Jack Monroe #126 Dangling her fl*ps over a Cotswold sideboard like none of it matters

[Winthropp Tuesday]

I've silently, gently and softly set up this thread while Princess Poca is sleeping. Thread title by @Incywincy

Mini recap.

JM has/hasn't severe/long/no Covid.

Birthday cakes made by her are linked to fanny-proximity. https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...eted-it-deleted-it.12873/page-24#post-3336607

She is too busy with book deadlines to work with Marcus, which is surely the only reason he's partnered with Tom Kerridge.

Her accountant is her SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER!

She needs help with her accounts, but not the help anyone suggests, because she's completed it, mate.

Caroline has hands.

Here's a great recap of Kickstarter finances, complete with envelope costing deep dive.

Jack Monroe #125 Tweeted it, completed it, deleted it

Could bee. Here to defend his pal David Walliams Nah @Sideboard Bob is well funny, can’t be him

tattle.life

I absolutely don’t want to be severely and extremely ‘that person’, but could I have a wee credit alongside ooor @Incywincy for the thread title, she very kindly highlighted my choice phrase, so it‘s very much a severe and extreme joint piss and a sandwich effort...

Kudos for starring out my flaps. No-one needs to see them at 10.30 on New Year’s Day

I sort of feel like I’ve arrived now.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Tin opener Jack is almost as bad as tanks Jack

Also - my eyes just rolled out of my head at this

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Does this mean that BB/Louisa (personally not 100% convinced they were the same person) has been going back and forth from her own place to grotbags shitalow? (Obvs breaking all those pesky rules) would explain Jacks nonsense chat

BB
Name begins with L
44
Vegetarian
Cyclist
Doesn't cook
Works in TV
Had Covid

Louisa
Name begins with L
44
Vegetarian
Cyclist
Doesn't cook
Works in TV
Had Covid

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Firstly, happy new year everyone

Secondly, nothing annoys me more when people gently, softly, tenderly, kindly request things that have been quite obviously promised to them and she replies in that manner.
I know she’s not exactly known for her amazing professionalism, but it would be nice to see a “really sorry for the delay” instead of something from the randomexcusegenerator ™️ every time.
Life happens, delays happen and i dare say MOST people are rather understanding, but shes so narcissistic that she expects everyone to BE AWARE of her many, many ailments and it’s almost like people are afraid to just ask where their stuff is incase she kicks off at them. Manipulation at its absolute finest!

This! I follow a couple of shops I regularly buy clothes from on Instagram (I’m not a big ‘Grammer but I recommend Barry’s Banter Bus and Scottish Patterr ) and people post rude comments on there along the lines of “I ordered a top last week and it’s not arrived. Where is it?” No order details, no manners, nothing. People bend over backwards to mollycoddle a person they’ve paid for an item from with Jack because they’re scared of a pile on and they buy into all this bullshit about how tough a life she has/had. All wrong.

ETA: And the company always come back full of apologies “sorry you haven’t received it yet, please DM us the order number and we’ll sort it out”. Rather than - “I am the only one working today and I am BUSY. I’m manning the IG page and I shouldn’t even be here because I fell on the train tracks on the way to work and it really bruised my arthritis. You are so lucky you get to sit in your home - I RENT don’t you know - and I’m poor”

 

[NomDeGuerre]

I’ve done it!

"I'm mainly vegetarian but I occasionally eat meat." Are you fuck a vegetarian then! You're just an infrequent meat eater.

 

[Alansbigplate]

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You have to have the extra 50p in the first place makes a mockery of every costing she does where she includes a teaspoonful of something not sold by the teaspoon and why am I even arsed mate she is dreary

 

[BlendedSlop]

I understand Jack, it must be hard keeping track of which right-wing paper you've written for on any given week.

 

[LavaFlake]

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No hun childcare isn't a support bubble. Your support bubble is Head of News at Channel Four, Brexit Tin Hamburglar and Covid sufferer Louisa Compton.

 

[Pocahontas]

She would have definitely sung her own first dance song and written the vows for both of them.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

A no spend year? Is she self excluding from John Lewis? Will she go up to the till, laden with William Morris curtains and that frumpy woman’s crockery, hands aquivering and pass them a piece of paper that says...

DON’T SERVE ME IM ADDICTED TO THE WAITROSE & PARTNERS POINTS

(In reference to her ravaging alcoholic days when she’d put some poor bar staff through the embarrassment of a laminated self exclusion note)

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

just had a mini catch up, and who would have guessed that her moaning about the price of tin openers would be the thing that tipped me into a rage?
ohhhh you have to have a spare 50p one time to buy a tin opener waah waah FUCK OFF YOU STUPID CUNT YOU PRICE 2Ps WORTH OF FUCKING CURRY POWDER IN RECIPES ARE YOU THICK??? Either people have a tin opener and a tub of curry powder/salt/herb garden on their windowsill as store cupboard staples, or they need extra money for the outlay of all these things. Which is it you fucking ignoramus?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Jack Monroe's Modern Cooking Budget Handbook by Dr. Jack Monroe with a foreword by J. Monroe, aged 32 and 5/6 and photographs provided by Jack Monroe 5'1.7".

Do you think she has one of those embossing label makers that she goes round the house with to ensure nobody else touches her possessions? Jack Monroe's pens FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY!!!, Jack Monroe's mushroom dust, Jack Monroe's fish hoard, Jack Monroe's Brexit tin thief etc.

When she tweets the link to her recipes “Jack Monroe Twitter, By Jack Monroe, on the website of Jack Monroe etc etc“, it always reminds me of this -

 

[FrumpyCat]

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Counting Crows played O2 Brixton on 16 June 2002, so Jack would have been 14, so that seems about right.

But, according to my extensive research (Google) the first camera phone wasn't launched in the UK until 26 June 2002.

So that touching little anecdote isn't true.

 

[HarderFaster]

Funny that she is too BUSY to do her accounts properly because she has her Very Important Poverty Book to deliver but she’s got plenty of time to list songs by an utterly mediocre soft rock band on Twitter (I’m sorry, Frau fans, I know taste is subjective).

There’s a funny synergy between a middle-class woman who cosplays being poor stanning a band fronted by a prestigiously privately-educated white man who famously wore dreadlocks (nay, not only dreadlocks but they were EXTENSIONS).

She’s the dullest and least original human who ever lived. With shite tattoos.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Are we sure it’s a crow, and not just a glove?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

New Instagram post. 44-year-old Louisa Compton is still at the shitty bungalow.

SB seems to have lost a year.

 

[waffle maker]

Jack's forgetting she got engaged in 2019, not 2020.

But let's not forget the greatest engagement story of all time.

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I bet Louisa made Jack crop her filthy nails out. You can only see one of Louisa Compton’s hands because the other is holding a bag of brexit tins.

 

[Monochrome Muse]

Belated Happy New Year lads! X

.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Jaysus could you imagine “wedding on a bootstrap”
- outfits “made” on the sewing machine
- knitted corsages
- crockery from the shed with tarnished cutlery
- Brexit tin stash and fishy egg del monte breakfast buffet
- pass ag”know your place” wedding speech
- wedding cake distributed to guests according to “fanny proximity” or lack thereof

 

[Jelly Bean]

Repost after hasty delete due to not squiggling name in reply! This was in response to the DKL video on FB. Remember no-one works as hard as our Jack.

HNY Cabal dwellers!

I'm baffled. Why was she up at 3.30am and went to bed at midnight because of DKL? It literally makes no sense. I presume she chose to do that because she was so giddy and hyper at being on TV. But she certainly wasn't doing anything constructive in that time. Fannying about monitoring the DK twitter feed and obsessively checking here does not = work. When will she get this?