Jack Monroe #126 Dangling her fl*ps over a Cotswold sideboard like none of it matters

[Sideboard Bob]

Jack Monroe's Modern Cooking Budget Handbook by Dr. Jack Monroe with a foreword by J. Monroe, aged 32 and 5/6 and photographs provided by Jack Monroe 5'1.7".

Do you think she has one of those embossing label makers that she goes round the house with to ensure nobody else touches her possessions? Jack Monroe's pens FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY!!!, Jack Monroe's mushroom dust, Jack Monroe's fish hoard, Jack Monroe's Brexit tin thief etc.

When she tweets the link to her recipes “Jack Monroe Twitter, By Jack Monroe, on the website of Jack Monroe etc etc“, it always reminds me of this -

 

[Alansbigplate]

Oh my days...that’s like ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’...in other news, @Alansbigplate, I would pay to see Jack face swapped with Mr. Nicholson in ‘The Shining’...

How much?

 

[bazzam]

I thought she said she wrote “A girl called Jack” on her phone (not by hand)? I’m sure she had some overblown anecdote about it.

Do us all a favour cooper, and crap on it.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Randomly came across this snippet from a poem by Jenny Jacobs, had to share

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

Oh Vlad! I don't even live in Burnley.

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Chapter 3 - Hang On, Where Did Those Brexit Tins Go?

Chapter 4 - How to store your tins in a cotswold sideboard so your neighbours don’t think you’re a povvo cosplay urchin guvnor

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

Modern Bottom Inspectors

How many cake's that worth?

 

[Alansbigplate]

nothing against the actual band just think it's hardly an edgy, alternative or original idea for a huge tattoo.

It clearly means something to her. She does loads of tit that needs banged on about for pages but liking a middle of the road band from slightly before her time ain’t as bad as any of it

 

[SoulRebel]

nothing against the actual band just think it's hardly an edgy, alternative or original idea for a huge tattoo.

I don't understand a lot of the tattoo talk. I like having tattoos done and no doubt people may think that my big lotus flowers on my lower back with my girls' initials, daft ladybird on my arse, line of names on my inner arm and left arm cuff and lacy sleeve aren't edgy, alternative or original. They are just my tattoos, I don't need to justify or explain them or why I had them done. I think that Jack's are a bit messy but nothing more.

 

[Billybellend]

How much?

Well, I found a Chanel handbag and a pair of Jimmy Choos in a puddle last week. If I clean them up, will they do? I’ve got wet wipes and tit...

 

[Alansbigplate]

Well, I found a Chanel handbag and a pair of Jimmy Choos in a puddle last week. If I clean them up, will they do? I’ve got wet wipes and tit...

I’m more into penguins

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I just read the Blind Date column and, like, it’s vaguely amusing but they’re quite obviously trying to be the edgy, neggy version of that amazing couple that left their knickers at a house party and it just seems really... forced?

I guess all of Jack’s [failed] attempts at humour and going viral are even more strained so she probably sees this as effortless.

I have no idea where this is and I am sorry if someone has already said this.

I completely agree with this. I generally like Blind Date, but in this case it just seemed like one woman in particular was trying too hard to make it a typical (in terms of media expectations) “lesbian” date with the fellatio comment and the snipe about her date going back to her ex.

Jack’s gleeful remarks on this being PEAK lesbianism is just excruciating.

Having been with Mrs Tunnel for pushing two decades (give or take a year), lesbians live and date like any other couple. To pigeon hole us with comments like that is ignorant.

Once again, she acts like a teenager who is gleeful at just discovering all the in-jokes.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

Well, I found a Chanel handbag and a pair of Jimmy Choos in a puddle last week. If I clean them up, will they do? I’ve got wet wipes and tit...

I'd just use the wet wipes if I were you

 

[kachoochoo]

holy crap lads! just went to reply to a text from my dad, only to discover that on new year's eve, I somehow managed to send him The List! I'd copied and pasted it for here and somehow I'd pasted it into a picture message! I'm absolutely dying of mortification here!

think I'll just not mention it.

 

[Billybellend]

I’m more into penguins

Bollocks. Fresh out of penguins. Would an owl do?

I'd just use the wet wipes if I were you

Yeah. I’ll leave the tit to Mack...I still can’t get over that hideous pudding thing that looked like a turd.

 

[colouredlines]

holy crap lads! just went to reply to a text from my dad, only to discover that on new year's eve, I somehow managed to send him The List! I'd copied and pasted it for here and somehow I'd pasted it into a picture message! I'm absolutely dying of mortification here!

think I'll just not mention it.

Your dad must be so impressed by your sheer number of resolutions this year!

 

[Alansbigplate]

Bollocks. Fresh out of penguins. Would an owl do?

Doesn’t sound very chocolatey

 

[HotesTilaire]

Modern budget cooking - recipes
Mix peelings with Del Monte brand tinned fruit juice juice and bread - nut roast
Mix veg peelings with vinegar to make a veggie pickle
Mix veg peelings with sugar water then bake on a radiator in sunlight for a delicious healthy sweet treat
In summer, cool down with a savory cool “crisp” frozen onion and garlic skins from the box of scraps in the freezer

 

[Billybellend]

Doesn’t sound very chocolatey

Umm. I could dangle it over a bowl of chocolate and promise you that I will never, EVER, make trifle?

 

[LavaFlake]

Modern budget cooking is googling budget recipes, watching budget influencers who know their tit like Miguel Barclay and rinsing BBC Good Food... in order to make filling, nutritious and edible looking food.

Rinsing baked beans and grating corned beef it ain't...