Jack Monroe #68 Take a day off mate, seriously

[Legionnairess]

I’m a thread behind but I just wanted to say I am a new person and I have been grunkaing my way through a lot of the threads. I’ve followed JM for ages but the thing that tipped me over to the light that was tattle was the kitten. Horrible. Keep up the good work. I don’t post often but I do read.

 

[PermanentEyeRolls]

She is so triggering in SO many ways.
I've long lurked and rarely post (mainly because I am a midnight grunka and everything I want to say has already been covered by my like minded coven sisters!)

But this week has been such a shit show I had to pop my head in. I have tried to write something eloquent but it's just coming out as nnnngggggguuuuhhhhhh.

 

[Bookweevil]

Whenever @Pocahontas posts about ‘making a new thread’, I picture this stitching together going on behind the scenes while the fraus gaze on in slack-jawed admiration through the curtains.

 

[Doobots]

I resent her calling this thread tedious. The cheek! We can only work with what you give Jack.

 

[OhHeck]

View attachment 232496

Her calling people's stories THAT SHE ASKED FOR (which are real-life hardships with lasting effects) 'pitches' says it all really.

1. They are not all clamouring to be in your book, Jack
2. These are people's real lives and normal folks who experience poverty don't treat those experiences as selfish business opportunities.
3. Now fuck off

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

Wow. She’s mass deleted everything. I wonder why! This is too funny, she keeps ‘tripping over her own feet’ and getting into jams entirely of her own making. What a crazy 5 months its been - JO tantrum, DKL disaster, break-up with gf, crappy Hellmans gig, hair shorn, David Walliams tantrum, mental breakdown, expensive dash to Edinburgh during lockdown, kitten disaster, shard in foot accident, flouncing into Thread 31 on Tattle, Annunziata Rees Mogg tantrum, ouchy mouth with red lippy and teething necklace, granny panty pics, and shiny make-up ‘shiner’ and here we are.

Fecking exhausting. Seriously though.

 

[Fruitjack]

Some of the battery life situations on your screenshots is making me do a mad, fellow fraus.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

This eternal circle jerk over her on Twitter is testament to how invisible genuinely poor people are in this country, they simply don’t have the opportunity to tell their truths. Jack takes those opportunities for them. Even now she’s established and financially comfortable she won’t bring any one into her platform, or put people forward to collab or take her slots.

It’s really fucking gross when you think about how other marginalised identities (BAME, first gen or undocumented immigrants, working class, etc) are over represented in low income groups too. So she’s stealing from some of the most vulnerable in society and also depriving them of a useful resource - cos no one’s actually making that slop.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Why are people replying to her like they’re responding to a dating advert?!

“I’m Michael. I’m 32 and from Warwickshire. I have six children, four with autism and feed my family for £3.50 a week”

JACK LITERALLY DOES NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK*

*But heres her Patreon link anyway

 

[YenE]

Been lurking here a while. I was a fan of JM for a while but had to stop following I just couldn’t keep up with her. I often wondered if maybe I was just an unsympathetic cow- her life was an endless series of disasters/incidents and I just got worn out by her. Finding this and seeing other people calling bullshit was the highlight of lockdown - you guys are HILARIOUS!!!

I have no doubt her hardship in the past have left a mark but I don’t see how she uses her voice to advocate for real reform and change. Maybe I’m wrong....

I also detest her good awful, flowery, over wrought writing style. It’s like my journal when I was a kid.

 

[Scarletfever]

Either she was raised in poverty so severe that she actually qualified for government assistance in the USA despite not living there, or, the UK government invented a benefit ("food stamps") specifically for her to address her very extremely very very intense poverty that she grew up in while making greengage jam in her grandfather's hotel.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

but but how will we ever know if you can make kombucha with Sainsbury’s basic teabags

You can't even make tea with Sainsbury's Basic Teabags.

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

I'm having a serious identity crisis now, fraus. I don't know whether I'm a bullying ninny or a conspiracy wanker.

Maybe I'd better go to Edinburgh to try and find myself. Oh no wait, I live here!

 

[MrsOgre]

It's like The Shining. Somewhere in Jack's cavernous bungalow she is there, on her typewriter banging out 'All Twitter and no work makes Jack an obnoxious twunt'.

So far she has filled 3 lever arch folders.

You've inspired me to make another shitty photoshop attempt and here it is

 

[Anonymous One]

Not likely. She didn’t grow up on ‘food stamps’ but she’d probably give it a go at spinning it.

Surely she invented food stamps?

 

[blurstoftimes]

Jack Monroe #69 three enormous lever arch files of bullshit

 

[Grizzlybear]

Wow. Wonder where she gets her arnica from

 

[Anonymous One]

Oi!!! Stop appropriating my name
‘Fuck’s happened, Fraus?? Last time I was here was The Day of the Shimmery Black Eye. I got very excited, thinking ‘Heather Shimmer’ was some kind of cocktail involving single malt. Imagine my disappointment. Perhaps Mack will invent one...though knowing her, it’d probably contain the juice of squeezed pilchards or summat.
But I digress. Has she reinvented herself? Again? Did she do the conference? Apologies for being a lazy arsehole this morning, I’ll have a wee Grunka later...

Quick recap. We told her to take the day off. She said “shan’t”, went on about some shit for a bit (ouchy eye, single parent yada yada yada) then did the conference. The folk who’d paid 275 quid to see Mack Jonroe speak photographed the screen and...I hope you’re sitting down as this is shocking...there was no black eye. I know...you’re shocked. It really was surprising. She did have fourteen layers of foundation on though (to be fair).

Somehow in the midst of this lots of dear hearts (including Jay Rayner ) have recommended her as a food writer who grew up in poverty, surviving on food stamps (which don’t exist in the UK but she probably invented them in between ballet classes). She possibly saw some $$$$$$$ signs and decided to delete all of her maverick nonsense tweets and reintroduce herself for the 700 or so new followers.

Thankfully for her, her previous quarter of a million followers are a combination of stupid, naive, attention seeking, have muted her already or are terrified she’ll block them/they’ll get piled on so they’ve happily gone along with the charade. The eye is still ouchy.

ETA Sorry I fancied pretending to be @Pocahontas for a minute (plus Jack is fucking confusing and I wanted to check it had all happened within the space of a day).

 

[xoxo]

MANY MANY YEARS?!?!!? MANY MANY YEARS? what the actual fuck.

 

[MrsOgre]

Oi Jack! A tip for you here