- Notice
colouredlines
VIP Member
I would OutJack her into submission.
JM: "Hi, I'm Jack Monroe, writer, activist, cook, 90% vegan, TV presenter, author, campaigner..."
CL: "Nice to meet you. I'm colouredlines, teacher, writer, internet bully, linguist, knitter, yogini, sewer..."
JM: "...recovering alcoholic, disabled person, double denim enthusiast, poet, dreamer, accidental conqueror of my own fears..."
CL: "I'm also a hiker, immigrant, crypto investor, bored hausfrau, protestor, educator, owner of a GAD diagnosis from a real doctor, AND I can dice an onion in under a minute."
JM: "I'm a washing machine operator!"
CL: "I was once on The Weakest Link!"
JM: "My granddad's dead!"
CL: "I can both make and spell béchamel!"
JM: "Fuck off, I'm going for a piss and a sandwich."
It will be MAGICAL, dear hearts.
JM: "Hi, I'm Jack Monroe, writer, activist, cook, 90% vegan, TV presenter, author, campaigner..."
CL: "Nice to meet you. I'm colouredlines, teacher, writer, internet bully, linguist, knitter, yogini, sewer..."
JM: "...recovering alcoholic, disabled person, double denim enthusiast, poet, dreamer, accidental conqueror of my own fears..."
CL: "I'm also a hiker, immigrant, crypto investor, bored hausfrau, protestor, educator, owner of a GAD diagnosis from a real doctor, AND I can dice an onion in under a minute."
JM: "I'm a washing machine operator!"
CL: "I was once on The Weakest Link!"
JM: "My granddad's dead!"
CL: "I can both make and spell béchamel!"
JM: "Fuck off, I'm going for a piss and a sandwich."
It will be MAGICAL, dear hearts.
TriviaNewtonJohn
VIP Member
The eye of sauron, is that you?
heretoreaditall2019
VIP Member
Loud exhale from me, don’t know if I should even write this but Jack’s cosplay of addiction is what keeps a lot of young people, particularly young women, out of recovery programs and I hate her for it.
You’re told to listen to the similarities not the differences from day dot. Everyone’s situation looks different, eg someone at 20 likely hasn’t lost a wife house and kids cos... they’re fucking 20 years old who has that at that point?! A woman won’t drink as much as a man cos we’ve literally got smaller bodies we can’t hold it in our tummies, there are people that drank shit tons of posh red wines and people that sniffed research chemicals they bought on the dark web, there’s really a vast breadth of experience out there but it all boils down the same mental health conditions & adverse responses that person chose to cope with them?
Jack’s recount of her tale just doesn’t make sense and is damaging (story of a lifetime ey!). You don’t need to drink 200 units a week, have lost it all, be hurting other people, etc etc to benefit from a recovery program. There’s so much more nuance to it all. Also labelling addicts as liabilities who hurt others is incredibly stigmatising.
Personally for me, I did very few of those things and I had very few amends to make. Yes I was a nightmare mate and a bit of a bitch but I was in my early 20s, most people are
Nothing would have stuck out marking me out to be a mentalist, if anything quite the opposite I had a gr8 life in terms of achievements (felt like shit inside tho) - I wasn’t like that bloke from jackass chewing pills and drinking home brew and stapling my ballbag to my forehead (a top 3 descriptor for me would probably be neek and it’s always been that way). I don’t think I ever drank more than 2 bottles of white wine in any one sesh, no idea what constitutes a unit either. I was just a really mentally unwell, very sad young woman with a ton of unprocessed trauma from childhood who was progressively getting worse, constantly blacking out, spending time with ppl I ultimately hated and didn’t care about me, and acquiring a penchant for drugs to boot. Again, not that unusual for a young 20 something living with other young people working in the industry I did but none of them would wake up feeling suicidal, paranoid, and constantly anxious - and they could all pass on a bender and I couldn’t. If I wanted the life I now have, it involved a lot of therapy & abstinence so down that road I went! It doesn’t need to be a big old am dram, I’m not “out” to all my friends but the best ones know and I have outed myself to 2 people I’ve worked with who’ve needed similar interventions. Shockingly it’s not in the Twitter bio!
It’s damaging for Jack to put this type of content out in the media (and arguably why two of the traditions focus on 1. Anonymity of self 2. Anonymity in press) because it provides a shield of denial to young women who may be wondering about their own drinking. The focus needs to be on how does drinking & drugging make you feel, how is it influencing your life and your ability to progress, play this forward 5/10 years and what do you think about that, not how much can you down and are you doing shots through the eyeball. Believe it or not there are perfectly healthy people doing the latter, just for fun!
Although I continue to be amazed despite those volumes she required no physical medical detox and has no lasting conditions cos some of the shit I’ve heard has given me panic attacks it’s so horrifically gory.
Jack’s recount of her tale just doesn’t make sense and is damaging (story of a lifetime ey!). You don’t need to drink 200 units a week, have lost it all, be hurting other people, etc etc to benefit from a recovery program. There’s so much more nuance to it all. Also labelling addicts as liabilities who hurt others is incredibly stigmatising.
Personally for me, I did very few of those things and I had very few amends to make. Yes I was a nightmare mate and a bit of a bitch but I was in my early 20s, most people are
Nothing would have stuck out marking me out to be a mentalist, if anything quite the opposite I had a gr8 life in terms of achievements (felt like shit inside tho) - I wasn’t like that bloke from jackass chewing pills and drinking home brew and stapling my ballbag to my forehead (a top 3 descriptor for me would probably be neek and it’s always been that way). I don’t think I ever drank more than 2 bottles of white wine in any one sesh, no idea what constitutes a unit either. I was just a really mentally unwell, very sad young woman with a ton of unprocessed trauma from childhood who was progressively getting worse, constantly blacking out, spending time with ppl I ultimately hated and didn’t care about me, and acquiring a penchant for drugs to boot. Again, not that unusual for a young 20 something living with other young people working in the industry I did but none of them would wake up feeling suicidal, paranoid, and constantly anxious - and they could all pass on a bender and I couldn’t. If I wanted the life I now have, it involved a lot of therapy & abstinence so down that road I went! It doesn’t need to be a big old am dram, I’m not “out” to all my friends but the best ones know and I have outed myself to 2 people I’ve worked with who’ve needed similar interventions. Shockingly it’s not in the Twitter bio!It’s damaging for Jack to put this type of content out in the media (and arguably why two of the traditions focus on 1. Anonymity of self 2. Anonymity in press) because it provides a shield of denial to young women who may be wondering about their own drinking. The focus needs to be on how does drinking & drugging make you feel, how is it influencing your life and your ability to progress, play this forward 5/10 years and what do you think about that, not how much can you down and are you doing shots through the eyeball. Believe it or not there are perfectly healthy people doing the latter, just for fun!
Although I continue to be amazed despite those volumes she required no physical medical detox and has no lasting conditions cos some of the shit I’ve heard has given me panic attacks it’s so horrifically gory.
Mr Krabs
VIP Member
Imagine being one of the professionals who've worked hard to prepare for that talk, and JM just turns up like
MancBee
VIP Member
I found out yesterday that the RSPB was created in Didsbury (a posh part of Manchester) by a group of women in 1889. They disliked the use of bird plumage in women's clothing and hats, so started a bird protection pressure group.
I love facts, me.
Hollaaa
VIP Member
What a fucking day. Had a lovely
earlier today and now this 
sending extra Dreamies for your stripey cat, @Pocahontas.
Oh and thank(space)you @Emmapism for the sweary thread title inspo.
all-clear mammogram
sending extra Dreamies for your stripey cat, @Pocahontas.Oh and thank(space)you @Emmapism for the sweary thread title inspo.
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PoorPatrol
VIP Member
She’ll be telling us her ‘I’m mad, me’ routine.
Wake up at 3am, work like a banshee. 03:30 put tea in slow cooker, put on Denis Nilsen costume for 20 hour workday on minimum wage. Tweet. Boil gruel for SB for hours (in its own juices). Accidentally conquer fears. 4am run through the house naked and wake everyone up. Tweet that I’m at my rented desk. Go back to sleep until 11:30-12 depending on whether or not I’m pretending to have SB
colouredlines
VIP Member
Here goes. The best of 2017 Jack, courtesy of the Wayback Machine. Broken pictures are due to problems with the archive. In any screenshot with multiple tweets, read bottom to top.
What was Jack like four years ago?
She had moved a mere 17 times...
...and she was pretending to be hygienic. We all saw that Del Monte chicken recipe!
Her arthritis was really bad - thank goodness that cleared up, eh?
Her Coming Out Scandal du jour? Prostitution.
This leads thematically to her best #ThatHappened of the time:
She still found time for a spot of begging, though.
She got drunk and destroyed her favourite bag:
Fair enough, she wasn't going to be able to afford a new one any time soon:
Oh dear.
A bit more begging, you say? Why not?
She got sick with an unspecified but disgusting illness.
...and she reminisced about her impoverished childhood. Too poor for an instrument, but not for ballet or karate.
Some things never change: she was as triggering as ever...
...and she couldn't spell.
That's our Jack:
Any final thoughts, Jack?
She had moved a mere 17 times...
...and she was pretending to be hygienic. We all saw that Del Monte chicken recipe!
Her arthritis was really bad - thank goodness that cleared up, eh?
Her Coming Out Scandal du jour? Prostitution.
This leads thematically to her best #ThatHappened of the time:
She still found time for a spot of begging, though.
She got drunk and destroyed her favourite bag:
Fair enough, she wasn't going to be able to afford a new one any time soon:
Oh dear.
A bit more begging, you say? Why not?
She got sick with an unspecified but disgusting illness.
...and she reminisced about her impoverished childhood. Too poor for an instrument, but not for ballet or karate.
Some things never change: she was as triggering as ever...
...and she couldn't spell.
That's our Jack:
Any final thoughts, Jack?
Orphan_Black
VIP Member
(Sorry, I couldn't resist)
heretoreaditall2019
VIP Member
Tbf whomst amongst us wouldn’t have a heart attack upon learning they’re being evicted by their sugar mama from their gorge West London mews
colouredlines
VIP Member
GARDEN JACK CHAOS ODDS:
* gets another splinter 1/2
* pricked by a rose 2/1
* nettle-related drama 2/1
* nettle-related drama followed by a nettle recipe 5/1
* nettle-related drama followed by the promise of a nettle recipe that never materialises 3/1
* stung by a bee, chaos ensues 3/1
* stung by a bee, develops deadly allergy 4/1
* chased by a swarm of bees and ends up getting hit by a car and having bee drama for the rest of her life 50/1 (Jameela Jamil got there first)
* stung by a bee, says "ouch" then laughs it off 50000000000/1
* feeds local wildlife something inappropriate 5/1
* hilariously mistakes a hose for a snake 6/1
* gets eaten by a venus fly trap 1000/1 (but a girl can dream...)
* gets another splinter 1/2
* pricked by a rose 2/1
* nettle-related drama 2/1
* nettle-related drama followed by a nettle recipe 5/1
* nettle-related drama followed by the promise of a nettle recipe that never materialises 3/1
* stung by a bee, chaos ensues 3/1
* stung by a bee, develops deadly allergy 4/1
* chased by a swarm of bees and ends up getting hit by a car and having bee drama for the rest of her life 50/1 (Jameela Jamil got there first)
* stung by a bee, says "ouch" then laughs it off 50000000000/1
* feeds local wildlife something inappropriate 5/1
* hilariously mistakes a hose for a snake 6/1
* gets eaten by a venus fly trap 1000/1 (but a girl can dream...)
MancBee
VIP Member
All this "I can eat spicier food than you" nonsense reminds me of the Goodness Gracious Me sketch "Going out for an English". For you younger Fruas that haven't seen it, it's worth a watch on YouTube. The Indian family all sit around in an English restaurant daring each other to eat the blandest food.
Jack reminds me of those awful cringeworthy people that go to an Indian restaurant and think it is some sort of a challenge to eat the spiciest food on the menu. She really is that sad.
As I've got a chilli allergy I rarely go to an Indian reastaurant. My allergy is a proper one, life threatening one, not a pouty liped hospital photograph one. After that girl died eating Pret sandwich, and another died here in Manchester after eating a takeaway, she should be ashamed of her performative hospital visit minimising the seriousness of a true allergy.
I woke up in a grump this morning. I am sure you lot will cheer me up soon enough.
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MancBee
VIP Member
I have spoken to a family member who lives in Birkenhead that has two senior school age children in different schools. This is causing havoc on facebook groups and SM over there. The kids don't break up until tomorrow and that parcel wasn't anything to do with FSM. The people that have provided it are really upset. (a well meaning informal charitable group of neighbours)
ETA, I have no proof of this, but I would be inclined to believe it knowing its source.
ETA, I have no proof of this, but I would be inclined to believe it knowing its source.
PunkyMonkey
Chatty Member
There are a number of red flags we look out for when attending allegedly life threatening situations. Taking photos of equipment and subsequently hospital wristbands for social media is a top three sign that the drama llama is in attendance.
MancBee
VIP Member
I have just read an article in the Guardian about not having to dress smartly when working from home. A few snippets from the article
Dressing down in a comfortable Dries van Noten tracksuit.
Wearing my Jimmy Choo flats to the doctors.
Don't know when I'll get back in my Monolos.
I wore my suits and silk blouses to impress and intimidate.
He misses his white linen suit the most.
These are in an article in a newspaper purporting to be left wing, a paper with it's roots in Manchester. This is a paper that Jack writes for.
No wonder she thinks she is poor, if her contemporaries in the media think having 5 or 6 pairs of gorgeous shoes in the cupboard for work purposes is normal. And I bet they are not from TK Max either!
By the way, what does a "humanitarian development consultant" actually do?
Dressing down in a comfortable Dries van Noten tracksuit.
Wearing my Jimmy Choo flats to the doctors.
Don't know when I'll get back in my Monolos.
I wore my suits and silk blouses to impress and intimidate.
He misses his white linen suit the most.
These are in an article in a newspaper purporting to be left wing, a paper with it's roots in Manchester. This is a paper that Jack writes for.
No wonder she thinks she is poor, if her contemporaries in the media think having 5 or 6 pairs of gorgeous shoes in the cupboard for work purposes is normal. And I bet they are not from TK Max either!
By the way, what does a "humanitarian development consultant" actually do?
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Congratulations to @Hollaaa for the thread title! 
Your prize: a sticky ribs Pot Noodle (it’s not obviously non-vegan). Enjoy.
Recap of last thread
Your prize: a sticky ribs Pot Noodle (it’s not obviously non-vegan). Enjoy.Recap of last thread
- If you missed the BBC Big Book Weekend live and fancy 45 minutes of waffling tedium, here it is.
- Jack is collaborating with the Bright Blue think tank.
- Nature Jack a-cometh. Hot follows.
- In honour of Jolly green Jack.
- We have some books sold figures.
- Plus some google search data.
- Her TedX talk for the NHS happened. @Veronicaa ‘s hot takes start here.
- The conversation isn’t over. 🤍
- ‘People have nooooo idea how hard you have to work to pull this off.’ (deleted)
-
[*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
[*]
Fruitjack
VIP Member
Thread title nomination
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
It would be my dream for her to be on Masterchef. Sadly she would step on glass/have multiple bees sting her lips/swallow a particularly sharp crisp the day before and have to bow out. The voice-overs for her dishes would run on forever.
'And Jack has cooked a spiralised egg, smoked cucumber, macerated liver, soft slow kipper and swollen lentil self-love stew with a bulgar wheat granita, peanut butter velouté, radiator-dried mushroom crackers, kale dust, a hyacinth pesto, freeze-dried seaweed crumble and a salad of eucalyptus leaves, custard, a single Del Monte pineapple slice, tea-pickled caviar, an entire punnet of cherry tomatoes and a gram of avocado topped with truffle shavings, yakitori seasoning and conceit.'
'And Jack has cooked a spiralised egg, smoked cucumber, macerated liver, soft slow kipper and swollen lentil self-love stew with a bulgar wheat granita, peanut butter velouté, radiator-dried mushroom crackers, kale dust, a hyacinth pesto, freeze-dried seaweed crumble and a salad of eucalyptus leaves, custard, a single Del Monte pineapple slice, tea-pickled caviar, an entire punnet of cherry tomatoes and a gram of avocado topped with truffle shavings, yakitori seasoning and conceit.'
Professor Slop
Active member
I get called Saffy by my mam and her friend. They both got divorced around the same time and I was the oldest of the 5 kids, so when they were drinking and letting their hair down I was the one babysitting 4 kids under 9. I was 11/12. Events around that time totally changed my character (been commented on from home videos before/after) yet it's still a hilarious joke.
I feel really sorry for SB having to be the parent - hopefully he can relax and be a kid at his dads.