Jack Monroe #93 I can’t believe she’s no butter

[Alansbigplate]

 

[ohok]

Just saw this on Twitter, sums up Jack’s career

 

[Cuileann]

I’m really uncomfortable with the use of the word ‘pilgrimage’ in regards to concentration camps.

The last thread CLOSED as I was trying to post this, and it's old news now but I'm still going to post it because it's important and it made me angry. Apologies.

I'm way behind so possibly someone has said a lot of this, but bluntly, it's fucking reprehensible that she's using this for Twitter engagement. I teach the Holocaust, I feel like it is *the* most important part of what I teach and I'm always terrified of getting the tone wrong so whenever I have the opportunity for a course or a bit of CPD I take it. The Holocaust Educational Trust is incredible. I've been to talks by survivors. It's absolutely fucking harrowing (obviously.) My pupils study this at the age of 14/15 where honestly they can get the silliest, but even they grasp that it's not a joke.

My point is, there are SO many people, people who've lived through it, people whose relatives lived through it, people who have actual academic expertise in it, enough to legitimately teach teachers, that Jack really needs to not go there. This is not her patch. This is absolutely not her fucking story.

No one would learn anything useful from her doing a 'report' from Auschwitz and I imagine she would offend and upset many. And they would absolutely have good reason to be offended and upset.

She's using something truly horrific to try and make herself look clever, even though 100% that conversation never happened. And then whinging about how she can't use her birth year, are you actually insane, Jack!?

By all means, tweet about the Holocaust. Direct people to documentaries and educational resources. Write about how shocking it is. But don't ever, ever use it as a tool for your own means. That's truly sick.

Especially when not two hours later you're posting a photo of a lolly and calling it a superhero. What the fuck.

Sorry Fraus, I know I'm posting from the past here and these points have mostly likely already been made, but just when you think she can't sink lower, she does.

And back to last thread I go.

 

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to @Scotty1976 for your very first thread title! 83 reactions Your prize? MancBee’s going to send you a flask of leftover soup.

Recap of thread #92

1. Jack, jack, your pappa al pomodoro recipe is my favourite soup. Will leaving out the vinegar make a huge difference? ‘Nah.’ #sowise
2. For the recipe, she confesses that she cuts her cherry tomatoes into ‘eight apiece’. Ain’t nobody got time for that (apart from @Cookiecookie haha.
3. Brave @MancBee was the second member of the cabal to venture into Jack‘s maverick domain and make a soup recipe. He also lived to tell the tale but perhaps is in need of some mouthwash. Crowdfund? photo
4. She felt ‘grubby’ for making her soft soft creamy scrambled eggs with maverick mayooooo. She can’t afford no butter right now, guv. It’s fine, she’s ‘coping’.
5. She chatted for a while about scrambled eggs, meanwhile the person who had sent her the £20 wanted to know if she had received it ok.
6. She got shown up on Twitter for the above and paid it back (not that it’s ANY of our business).
7. Jack Monroe diversionary tactic: let’s talk about crisps, white chocolate mice, hummus, sugar mice, favourite sweets that aren’t chocolate, pontefract cakes, sweets, bab-y.
8. Southend’s present-day Nostradamus strikes again. She predicted the rise of right-wing populism six years ago and all the Oxbridge poshos laughed at her during a dinner that she ‘fucking hosted’. She was a literal riddle to them, for she did not go to university, yet was ‘forensically into global politics at the time’. Who’s laughing now? Jack, that’s who. She’s ‘pretty famously a left-wing nonbinary liberal lesbian’.
9. Another noodle abomination and more eggs ‘happened’.
10. Her and Marcus Rashford are ‘working together’ but she ‘can’t say more than that at the moment’.
11. @BlendedSlop gave us A day in the life of Jack.
12. She double-dipped the photoshop and Facetune again. That naughty sentient mirror is trolling her, and I don’t know who THIS small boy is. Thank you @Silver Linings for all of the screenshots, you tireless researcher.

Spoiler: Jack for Dummies

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:

• She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
• She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
• Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
• Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
• Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
• She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
• During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
• The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

 

[MancBee]

MancBee where's my soup please ? Has it been held up at the post office as a possible biohazard ?.

I have been BUSY OK? I went to the post office, but I saw a muddy puddle on the way. I was so intrigued that I went over to check if there were any luxury items lurking in its depths. There was only a pair of gloves, but they were Primak. I wasn't bending down for that fucking cheap crap, are there no millionaires misplacing their clothing anymore? Then a man came over and whispered in my ear how he loved my body of work. I was so startled as I don't have a body of work, so I kicked him in the shins. I eventually got to the post office and they told me that I had already posted one parcel in the past month and that they couldn't keep up with the workload that I was giving them.

So I threw the soup down the toilet. Sorry.

 

[Alansbigplate]

she stands on her tippy toes and talks about herself

She is a trained ballerina tho

 

[Alansbigplate]

She had a taste of the high life with Allegra and has never forgotten it. She still thinks she’s entitled to that lifestyle, which is why she keeps banging on about owning her house. Remember, she had to be talked out of a crowdfunder to buy a house by Louisa, and only recently hinted that she may be considering this again. She thinks only of herself.

 

[Silver Linings]

[Clawing and screaming sounds come echoing out of Southend]

 

[Montrachet]

Say what you will about Hannibal at least he knew how cook.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I can't get over her actually posting that she couldn't sleep last night because she'd re-read the scathing essay she wrote. *That's* what affected her? Her own purple prose fiction? And she would admit it out loud? How she was so affected by her own words? I mean COME ON.

 

[Aquamarina]

Come on then, which one of you is this? You know the first rule of Tattle; what goes on Tattle, stays on Tattle. We don’t take it cross platform. If it isn’t one of you, then more and more people are finally sussing her lies out.

 

[Ladderedtights]

I realised this morning, that all those people falling over themselves to praise Jack Shit Monroe for ‘showing people how to cook and eat for £20 a week’ have NOT taken into account that she has shared custody, that she ‘works’ from home, that she doesn’t work shifts, she doesn’t have to deal with childcare. If her child is fussy she probably throws a packet of maize crisps at him until she perfects the mayo glaze on a single sausage then serves it to him. That £20 has been for food only, not bills or toiletries as we’ve previously discussed. She doesn’t pay for any transport. It doesn’t account for parents who may need to choose between nappies, formula or a couple of frozen pizzas. It’s also not taken into account people who may be shielding and for whom jauntily walking to a supermarket twice in one day is out of the fucking question. Urgh the rage.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Marcus Rashford makes me feel so proud I want to cry. When he said as long as there are hungry kids without a voice they can use his

 

[Droosie123]

"It's okay Jack, others have taken up the baton"

New thread title right there...she is now.little Miss Irrelevant.

 

[MancBee]

It’s crazy but there are apparently people commenting on social media (I haven’t seen it) that he wasn’t as poor as he’s making out, because the Man Utd academy took him earlier than they should have given his family’s financial situation. I don’t know if that’s true but so what if it is? That’s so typical isn’t it, rather than certain quarters giving the boy the credit he deserves, they’d rather discredit him!

Im so impressed he’s seeing the big picture and doing everything he can to help. That is appropriate use of a platform. That is caring. That is helping.

I am pretty sure that it is true, that certainly once it became clear to ManU that he was going to become a good player (from the age of 11 or so) that they would have helped with his family situation. However, he had the years before the team got involved with him.

He lived in Wythenshawe, a really deprived overspill estate in South Manchester bordering affluent areas like Didsbury. He would have been surrounded by poverty and had many friends and neighbours that were struggling with long term financial hardship. He is an amazing person, he has not turned his back on those people, he has given them a voice, whilst also acknowledging his own good fortune and success. That is a difficult path to walk, enjoying your own achievements whilst still being humble enough to help others without looking as though you are doing it for self-aggrandisement. All credit to him.

 

[Alansbigplate]

What was that free moisturiser she got given again? It looks bloody brilliant I need me some, she’s aged me 5 years the last six months

 

[Pocahontas]

I don’t feel sorry for her. The major difference between her and Marcus Rashford is that you go onto his Twitter page and all you can see is his promotion of places that will be helping out with food provision in the half term. It makes you want to do something. Oh great, there’s the Fareshare link, so you can donate. Nice and easy.

And then there’s Jack’s page. Pointless arguments about whether or not food charity should be promoted cos, duh - the government, a pinned tweet of her word vomit, and mindless chitter chatter about her cat and sweets. Yes, she’s done the bare minimum and retweeted Marcus, but her links are to her book, her agent, and her website. That’s her charity. Herrrrrrr.

 

[MrsOnion]

I am sort of schadenfreudishly pleased that having slagged off Krishnan Guru-Murthy, she now has to watch her big cool pals like Jay & Nigella say exactly the same thing he did, & can't get in on it because she's made a (stupid) opposing stand.

 

[colouredlines]

It's really not that hard to keep your dignity and not make it all about you, is it?

 

[Munchfrausen]

Yesterday Katy Brand raised £25k for a Feed children at Christmas fund.

Yesterday Jack did Jack shit....