Jack Monroe #126 Dangling her fl*ps over a Cotswold sideboard like none of it matters

[Harrybosch]

I've silently, gently and softly set up this thread while Princess Poca is sleeping. Thread title by @Incywincy

Mini recap.

JM has/hasn't severe/long/no Covid.

Birthday cakes made by her are linked to fanny-proximity. https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...eted-it-deleted-it.12873/page-24#post-3336607

She is too busy with book deadlines to work with Marcus, which is surely the only reason he's partnered with Tom Kerridge.

Her accountant is her SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER!

She needs help with her accounts, but not the help anyone suggests, because she's completed it, mate.

Caroline has hands.

Here's a great recap of Kickstarter finances, complete with envelope costing deep dive.

Jack Monroe #125 Tweeted it, completed it, deleted it

Could bee. Here to defend his pal David Walliams Nah @Sideboard Bob is well funny, can’t be him

tattle.life

 

[traumatised sideboard]

She LIVES in 2002 which is highly embarrassing. I have to assume that's when she peaked and she's never mentally progressed past that point.

That reminds me, I'm going to go full Jack with a joke that is both untimely and a terrible pun. I'm sorry, I simply must.

Q: What's Jack's favourite film?

Spoiler: A:

Glove Actually

 

[Lisbon]

She has listed 29 songs as "some of her faves"

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Sorry I'm late (felt unwell and had to go to bed early last night, it didn't even involve any alcohol I'm just getting old and falling apart) but happy new year from everyone at Slopbot HQ!

She would probably attempt to belt out Whitney Houston 'I Will Always Love You' at her wedding. And Iiiiiieeeeeeeiiiiiiiieeeeeiiiii will alwaaaaays love MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Beautiful. Brings a tear to the eye just to think of it.

Also 'we've had corona in the house' makes it sound like a house guest or some sort of insect infestation that hasn't actually directly affected the people in the house at all.

 

[kachoochoo]

holy crap lads! just went to reply to a text from my dad, only to discover that on new year's eve, I somehow managed to send him The List! I'd copied and pasted it for here and somehow I'd pasted it into a picture message! I'm absolutely dying of mortification here!

think I'll just not mention it.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Reminder of how Jack Monroe donates food:

Yes, that is her handwriting.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Imagine if Louisa Compton (head of news at Channel 4) was equally as pass-ag about Jack on Twitter: “Twitter fam, imagine being with a smol idiot who is so bad with money they pretend to need a Go Henry card LOLZ ”

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

She had short COVID.

She had NO-VID.

 

[Harrybosch]

Please, please, send me the good I paid for. You are so wonderful.

 

[Pocahontas]

So the new book is ‘Modern B—————‘

Modern Butter and Why I Don’t Buy It

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Delete spree history

 

[Turnsoutlittlemonkeyfella]

At least Nan knows how old he is.

 

[Harrybosch]

It took her a long time, given that I used Harry Bosch as my twitter account too, but its it's finally happened.

 

[Incywincy]

Awks

 

[Veronicaaa]

U N B E A R A B L E Jack is back!

She has to centre herself in *everything*.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

What does it mean?

think it’s “I am a narc who thinks every article is about me, and also want to use current trendy words to show how edgy I am. Yeet”

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

I cannot WAIT to see what her exceptions to the ‘no-spend’ year are

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Oh god imagine her getting up with a mic before the first dance “hi I’m Jack Monroe, cook, author, activist, bride, and accidental conquerer of my fears now when I sing you this song. I haven’t sang in 10 years since I had to sell my piano, except for all the other times I have sang”

 

[Alansbigplate]

Umm. I could dangle it over a bowl of chocolate and promise you that I will never, EVER, make trifle?

Don’t do it!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Can openers. Completed it, mate.