It’s up there with your grated portobello mushroom yield for methank you for doing this, feeling like I’ve lost it when a cherry t cut into 8 can elicit a laugh?
Jack Monroe #92 Reverse Robin Hood, grifts from the poor to give to herself
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The meetings are on line at the moment, onJust an aside here, before Jack emerges with today's chaos.
As someone that's long had a "problematic" relationship with alcohol I've really appreciated the ongoing discussion on this thread about AA and related matters. Am not a joiner, and the prospect of meetings brings me out in a cold sweat, but you could say I've been dry-curious for a while.
Picked up a pdf of Living Sober and finding it a fascinating read. 10 days since I last had a drink and not planning to have one today
A sincere thankyou and (less sincere!) duck off.
meetings are on line on zoom. You don’t have to be visible if you don’t want to. There is a 24 hour women’s meeting, it starts on the hour. Go to the AA website for the joining codes. Good luck, it works.Just an aside here, before Jack emerges with today's chaos.
As someone that's long had a "problematic" relationship with alcohol I've really appreciated the ongoing discussion on this thread about AA and related matters. Am not a joiner, and the prospect of meetings brings me out in a cold sweat, but you could say I've been dry-curious for a while.
Picked up a pdf of Living Sober and finding it a fascinating read. 10 days since I last had a drink and not planning to have one today
A sincere thankyou and (less sincere!) duck off.
Thank you for the ruler that made me smile
Tip jar twice in row on the new site. Jack knows her priorities!
It is interesting that she has a tip jar. I don't recall seeing one on any other website I have ever used. I know some charge you to use them, but not really that many actually do especially small fry companies.
I explored the site a bit.
I clicked on "Top Tips". This led me to a recipe for hot lemon and honey for a sore throat, which was tagged as vegan. Then 5 posts announcing discounts on her books. The 7th post down, her guide to student cooking, is the first to feature tips (I offer no comment on how "top" they may be).
The Vegan page features Tomato, Bread & Butter Pasta, which is not suitable for vegans. It also features this blurb, which is not suitable for human beings:
The SNACKS & TREATS page (which for some reason is in all-caps on the menu) showcases her delicious treat of...banana peel ketchup. It also has this blurb, which made me HOOT at its quintessential Jack promise of a full 3 recipes to come, none of which have materialised:
the most popular of the three cakes at the tea stop by far. I was very chuffed – although I had also made the other two as well! Recipes for those to follow later – for now, please enjoy this utter delight...I’ll also be posting a vegan edition later down the line using applesauce in place of the eggs; I just want to test it first as this is a particularly moist cake so I’ve a feeling it won’t be a straight simple swap
I got as far as Microwave Marmite Mac & Cheese, which features this gem of culinary advice: If you’re a hater, not a lover, just leave it out What would we do without her?
I clicked on "Top Tips". This led me to a recipe for hot lemon and honey for a sore throat, which was tagged as vegan. Then 5 posts announcing discounts on her books. The 7th post down, her guide to student cooking, is the first to feature tips (I offer no comment on how "top" they may be).
The Vegan page features Tomato, Bread & Butter Pasta, which is not suitable for vegans. It also features this blurb, which is not suitable for human beings:
The SNACKS & TREATS page (which for some reason is in all-caps on the menu) showcases her delicious treat of...banana peel ketchup. It also has this blurb, which made me HOOT at its quintessential Jack promise of a full 3 recipes to come, none of which have materialised:
the most popular of the three cakes at the tea stop by far. I was very chuffed – although I had also made the other two as well! Recipes for those to follow later – for now, please enjoy this utter delight...I’ll also be posting a vegan edition later down the line using applesauce in place of the eggs; I just want to test it first as this is a particularly moist cake so I’ve a feeling it won’t be a straight simple swap
I got as far as Microwave Marmite Mac & Cheese, which features this gem of culinary advice: If you’re a hater, not a lover, just leave it out What would we do without her?
has she let coooer walk across the keyboard again? 
Why does she not understand vegan?? No honey, No dairy, No eggs, what’s so hard?
Why does she not understand vegan?? No honey, No dairy, No eggs, what’s so hard?
It’s unbelievable. Reminds me of when Joey in friends discovered the thesaurus & changed all the words. I always feel like that corned beef when I read Jack’s writing. Grates like a witch.
And yes, so many brilliant blogs & recipe sites out there. I’ve never seen a tip jar on any of them-& most of these aren’t ‘bestselling‘ cookery writers either. Shameless.
A day in the life
Jack was woken from her dinosaur nap by the rumbling of a lorry pulling up outside the crappy bungalow.
"Get to duck!" she screamed, struggling to extricate her Mediterranean arse from her (gifted) weighed blanket and scrabbling to turn off her six radios. "I haven't had my eight hours!"
Immediately updating her Twitter with this very important information as she grifted over to the window, she parted her (gifted) £250 handmade curtains and peered outside. A delivery driver was unloading the latest shipment of donated shopping trolleys from the lorry.
"I suppose it's nice of my followers to send me tit, and I am after all so deserving of all this stuff, but I haven't got the room..." Jack mused to herself, absentmindedly poking her tongue through the 50p sized hole in her lip.
Suddenly the enormity of the task at hand hit her with the force of a sleeper train to Edinburgh. Not only did she have to blend some bollock sausages, present the results on her Instagram and send out the postcards her Patreon backers had paid for, she now had to somehow accommodate 18 new shopping trolleys in a space already bursting at the seams with high-end furniture. How was she expected to do so much work in a single day while still recovering from the worst case of burnout her private doctor had ever seen? She felt the many sideboards closing in on her.
Falling to the floor with a wordless howl of rage, she pummelled the carpet, roaring and gnashing her teeth. "It's a good job my severe arthritis is having a day off," she panted once she'd calmed herself down.
She sought advice from the sentient mirror, who simply said: "Your solution is as it ever was, my bodybuilding pescatarian friend - the kindness of strangers."
"That's it!" Jack crowed, leaping atop a sideboard and hopping in excitement. "I'll crowdfund an extension for the trolleys! I'm sure my landlady won't mind. After all, I've already designed the current kitchen and renovated the shed for my mayonnaise exploits. And if she dares say anything, I'll set my 250,000 dear friends on to her."
Filled with renewed motivation, she scampered over to her laptop and checked her online tip jar. "Not enough..." she seethed, cursing that her late-night tweets about not being able to afford to sleep hadn't had the desired effect. She tapped furiously at her keyboard with her finger sausages, sending a grave message to her acolytes.
"Going to be taking a break from this hellsite (and all other sites) for a while. I'm fine, honestly, it's just that my budget doesn't stretch to internet services at the moment. I'll just have to do what we all used to in the olden days and find other ways to connect with people. If you need to get in touch, I'm sure my agent will be able to pass on any letters. Take care of each other."
After making sure the tip jar on her redesigned website was functional, she sprawled on her (gifted) sofa and languidly spooned devilled eggs into her greedy goblin mouth. "Well, that's another hard day's graft done," she said aloud through a mouthful of anchoiade. "Time for another nap."
Jack was woken from her dinosaur nap by the rumbling of a lorry pulling up outside the crappy bungalow.
"Get to duck!" she screamed, struggling to extricate her Mediterranean arse from her (gifted) weighed blanket and scrabbling to turn off her six radios. "I haven't had my eight hours!"
Immediately updating her Twitter with this very important information as she grifted over to the window, she parted her (gifted) £250 handmade curtains and peered outside. A delivery driver was unloading the latest shipment of donated shopping trolleys from the lorry.
"I suppose it's nice of my followers to send me tit, and I am after all so deserving of all this stuff, but I haven't got the room..." Jack mused to herself, absentmindedly poking her tongue through the 50p sized hole in her lip.
Suddenly the enormity of the task at hand hit her with the force of a sleeper train to Edinburgh. Not only did she have to blend some bollock sausages, present the results on her Instagram and send out the postcards her Patreon backers had paid for, she now had to somehow accommodate 18 new shopping trolleys in a space already bursting at the seams with high-end furniture. How was she expected to do so much work in a single day while still recovering from the worst case of burnout her private doctor had ever seen? She felt the many sideboards closing in on her.
Falling to the floor with a wordless howl of rage, she pummelled the carpet, roaring and gnashing her teeth. "It's a good job my severe arthritis is having a day off," she panted once she'd calmed herself down.
She sought advice from the sentient mirror, who simply said: "Your solution is as it ever was, my bodybuilding pescatarian friend - the kindness of strangers."
"That's it!" Jack crowed, leaping atop a sideboard and hopping in excitement. "I'll crowdfund an extension for the trolleys! I'm sure my landlady won't mind. After all, I've already designed the current kitchen and renovated the shed for my mayonnaise exploits. And if she dares say anything, I'll set my 250,000 dear friends on to her."
Filled with renewed motivation, she scampered over to her laptop and checked her online tip jar. "Not enough..." she seethed, cursing that her late-night tweets about not being able to afford to sleep hadn't had the desired effect. She tapped furiously at her keyboard with her finger sausages, sending a grave message to her acolytes.
"Going to be taking a break from this hellsite (and all other sites) for a while. I'm fine, honestly, it's just that my budget doesn't stretch to internet services at the moment. I'll just have to do what we all used to in the olden days and find other ways to connect with people. If you need to get in touch, I'm sure my agent will be able to pass on any letters. Take care of each other."
After making sure the tip jar on her redesigned website was functional, she sprawled on her (gifted) sofa and languidly spooned devilled eggs into her greedy goblin mouth. "Well, that's another hard day's graft done," she said aloud through a mouthful of anchoiade. "Time for another nap."
Poor Jack 
maybe Im in burnout too because if I didn't have work to do Id quite happily kip on the the sofa after the dogs had a walk!
Translated: “I don’t actually give a tit about your personal experiences. I just wanted to be woe-is-me as always”
This tweet has been deleted.UPDATE: I have now read her top tips for student cooking. They include:
Ketchup: Splodge it in Bolognese, soups, lasagne, pasta bakes, everything.
Baked beans: adds a little childish whimsy – and protein – to a can of tomato soup. They’re my secret weapon, and the cheaper, the better.
Spices: Curry powder (70p/100g, Rajah brand, Asda) and Dunns River All Purpose Seasoning (95p/100g, Tesco) are pretty much all you need on the spice front
Salt vs stock cubes: In my £10-a-week-food-shop days, I only bought one or the other, grinding stock cubes into a jar to use in place of salt in cookery.
(she does realise you don't need to buy salt every week...?)
Milk: passive-aggressively getting some UHT stuff that nobody will want to touch, or a bag of dried milk powder
(yum)
Cheap beer: inexplicably sexing up a chocolate cake
Stuffing: Stuffing is my best kitchen secret. I use it on top of a Mac n cheese or lasagne, to thicken soups and add flavour, to batter nuggets and anything else that needs a crispy coating. I add it to mince to make a sausagey mixture, pad out meatballs with it, falafels, and anything else I can think of.
In true Jack style, the article (from 2018) ends with a promise of a follow-up about essential equipment that has yet to materialise.
Watch this space!
Ketchup: Splodge it in Bolognese, soups, lasagne, pasta bakes, everything.
Baked beans: adds a little childish whimsy – and protein – to a can of tomato soup. They’re my secret weapon, and the cheaper, the better.
Spices: Curry powder (70p/100g, Rajah brand, Asda) and Dunns River All Purpose Seasoning (95p/100g, Tesco) are pretty much all you need on the spice front
Salt vs stock cubes: In my £10-a-week-food-shop days, I only bought one or the other, grinding stock cubes into a jar to use in place of salt in cookery.
(she does realise you don't need to buy salt every week...?)
Milk: passive-aggressively getting some UHT stuff that nobody will want to touch, or a bag of dried milk powder
(yum)
Cheap beer: inexplicably sexing up a chocolate cake
Stuffing: Stuffing is my best kitchen secret. I use it on top of a Mac n cheese or lasagne, to thicken soups and add flavour, to batter nuggets and anything else that needs a crispy coating. I add it to mince to make a sausagey mixture, pad out meatballs with it, falafels, and anything else I can think of.
In true Jack style, the article (from 2018) ends with a promise of a follow-up about essential equipment that has yet to materialise.
Watch this space!
m
Do you think she was reading tattle?
This is sheer genius. You deserve a patreon AND a tip jar!
the serendipity on my timeline just now...
please excuse janky desktop ss, i know not what i do
please excuse janky desktop ss, i know not what i do
Up near my kids school they seems to be loads of apple trees in people's gardens a d the have been putting apples out for people to take for free. I have been doing this and making crumbles and tarts.
Why doesn't she go out and see if she can do similar.i am sure there are apple trees where she lived and show people how to make seasonal apple foods.its really cheap if the apples are free as the other ingredients are generally cupboard staples.
Oh I forgot that means she have to get off twitter and do something.
Why doesn't she go out and see if she can do similar.i am sure there are apple trees where she lived and show people how to make seasonal apple foods.its really cheap if the apples are free as the other ingredients are generally cupboard staples.
Oh I forgot that means she have to get off twitter and do something.
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