Jack Monroe #228 The winter of our fishcontent

[Mr Krabs]

Think we ought to start worrying about Mom too. Jack parlance!

Wasn’t it Nigella who started the sultry food naming thing and Jack that tried to copy it, badly? Like Nigella would make Sensual Spaghetti or something subtle like that and Jack would make Fuckmeupthearse Stew. I exaggerate, but still.

And a big hello to the thread! I took a tattle break due to some boring personal life stuff and abandoned you all at about thread 199. I come back, and it’s same old same old, but with more fish.

So, it was a bottle of gin a day now? I thought it was a bottle of whiskey? But booze is booze right?

 

[MancBee]

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Clinically vulnerable and only one jab. But she has been gadding about England (and Scotland) for work, holidays, shopping and "treatment" throughout the pandemic. Treating it all as a big joke. Bubble buddies coming and going like a prostitutes clients. So many overlapping bubbles the venn diagram was like a Spirograph picture. If Jack did indeed get Covid (though I very much doubt it, she is a proven liar) it was entirely her own fault, and if she was so "clinically vulnerable" why didn't she take that as a warning?

I am clinically vulnerable, I have had 3 primary vaccinations, about to get a fourth booster, lived like a hermit throughout the pandemic, on my own in a small flat with no outside space. I hardly saw my partner, rarely seen my sisters and brother, and still have not seen my youngest brother for nearly two years. I did this, and still do, because I don't want to get Covid.

She can just sod off.

 

[colouredlines]

OK, so here we go - the sobriety timeline.

Spoiler: Snip

January 2016: Jack does Dry January...and her accounts! Truly a different era.

February 2016. Dry January is over, time to celebrate.

August 2016. Jack goes sober.

...but not for long.

September 2016: Jack limits herself to one drink a day.

It doesn't last, either.

October 2016: Jack has a drinking problem!

December 2016: Gin o'clock

March 2017: Jack is off the booze for Lent. Notice that last October's sobriety has been downgraded from recovering from alcoholism to just Sober October.

7 days later. Lent is not over, sobriety is.

April 2017. Jack goes sober again, this time for longer, and celebrates with sexy kumquat pics.

October 2017. She's starting again.

December 2017. No she isn't!

Then nothing until January 2019 and the infamous Guardian column:

Spoiler: Bonus slop

Had to share this, I think it may be the least appetising thing she's ever cooked.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Calling out other people for not following the rules, whilst simultaneously telling everyone you haven't availed yourself of the vaccine. Hypocrisy is a bad look on you, darling.

 

[Powershower]

“Hi all, I’ve trapped the kitten in the bathroom again and cooper is defending his territory by sitting at the door and scaring the kitten into staying where they are. In other news, I can’t cook and I’m too bone idle to fix my website. Nnngh, that’ll do. Please leave me alone”

 

[traumatised sideboard]

The deadest cat of all: a live cat. I'm not even going to dignify it with a discussion. In fact I only came here to say that as it is a fortnight until Slopmas and because you have been a very good cabal after her outrageous behaviour this last week, I have stocked a puddle full of gifts for you all in Slopbot's grotto There should be enough for all the regular posters if no badgers ransack the puddle. Merry Slopmas darlings.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Anyone care to play Excuses Bingo?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[MooBelle]

ooh who is the housemate do we think? Re. number 6: fuck off Jack

I have theory, it is just a theory so hear me out...

SB's dad has moved in.
I have many reasons to think this but I've held off commenting because SBs dad deserves privacy. However since the kitten shit, I'm less inclined to be nice.
SBs dad's partner split about a year ago. She's deleted her FB account so it is hard to say when from memory ( I'm angry at myself for not learning the lesson of taking screenshot!) But she was definitely into breeding the kittens.
Jack has always borne a grudge against her because she's probably spent more time with SB than Jack has. She would be jealous of the time SB spent as a family with his siblings.
Every chaos Jack has had has pretty much matched up with events that SBs step mum put on her timelines. The David Walliams rant was after a particularly party filled weekend with his siblings. Again, I can't give dates because no screenshot.
A few fraus have mentioned that her performances aren't necessarily aimed at us. I truly think they are aimed at the ex step mum.
The sad caravan holiday holiday sums it up. She's gone on holiday with another woman's children and posting it all over SM to gloat. She had no need to mention the other 2 kids were there.
The bizarre mentions of SBs other nan and the jigsaw puzzles. Why would you post random puzzle tweets on twitter? Unless she was doing it to show the exstepmum she was still on good terms with her MIL. The 'other nan' does not get on with her ex DIl and there have been snipey commenting on FB. This Jack sneering thatSHE still gets on with her.
The bullshit 'I'm moving the front room/dining room around ' is just so weird. The light is much better in the dining room. I said way back in the beginning that she could easily turn the dining room into a little ensuite for a lodger. It shares the little lobby with the shower room and could easily be shut off from the rest of the house.
If SBs dad moves in, he would see his kids at Jack's house and they could play Happy families, alongside a million IG posts showing them doing it. More chance for Jack to gloat.
I appreciate this sounds like I'm way too invested, it's just something I've noticed over the past year!

 

[Ellabella]

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Hahaha 'just quietly do it'

JACK MONROE

DONATED BY JACK MONROE

JACK MONROE

Hang on love move I need to take pics of this

 

[MancBee]

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If Jack has multiple real exemptions but still wears a mask, then she doesn't have any exemptions.

Exemptions are for people that have certain conditions that can make wearing masks impossible. The condition doesn't give you the exemption, it is how that condition affects you.

People with asthma who find it impossible to wear a mask are exempt. People with asthma that do not find it impossible to wear a mask are not exempt.

People with autism that find it impossible to wear a mask are exempt. People with autism that are able to wear a mask are not exempt.

Jack says she has conditions that in some circumstances would allow her to be exempt. The very fact that Jack wears a mask without issue means she is not exempt.

Jack, does that make it clear, Ya prune.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Aye, clinically vulnerable yet only one jab? Fuck off

 

[MancBee]

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We have all seen the pictures of her dad. George Michael? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I used to see George at a club called Bolts at Lasers in Tottenham. It was a gay night that was on monthly. He was as handsome in real life as he looked on the telly.

 

[MancBee]

I just find it incredulous that Jack, who is supposed to be a disabled, clinically vulnerable person, travelled to and from London regularly throughout the pandemic. Went into a TV studio, went on holiday to Edinburgh, stayed in various hotels, went to rehab group, went to AA meetings, visited numerous shops, went to umpteen restaurants, fish and chip shops, had garden parties, went "to conference" twice, went into a pub, had a bubble buddy stay that was back and forth to London and work, visited her immunocompromised mother.....etc etc etc


ALL WHILE NOT BEING FULLY VACCINATED

ETA, I nearly resorted to swearing, any more of her ridiculous revelations and I might be forced to use profanities. Not vaccinated indeed. She should be ashamed of herself.

 

[Captainmouse]

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Has she off loaded all her delmonte stuff perchance?
so basically zero cost to her but she can bask in the warm fuzzies
charlatan

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I am very sorry to the frauen who didn't get anything from the puddle. There were three image files that I cocked up when typing them into the puddle script array so you would have had one of three things: a thousand daffodils, a ludicrously expensive Smeg x Dolce & Gabbana toaster or a large container of Saxa fine salt for your baths. I've fixed it now. You can also actually just refresh the page to re-activate the button but that's not in the spirit of Slopmas. Griftmas on the other hand, go for it!

Of course, none of this is my fault, as you all know by now that I am autistic and have mental health problems. I also had COVID in January and I currently have a rotator cuff injury sooooo

 

[Joan of Narc]

No wonder Miggle was overwhelmed. Can you imagine... you start your day by writing a helpful comment to a Z list celeb, who not only reacts angrily but tries to gaslight you into believing they don't, in fact, eat a lot of fish, despite all evidence to the contrary. Said Z-lister then goes all conspiracy theorist and accuses you from being from a 'hateful forum'. You then Google the forum and find it to be full of reasonable, kind and funny people who have receipts of the Z-listers fish consumption, and have been discussing your Twitter interaction and fan-girling over you to the extent that you already have a forum nickname.

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

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Fifteens??? We had a whole fucking thread about those. Don't pretend you don't know, Jack.

 

[colouredlines]

Disabled Jack, you say?

26/12/16: Jack can barely walk, needs walking sticks, can't manage stairs...

17/01/17: Jack is training for a marathon.

(she didn't run the marathon. Obviously.)