How I imagine Kirsty's morning goes;
5:30am - alarm goes off. Kirsty wakes the handsome for his morning chores.
6:00am - Kirsty gets ready and contemplates which way to position herself in the mirror and how far to put one leg in front of the other considering she had a porky weekend. She wonders whether to go with the 'I don't own a brush' or the Trunchbull look today. Lastly, Kirsty Googles 'inspirational quotes' copies and pastes to her clipboard to post later with her 'Mindset is Everything' wordart post.
Meanwhile, the handsome is downstairs preparing her breakfast and lunch for her busy, busy day of typing.
6:10am - Beckons slave, sorry I mean the handsome for her morning 'have I mentioned that I've got a boyfriend?" selfie.
6:30am - Once the morning photoshoot has concluded. Collects breakfast and lunch and is chauffeured to the train station. Kirsty requests 'Finally' - CeCe Peniston to be played by DJ Dan and decides that this is an excellent opportunity for an Instagram story. She can pretend it's been played on the radio purely by chance to show that her new relationship is obviously fate! Cue miming and asking the boyfriend boring and irrelevant questions. I.e "what gear are you in now, babe? What flavour milkshake you had, babe? " etc.
7:00am - gets on train to London. There are only two people at the station, so not worth an Insta story.
8:00am - arrives in London. There are tons of people about which is surprising to Kirsty since it's rush hour and we're all supposed to be working from home apart from Kirsty. Decides to make an Insta story of random strangers on an escalator.
8:20am - After climbing a mammoth two flights of stairs to exit the station, Kirsty needs a Starbucks. Those stairs were thirsty work. And Starbucks cups with the city backdrop are SO 'grammable. It'll look like a proper influencer post.
8:30am - Takes dodgy photo of her not so healthy breakfast. Food pics have never been Kirsty's strong point...neither has eating healthily.
*loses 10 followers.*
8:55am - Posts motivational quote. Pastes the blurb she copied earlier and passes it off as her own wisdom. Writes 'Keep going and don't give up' for the millionth time under the blurb. 'Keep going with what?' we all wonder.
5:30am - alarm goes off. Kirsty wakes the handsome for his morning chores.
6:00am - Kirsty gets ready and contemplates which way to position herself in the mirror and how far to put one leg in front of the other considering she had a porky weekend. She wonders whether to go with the 'I don't own a brush' or the Trunchbull look today. Lastly, Kirsty Googles 'inspirational quotes' copies and pastes to her clipboard to post later with her 'Mindset is Everything' wordart post.
Meanwhile, the handsome is downstairs preparing her breakfast and lunch for her busy, busy day of typing.
6:10am - Beckons slave, sorry I mean the handsome for her morning 'have I mentioned that I've got a boyfriend?" selfie.
6:30am - Once the morning photoshoot has concluded. Collects breakfast and lunch and is chauffeured to the train station. Kirsty requests 'Finally' - CeCe Peniston to be played by DJ Dan and decides that this is an excellent opportunity for an Instagram story. She can pretend it's been played on the radio purely by chance to show that her new relationship is obviously fate! Cue miming and asking the boyfriend boring and irrelevant questions. I.e "what gear are you in now, babe? What flavour milkshake you had, babe? " etc.
7:00am - gets on train to London. There are only two people at the station, so not worth an Insta story.
8:00am - arrives in London. There are tons of people about which is surprising to Kirsty since it's rush hour and we're all supposed to be working from home apart from Kirsty. Decides to make an Insta story of random strangers on an escalator.
8:20am - After climbing a mammoth two flights of stairs to exit the station, Kirsty needs a Starbucks. Those stairs were thirsty work. And Starbucks cups with the city backdrop are SO 'grammable. It'll look like a proper influencer post.
8:30am - Takes dodgy photo of her not so healthy breakfast. Food pics have never been Kirsty's strong point...neither has eating healthily.
*loses 10 followers.*
8:55am - Posts motivational quote. Pastes the blurb she copied earlier and passes it off as her own wisdom. Writes 'Keep going and don't give up' for the millionth time under the blurb. 'Keep going with what?' we all wonder.
Does she seriously think this is a good look?! Post surgery, see through underwear when you haven’t even had surgery? She makes me cringe so bad my insides actually shudder 
) and she’s taking a back seat from social media. When all you have to offer to 22,000 followers is an occasional crumpet, your nipples and labia, it’s surely time to call it a day.
