Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[BeautifulTrauma]

But Jack, if your fridge has broken and you’ve made 3k of cheesy mash, we all know there would be pictures everywhere.

We all know you’d be checking your warranty or calling for repairs. Not having a manic episode of using everything in the fridge.

Instead we’ve got her booby photos, trying to be Nigella again. It’s one big massive lie, the fridge isn’t broken you just wanted some attention as usual. Lies lies lies Jack.

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

I put some potatoes in the fridge a couple of months ago. I don't know why I did it, but I think part of my brain thought it would be a good idea.

It was a terrible idea. I got a bag of really soft and squidgy unusable brown lumps that leaked potato juice everywhere. (I was wrong, and I have duly learnt from this)

Also, I will admit now I once got into a very heated argument with someone who kept putting their full loaves of bread in a (standard size) fridge that had to be shared between six people. I will happily argue this point with anyone else who thinks this is correct, because it's not. You're wrong.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Consider it done. Taking inspiration from my redaction mentor, @Breakdance Badass I have struck the salient text from the record in perpetuity,

How did you even do that?? When MI6 finally track me down, I’m calling you!!

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

Oh God, why?

 

[Readingismyhobby]

Oh God, why?

Oh God, why?

The vom was for the photo!

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Oh God, why?

One word. Attention.

 

[PennyLoafer]

Quiz time! Which of these is more thirsty?

 

[lipsticktaser]

She is totally fishing. Looking for validation in all the wrong places. Can’t cook, I’m still a hoot. Hey pervs look at my boobs.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Guys I must admit I store them in my fridge. However I am now making some changes

Me too! Everyday's a school day on Tattle

 

[Bellybutton lint]

But Jack, if your fridge has broken and you’ve made 3k of cheesy mash, we all know there would be pictures everywhere.

We all know you’d be checking your warranty or calling for repairs. Not having a manic episode of using everything in the fridge.

Instead we’ve got her booby photos, trying to be Nigella again. It’s one big massive lie, the fridge isn’t broken you just wanted some attention as usual. Lies lies lies Jack.

3 k of cheesy mash with 1 k of butter. I feel the poo building up in my arteries just thinking about it

 

[Hunty]

Oh God, why?

Oh Jaysus LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, I NEED ATTENTION, GIVE ME ALL YOUR ATTENTION, She is such a try hard wannabe 'influencer'.

I bet her dms are full of dodgy msgs from weirdos offering her plenty of their vitamin D most probably that Stuart guy from her twitter if he is on insta

 

[LennyBriscoe]

@LennyBriscoe Noooooo! You’re a hard bitten NYC Detective, who’s been around the block a few times, battling some inner demons, with a plethora of zingy one liners, a fine singing voice and a lot of alimony to pay.

You do not suffer fools gladly, and you certainly do NOT have a school girl crush on Dominic Raaaab!

This was what I needed! I do not need enabling ! I’m going cold turkey, I’m watching no more briefings and I’ll staying away from the Honeys page. I can do this

 

[Bellybutton lint]

That’s right, Jack. You don’t know how to store vegetables and you are doing something wrong here

My mum told me when I was really little that spuds turn to poison in the fridge, along with bananas.

I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Tomatoes should never see the inside of a fridge.

Furthermore, tomatoes should never be purchased from a shop if you can grow your own. Toms should be room temp, or sun ripened, with salt.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I absolute hate Raab, I shout at him and call him a lying bullshitting piece of tit every time he does a bloody Corona briefing.... and yet.... and yet! He’s got a little arrogant prickish something-something that I find quite sexy I hate myself. Can that be blacked out from the court transcript please? Your honour, I hereby petition the court to have the aforementioned Raab crush redacted, as it will cause irrevocable damage to my reputation.

I don’t even listen to him speak, as you say there’s that...something, that arrogance. I think now I’ve got it off my chest I’ll be ok

 

[Bellybutton lint]

She could use her shed for storage.

Wasn't there a fridge in her shed? The one should put those magnetic spice jars on?

Book seven, holy tit do we have an awkward and inappropriate theme for that yet?

Slop(ish)

 

[chocolate choux]

If her fridge is broken, where is she storing the 3kg of cheesy mash? She won’t be going through that quickly if Louisa isn’t around. Is mash easily freezed? Never tried that myself but seen in the shops that it’s portioned up potato croquette style. How would one go about portioning it and freezing it so it doesn’t all stick together? I’m interested

 

[Bellybutton lint]

If her fridge is broken, where is she storing the 3kg of cheesy mash? She won’t be going through that quickly if Louisa isn’t around. Is mash easily freezed? Never tried that myself but seen in the shops that it’s portioned up potato croquette style. How would one go about portioning it and freezing it so it doesn’t all stick together? I’m interested

Thing is, spuds are pretty inexpensive. I can't see myself (and I don't have 3 freezers like JM) freezing mashed potato and using up freezer space. I'm not snobby but seems kinda pointless.

 

[PennyLoafer]

Wasn't there a fridge in her shed? The one should put those magnetic spice jars on?


Slop(ish)

For Book 7, I'm thinking 'Visible Food for Invisible Illnesses'.

Or she's going to zip up her boots and go back to her roots and produce a book of Greek-Cypriot/Northern Irish fusion recipes. Surprised she hasn't already done that, to be honest. Jack, if you're reading - you're welcome!

 

[Bellybutton lint]

I don't believe her fridge broke after a year. Sorry, I don't buy it. Another attention woe is me moan to garner sympathy. I have a hangover today

For Book 7, I'm thinking 'Visible Food for Invisible Illnesses'.

Or she's going to zip up her boots and go back to her roots and produce a book of Greek-Cypriot/Northern Irish fusion recipes. Surprised she hasn't already done that, to be honest. Jack, if you're reading - you're welcome!

Penns, you are simply hilarious. xx Visible food for Invisible illnesses is brilliant.

What number is this one coming out? 5 or 6?

 

[PoorPatrol]

I don’t even listen to him speak, as you say there’s that...something, that arrogance. I think now I’ve got it off my chest I’ll be ok

Yeah, it’s that come hither ‘I despise you and hold in total contempt’ look that gets me going. I’m doomed