Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag

[colouredlines]

Actually Jack's latest offering could pass for a Walliams book, no? "It's about a woman with dirty fingernails who pulls slimy hairs out of the drain to make crafts, then forces her son to eat endless bowls of slop."

 

[colouredlines]

I love these discussions by the way...so many interesting points of view, and all brought together because an attention seeker's son once asked "Where's Mummy's weetabix?"

 

[colouredlines]

That black spaghetti and sardine thing is an abomination, even by Jack’s standards.
Imagine if she’d had a Nigella-style TV series where at the end they show her friends cheerfully gathering at her table for a lovely meal and *that* is plonked in front of them. Imagine the horrified silence.
And imagine if she’d ever presented this kind of stuff to Allegra, an actual trained and successful chef who appears to understand flavour.
Jack’s recipes are so far below even the lowest bar out there, it’s embarrassing that she is still making a living (of sorts) in food.

This to me is the most fascinating thing about Jack. She's not just an average cook, she's actively terrible. Every single recipe has something wrong with it. Often it's the absolute basics: onions sitting around in cold oil, simmering pasta, never browning meat, not adding salt to bread...and of course the béchamel.

I reckon most adults can rustle up something edible. Jack can't. Her cooking skills aren't even average, they're wildly subpar - but this is how she makes a living?

It's particularly mad because cooking is a very basic skill. Sometimes I see sewing influencers who are a bit crap, but the vast majority of people don't sew and wouldn't notice the problems. But we all cook! We all eat! We all know what nice food looks like...and as Jack said to Marcus in her Down With The Kids phase, "That ain't it."

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I like how she took the opportunity to sneak in a shot of her bra and breasts. Might just be me but if I'm unwell enough to be in hospital
I'm probably not going to be in the mood for taking thirsty AF cleavage shots.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Also, wrt her awakening the sentient brand that is Pot Noodle, I can't help but wonder .... why is she so much better at advertising the things she's NOT being paid to advertise?

 

[LavaFlake]

Comparing google results / press coverage for campaign outcomes for Jack versus her “peers” Jamie Oliver and Marcus Rashford.

It’s almost as if she’s done... fuck all.

Every time I see that headline where she says working in a supermarket is her backup plan it makes me fume! Snobby little Tory maverick!

 

[Pantomimehorse]

Do call handlers slide down the pole ?

 

[Pocahontas]

The only thing we can say with certainty is true is that she likes a Pot Noodle.

 

[AlexAC]

Squid ink was once described to me by a
cephalopod expert as “tactical escape jizz” and I’ve never looked at black pasta the same way since

 

[bladiesla]

Let's be the change (or just give me yours)

Apparently being the change means tweeting platitudes. Because we know that solves poverty (just an idea to bring to the Tory think tank)

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Very vaguely on topic - being vegan doesn't mean you love all animals, I absolutely hate octopuses. I was fine with them existing in the ocean as I never go in the ocean but then I saw videos of them walking on land and - not to be dramatic - I would die on the spot if I saw an octopus slithering towards me. Horrifying. Not that they're going to turn up in the queue at my local Tesco with a basket of frozen cod or climb the stairs to my flat and post themselves through my letterbox but it does freak me out. Squid are chill though.




ETA: Jack come back, we're talking about cephalopods ffs.

 

[Emmapism]

Wow @colouredlines that's amazing all put together.

'I wrote a book on managing money

BUT ALSO

'my card declined £15 shopping in Co-op'

'i work 40 hours a week'

BUT ALSO

'i work 80 hours a week'

The lies the lies the lies gif

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Are they all done billowing smoke up each others arses? What did she say that was -takes glasses off to wipe away non existent tear- inspirational? What is she actually doing? I'm so fed up with hearing about all the good she does and how inspirational she is, but never see any result? Just a bunch of Twitter am drams

 

[colouredlines]

Also from the archive...read bottom to top:

Is kicking someone in the shins has literally saved my life too long for a thread title?

 

[colouredlines]

Whenever I see Jack praising meat or fish I think of her 'I've gone vegan and no looking back' takes, like this one: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jan/28/jack-monroe-meat-vegan-food-ingredients

I understood myself: the discomfort, the guilt, the addiction, the naughty thrill of a packet of bacon in the fridge, the promises to myself that it would be the last time. I behaved like an addict, with no thought for those I might have been hurting, just seeking my next high, my next slow-roasted pork belly, chicken skin caesar salad, slow bone broth. I hung out with friends who would indulge me, encourage me. And I needed to stop.

Meat Addict Jack makes me doubt Alcoholic Jack even more. Anyone who has lived with an alcoholic -or anyone who IS an alcoholic, I'm sure - would see this as an outrageously crass comparison.

 

[Pocahontas]

I mean, some of us became avid readers because of the literary greats. Some of us just looked for smut.

Spoiler: Otherwise known as

Judy Blume

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

I have had struggles with alcohol myself, and after a particularly bad breakup it became an issue so I gave up for a few months to get myself back on track, I just told friends /colleagues etc it was a health kick, I was shocked at work events especially when people were trying to force me to drink/pretending things were just a tonic water not a g and t etc, I would never dream of doing anything similar

I know men who refuse to include a non-alcoholic drink in their round.

In Ireland, a woman not taking a drink is regarded as a pregnancy announcement. Even a reason given like "I'm on antibiotics" is argued - "but you're grand on amoxillin!" I like a drink, but this really appals me. I think it's to do with the drinkers being afraid that their behaviour is being called into question, and worse, that it will be remembered with clarity and judgement by the non-drinker the next day. Anything but taking a look at themselves.

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

I like them. Their intelligence is such a mystery to scientists that they see them as being like aliens. Check this out...

(btw, panic over, Mackie‘s tweeting again!)

View attachment 498098

This one always makes me laugh

 

[HBF1991]

I've only just discovered who Jack Monroe is and find this person to be extremely vile and horrid.

 

[LavaFlake]

...and one more.

2014. 2014. Has anyone in human history ever developed so little over so many years?!

View attachment 500604

These Tweets are like Jack's greatest hits. Checking off:

Didn't happen (then everyone clapped)
Dead Gramp's uninhabitable guest house
HOWLING
Ouchie mouths

Thankyou for doing the Lord's work through WayBack Machine @colouredlines