Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[Ellabella]

the Patron Saint of Oversharing.

The Patreon Saint of Oversharing.

 

[lipsticktaser]

Fellow hasufrau, I want to say thank you. All this chat about MH and recovery, hobbies and charlatans has made me reflective. I'm been spending the lockdown thinking about myself (how JM) and have begun taking tentative steps towards my PGED in primary education. I'm hoping to start next year. I'm the same age as JM and looking as her house of cards begin to fall, I felt sorry for her. She's buggered when this is over. I've not been in work for a while so my skills are dated. I begun thinking about what makes me happy and fulfilled. My daughter has had a gorgeously supportive teacher who has made a real impact on her confidence, education and overall happiness. Wouldn't it be great to be able to help like that?
As we broke down JM's lies and how she doesn't actually help, it made me realise I did. My priority would be to move into working with disadvantaged children, or those who need help outside mainstream education. Without seeing some mirroring of myself, I don't think I'd ever taken the time to figure this out. I still want to be able to take my daughter to clubs and not be rushed. I want to be able to feel fulfilled and I don't want to be 38 when she finishes school and be entering the workforce at the bottom.
So I'd like to reiterate that thank you for giving this internet troll the confidence to move on from housewife life. Like I said tentative steps. I think I need to brush up on some stuff and I'm trying to get some classroom experience. Be the change you want to see, not a grifter in socialist clothing.
I best learn how to proof read.

 

[MancBee]

I have struggled with MH my whole adult life. I have met so many people like JM within group sessions I've attended over the years. Always trying to outdo each other with their tales of woe. If one person said they were reckless with money while on a high and spent a thousand, someone else would have spent two thousand. If someone had tried suicide they would be lining up to say they had tried numerous times, and they were so much closer to death. It is awful.There was a badge of honour for the person taking the most medication. It got to the point where I wouldn't contribute as I always felt my depression was not as worthy as theirs.
One to one counselling is by far the best option, and there needs to be so much more money spent by the NHS on this.
When I am having a bad day, even eating a bowl of cereal seems an effort not worth making. Everything seems to be overwhelming and the thought of attempting a new recipe that could go horribly wrong would never enter my head. That is ignoring the fact that the food she produces in her books looks like it has already been eaten once and chucked back up.
And as for being poor, she hasn't got a fuckin clue. I won't go into detail, or I would be as bad as her. Except to say, I am living in a bedsit with a 2mX2m kitchen and no outside space whilst being told I need to be shielding because my t cell count is on the floor. Then to read her woe is me tales just makes so angry. And I am not feeling sorry for myself, I have at least got a roof over my head and have managed to get deliveries of food. You lot have brightened my days and have got me laughing out loud.
Sorry for the diatribe, she just makes me so angry, hanging on the coattails of poverty.
My opinion based on experience.

 

[Peachy9]

Once.. ONCE I forgot to get food in for breakfast. Still not sure what happened, but just one of those things where everything had run out and the shop wasn't coming until that evening. I could have looked for a bag of sugar and sprinkled it on an old dry bap, but why would I send my child to school as high as a kite and starving an hour later?
We ended up having a Sainso cafe fry up- she was 4 at the time, and demolished it all. She still talks about it now age 6 as being the "best day of my life"

 

[Mel Donte]

Real subtle, Jack

 

[PennyLoafer]

Working up a little TV sponsor project to pitch to Smeg in my role as Jack's imaginary agent. Still at an early stage, but with inspiration from Dani Dyer.

Current idea revolves around the strapline 'Whatever happens, you'll always smell Beggy with Smeggy'. Plan is to have a special guest each week who interacts with Jack as she prepares one of her signature dishes in the shed. Pilot episode filmed today with James Corden, He was a great sport, and really adored the new weekly challenge - 'Is this Anchovy paste, or something else?'. Any ideas for other guests? 1 million plus blue tickers only please.

Brilliant, @Saturn. !
PS Your excellent work here did not go unnoticed...

 

[Mel Donte]

And coming from someone who only uses stock pits when she’s being fancy, you would think a Smeg wouldn’t be her cup of tea at all

We should make a list of what Jack does and doesn't define as fancy or too expensive. Here's what I've got so far

FANCY
Capers
Fresh lemon
Stock pots
Cream teas
Houses with more than one story
Paying staff during lockdown
Testing recipes


NOT FANCY
Capers again, somehow
Smeg products
Burberry coats
Penhaligon's perfume
Visiting the Groucho
Having three freezers
Trips to Devon in the Land Rover

 

[Bellybutton lint]

BREAKING! After 'loss of taste' is added to the list of Coronavirus symptoms, the government advises self-isolation for anyone who has recently cooked a recipe of JM's.

 

[NP]

Thread title suggestion.
Jack Monroe #17 - The shed is dead, shaved her head, on the beg for a left-hand Smeg

 

[Harrybosch]

Oddly enough I think how vocal vegans can be helped her because it fired up her followers to be just as if not more vociferous in return. She seems to do very well under extreme pressure like that - she goes into keyboard warrior defence mode and loves angrily talking about herself. If that fails revert to something something mental health something trolls something privilege. She knows the buttons the press.

It’s also why these threads confound her - her shadiness being exposed brick by brick is not anything she can counter with angry word salad.

It's so infuriating. But I can't argue with those idiots.

JM posted an image of her and her son drinking soya or almond milk with the caption that there was no cruelty in their house. I hate those types of posts, I don't think they entice anyone who isn't vegan to try plant milks and just make the poster sound smug. The not so subtle subtext is 'I'm a caring individual, whereas you are a cruel monster'.

The problem is, once you have chosen to look into the dairy industry and decided that it is cruel, how can you go back from that so enthusiastically? The amount of butter she puts in everything, it's crazy! I get it, being vegan isn't easy for everyone and I am genuinely delighted by anyone who tries to include more plants in their diet. But don't go full-on preachy 'it's all for the animals' and then change your mind a few months later. It genuinely makes no sense at all. I am vegan because of the animals and it's a strongly held belief of mine. I don't think it is ethical to eat animals. I'm happy to disagree with the vast majority of the population on this and I absolutely can be friends with people who don't hold that belief. But I find it fucking offensive when someone claims to share that belief and then goes back on it with no explanation or remorse whatsoever.

 

[Mel Donte]

Jack Monroe: 'My back-up plan is to go back to working at the supermarket'

The cook and campaigner talks about growing up in a house full of foster children, her large appetite, and why she doesn’t take her career for granted

www.theguardian.com

Long time listener, first time caller. I feel at home in the JM threads!

When did she work at a supermarket? That's another one for the timeline.

Her comments about going on testosterone in that article made me really angry. "I never wished to transition to be a man, I just wanted to knock some of my edges off. " Fuck absolutely off. I had a friend take her own life whilst on the waiting list for the gender identity clinic because she couldn't cope with living in a body that appeared male.

 

[Bellybutton lint]

I find it telling that she assumes people are buying items without a plan or idea as to how to consume them.

Exactly. She treats people like they are stupid and don't know what they are doing. If someone actually said that to me I'd drop a nasty fart bomb and smile happily.

For all us Tatties on here (both male and female and other) we have been recognized on Urban Dictionary. You are loved

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

At least Peta had the good sense not to list hers.
Some nice looking books there too.

22 Vegan Cookbooks That Will Change Your Cooking Game | PETA

We're pretty confident that these fantastic vegan cookbooks can make your culinary dreams come true. We're also sure that you won't get through this list without drooling on your computer.

www.peta.org

Yes, 2 separate reviews from tin can cook.

You’ve inspired me to have a nose, 6% of them are 1 star which is pretty good going all things considered. The 1 star section is comedy gold though, thank you, very much needed after scarcely sleeping last night. I will say in fairness when you look at the contributed photos there’s a real 50/50 split between people that have made a success of it and people who’ve created legit vomit.

THIS MAN however, has dared to insult our cult classique, the grated reconstituted meat stuff:

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

It’s such a shame we’re in lockdown so we can’t hear some completely fabricated tale about how everyone’s favourite cockney urchin went to a Smeg stockist & was shot down by the sales assistant who heard her “common as muck” accent (her words not ours) and instantly suggested a toaster may be more in budget. She’d proceed to buy 3 toasters & 3 fridges just to show her that actually, daddy’s a landlord darling and this is going through company books anyway x

 

[PineappleQueen19]

She had NO IDEA the blackboard one was still available! Not a clue! So incredible!




Next thread suggestion:

Fridge truthers: the case of the great Smeg beg

 

[PennyLoafer]

Quiz time! Which of these is more thirsty?

 

[PineappleQueen19]

People who viewed her book on eBay via that link also looked at a book about the positives of being a narcissist.

Hi Jack

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

Grrrrr

Fuelling your reserve tank: Jack Monroe on the best foods to boost your mood

Jack Monroe shares the mood-lifting foods that can be good for mental health and have been scientifically proven to help support brain function.

www.panmacmillan.com

Reading this has made me mad. She spends paragraphs talking about how therapy has changed her life, and improved her relationship with herself. Then offers to the poor people (the non-multi-deal-cookbook-authors like us!) the sage advice of here, eat this, it does something. Eat that, it does something else!

Seriously, fuck you Jack Monroe.

I've desperately Googled years ago all of the foods I could eat that could nip away at the endless black hole of depression I had fallen into. The fundamental issue when you have depression however is the complete and overwhelming apathy to absolutely everything... Including your own health, mental or otherwise. If it were so easy to change or improve our depression or episodes with changing diet, then I am sure many of us would have happily already jumped on to that bandwagon.

The truth is, this is something *she* can sell to us, because food is her thing. The truth is, the vast majority of people in the UK cannot get free access to counselling via the NHS, and therefore the real thing that has helped her, is out of reach for many of us.

Eating a bit of spinach and a banana a day hasn't helped with her mental health. It's having her (THREE!) therapists on hand when she's having a wobbly moment. It's having somewhere, and someone to talk to, and guide you through those moments.

It's entirely deceitful for her to pretend otherwise.

 

[Bellybutton lint]

I will start

Author
Telly presenter
Cookery lecturer
Sex worker
Chippy girl
Nightclub shot pourer

Burger flipper
Barista
Sex worker
Sunday School teacher
Nightclub shots server
Chippy worker
Fire service control room operator
Campaigner
Activist
Political commentator
Food writer
Journalist

(All her words, not mine)

Didn't she also have some belt in self defense?

@Flumps Is still lost at seedaholic I think. Don't worry Flumps, I'm coming to save you.

Hello, hello Jack? You know that recipe for your spunked lasagna?

JM wasn't picked up for any more telly shows. More barf oat recipes coming.

Did you really cook that yak white chocolate fruit tray bake?

Not the tinned peach chick pea curry again.

Matt, Matt Tebbutt, is that you? Have you rolled up your sleeves?

2 fruit salad with curry and make it snappy

 

[Bellybutton lint]

“Bootstring chef”(sic)

SACK THE PR

How I howled over that.

You won't last an hour. If she said that to me when I was at the checkout, I would tell her to go blow a goat.