Jack Monroe #68 Take a day off mate, seriously

[Pocahontas]

If she had fourteen layers of concealer there would be an actual shelf of concealer sitting on her skin.

Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe she’s Jackie M.

 

[MrsOgre]

 

[MooBelle]

I have visions of a SWAT team coming through the windows. They dart her and wrestle the phones from her.
One washes the 14 layers of shite off her face.
One puts the cat in a basket to take it to a vet.
One opens up a government/spy laptop and logs on to her Twitter.
WOOOOOSH everything gone
Manic tapping at keyboard.
New, polite and not crazy tweets get put up.
Closes laptop with a bang
One empties the bin as they leave...

 

[xoxo]

Now newer Tattle members (and all of you people reading these threads but have not signed up for Tattle... we know you lurkers are out there... ) can see why we take screenshots of her stuff, rather than just linking to it. She loves a good delete spree!

 

[Droosie123]

Many years in poverty....yeah course she did.

I grew up in the 70s in social housing with no central heating. We had ice crystals growing on the inside of the windows....I used to be fascinated by the patterns but it was damp and bloody freezing.

We had free school meals and had to sit on a separate table to other kids (thankfully we seem to have moved on from that).

I had shoes which were cheap and wore out.

My Mum and Dad went without to feed us,

THAT is poverty Jack....not ballet lessons, a five bed home, a range rover to take you to school and parents in a well paid job.

Getting into debt as an adult certainly counts as it's miserable but it's not the same as being a child and waking up cold in the night so that you're tired the next day in school. It's not sitting on a separate table at lunch time from the children who pay for their dinners, it's not dealing with the bullying that this seperatism causes which I still have flashbacks today about.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Interesting that lots of commenters on the Mumsnet post say she shouldn't be talked about because she has MH issues. I think her MH issues are greatly exacerbated by her Twitter addiction. Should her 280k followers unfollow for her (and all of those she triggers') sake? Are they to blame then?

The followers are the reason she gets her books published and got on telly. Whatever issues and diagnoses she has, which nobody actually knows for sure except her and her doctor, they don't mean a hall pass for the endless shite and at times absolutely hilarious lies and contradictions.

This is exactly what I was saying yesterday about playing on vulnerable people's minds - bad person for feeling suspicious/irritated and disliking/unfollowing this woman? "Shouldn't talk about her" my arse

People on mumsnet who say that shit just wanna be the first Head Girl to ram their tongue up Justine’s arse.

Crikey guys.
Was it really only last month she got that poor dying kitten, it died, she fucked off to Scotland for a weekend?
Her life is bizzare....

Notice how she can now live without the kitten and it’s all about fiddy cent

She's like if Hollyoaks was a person.

Early thread title nomination

 

[colouredlines]

Miguel Barclay in the Guardian again, getting all up in Jack's niche with a bit of shade...

 

[Silver Linings]

She deleted this one and tried again -

 

[gotohell]

loooool not sure how close to the truth this person is without realising it or if they are being outright snarky

 

[PoorPatrol]

I had a much less luxurious childhood that Jack, actual WC ya know. If I was bleating on about living off food stamps (which we don’t fucking have in the UK) my mum would bash me right up. That’s the other thing about being genuinely working class, it’s a bit like Fight Club, you don’t actually talk about it.

 

[GingGangGoolie]

Cor, that Kombucha really did its stuff

 

[TitsMcGee]

Can’t wait to read the reply to this!

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Remember when Jack said her granny-knickers-on-the-sideboard shots were done to announce something exciting? But we never found out what the announcement was? I still think about that.

Remember when she finished Hellmans and posted all those pics of her gleefully celebrating as she announced she had turned down lots of serious offers and was going to be doing her own show?! I'm waiting for that

 

[Pocahontas]

View attachment 232865

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

You're supposed to be limiting screen time, Jack. Remember? Get off Tattle.

 

[Mokie]

I’m just off to A&E, I’ve rolled my eyes so hard they’re now stuck in the top of my head. Wonder if I’ll get a CT scan too?

 

[Silver Linings]

Early thread suggestion, because holy shit she’s actually managed to surprise me which is rare. Jack Monroe #69 Oh lordy.

 

[TriviaNewtonJohn]

Title suggestion:

Jack Monroe #69: turned over another leaf but it's the same old lies underneath

 

[Pocahontas]

@Pocahontas great write-up, as ever. How on earth do you manage to knock up something so concise and funny so quickly? It’s very impressive...

Haha, I’m a big geek and start writing it from about p. 45. Wouldn’t be able to do it without the aid of our librarians Marmalade, Silver and Mrs Ogre, to name but a few!

 

[MrsOgre]

This is really creepy. Like a really bizarre horror movie slowly playing out