Cleaning with Mario #4

[Caramel Swirl]

Let us all hail St Melvin of Paisley our Lord and saviour
For He has saved all His wee gawjuss lovelies from a life of sin and darkness
For He turns water into windolene, Bread into vileda mopheads, flats into tacky velvet diamante shiteholes
Guides us all through His brow juurney
And forces the cooncil to repent their sins
All whilst having a flat heed, crapets and rats for flatmates
Tom Ford is shaking over Marlon’s ava may lush wee melts
Youse would be nothing without him

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Unfortunately forced entry to the wrong property is illegal.
If it was your house I doubt you would be so matter of fact !

Are you one of Melvin's lovelies that got lost or has someone bashed in your backdoors lately? I do hope your letterbox wasn't traumatised and left in tatters?

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

The confused cooncil worker looks at the broken door and says to his mate "Who lives here then?"

His mate replies... "It's Rayn an Men!"






Sorry, I'll get me coat!

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

Cleaning with Mario #5: So aye...

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

Its multiple choice question time. Melvin has abdicated responsibility of dealing with "the housing" to Dezza. What does this really mean:

A. Melvin knows he can't control his potty mouth and fears being shown the door and chucked out the meeting for abusive behaviour towards a civil servant.

B. Melvins "shat it". He's just a 36 year old boy from the Shire so actually dealing with the issue rather than just greetin about it is for grown ups, and that's just not his bag.

C. Dezza is the only named tenant and therefore the only person that the cooncil will speak to directly.

D. Whatever the outcome achieved, Melvin will not be satisfied and it will be all Dezza's fault.

E. All of the above

 

[Be More Pacific]

How come half the people responding look like absolute frieks in their profile pictures enough said sort yourself please , how do you expect people to take you seriously ? get the impression lots of jealousy and bitchy vibes going on towards Mario ?

Most of the profile photos are Mario #awks

 

[Enaj9990]

I wonder if oor dezza’s getting a single person council tax rebate....

but that ain’t none of my business

 

[Pinchers]

Look who I saw recently at the train station. Hahaha

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Seems to be a lot of slanderous comments on here ?

Don't worry about it, St Melvin can add us to the law suit he is filing against the cooncil.

 

[Crazymama]

Sorry for the delay, children related stuff. Basically his ‘lovely’ sister has just found out that her husband has been cheating on her for a while with a 20 something girl. Threw him out and that house they’ve just moved into is going on the market asap. Not sure if that was juicy just thought I’d share what I know lol. So I guess mario is saying he always knew he didn’t like the husband. They were together since they were 16

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

So if Melvin is 36 and he moved out of the family home 2 years ago, I reckon his Maw & Paw must've attached a dowry to his Grindr profile

Sheesh.......they must've thought he was never leaving.

How much do you think they bunged Derek to take him off their hands? And can we take it as a given that he should've held out for more?

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

How come half the people responding look like absolute frieks in their profile pictures enough said sort yourself please , how do you expect people to take you seriously ? get the impression lots of jealousy and bitchy vibes going on towards Mario ?

Fuck me are you for real?
Do you understand what Tattle is?
This isn’t an advice page for smashed up letterbox owners, nor is it a Melvin appreciation club, it’s not a waiting room for benefits claimants or a lawyers convention. None of us are jealous of Melvin, we all consider him a twat of the highest order.
If you want to start a rave thread, feel free, just watch out for the tumbleweeds

 

[Flozora]

This morning has thrown up a few gems. He slept from 8pm through to 4am. That’s a whole 8 hours, but still not good/enough. I’m lucky if I get 5hrs (broken) sleep - but I still manage to function in my 13 shifts for the NHS!
Also, “labelise” I have a fairly good grasp on the English language, this was a new one on me, so I took to Google. Urban Dictionary came up with the correct answer! See below.

 

[Divinechat]

Maybe the rats are doing washings and hoovering upstairs at 3am,like he does, to let St Melvin know how it feels being such a selfish prick ansld having no consideration for others.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

Omg I’ve never witnessed such an over reaction

I mean, yes, it’s a pretty bad mistake to make. But they didn’t just do it randomly. He had asked them to call out to investigate the issue above him, they’ve done so, but messed up. He told them the neighbour wasn’t there anymore so they had to break the locks to get in. But yes stupidly they’ve broken the wrong locks. But it’s not like they just decided to go round and break locks for no reason. As long as they fix any damage what’s the issue? He’s going on like he’s ‘not going to drop it’ and ‘sorry isn’t enough’ lol what does he want them to do??

I can see it on reporting Scotland now.
“Entry to the flat was impeded by an unusually large quilted mirror. It appears the thieves had attempted to take it, yet had decided at some stage to leave it at the scene. An eyewitness stated, ”it’s that boggin a burglar widni even take it”

 

[Divinechat]

This guy is an actual cunt , he feels unsafe ? Oh fuck off you fat headed fuck !!! The council made a mistake , a shit one to be fair , but a mistake !!! They rectified it and gave you new locks and a new key and apologised. What the fuck more do.you want ? Que all the middle aged fuckwits re posting their horror about it all !!! People living om the streets are unsafe , people in war zones are unsafe ... you my friend are just a colosal dickwad !

 

[Exhausted Pigeon]

 

[WookieCookie]

I think he's building up for a house move.
Next story / drama ( in his voice)...... I pure canny live here anymair, me wee cats been pure violated ma lovelies.
Derek that's it we're moving , we'll just build another hoose fae the ground up....?
I'll need a van just for the mirror and the cats teepee

 

[Badaboom]

Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

I am sure my friend has ‘Melvins Heid’ shaped tiles in her bathroom!

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

I've also been working up a theory to explain why Melv may have been so beside himself at the forced entry to his home as we have all concluded his reaction was disproportionate to the action.

As you know, many of the cleaning accounts on insta have hashtag days like # windows Wednesday and #stairs Saturday

I reckon he's had his Ann Summers collection steeping in a basin of zoflora giving a whole new meaning to freshen up Fridays