfully. With rose and Darjeeling tea. Fancy.
- Looks like she’s the original hausfrau, because she’s always cleaning house. ** She has cleaned her social media presence for the THIRD time this year. Twitter = deleted posts. Instagram = pared down posts and limited comments.. ** The leaf has turned. It’s a new dawn: Jack Monroe version 539. Just like when Arnie came back as the good guy in Terminator 2: Judgment Day, She’s Back. Subdued, reasonable, polite, using tentative humour - but underneath still a dangerous weapon.
- She’s also on a blocking spree. If it makes you feel better, Jack, go ahead. She’s also gained hundreds of new followers (lots from the US) in the Jack Monroe reboot / tags to @lostblackboy.
- How long will this new leaf last? ‘Hey new readers, welcome. I write cookery books based on my experiences as a former food bank user ... hng ... this is my most recent piece, it’s pretty much all you need to know about me ... hhnngg ... I also have a propensity to use Twitter as a stream of consciousness ... hhhnnnggg ... and I have a large ginger cat ... hope to chat to some of you soon! Jx ... hhhhhnnnngggg ...’
- [One of her new followers]: ‘How’s the eye, Jack? It looks like it’s healed well.’
- GET TO ABSOLUTE FUCK, YOU FUCKING FUCK.
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For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through through 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
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