Jack Monroe #228 The winter of our fishcontent

[traumatised sideboard]

I am glad you enjoy your presents dear hearts, the puddle took weeks to stock as some of the items are very exclusive and sought after. Make sure to show them off and be unnecessarily aggressive when people ask where you got said item from because POOR PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED NICE THINGS and it was GIFTED anyway.

 

[Wooh]

Hang on just a second. Gin

@colouredlines provided the receipts on sobriety, and here's Jack saying she never drank gin

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title courtesy of @OwlRightsReserved, nominated by many. Your prize is some lovely beans and mandarins that I have been fermenting for months in anticipation of making a warming winter salad.

New readers will find the Wiki (pink button) useful. Thread title suggestions only in the latter half of the thread (post #500 onward). No swearing is allowed in thread titles.

Someone else please do a recap, I'm in a fugue state.

 

[Silver Linings]

I was waiting for it to tick over to post the new thread so had a recap ready -

Where to start? Guess who’s back? Back again. Jack is back, tell a friend. Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back. Ner ner ner.

Jack said something truly horrific about the child of the PM. Is that Carly Rae Jepsen on the radio? Anyone interested in the new Avengers franchise? Whoa! Calm down, we’ve not travelled through time, it’s a different one. Shame. On. Her.

Spoiling for a fight after a grudging deletion, she then snapped at a squiggle who questioned her about her fish consumption. Jack? Eat a fish? ChefA Jack Munroe? How very dare they. A good old fashioned chaos ensued, breadcrumbs were dropped and Special Agent Coopsy was deployed. We can only wait to see what happens now. Safe to say that Jack’s raging addiction to SM and dopamine is back.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I can't help but laugh at her saying she wouldn't be here if it weren't for the southend food bank. The food bank she went to once and then told her mum she went, who then came round with a big shop the next day

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[MancBee]

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Calling out other people for not following the rules, whilst simultaneously telling everyone you haven't availed yourself of the vaccine. Hypocrisy is a bad look on you, darling.

 

[Silver Linings]

Jesus I loathe her.

 

[colouredlines]

I'm a bit ill, not enough to retweet that fact repeatedly, but enough to spend all day on the sofa. Earlier I was digging through some Jack Instagram archives.

There's some stuff that only becomes truly fucked up in hindsight, like the pets that get introduced, photographed 20 times in a month, then are never spoken of again. But I don't want to go into that too much...

I was curious about how long her veganism actually lasted. It started as Veganuary (although she didn't mention that in the infamous Guardian piece). By the 12th of February she was judging a kids' LGBT-themed baking contest (?), with plenty of non-vegan cakes:

Then it gets a bit messy and full of contradictions. Non-vegan food (and face cream!) shows up quite regularly for the rest of 2016, and by the time we get into 2017 we see:

I feel like she lied about being vegan a LOT longer than she actually was vegan...

If I'm still unwell tomorrow I might tally up the number of times she talks about her newfound sobriety. It happens a LOT - note the date here, October 2016:

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I really think she's 'relapsed' her sobriety.

Maybe SB told her he wants a normal Christmas, with roast taters, at his dads. Smol Pixie spiralling ensues...

(Conjecture, m'lud)

There’s definitely ”something” going on. I think it could be that it’s just her true nasty-self showing through. And I think that her breadcrumbing yesterday, about depression, and worse, was nothing but manipulation, basically @traumatised sideboard ‘s Excuses Bingo.

I know therapy and rehab doesn’t (and shouldn’) turn anyone into a different person, but I honestly find it so strange that months of intense support hasn’t seemed to have helped. And I know these things don‘t happen overnight, but still.

It’s also just a bit frustrating. There are a few of us here who rely on the NHS for help for mental health and/or addiction problems, and would jump at the chance for that much help and support, and would put everything into it to get the most out of it. (I’ve now rambled so much I don’t know if I’m making sense, sorry).

In other news, Ruby Tandoh hadn’t followed Jack back (which might not be that deep, and that she just had more to her life than Twitter), but she does follow Trifley D.

 

[Switchstreetz]

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Then everyone clapped, and that train driver was......Albert Einstein

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Jack is an entirely humourless entity. She probably looks like this when she's on her grunk.

(sorry for nightmare fuel)

 

[NomDeGuerre]

It’s so offensive that her idea of SEVERE depression is wearing black and using wanky metaphors.

You might fancy dressing like the Scottish Widow for a bit but it’s nowt to do with your mental well-being or otherwise.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Disabled Jack, you say?

26/12/16: Jack can barely walk, needs walking sticks, can't manage stairs...

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17/01/17: Jack is training for a marathon.

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(she didn't run the marathon. Obviously.)

The picture with the bandages is super munchy, no?
I once knew someone like Jack and they also had a wardrobe of various slings, neck braces, sports supports, tubigrips etc, it was like St.John Ambulance threw up on them. I mean, who buys themselves a wheelchair for the LOLZ? It eventually came out there was absolutely nothing wrong. No diagnosis, no illnesses, nothing. No money was conned it was purely for the attention but the 'sympathy kit' photo made me think. These sorts of dressings, bandages etc are all widely available on the high street & aren't even used in a clinical setting. Nice try with the 'Tens machine' wire poking out but I got mine from Boots for £30
..then again it's just as likely to be a phone charger lead isn't it.

ETA. Just wanted to say I actually have a disability and use sticks on a good day (wheelchair when I absolutely must) and am held together mainly by various neoprene supports and screws. I'm basically a camp Steve Austin.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Spoiler: Addiction

What I don’t understand about this is why she is given these platforms to write about the sobriety and alcoholism when it is obvious from her back catalogue, she has not become “sober for the first time” every time she is given the opportunity to spout off again.

Why don’t the researchers do their due diligence (it isn’t that hard fgs) and and see she writes about this every few years?

It is harmful to the community, personally harmful to individuals and shows the publications up to be useless. it

Spoiler: Sorry this ended up long!

It’s shocking how little due diligence the media actually do. Always mention the Theranos case/podcast soz but that’s an actual federal trial happening rn that references Elizabeth Holmes’ use of the media to legitimise her false claims, establish her personal mythology and get in front of the right people to gain investment for what was a non viable product & company. She might go to prison for this!

Jack’s done exactly the same but on a budget, she manages to be labelled as an activist through the press through which she then vacuums up all CSR budgets these brands have for more ~ethical~ influencer partnerships (particularly in a post BLM/FSM world) AND opens up a Patreon and PayPal and Twitter donation button for well meaning people to support her “vital work”. The latter couldn’t exist without the former and it’s entirely on the likes of the Guardian and GQ for corroborating the lie that she does any form of activism work. Why aren’t we taught to be cynical of “activists” with Ltd companies?

The alcoholism stuff is… euck. As a young-ish woman in recovery I find it really embarrassing to think that anyone may believe her over hammed portrayal of what it is like. Most of us weren’t nasty people or abusive, for a lot of us the rock bottom is an emotional one not some ridiculous story about chucking books at interns and hissing at people. If she did act like that then it’s a defect of character she needs to deal with, it’s not something that happens to us all and tbh it’s not something you hear often in young women. We’ve been socialised differently, made to be more agreeable, we commit less violent crime & are less abusive on a whole for that reason. But hey, Jack isn’t like other girlsTM ! But it’s media portrayals like this that make it harder for people already riddled with shame & guilt to enter recovery. She really needs to stop it.

Sorry for the long message

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Thank you Father Slopbot....

Spoiler: He's Been

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Hope it's full of tinned fish...

I also recieved a tartan Nana wagon. However I was mysteriously compelled to yomp to the nearest wooded area where things took a turn for the worse..
I tripped upon one of the many carelessly discarded and monogrammed Burberry scarves entangled in the undergrowth. Long story short, I'm now in A&E with suspected Rimmelitis and a compound Max Factor. Can somebody send some doggos or something?

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

How do you even wank an egg?
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Who comes first?

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Forgive me for suggesting something sensible, but surely the best course of action is for her to use the notes app on her phone, seeing as it is surgically attached to her.

 

[Silver Linings]

I know she just hasn’t put the watch back an hour, it must have taken her 15 mins to think of terrible puns, which seem to be the only reason for that name.

'The runt'?
Oh no. Another really vulnerable little kitten

Even if the kitten was the biggest and strongest she’d say it was the runt. It has to be smol and special like her to really hammer home the metaphor. So she gets to be mummy saviour on one hand for the ‘bootstrap’ fans yet also code herself as the plucky kitten for the enablers determined to infantalise her and not see that she’s actually done alright for herself.