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Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Jack's ready for the housing conference.
GingGangGoolie
Member
Congratulations to @Petelgeuse on your first thread title! 52 reactions 
Special mention to @Alansbigplate for Diagnosis: Collection 2000. This had a lot of reactions, but I wasn’t sure if it was a thread title suggestion.
Recap of thread #67
Oh dear, what can the matter be?She proved us all wrong with photos from A & E
Special mention to @Alansbigplate for Diagnosis: Collection 2000. This had a lot of reactions, but I wasn’t sure if it was a thread title suggestion.
Recap of thread #67
Oh dear, what can the matter be?She proved us all wrong with photos from A & E
- Well, she went to the hospital. And was given a
lollipopCAT scan and eye patch for her woes. She’s not going to post any more selfies until it heals (or she pushes the boat out for some next day delivery yellow and green snazaroo). - She posted a collage of photos to prove that she was in triage, with the tender caption of ‘Here you go. Now get fucked.’ Must have been the gas and air talking, she’s usually so mild mannered.
- She couldn’t really see out of her right eye but still took a pile of work books (Twitter and Tattle), because Jack Monroe is ALWAYS working.
- Hallelujah, she got a version of ‘Oh, no. What’s up, hun? I’ll DM you?’ from her ‘mom’. So, it was all worth it.
- In addition to cabal and coven, we can possibly also add ‘conspiracy wankers’ and ‘obsessive group of completely unhinged bullies’ to the loving terms of endearment bestowed on us by Jack.
- Praise beans, her eye socket was not fractured, just ‘bashed’. It’s still very sore though, ok? And purple and red and yellow - basically all the colours of the rainbow.
- Despite having to cut her sandwiches into twenty tiny squares earlier in the day, she ‘hoofed’ a packet of cheap sliced white when she got home from the hospital.
- She went to the park today with her son and posted a completely candid and natural shot of their backs. Real question is, who took the photo?
- She’s watching Supermarket Sweep. What about the book, Jack? What about the conference?
- Too late, she’s BUSY criticising the appearance of food bank donation boxes and calling them ‘props’. Once again, she is failing to see the bigger picture, but at least Rylan is attempting to explain this to the sulky toddler in her yellow macintosh. #teamrylan
- She’s 5’ 1.7”.
- She back-pedalled faster than a swan on ice and contradicted everything she’d said earlier about food bank donation boxes used as props. You know what, she loves Rylan and she loves Supermarket Sweep, so absolutely get fucked.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.
For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. *She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
Also:
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.
For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. *She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
Also:
- She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Knit one Pearl one
VIP Member
Harrybosch
VIP Member
Dear Hearts
This is the end. It's been an honour working alongside the greatest historians, archivists, librarians, researchers, social media explainers, mental health advocates, bungalow truthers and, yes, crime fighters of our time. I applaud each and every one of you brave Frauen and Herren (Mancunian or otherwise). Your efforts have been selfless. When lies needed to be catalogued, you stepped up. When inconsistencies needed to be analysed, you brought forth your theories. When hard questions needed to be asked, you sought answers.
We know more now than we did at the beginning of this endeavour.
This may not be an airport, but NOW, fuck off!
[If, and I obviously find it impossible to believe, Jack make a full return to social media and the UK, I will return.]
This is the end. It's been an honour working alongside the greatest historians, archivists, librarians, researchers, social media explainers, mental health advocates, bungalow truthers and, yes, crime fighters of our time. I applaud each and every one of you brave Frauen and Herren (Mancunian or otherwise). Your efforts have been selfless. When lies needed to be catalogued, you stepped up. When inconsistencies needed to be analysed, you brought forth your theories. When hard questions needed to be asked, you sought answers.
We know more now than we did at the beginning of this endeavour.
- The cat is only half maincoone.
- The bungalow has two storeys and a very large garden.
- JM is 5ft 1.7 inches.
- 14 layers of foundation will cover up an imaginary black eye.
- Reverse ratstail did not take off in way one may have hoped.
- Buying the full catalogue of the Cotswold Company is in fact much cheaper than a weekly tutor.
- BLM is eternally grateful for mayonnaise allies.
- Most of her dishes are unctuous.
This may not be an airport, but NOW, fuck off!
[If, and I obviously find it impossible to believe, Jack make a full return to social media and the UK, I will return.]
GrunkaLunka
VIP Member
Gawd love us, that was one hell of a Grunking I just went on (#65-68)
From what I can gather, Jack's castle of lies began to crumble down around her, with Louisa "vividly" recalling Jack's claim that she had invented Healthy Choice vouchers. Rather than stop this misunderstanding
from getting out of hand... she headbutted the sink.
Unfortunately the bruise wasn't developing as gruesomely as she'd hoped, so she cracked out the highlighter.
Furious that both Tattle and Twitter alike were openly pissing themselves laughing at her terrible blending, she huffed down to A&E to waste their precious time and resources, knowing damn well that anyone rocking up claiming concussion would have to be given a full array of tests regardless of it being obviously made up.
Sharing some photographs of the interior of a hospital, she was sure everyone would now believe the shimmering eye. Alas, we ain't a bunch of idiots Jacques, and were still suspicious of her unlikely story. "Conspiracy wankers!" she cried, turning her back to the camera "I'll not show you my face again for many days."
From what I can gather, Jack's castle of lies began to crumble down around her, with Louisa "vividly" recalling Jack's claim that she had invented Healthy Choice vouchers. Rather than stop this misunderstanding
from getting out of hand... she headbutted the sink. Unfortunately the bruise wasn't developing as gruesomely as she'd hoped, so she cracked out the highlighter.
Furious that both Tattle and Twitter alike were openly pissing themselves laughing at her terrible blending, she huffed down to A&E to waste their precious time and resources, knowing damn well that anyone rocking up claiming concussion would have to be given a full array of tests regardless of it being obviously made up.
Sharing some photographs of the interior of a hospital, she was sure everyone would now believe the shimmering eye. Alas, we ain't a bunch of idiots Jacques, and were still suspicious of her unlikely story. "Conspiracy wankers!" she cried, turning her back to the camera "I'll not show you my face again for many days."
Emmapism
VIP Member
Oh my god. Fraus!
So I'm watching the second series of Dark on Netflix. Amazing trippy creepy German series, love love love it.
I'm on episode three and this guy starts talking about a 'bootstrap paradox'.
Wherein an object moves from the future to the past, back to the future. A never ending cycle 'in which the object no longer has any real origin'
I sit here, mouth A-FUCKING-GAPE at this strange synchronicity. And I pronounce today's events.....the bootstrap paradox.
So I'm watching the second series of Dark on Netflix. Amazing trippy creepy German series, love love love it.
I'm on episode three and this guy starts talking about a 'bootstrap paradox'.
Wherein an object moves from the future to the past, back to the future. A never ending cycle 'in which the object no longer has any real origin'
I sit here, mouth A-FUCKING-GAPE at this strange synchronicity. And I pronounce today's events.....the bootstrap paradox.
GrunkaLunka
VIP Member
14 layers of concealer have really done the trick. It's almost like there was never a black eye in the first place. 
lilamay
VIP Member
Quincy M.E (retired)
Member
I'm reading in real time Cabal. REAL TIME!!!!
GrunkaLunka
VIP Member
Jesus, she's actually putting herself forward to write for someone who has asked for a person that grew up on food stamps. Holy shit.
It's annoying enough that she keeps wheeling out her poverty story, which seems to amount to a short time when she was temporarily not rich. (She was rich before and rich after, and if she disputes that then I'd like to know how the fuck she ended up with an expensive watch and a home full of high end gear) But now she is going to attempt to take the place of someone who has genuinely grown up in poverty?? Drowning out minority voices in your desperation to be centre of everything is fucking horrible Jack. This isn't for you. Exactly what she did with her terrible Black Lives Matter video too, a pointless gesture she used to make money. Disgusting. This leopard can't change her spots, it doesn't matter how many tweets she deletes and bio edits she goes through.
It's annoying enough that she keeps wheeling out her poverty story, which seems to amount to a short time when she was temporarily not rich. (She was rich before and rich after, and if she disputes that then I'd like to know how the fuck she ended up with an expensive watch and a home full of high end gear) But now she is going to attempt to take the place of someone who has genuinely grown up in poverty?? Drowning out minority voices in your desperation to be centre of everything is fucking horrible Jack. This isn't for you. Exactly what she did with her terrible Black Lives Matter video too, a pointless gesture she used to make money. Disgusting. This leopard can't change her spots, it doesn't matter how many tweets she deletes and bio edits she goes through.
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Right, where’s her affiliate link for the concealer, cos it’s clearly bloody sorcery.
crystaleyesd
VIP Member
Hmm... the amount of people calling her out on twitter seems to have increased quite dramatically. Some of them also appear to be quite nasty.
I feel very uncomfortable about the one calling themselves 'coven convener' - hope whoever that is knows the tattle rules.
I feel very uncomfortable about the one calling themselves 'coven convener' - hope whoever that is knows the tattle rules.
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
You can turn over a new leaf every hour if you choose, Jack, but
People-huv-tae-know
VIP Member
<3
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Remember when Jack said her granny-knickers-on-the-sideboard shots were done to announce something exciting? But we never found out what the announcement was? I still think about that.
Rosalillyrags
Member
Wiped out the Twitter.
Nothing further than 13 Apr
No tweets and replies.
If I had doubts, they've been wiped also.
I've been following since around Edinburgh... I think it was a Mumsnet comment that lead me here. I've followed JM since I joined Twitter in (I think) 2014 but I rarely look at Twitter anyway, and haven't much over the years.
Someone bought me Girl called Jack back in the day. I've never cooked from it, because while appreciating her efforts, I am a much better cook.
I've been ambivalent following this tattle thread and willing to give her the benefit of doubt but it really is extraordinary.
I'm finding it hard to understand... she could be such a force for good... and I'm sure she thinks she is. I'm also sure that she'll be increasingly seen as a charlatan and more pityingly as a fantasist.
My story is possibly useful to the 'what is poverty like and how does it happen' narrative but I found the invitation to 'pitch' it to her, really uncomfortable. I don't need to 'pitch' because I'm not trying to win a contract. I just know what it's like to be helpless but doing my utmost.
Anyway!
It's taken such an age to type this on my phone that I'm sure the story will have galloped on!
Nothing further than 13 Apr
No tweets and replies.
If I had doubts, they've been wiped also.
I've been following since around Edinburgh... I think it was a Mumsnet comment that lead me here. I've followed JM since I joined Twitter in (I think) 2014 but I rarely look at Twitter anyway, and haven't much over the years.
Someone bought me Girl called Jack back in the day. I've never cooked from it, because while appreciating her efforts, I am a much better cook.
I've been ambivalent following this tattle thread and willing to give her the benefit of doubt but it really is extraordinary.
I'm finding it hard to understand... she could be such a force for good... and I'm sure she thinks she is. I'm also sure that she'll be increasingly seen as a charlatan and more pityingly as a fantasist.
My story is possibly useful to the 'what is poverty like and how does it happen' narrative but I found the invitation to 'pitch' it to her, really uncomfortable. I don't need to 'pitch' because I'm not trying to win a contract. I just know what it's like to be helpless but doing my utmost.
Anyway!
It's taken such an age to type this on my phone that I'm sure the story will have galloped on!