Alfie Deyes #9 The lights are always on, but nobodys home

[gee_beth]

Thoughts on the caption?

He made it all about him showing off what he planned for her originally and the effort he made today. He could’ve said in that caption how much he loves her and some nice things about her, but he’s just looking for praise as always!

 

[Handwash30]

He’s such an odd specimen. When you hear his voice in the background of Zoe’s stories it’s such a distinctive croak and I just think shut the fuck up. She always pauses when he interrupts as well so we have no choice but to listen to the little cunt. He has such a massive, hideous face as well, like an oval dinner plate. Godspeed those who are able to watch him and report back at this point. Incredible levels of patience and tolerance.

 

[Wowwwwwwwww]

Thread suggestion:

Alfie Deyes: do your futureself a favour and finish SOMETHING

 

[Kg1234]

View attachment 188556
Zoe is so lucky. Side Note: why does he talk like this teeth aren’t his?

Because he stole them from a horse

 

[GossWhore]

VLOG: Trying Out This 'New' Coffee Style

• He starts by showing off all the shit jumpers he bleached and will be selling for triple the price
• He bangs on about self-isolating for 17 days -- like he is the only one
• He is wearing a mask which will not protect him "the reason I am wearing this I am doing a food shop, I don't want to be doing stuff and touch my face" -- because yes when I am looking for bananas, I Start randomly rubbing my face, sometimes with the fruit. It's the reason they ban me from Waitrose.
• Zoe acting like a doofus as usual "I'Ve FoRgOttON hOw To DrIVe hEHe" - she is exhausting, and this woman is THIRTY
• They spoke about the letter Boris Johnson (Prime minister of the UK) sent everyone a letter of staying indoors and leaving your house only once a day for exercise -- Zoe probably read the exercise part and thought "I can do one better and not exercise full stop"
• Then added "Zoe was like we need to keep onto this because one day our kids in the future reading this letter, that will be like taught in the history book" --- what bizarre thinking they have
• He did a riddle "What can you hold in your right hand but never in your left hand?"

• Alfie "I am gonna anti bac my hands so everyone as safe as possible from us" --Zalfie should just stay inside and protect us for good
• Zoe seemed very concerned "did they have avos".....Alfie eased her pain with yes --- an avo free lockdown, THINK OF THE CHILDREN! LOL
• Alfie "the things people would assume would run out like avocados they have lots of stock, but things probably didn't realise people would use like baking, but baking is not a necessity it is a luxury" -- LOOOL how middle class, I am working with vulnerable families who use flour for making pita, chapatti, pizza because it's cheaper for them, they aren't looking for avocados
• Alfie "me and Zoe made a new rule when we clean and tidy the house for one hour every day whilst self-isolating" --- how messy does their house get?????? Imagine if they had kids
• Apparently everyone has been "hammering" him on his "socials" (honestly hate when he calls it that) to make the Tik Tok coffee -- groundbreaking content
• Zoe "wiLL tWo TAbLe SpOoNs oF coFfEE mAKe mE hAVe a HeaRtatTack" --- because she sooo precious
• He shows his future self hoodies and adds "usually I am not handmaking the garments myself" -- EXCUSE ME? did you sew this? did you source the material?? LOOOL little bit of dyeing and he is now self-made
• SIDE COMMENT: I really I think he is doing all the sht dyeing because he has never had a proper job, heck even Zoe once upon a time worked in New Look --- I feel he wants to be like "yeah I make garments, I don't just do youtube" ----and also he wants to make a shit tonne of money after this is all over
• He was all gummy smiling "the last drop sold out in 1 min 20" --- yeah Alf that's what happens when you only make 10 and give half to your family lol

• Another day, another order which is not essential -- he did buy books, however, it's 2020!!! -- use kindles and help your postman stay safe
• He showed the books he had ordered ------" Letters from an Astrophysicist" - Letters from an Astrophysicist - Neil deGrasse Tyson (available as an ebook), "Dreamland" - Bob Lazar (also available as an ebook), "Permanent Record" - Edward Snowden
• Alfie "these are pretty heavy books, but I am someone who believes things just from the media without knowing other alternatives" --- isn't this the same guy who could not finish his gf tween book? LOL - he will leave them on their coffee table to look superrrr smart and never read them
• Next clip -- he is going to his office next to the house and has his KEYS IN HIS MOUTH --- Is he ok??? Wears a mask in M&S, puts dirty keys in his mouth???
• I don't know why when he mentioned jumping in the bath with Zoe, it felt incestuous lol

• He made prawns for dinner and added "I don't really know to cook prawns with pasta" --- he is mentally 10 I swear!
• Alfie "I googled prawn pasta and they all have garlic sauce, I don't know how to make a garlic sauce so I am using garlic puree" -- legit garlic sauce is sooooo easy, he is just lazy
• Alfie tastes his own prawns "bloody hell Jamie I am coming for you" --- 1 meal and now he's a Michelin star chef lol
• EATS IN BED BUT HAS A MANSION
• Alfie "I want to encourage you if you are not into cooking, have a dabble of trying something new. If you are making beans on toast, add in some cheese, add in some Lea & Perrins" --- wow he is not only a Michelin star chef but a motivator - Alfiestole Ramsey

Bloody check -- only 2 [aww he's toning it down, but still clapping like a seal lol]

 

[Elessar]

Did anyone else see his story this morning, asking if he should finish the three bites of burger he’d left by the bed after they got a takeaway last night?

firstly - who eats dinner in bed? Secondly, who then just goes to sleep leaving leftover food by your bed? Thirdly, who then contemplates eating the leftovers 12 hours later? GRIM

 

[frannie]

someone posted this on alfies Instagram post

 

[Wowwwwwwwww]

In Zoe’s vlog the QA continues from Frag’s and someone said “Remember when you built a gym to get hench and you’re not” Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah

 

[Birthdaycards]

New thread suggestion.

Alfie deyes #10 Dianne Buswell’s boyfriend’s sister’s irrelevant boyfriend.

Cos does anyone even care who he is anymore

 

[rachelandelvis]

I really hate when Instagrammers/YouTubers assume people who criticise them are just jealous or unhappy with their lives. It just shows how big their ego is, as with this prize Tory tosser

 

[isabellalovely]

Zoe is wearing this outfit in the latest vlog and Alfie says something along the lines of if he could dress Zoe however he wanted, it would be exactly this... I wonder why

 

[coconochanel]

Alfie deyes is the youtubers biggest loser.....

Hes got a piano he cant play
He bought a Guitar he cant play
He had a skate ramp made when he cant really skate
He has a home Gym but cant workout on his own
He has a Audi he doesn't drive
He's made merch He cant sell
A podcast he cant get guests on
a podcast he cant release (see above)
Hes got a gf he cant commit to
A dog he cant be bothered to walk
A lovely house he cant be be bothered to clean
a 'business' that no one wants to work with

 

[hashtag_gifted]

Alfie is effing disgusting. Using the POSTAL service for ANOTHER instrument that he won't play. What a vile child. A spoilt, gummy child. I absolutely loathe him. He is pathetic, not good at anything he does. What about that beautiful piano he has in the house? He wants to be able to do everything but hasn't got the talent or patience to learn. He is losing relevance (his videos without Zoe don't even hit over 200k views, and soon he is going to fade. Disgusting.

 

[hashtag_gifted]

That is so cruel of him showing her that video of her saying she wants a bump and a ring by the time she is 30! I think it's so mean of him and can't believe he thought it was okay! She looked devestated! Also why do they never mention HER family? It's all about HIM!

 

[Wowwwwwwwww]

Of course you are, Fraggy!

 

[AgnesP]

Just passing through ....

If this man-child had joined YouTube any later than he did, he would have got absolutely nowhere. He was literally in the right place at the right time.

I’m aware of him. I’ve never watched him intentionally.

He’s one of those creepy spoiled “Gap Year” boys you meet on holiday. Bags of arrogance, no substance. Thick as mince.

That’s all.

 

[Handwash30]

What an astute businessman! How clever of him to recognise that gap in the market for...er... plain brown leather key rings. I’ve actually needed a plain brown leather key ring all my life, so this is just ideal really.

Back off fellow fans, it’s a SHUPER LIMITID DWOP and I want to make sure I get mine

 

[kinderbuen0]

Still constantly liking Stefanie's sexy pics. Genuinely if you scroll down her pic he has liked pretty much every revealing pic. It's not like he's consistent and likes all her pics, or even the ones with Marcus in, it's just the ones of her looking particularly hot.

This was today's

Some other recent




I know in his head he's saying "she looks cool, I'm gonna like it" but if I was Zoe I'd hate seeing this every day. Not to mention when he reposts his favourite pictures/accounts and they're all naked women. Not saying Zoe is perfect but he really is trash sometimes.

 

[GossWhore]

New Vlog: I nearly didn't vlog today

- He starts with his gummy face holding all the fresh fruit and veg and meat they got from a local farmers market because they are too inept to actually go to a supermarket
-He didn't vlog over the weekend "off" because he wanted to "be more present" - so don't ask him about Zoes birthday vlog
- He said "we had the most amazing day" --- looked like it lol
Alfie: "Its also crazy that my gf is 30 years old. That's not insulting to Zoe" ---
- He is "cooking" rice aka uncle Ben's garlic microwave rice because "I'm a big fan of garlic" with chicken and peas ---- bland as his content
- Alfie: "Possibly the most important thing I need to do today is to catch 3 fish on animal crossing" --- wow it's a hard life he lives
- Alfie on his bland cooking "shit I have missed food like this"
-Alfie: "I feel like that's one thing self isolation will bring to all of our lives is more appreciation of the little things" -- aren't you the man who held a pound like it was dogs sh*t...do shut up Alfie

- LOOOOOL WHO SAID THAT ABOUT MISSING HUGGING SOMEONE WAS ABOUT HIS MUM:
HE LEGIT SAID "I cannot wait to hug my mum and dad"

- Alfie: "I hope we all don't fall back into the mindset having them being super norm" -- look Alfie just because you are self centre d*ck doesn't mean we all are

- Had a call for some more future self merch coming, didn't show them as he didn't want the fans being "super excited"

- Zalfie played animal Crossing instead of talking and Mr I Don't Care About Views gushed "theres 19,474 people watching my new video"

-Bland cooking montage ft Zoe - sausages, carrots and mash. Jamie Oliver who???

- Whilst eating dinner they stream their friend Arswn playing ANIMAL CROSSING



Bloody count = 6 times in an 8 min video!

Wtf is this about? Who you missing Alf?

Confirmed in new vlog: it's his mummy and daddy

 

[invisibleotter]

Alfie is currently streaming dressed in a beanie, a jumper & a sleeveless puffer. And I saw this comparison on Twitter & it made me lol.