Mummy Dearest
Well-known member
Button up your three piece suit, polish your loafers, or throw on your favorite Vivienne Westwood….We’re going to a flea market in Le Mans!
In today’s episode of Sundays at the Shat-a-loo, we’ve got a wad of cash burning a hole in our pocketbook and we are going to spend, spend, spend!!!
It’s an early morning start with Philip and Stephie, the sun barely making it’s way over the horizon. A sight Lalalanders have read about in books, but didn’t know actually existed. For years, the sun at LaLande was directly above them when they awoke from their nightly slumber, as they get ready for their morning ritual. It’s confused Steph for a decade. The morning dawn, (and George and Sarah’s van) continue guiding them through town as Staphanny shares what she hopes to find today…We are looking for something that makes a statement, so keep your eyes peeled folks, that mean ‘tacky’ and yellow in Stephanese. Perhaps some bedside tables and an over mantle mirror for her bedroom or study, you know, stuff we put up before the rooms are finished, because at LaLande it’s not considered work if we don’t do it twice.
Fanny takes time to make a special announcement, “All of the Patron money that comes in for the chateau is used for the restoration and renovation of LaLande, so it doesn’t cover furniture. Which means I set aside part of my You Tube ad revenue every month so that when things happen, I can start to make the inside of LaLande look like a chateau.” Well there you go. Apparently Stephaneee has been living in a barn for the last 14 years, and has just had the epiphany that it’s not shatooey enough, antique furniture should sort out her dilemma. Thank goodness for ad revenue, because without it she might still be sleeping in the stable, with only the hay to keep the nightly chill away.
We finally make it to the flea market…oh, sorry, antiques fair, and park the van. Sarah pops out of her purple van to greet us. Everyone is ready to throw down some cash and fill vans to the brim with French antiques. We flashback to our stay with George and Sarah weeks ago, as Steph gets a jump start on the rest of us by taking the opportunity to go shopping in their barn. They run a small black market brocante on their property and specialize in hideous chairs. You and I both know Fanny can’t say no to an ugly chair, so she buys six of them, a matching settee, plus a over-the-mantle mirror frame, that French touch every barn needs to turn it into a chateau. George is a great salesman, he likes to get you drunk so he can talk you into buying stuff that he bought when he was drunk. If you live in France and have unwanted and unloved furniture, Steph is your mark, she’ll buy the lot! Selling to her could be someone’s lucrative side hustle, act fast before she spends all of her you tube monies! Be sure to call Philip to set up an appointment, he loves to take Steph barn hopping for deals, he holds the purse strings now.
Those groovy chairs and settee will look stunning with her new woodwork in the grande salon, a real feast for the eyes. But as I look into my crystal ball, I see them taking up permanent residence in Selmar’s workspace because “they’re not quite right”. I’m sure she’ll go through four more groupings of chairs before finding the paaarfect set that compliments the molding. Anyway, after what seems to be an eternity of looking at decrepit chairs, we are ready to buy more furniture! Yes friends, we are now ready to tackle the flea market, our shopping list in hand, our shopaholic gal pal at our side, and the constant sound of cash register ‘cha ching’s‘ dinging through our brains.…
You didn’t think I was serious did you, of course we’re not shopping yet, we have to get through the inconsequential nonsense first, like Philip trying on a purple velvet pirate coat for his upcoming Halloween costume. He’s going as a pirate princess this year and he’s on the hunt to complete his ensemble. We have to fuel up with croissants held delicately in our hands so we don’t damage them, it makes it harder to grip our credit cards. Steph required the help of Sarah this morning to get dressed, bless her heart, she would have been teeter tottering around in 3 inch stilettos if it weren’t for Sarah’s advice on wearing flats. What a revolutionary discovery for walking great distances, she saved me from wearing ski boots when I go hiking. Thanks Sarah!
Are we ready to shop yet? She’s strung us along forever and now I don’t even feel like shopping.…Just kidding!!! Let’s blow through our money like a lottery winner on Ambien, and buy things we don’t need!!!
Outside, we look at some long tables designed for embalming giants, pass…there’s no room in the chateau for that nonsense. Off we go into the first building, Philip is so excited, the build up has been super intense for him as he’s literally been holding in farts all morning. Stepheee spots a chandelier, all crystals with a few pastel flowers sprinkled in that I‘m shocked she walked away from. She finds that over the mantle mirror she’s been hunting for! It’s gilded and gaudy, and expresses her taste paaarfectly! And the price was right at 700 euros. Check that off the list, moving on to a cream painted secretary she’s in love with as opposed to the pale green painted bombay dresser Philip is in love with. Who will win in the battle of the tasteless? Neither, we were just window shopping. Instead we buy broken gilded frames to use as bed crowns. I think her obsession with bed crowns stems from never getting the canopy bed she longed for as a child. A treasure emerges hidden within the furniture distractions in the form of an oil painting from the 18th century, a woman dressed as Diana the Huntress. It’s to pricy for Steph, but don’t worry she talks herself into buying it. It’s been a great morning for Steph, it’s been an even better morning for the venders, cha ching!!!
We‘re back outside, and spy two yellow brocade chairs, without hesitation they get snatched up by Steph, she needed something to bring out the golden highlights in her hair and set off the green paneling in the grande salon. Hopefully she’ll find a self help book for battling her addiction to chairs. Philip is enamored by a small table, one he’d use to eat dinner at as he most likely spends his nights eating alone because no one can stand hearing him blather on about his allergies. “Squirrel!!” He spots a chair off in the distance, a green velvet flocked nightmare just waiting to be plucked. For 150 euros, a chair three old ladies have died in after being attacked by their own knitting needles, has now found a home with Philip.
We stroll by venders peddling their wares in the form of lace, fabrics, champagne flutes. Philip is contemplating what to purchase from a brooch collection, but ultimately decides to walk away, that must have taken a lot of willpower, we know Philip loves a good brooch. Instead he buys a bodice to go under his pirate coat, or for Fanny’s mannequin. Because it’s not enough to dress up ourselves, we dress up inanimate objects too. Let’s continue window shopping as we allow Philip some time to ponder his questionable choices. It’ll take a while, he had to replace the hamster in the spinning wheel in his brain for a hedgehog, and it’s now the poor thing‘s nap time. Steph looks at mantle lamps to bring out the blue in her veins, another painting of an 18th century woman, and a taxidermied snake. Philip thumbs through some cutlery, admires a wooden stamp for handblocking fabrics, put the piece de resistance is a collapsible top hat. The finishing touch to the pirate princess costume, but alas, it’s too small to fit over Philip‘s wig.
I‘m sad to say the shopping portion of our trip has finished. We’ve managed to check two things off our list, the mantle mirror and the “something that makes a statement” in the form of the huntress Diana. We’ve spent thousands of euros to make our potting sheds look like chateaux and now our imaginary friends have places to sit. Sarah and George show off their prized purchase, heads of garlic. Sarah’s mother-in-law is a 200 year old vampire and she keeps asking George if she can move in. Philip and a porter load the goods, jenga style, in the back of the van. Diana takes pride of place in the front, nestled between Steph and Philip.
Our day of retail therapy has come to an end and so have our bank accounts. We’ve spent ourselves out of house and home and will now have to burn the furniture we bought to keep warm at nights. This is where I leave you, penniless, but with plenty of places to rest our weary bones. Until next time friends, when we will inevitably purchase more chairs for the grande salon after our you tube ad revenue account replenishes. Now go forth and sit.
In today’s episode of Sundays at the Shat-a-loo, we’ve got a wad of cash burning a hole in our pocketbook and we are going to spend, spend, spend!!!
It’s an early morning start with Philip and Stephie, the sun barely making it’s way over the horizon. A sight Lalalanders have read about in books, but didn’t know actually existed. For years, the sun at LaLande was directly above them when they awoke from their nightly slumber, as they get ready for their morning ritual. It’s confused Steph for a decade. The morning dawn, (and George and Sarah’s van) continue guiding them through town as Staphanny shares what she hopes to find today…We are looking for something that makes a statement, so keep your eyes peeled folks, that mean ‘tacky’ and yellow in Stephanese. Perhaps some bedside tables and an over mantle mirror for her bedroom or study, you know, stuff we put up before the rooms are finished, because at LaLande it’s not considered work if we don’t do it twice.
Fanny takes time to make a special announcement, “All of the Patron money that comes in for the chateau is used for the restoration and renovation of LaLande, so it doesn’t cover furniture. Which means I set aside part of my You Tube ad revenue every month so that when things happen, I can start to make the inside of LaLande look like a chateau.” Well there you go. Apparently Stephaneee has been living in a barn for the last 14 years, and has just had the epiphany that it’s not shatooey enough, antique furniture should sort out her dilemma. Thank goodness for ad revenue, because without it she might still be sleeping in the stable, with only the hay to keep the nightly chill away.
We finally make it to the flea market…oh, sorry, antiques fair, and park the van. Sarah pops out of her purple van to greet us. Everyone is ready to throw down some cash and fill vans to the brim with French antiques. We flashback to our stay with George and Sarah weeks ago, as Steph gets a jump start on the rest of us by taking the opportunity to go shopping in their barn. They run a small black market brocante on their property and specialize in hideous chairs. You and I both know Fanny can’t say no to an ugly chair, so she buys six of them, a matching settee, plus a over-the-mantle mirror frame, that French touch every barn needs to turn it into a chateau. George is a great salesman, he likes to get you drunk so he can talk you into buying stuff that he bought when he was drunk. If you live in France and have unwanted and unloved furniture, Steph is your mark, she’ll buy the lot! Selling to her could be someone’s lucrative side hustle, act fast before she spends all of her you tube monies! Be sure to call Philip to set up an appointment, he loves to take Steph barn hopping for deals, he holds the purse strings now.
Those groovy chairs and settee will look stunning with her new woodwork in the grande salon, a real feast for the eyes. But as I look into my crystal ball, I see them taking up permanent residence in Selmar’s workspace because “they’re not quite right”. I’m sure she’ll go through four more groupings of chairs before finding the paaarfect set that compliments the molding. Anyway, after what seems to be an eternity of looking at decrepit chairs, we are ready to buy more furniture! Yes friends, we are now ready to tackle the flea market, our shopping list in hand, our shopaholic gal pal at our side, and the constant sound of cash register ‘cha ching’s‘ dinging through our brains.…
You didn’t think I was serious did you, of course we’re not shopping yet, we have to get through the inconsequential nonsense first, like Philip trying on a purple velvet pirate coat for his upcoming Halloween costume. He’s going as a pirate princess this year and he’s on the hunt to complete his ensemble. We have to fuel up with croissants held delicately in our hands so we don’t damage them, it makes it harder to grip our credit cards. Steph required the help of Sarah this morning to get dressed, bless her heart, she would have been teeter tottering around in 3 inch stilettos if it weren’t for Sarah’s advice on wearing flats. What a revolutionary discovery for walking great distances, she saved me from wearing ski boots when I go hiking. Thanks Sarah!
Are we ready to shop yet? She’s strung us along forever and now I don’t even feel like shopping.…Just kidding!!! Let’s blow through our money like a lottery winner on Ambien, and buy things we don’t need!!!
Outside, we look at some long tables designed for embalming giants, pass…there’s no room in the chateau for that nonsense. Off we go into the first building, Philip is so excited, the build up has been super intense for him as he’s literally been holding in farts all morning. Stepheee spots a chandelier, all crystals with a few pastel flowers sprinkled in that I‘m shocked she walked away from. She finds that over the mantle mirror she’s been hunting for! It’s gilded and gaudy, and expresses her taste paaarfectly! And the price was right at 700 euros. Check that off the list, moving on to a cream painted secretary she’s in love with as opposed to the pale green painted bombay dresser Philip is in love with. Who will win in the battle of the tasteless? Neither, we were just window shopping. Instead we buy broken gilded frames to use as bed crowns. I think her obsession with bed crowns stems from never getting the canopy bed she longed for as a child. A treasure emerges hidden within the furniture distractions in the form of an oil painting from the 18th century, a woman dressed as Diana the Huntress. It’s to pricy for Steph, but don’t worry she talks herself into buying it. It’s been a great morning for Steph, it’s been an even better morning for the venders, cha ching!!!
We‘re back outside, and spy two yellow brocade chairs, without hesitation they get snatched up by Steph, she needed something to bring out the golden highlights in her hair and set off the green paneling in the grande salon. Hopefully she’ll find a self help book for battling her addiction to chairs. Philip is enamored by a small table, one he’d use to eat dinner at as he most likely spends his nights eating alone because no one can stand hearing him blather on about his allergies. “Squirrel!!” He spots a chair off in the distance, a green velvet flocked nightmare just waiting to be plucked. For 150 euros, a chair three old ladies have died in after being attacked by their own knitting needles, has now found a home with Philip.
We stroll by venders peddling their wares in the form of lace, fabrics, champagne flutes. Philip is contemplating what to purchase from a brooch collection, but ultimately decides to walk away, that must have taken a lot of willpower, we know Philip loves a good brooch. Instead he buys a bodice to go under his pirate coat, or for Fanny’s mannequin. Because it’s not enough to dress up ourselves, we dress up inanimate objects too. Let’s continue window shopping as we allow Philip some time to ponder his questionable choices. It’ll take a while, he had to replace the hamster in the spinning wheel in his brain for a hedgehog, and it’s now the poor thing‘s nap time. Steph looks at mantle lamps to bring out the blue in her veins, another painting of an 18th century woman, and a taxidermied snake. Philip thumbs through some cutlery, admires a wooden stamp for handblocking fabrics, put the piece de resistance is a collapsible top hat. The finishing touch to the pirate princess costume, but alas, it’s too small to fit over Philip‘s wig.
I‘m sad to say the shopping portion of our trip has finished. We’ve managed to check two things off our list, the mantle mirror and the “something that makes a statement” in the form of the huntress Diana. We’ve spent thousands of euros to make our potting sheds look like chateaux and now our imaginary friends have places to sit. Sarah and George show off their prized purchase, heads of garlic. Sarah’s mother-in-law is a 200 year old vampire and she keeps asking George if she can move in. Philip and a porter load the goods, jenga style, in the back of the van. Diana takes pride of place in the front, nestled between Steph and Philip.
Our day of retail therapy has come to an end and so have our bank accounts. We’ve spent ourselves out of house and home and will now have to burn the furniture we bought to keep warm at nights. This is where I leave you, penniless, but with plenty of places to rest our weary bones. Until next time friends, when we will inevitably purchase more chairs for the grande salon after our you tube ad revenue account replenishes. Now go forth and sit.
Oh dear...finally some rest now when I can stop worrying about Tatyana. Puh! Now we can look forward to seeing her dancing with her legs high up around Selmar. Such a relief. So what was the verdict, are we allowed to be nasty to Dan or not? I am not going to anyway, I like the man. I will stick to being nasty to Teabag, he bloody deserves a bit of it.
all tattlers VIP … and I read and like 
heart it all … it’s important as it takes time and guts to voice an opinion …. And we can be a tough ( but fair) crowd 
) 
when ya show up 
- you and 
Back .. 
chasing 
Begging off 
with 
That was me, you’re kind to call them amazing. They were fun to do. Should I start doing them again? I got the feeling people thought they were annoying
, I’ll just sit back and enjoy watching him flounder.
danger
