Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[Bellybutton lint]

Fresh lemon? Fancy!

No camp stove cooking with Jack?

I'll have the salad bag pesto. And a self love stew.

Kale salad. Lets all shit ourselves with joyous abandon

If it isn't in a tin, it isn't worth having.

I'm out of tinned peaches.

Afternoon tea? Fancy

I'm a cookery writer, I cook for depressipes.
Buy my book and skip along for you are supporting me.

I'm sorry but I am immune compromised and simply cannot go out to buy 18 L of paint today

OMG, my anchovy paste, it made my ovaries move north to Alaska.

 

[HarderFaster]

So just to clarify... she's put - in an actual book - a "recipe" for cacio e pepe that involves... rinsed spaghetti hoops?

Fuck. Me.

As someone who's only just at the tail end of the worst and longest depressive episode of my life, and without even delving into the sheer disrespect for Italian food, I can tell Jack that washing a sieve is the most thankless task in all of kitchendom and thus recommending it to those in the pit is like a person with legs telling a snake to run.

 

[The Devils Arse]

Just had lunch, not a huge event but cut my own salad leaves. Have been enjoying them for the last couple of weeks, they are a mixture of leaves that are cut and come again.

You cut your own salad leaves? I think you are on the wrong thread. In this thread we wait until they are starting to rot, shove them in a jar with some jif lemon juice (not real lemon juice as this is not the thread for fancy people) and leave them in a bit longer.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Of

Well, well well what have we here then! View attachment 133819

I think you meant irrelevant, not irreverent.

and a quick peruse of their website shows you can nominate yourself...

 

[lipsticktaser]

The only time I’ve had food that I’d imagine is worse than Jacks, is when I was in hospital having my daughter. The Portland it was not. It was seriously grim, you could hold a door open with the omelette.
Prisoners are fed better more nutritious food than that. That’s the thing, if you’re broke and have kids you want the cheapest most nutritious food. Toast and beans has fibre, carbs and protein. Chuck some chopped veg at the side if you have it.
Pasta, pesto and some frozen peas and sweetcorn. Simple is best. If people with low incomes are her target market, then they don’t have the disposable income to try peach curry.
I also take umbrage with her pricing. Yes a portion may work out at £1.20 but what supermarket is selling you 1 tbsp at a time.
Common sense would be to do a book along the lines of :
1) How to build a stock cupboard. What spices are you most going to use. How to use them. Seasoning. Oils and vinegars or alternatives.
2) Highlight the most bang for your buck in terms of food products. iE is pasta better than rice, or potatoes as a carb. Best cheap cuts of meat. The best lentil to buy that can be used in various dishes.
3) Recipes that use these Ingredients to make simple Family meals.
4) How to round up or down how many people it’s for. Is it for one ok do this but you should still make al the stock up. For 8 you should maybe add x for more depth of flavour.
5) how to turn the leftovers into another meal.
6) how to store the food you have and leftover for longevity in order to make money stretch.


No one wants a washed bean. A stew can become a Ragu with some tweaks.
People using foodbanks won’t have what she’s selling. People trying to save money and low income don’t want to waste cash. I wonder if the publishers try the recipes in her book. Her success rate seems to be one or two decent ones per book. That’s 14 over 7 books. It’s abysmal. And we’ll just skirt past the plagiarism because that’s a rant for another day.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I live in a very hot part of Australia, so ignore a lot of this tbh Bread goes in the freezer though because it's nicer than if it's been in the fridge. Potatoes go in the fridge, but I don't buy great sacks of them. They ferment rapidly if put in a cupboard - delightful! When I was in the UK we had one of those potato bags you can buy at the poundshop *so fancy* which worked well

Blimey, you've got a long commute to come to court

 

[PoorPatrol]

If you look on her old insta, 3 weeks after the hunger hurts post that made her famous, she’s using an iPhone to take her pictures, eating decent food, has a job, and gets two cats. Who the fuck gets two cats when they have to pawn their kid’s toys?? Cats and their food and litter are expensive. Also just looking at that original posts, that repetitive thing of “a gift from a friend”. Everything’s a gift, just in case someone asks if she bought it and puts her as not being skint. Oh just fffsssss

 

[chocolate choux]

Bravely fighting the trolls nips first!

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PS Jack, re. 'caveat'...

“I just like the photo and want to share it without the big speech for once”

But she basically just gave a big speech?

 

[PennyLoafer]

The Patreon Saint of Oversharing.

Future thread title right there!

 

[HarderFaster]

Genuinely wish I had the chutzpah to bullshit my way to seven publications in an area I had so little knowledge or competence in.

 

[PineappleQueen19]

Looks like it was a different fridge on Daily Kitchen. Can't believe Jack's turned me into a fridge truther.

Which would mean that the gifted Smeg lasted three months and she didn’t get it repaired...

So now we’re tracking not only her jobs, her ailments, her engagements.. but now also the timeline of her fucking white goods. No ones life can be this complicated.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

As I said I saved 2 yrs for my SMEG, when I got it I bought from their outlet store (small scratch on side !)I have no other designer things.... clothes or house accessories, so kind of blowing some theories out the water You also get newer different versions, so mine has a 3 drawer freezer and normal size fridge. I do think they are style over substance but I love mine

Still cannot believe she has (so far) done nothing on Mental Health Week. As I said previously it seems weird when that’s what her book is centred around? Woke up to this email today (when will we get an eyeroll reaction emoji?!)

I have a Smeg oven (double one - fancy ). It's my pride and joy, after I left (escaped) my eldest son's dad it was my present to myself for my new home. It cost more than my car at the time did and I scrimped money each month to pay for it. Worth every penny to me and will always be a symbol of my independence and freedom from that relationship
Can't say looking at something, knowing I got it because I was just a massive fucking beg-a-smeg (thank you so much for that phrase ) would have the same feeling.
Up yours Jack.

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Doncha know, we are Hausfraus and we rock. Stand tall sista.

Tip me, patreon me or just give me fucking money you peon.

A flask full of fishy ramen noodles in the tent. Yes of course.

THAT MAN - it's jollef rice all over again

Just bung it in...

Pull up a chair and let me tell you about Jackanoshy

Black tea in recipes, I invented it.

ASDA has run out of bottled lemon. I must use fresh.

 

[MarmiteExtract]

Ooh I’ve just noticed I’ve become a VIP member! Thanks Jack — I should probably dedicate this to you.

 

[PennyLoafer]

Bravely fighting the trolls nips first!

PS Jack, re. 'caveat'...

 

[Peachy9]

Fluffernut sounds like a behind the scenes role in adult entertainment

 

[Flumps]

I love Elizabeth David's books, such a good read, I have a little collection of them.
Her life story is fascinating isn't it?
I love her attitude.

Yes, imagine she was an amazing woman. Very inspiring.

A v different story, but my great aunt travelled to China as a missionary nurse (trained at Great Ormond Street and St Thomas') several years before the start of WW2. She ended up interred in a Japanese POW camp there, then after the war sailed to America for a while, then eventually back to England and set up home with her female 'companion' in Cornwall, and eventually lived to be 100. Women of that much stricter era who defied the expectations of everyone around them and forged their own paths are just brilliant. My aunt used to expect the same of me. I remember her buying me a copy of 'A Brief History of Time' for my 10th or 11th birthday because I'd told her I was interested in science. She used to quiz me on it whenever I saw her. I have a few of her things now including her Chinese-English dictionary (complete with her own annotations and index). She was wonderful.

 

[Mel Donte]

Thread title suggestion for any Red Dwarf fans in the room:

Yet another shameless beg, proving herself to be a right Smeg-head

 

[PoorPatrol]

Fresh lemon? Fancy!

View attachment 131653

No camp stove cooking with Jack?
View attachment 131654

I'll have the salad bag pesto. And a self love stew.
View attachment 131656

Kale salad. Lets all shit ourselves with joyous abandon

View attachment 131657

If it isn't in a tin, it isn't worth having.

View attachment 131659

I'm out of tinned peaches.

View attachment 131661

Afternoon tea? Fancy
View attachment 131662

I'm a cookery writer, I cook for depressipes.
Buy my book and skip along for you are supporting me.

View attachment 131666

I'm sorry but I am immune compromised and simply cannot go out to buy 18 L of paint today

View attachment 131673

OMG, my anchovy paste, it made my ovaries move north to Alaska.

View attachment 131675

I am literally wheezing at these pics and captions

Jack chucking her walking stick on the floor and running towards her next fiancée

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Another good one. Glad at least some people are calling her out.

View attachment 132866

Monroe is really a piece of work.

From a girl called Jack

My favourite one: