I’ve got you covered!
So as proved by her own and the golden child’s, birthdays do not bring out the best in Babs. It was Ethan’s turn on Monday as we began the last thread, and what a treat it was. The grid post, which included the Tattle favourite of candles lit on the cake before 8am for maximum Gram engagement, was actually all about Babs, think the “me” count was 5, plus a “mine”. Also included a few insults to the other members of the family who don’t love her “as hard” as Ethan loves her.
10 stories - my personal favourite was the one after the birth where she thought she looked amazing
- and a LOT of chat about how he’s so different, really becoming confident in who he is, has always liked dressing up etc etc. Basically just personal stuff that strangers don’t need to know about a kid.
Cinnamon swirls, a Greggs delivery, a beige buffet. All the usual unhealthy dream foods that most of us love for a treat but the Conways just rock out more days than they don’t!
One story about love to people who were sending their kids to school or home schooling.
Then Boris made his announcement and ruined the next 6 weeks of Netflix life for poor old Babs. Four face selfies with sentences written over them - she doesn’t know what she’ll do tomorrow, she’s grateful to key workers, she used to be a teacher (who knew?!?
) so she’ll put some ideas up (ok Babs. Ok) and she’s very organised with routines etc as that’s her “shiz”. She’s scared and miffed but in a lucky position, she’ll try to think of votes and “thangs” to entertain us all. Then an extra one added when school e mailed that as they were expecting kids in they have nothing prepared for home learning so they’ll start Wed. She’ll spend tomorrow organising pens etc (didn’t she do a massive Amazon organising vlog at the weekend??) and her anxiety IBS is already flaring up. Yeah, that anxiety, the one that magically disappeared when Primark, Disneyland, holidays to Brighton, trips to NT places in other tiers, Christmas at her mum’s etc were all on the table. Covid didn’t disappear, but Babs didn’t have anxiety then
Another face - the ugliest of them all so far - appeared just before 10, which means Babs is totally thrown for a loop as she’s not been up this late since the nice lady (from Tattle) told her she’s changed. Turns out she deleted the home school highlight as she thought it wouldn’t be needed. Thus proving is she a self involved, unaware of what’s happening in the world around her twat. Lovely.
Tuesday began early doors with pit stories - they are definitely less yawny and scratchy, I do feel *maybe* that something has finally sunk in for Babs! Anyway she was chattering about how she’s going to organise home school stuff and a routine etc etc, otherwise her kids can’t cope and “the shizzle hits le fan”. Such a way with words
Just treat your kids like they’re 10 and 8 because, newsflash, they’re not toddlers Babs; spend a bit more time with them away from the gram, don’t shove a camera phone in their face every five minutes and expect them to perform when you need them to for a bribe. It’ll probably make parenting them easier for you. Hope that helps
She posted on FB and Insta about home schooling, you’ve got this, I’ll entertain you etc etc. People were asking her for advice about how to do it all. Uh, Babs won’t know that my friends. She doesn’t have a full time job. She doesn’t have work colleagues relying on her to submit work, answer e mails, make calls, attend online meetings, speak to clients etc. She doesn’t have set office hours she needs to be online for. She could literally stop working and no one would even notice. So she is not someone to ask for advice on juggling responsibilities
But because these Babettes do keep asking her, she thinks she’s doing an amazing thing being online. Vicious circle!
OOTD - why?? We’re in lockdown, no one can go shopping, a Babette can’t see you looking like a giant toddler in a onesie and headband and think “oooh I’ll just pop to Primark and buy all of those things” because it’s shut, their kids are at home as school is shut, they aren’t going out anyway so don’t have to be dressed, they have no money after Christmas and you are not stylish or fashionable. You look like a twat! Hope that helps
A plug for Daisy May Cooper who is clearly an icon to our Babs, but doesn’t know Babs exists!
A LOAD of stories showing off tat such as colouring and sticker books and reward charts and pens and notebooks that are apparently essential for home schooling a 10 and 8 year old. Public service announcement - none (non to use a word Babs will understand) of that is essential
All Babs is doing is linking Amazon so she can make money, she is not bothered about how you home school.
There was a frankly embarrassingly ridiculous reel about her fawning over Harry Styles, because he likes older women it could have been her.
No Babs. No. It would never be you
Lastly we had a toddler style timetable where the general message was how to suck eggs. And an unattractive selfie telling us to bribe our kids with chocolate buttons and YouTube. How would we ever make it through the day without her?
Wednesday began with some quite disturbing moves in the kitchen, why she needs to throw herself around like that I do not know. She can’t seriously watch her stories back because you just would not want yourself looking that rough and that ridiculous out in the world! Anyway she did her usual insensitive “ooh I got so many comments from single mums, poorly people, followers with frontline jobs, people who use food banks.....wow I am SO lucky that isn’t me” spiel. Tone deaf and insensitive, cos that’s her jam!
When all else fails, take a photo of the ugly mug cupboard that has no relevance to a sentence about “non-mums” who feel life is on hold
and a poll about the Flora pot, cos that always ups engagement
Another pointless OOTD because the clothes are old and we’re in lockdown! First vlog of 2021.....we’re not counting the Amazon organisation one on Sunday then no??? Showing off the tiny house, how they have no storage, how she can’t walk and talk without being breathless....
Skateboard action outside, all staged and crap, all about Babs hanging off her small children, one who had neck surgery last year. And telling concerned Babettes that her bad back is “100% fixed” because she can’t keep up with her own lies.
Then at 2:30 a “how was your day?” poll with her slippers up on the sofa, followed by an evening of self care tips. Non caffeinated drinks, Lush bath stuff, sleep spray - basically more stuff you should spend money on and nothing we haven’t all heard of anyway
And it’s just a massive wind up coming from her because she is in no position to give tips on how to sleep when she tells us she grinds her teeth, wakes at all hours and goes to bed earlier and wakes up before most 2/3 year olds. Also pretending to have anxiety/IBS to seem relatable is just rage inducing. Twat.
Thursday began at 6ish with her face all lit up by her phone light in a dark pit as she scrunched up her greasy sweaty features, again, to tell us she’s “doom scrolling”. So the sleep tips and telling us how to relax yesterday were indeed pointless when not 12 hours later she’s encouraging us to wake up in the morning and grab our phone, before there is even a light on.
A grid post of kids in the snow and some waffle about the world being crazy so it’s the kids keeping her going, she can sniff them and they can cheer her up with a “love you”. Sure all the “non-mum” followers will be able to relate.
Then at 7:52 a late start because the “girls” just woken up (girl has = girl’s Babs, FYI) and she’s banging on about oooh, could the kids have lie ins. Yes, if you didn’t force them to bed at 7pm they would probably sleep longer in the mornings
Then some chat about the Capitol Hill mob in America, but she really shouldn’t bother because it’s clear she’s just bandwagon jumping again, not educating or caring or raising awareness. Just mentioning it to seem relevant. Which she is not. Obvs.
Chat about clothes and washing
then OOTD showing a comfier look - basically she’s got dressed up the last couple of days so she can appear at the back of the kids’ zoom calls to school and look what she thinks is decent, even though she actually looks like a bellend in dungarees and headbands. But her being next to them “makes them make sick noises” so now she will stay out of the way and so can wear what she likes. Soooooo......she wanted to make the class zoom calls all about her. She wanted to stick herself in them rather than just letting her kids, who are more than capable of getting on alone, get on with it alone. All her stress about home schooling and they don’t even want her there, she could be in her pit “werking” and they’d be fine. Twat. Not to mention she’s got all dressed up when she thinks someone will see her but straight into lounge wear with no make up when she’s been told to stay out of the way, but yet shares awful selfies with her thousands of followers all the time. Babs, the teachers and the parents of other kids can Google you and literally see you gurning and sweating with no make up and in stinky pyjamas every bloody day, so you don’t need to dress up for school related events really, do you? Twat.
She’s got Disney smells and background music going on (we must have reminded her recently she’s supposed to love Disney - Hi Babs
) A throwback to last year when she announced the book - a friend reminded her apparently. Bullshit I say, she has no friends and she’d know exactly when she did that! Plus it’s sad times to still be trying to sell a few copies a year later. Move along love. Nothing to see here.
A horrible pic of her face that she shared just so she could point out it was a horrible picture of her face (Hi Babs
) and then a filtered one with an update on how home school went. FYI Babs, no one cares. A photo of her wall of self praise with a few sentences about all the comments and DMs (that she doesn’t read
) she’s had with mums feeling bad about themselves and how they shouldn’t “doom scroll” - new fave term! - as social media only shows good bits people want you to see. Like their walls of self praise for example
Rosie Ramsey had a baby and Babs commented, even though we all know Rosie has probably blocked out the trauma of meeting her and they are in no way friends. It’s not covid that will stop Babs visiting, it’s that they don’t really know each other!
A little vid of toddler Ethan in a dress, a confused Babs chattering about YouTube videos that label toys by gender, a pretending she’s crying selfie, some bits she’s put up/sorted at home because she’s not going anywhere else, a selfie video where she knows she’s looks like shit (Hi Babs
) but she’s not going anywhere so it doesn’t matter but some housewives of somewhere program is good so you should all watch it, a forehead selfie with the 3rd doom scrolling reference of the day and a selfie with a (fictitious) story about PUS asking her where she’s going every time she stands up which is hilarious and cute as she has nowhere to go. Guys, I think she’d like to point out that she is STAYING home. There is nowhere to go. She’s in her house. Did you all get that?!? Not being a Covidiot. Staying in.
I myself would like to point out that on Thursday we had 25 stories from Babs. 25. On a slow day, a home school day, a not much really happening day. 25.
And of those many stories, 16 involved her face. She is so bloody obsessed with posting, but so bloody lazy at thinking of content or researching or linking or setting up pics or anything, that she just takes awful selfies and slaps some sentences on them, or records herself chatting shit. She is getting to be a complete joke with this crappy content.
Friday began at 6ish with another reference to doom scrolling (the person who introduced this term to Babs needs a slap) but she’s changed it to Disney scrolling to make her happier, so she shared a (probably staged/forced onto the characters) video of the kids with her false, forced laugh in the background.
Then into the kitchen for chat - honestly think the pit stories have been thought about and changed up, I think we may have had a small tattle victory - hi Babs
. Now watch next week she’ll be in all her scratchy glory to prove me wrong
Anyway she was bigging up the end of home school even though it was early doors and no one had started, and unless I’ve been under a rock and missed the news from Boris, we’ve still got weeks left of this shit! It snowed a little but she won’t let the kids play, they still have to do school. Today’s claim is that she’s mentally fine (the 25 desperate attention seeking posts of yesterday disagree but hey, I’m no psychology expert) but grinding her teeth at night. So on the surface pretending all is fine but “gurning” (Hi Babs
) all night.
She then asked the Babettes to do her job for her - she’s decided that to save 2021 all it will require is a poll from her every week that will up her engagement numbers, but she can’t think of any past ‘Best Gary’ and ‘Best sweet’. So her followers need to give her all of the ideas that she can then post the poll of, tell everyone who she wants to win, sulk when it looks like the other option will win and then ignore the result and never share it. That’s not going to be annoying at all now, is it?
Today’s OOTD took a new twist as it was a little leg kick, shuffle and shake boobs into the camera (I just can’t use the word “dance”) movement to “I’m too sexy” in the kitchen. I mean. I just.....why?? I think we can say she doesn’t think she’s too sexy, she’s doing it ironically right? Please? She thinks she’s funny. But she’s not. It’s kind of sad and desperate looking, like a cry for help. That the people around her who could help just ignore. And people like us try to suggest help, but we’re called trolls and we’re ignored. Lose lose situation all round.
Emotional music and a close up of a Bounty from a tub of Celebrations that is the “last” of the Christmas chocolate. I doubt that will signify a change in lifestyle and diet choices now though, I’m sure there will be an “essential” trip to Poundland for sweets, or PUS will be sent to ‘Sainsbos’, or she’ll remember she’s advertised for Ocado/M&S so she’ll shove some Percy Pigs in her face
A share of a video talking about the white privilege of the Capitol Hill mob, which she really shouldn’t do. She is once again trying to jump on a bandwagon she knows nothing about, and unless she is prepared to properly research and discuss an issue then she’s better off leaving it be.
Another in a long line of “things that didn’t happen” with a story about her crawling on the floor to get a charger from the room PUS is working in. Not only is it unbelievable as a story because we had only mentioned on Tattle this very morning about the viral clips of kids interrupting home working to feed this content idea, but also because she’s a grown woman so walking across the back of a meeting to get a charger wouldn’t even register on most people’s radar. Twat.
Then a how was your home school poll, which I can guarantee she won’t share or talk about ever again because she doesn’t care about her followers, only engagement numbers.
Basically this is a really long recap so if you can’t be bothered to read it I can summarise quickly - she’s the worst. She’s crap at her job, has no ideas or originality, doesn’t care how much of a twat she looks or how embarrassing she is and she spends all of her time reading Tattle, taking awful selfies and answering the things said on here. Her loyal Babettes must think she’s lost the plot; we KeBabettes over here certainly know she has
I dare her to go tell the front liners how badly she’s been affected by this pandemic
Covid Babs, covid Babs
she has no clue.
please don't be nice to me! 
Tumbled outta bed
