maytoseptember
VIP Member
Call me puerile, but squint at that and tell me that “Jack” doesn’t look a lot like “Fuck” in that typeface.
- Notice
People-huv-tae-know
VIP Member
Congratulations to @Emmapism for coming up with the title 
Welcome to thread 185 slop avoiders!
Wild Garlic. London. 2021
Jack found or bought some and photographed it for instagram. I'm not sure if the garlic has been facetuned however.
The Diva awards (for which Jack has been nominated as best influencer) have their own chaos when it becomes apparent that they have not notified nominees of their inclusion in the award nominations. Therefore due to the outcry, the influencer category is removed. Category die so Jack cry, why oh why.
Del Monte present a salad of sadness by Jack. It's not brown or sloppy but it does look like the dregs of a dried out swamp and just as non filling too. Even the frogs would pass.
Jack is in her element presenting another dish of bleurgh containing vague limp greens formerly known as wild garlic. Delectably disgusting raw egg yolks, a Jack favourite also make a comeback. She has a real flair for making food no one wants to eat.
One and done Jack presents us with a brownie brick to remind us why constipation occurs. She claims this solid brown log is perfect but will need triple testing. To be honest it could anchor a ship or be the foundation stone of a skyscraper.
The brownie is baked in a convenience food tin as Jack continues to drop anvil hints about not being at home.
Jack treats us to a rare selfie, this time showing off her borrowed bedroom. The soft soft pink sofa retracting the morning light is definitely what is making her look younger and smoother. Nothing to do with facetune whatsoever. There are also cake sized breadcrumbs about where she is and why (rehab). Clearly she wants her good friends the fraus to know.
Jack somehow becomes entangled in an argument about drugs and sobriety. In this case she seems to have remained quite uncharacteristically mature.
Jack soon deletes her selfie and the argument. The selfie may or may not have revealed Sauron's eye within Jack's eye.
Our bowls overfloweth when Jack introduces us to Nigella as a bowl. Of course the cabal have a better idea
Welcome to thread 185 slop avoiders!
Wild Garlic. London. 2021
Jack found or bought some and photographed it for instagram. I'm not sure if the garlic has been facetuned however.
The Diva awards (for which Jack has been nominated as best influencer) have their own chaos when it becomes apparent that they have not notified nominees of their inclusion in the award nominations. Therefore due to the outcry, the influencer category is removed. Category die so Jack cry, why oh why.
Del Monte present a salad of sadness by Jack. It's not brown or sloppy but it does look like the dregs of a dried out swamp and just as non filling too. Even the frogs would pass.
Jack is in her element presenting another dish of bleurgh containing vague limp greens formerly known as wild garlic. Delectably disgusting raw egg yolks, a Jack favourite also make a comeback. She has a real flair for making food no one wants to eat.
One and done Jack presents us with a brownie brick to remind us why constipation occurs. She claims this solid brown log is perfect but will need triple testing. To be honest it could anchor a ship or be the foundation stone of a skyscraper.
The brownie is baked in a convenience food tin as Jack continues to drop anvil hints about not being at home.
Jack treats us to a rare selfie, this time showing off her borrowed bedroom. The soft soft pink sofa retracting the morning light is definitely what is making her look younger and smoother. Nothing to do with facetune whatsoever. There are also cake sized breadcrumbs about where she is and why (rehab). Clearly she wants her good friends the fraus to know.
Jack somehow becomes entangled in an argument about drugs and sobriety. In this case she seems to have remained quite uncharacteristically mature.
Jack soon deletes her selfie and the argument. The selfie may or may not have revealed Sauron's eye within Jack's eye.
Our bowls overfloweth when Jack introduces us to Nigella as a bowl. Of course the cabal have a better idea
Housekeeping
*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
PoorPatrol
VIP Member
I’m getting a bit hysterical, I can’t stop laughing at that letter to dear heart Philippe!
I got my kids to write letters to Victorian children about the present day, when I’d run out of brain activities for them during lockdown. They were like “hello cockney urchin, I’ve got an Amazon fire tablet which you could play Minecraft on if you hadn’t died in the workhouse. Have you got fruit winders?” they were so bad
This is NOT what Philippe would have wanted!
I got my kids to write letters to Victorian children about the present day, when I’d run out of brain activities for them during lockdown. They were like “hello cockney urchin, I’ve got an Amazon fire tablet which you could play Minecraft on if you hadn’t died in the workhouse. Have you got fruit winders?” they were so bad
This is NOT what Philippe would have wanted!
colouredlines
VIP Member
I have no time for anyone who invites their followers to play a game of Guess The Ailment. She's loving this. And she's spending her evenings cooking more maverick slop than she has done in months, so she certainly seems to be full of post-Treatment energy.
Have they invented CT scans that detect Munchausen's yet?
Have they invented CT scans that detect Munchausen's yet?
hollowhusk
Well-known member
I'm back from being busy. Sending my ouchy mouth catto to the cabal since I was tempted to send him to Jack earlier, I'm sure she will see him but won't count as a comment on her post.
He got an xray, lots of injections and 3 teeth out on Friday but then managed to burst his stitches open yesterday. Thankfully he is ok and can't post crumbs of his ordeal on Twitter!
SweetTransvestite
VIP Member
If I had a £1 for everytime Jack has looked me in the eye I'd have 50p
MancBee
VIP Member
If she is having all that done on one visit, she is definitely going private. As you all know, I have recently had a cancer operation. It's not difficult to make clear, is it Jack? No one judges you for making your illness known, they judge you for dropping hints and implying it is something serious to gain sympathy and social media attention.
I had numerous separate dates to have my scans and treatments. They are not great at coordinating appointments in the NHS.
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
I'm on a rapidGrunk so apologies if this has been mentioned before
The only positive comment on Jack's Schrödinger's pork (both overcooked and undercooked) is from a Del Monte employee (hammering it home that it fed four people
)
The only positive comment on Jack's Schrödinger's pork (both overcooked and undercooked) is from a Del Monte employee (hammering it home that it fed four people
)
TheDragonWithAFlagon
VIP Member
Look at the price per night. Somebody is paying for that. Either the resident, who is therefore clearly minted and has been all along, so has scammed their substantial income from well meaning people, or somebody else who works damn hard and is good at their job is being rinsed of their hard earned money. In addition, somebody is picking up the responsibility for child, cat and rabbit (and presumably dealing with any emotional fallout from such a prolonged absence). Other people are caring for the child's wellbeing at school and not earning a fraction of what it is costing for JM to take happy selfies in new clothes and in luxury accommodation.
Does somebody who is quite obviously shit at their 'job' actually deserve to take income away from others who are actually good at it? When they clearly don't appreciate it, neither want nor need it for anything else but because it pays pretty fucking brilliantly?
JM could have done many things. But through deliberate actions, comments and choices, everything over the last year has been half arsed, fucked up before it's even started or just generally shit. Not because of anybody else. It wasn't the poor bloody deformed kitten's fault they were paraded around to garner donations and likes when it should have been put out of its misery at the first vet appointment. It wasn't the schools' or the Head Teachers' fault that they were accused of being Nazis and abusers. It certainly wasn't MR's fault that this middle class white person decided to use African American Vernacular English to order him around and alternated this with simpering pats to the head like he was a dog or particularly dense six year old. Nobody else made JM send nasty threatening letters to people who used to be friends or knew the landlady (I BET that's what happened there). And it's nobody fault but JM's if the last year has seen abuse of amphetamines/ADHD medication, nighttime buttock purchases of items weighing 1g or consumption of alcohol which inherently makes JM unreliable, untrustworthy and, absolutely honestly, a risk to all around, adult, child or animal, as well as themselves. If being the operative word there.
I have no sympathy. None whatsoever. You sow the seeds of your own misfortune. Now reap the results (or in this case, wail about how it's not your fault/the ninnies/the poverty/the drink/the medication/the moon made you do it and get yourself some exclusive accommodation and private medicine/treatment out of them before going in for the next draining of their bank balance, heart and soul).
MancBee
VIP Member
You can think me bad minded, but I think she would love to be diagnosed with a serious condition.
I'll tell you something for nothing Jack, having a serious illness is not something to wish for. If you think your life is difficult now, you have no idea how bad it can get. It really isn't a fun day out going to hospital for people that have to do it regularly.
Your tweets seem to show you gleeful at the thought of a trip to hospital. That really is sick.
MaineCoonMama
VIP Member
If she is wanting to be ill, she should be careful what she wishes for. Please don't think I'm sadfishing, I'm just being honest when I say my life completely changed when I became ill, I know everyone with a chronic illness must feel at least a bit the same.
I hate being sick all the time, I look like shit and can't go anywhere. I've lost friends because I'm not the same 'fun' MCM I used to be. I've become really introverted because I have to make my own entertainment and now I'm used to it.
It isn't fun or glamorous, I just hope she comes to her senses and stops wasting a reasonably healthy life before she ends up regretting her words.
I hate being sick all the time, I look like shit and can't go anywhere. I've lost friends because I'm not the same 'fun' MCM I used to be. I've become really introverted because I have to make my own entertainment and now I'm used to it.
It isn't fun or glamorous, I just hope she comes to her senses and stops wasting a reasonably healthy life before she ends up regretting her words.
misshydrangea
Active member
Imagine cutting into the cake to find a whole banana just lying there, perfectly preserved. Like an autopsy.
heretoreaditall2019
VIP Member
Rude of Cook’s matches to overlook a literal ex fire fighter with decades of experience / urchin who lived by candle light after she sold all her lightbulbs / the best chef ever for this partnership. Living for TK becoming a second THAT MAN
(Soz for weird cropping it’s cos I have hands x)
(Soz for weird cropping it’s cos I have hands x)
Rekyavikgirl
VIP Member
Sod the Emin! Someone call the Guggenheim, stat.
Attachments
Emmapism
VIP Member
Yes. She said she was in the running for it. That's not how telly works. Your name might be mentioned in development but that's about it. 'in the running for it' based on no experience of fronting a TV show and no experience as a chef?
The show was literally made by a production team from JAMIE OLIVER PRODUCTIONS
She wasn't in the running for anything.
Fack Monroe!
NomDeGuerre
VIP Member
My spirit guide has informed that Victoria Wood and Phillipe de Girard have started a ‘raise your hand if you feel personally victimised by Jack Monroe’ support group in the spirit world.
Last edited:
Orphan_Black
VIP Member
Philippe is not only laughing in his grave, he is celebrating being finally exposed as the true inventor of the tin can by our plucky Jack. He is a happy old dead French dude now. You brought him peace, Jack.
DisgruntledGoat
VIP Member
She’s queen of the munchies but she’s worse than your garden variety attention-seeking munch because at least they say what they’re pretending to have. She knows the minute she reveals whatever she’s been breadcrumbing she’ll either be torn apart for lying about it or mocked for exaggerating the severity of a minor condition.
Squigs must have very poor memories because the first time I unfollowed her (around 2014) I hadn’t even clocked the origin story lies, I was just sick of her moaning about her apparent ill health. If it wasn’t her joints and the walking stick she conveniently no longer needed to use after the Hopkins trial was over, it was her heart, or some other fabricated ailment. We know that she doesn’t have rheumatoid arthritis because if she did she’d have been vaccinated by now. Even if she is ill (which she isn’t) I couldn’t give a shit because she can afford black cabs between her private “treatment” and overpriced and unnecessary aparthotel which shows 100% that she’s been talking shit this entire time about her financial situation while gleefully taking money from people who need it more.
The only thing she needs fixing is her malevolent personality.
Squigs must have very poor memories because the first time I unfollowed her (around 2014) I hadn’t even clocked the origin story lies, I was just sick of her moaning about her apparent ill health. If it wasn’t her joints and the walking stick she conveniently no longer needed to use after the Hopkins trial was over, it was her heart, or some other fabricated ailment. We know that she doesn’t have rheumatoid arthritis because if she did she’d have been vaccinated by now. Even if she is ill (which she isn’t) I couldn’t give a shit because she can afford black cabs between her private “treatment” and overpriced and unnecessary aparthotel which shows 100% that she’s been talking shit this entire time about her financial situation while gleefully taking money from people who need it more.
The only thing she needs fixing is her malevolent personality.