Cleaning with Mario #4

[Exhausted Pigeon]

He always seems to go to ground when other cleaning accounts get preferential treatment or have a get together.

So the other day Dazlin was sent a free Halo vacuum to review and LMM went on a jolly with the Sph2onge fella to present a community award.

Mazza gets a bed named after him and a rat infestation

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

I think the blister theory is sounding likely, *puts my delusional lawyer skills to work* had a look at some of her other posts and she uses a few Scottish colloquialisms. Right, see you delusional tattlers down the jobcentre on Wednesday? We can compare who got what colour Vuitton scarf from the Looky Looky man and I've got some gawjuss, stunnin' Gewcci trainers for you all, only £11.99 on ebay. I do expect you all to flash them on insta though and moan about the blisters they give you

Oh we now have the grammar police on here excuse my predictive text, ten out of ten for the rapid come back , if you can’t understand what I’ve written maybe you should take time out and try and digest it !

U OK HUN?

 

[Caramel Swirl]

Spotted: Melvin and his strangler fingers ootside cooncil

 

[Jeaniepeanie]

I think there should be a competition to see who can get the best screenshot of him

Not gonna lie I have quite the collection of them now.. I'll attach one of my faves for you all cause I'm a kind, selfless soul just like Melv

 

[Slacalis]

"What collaborations would you like to see me do this year??"

Ooh, hows about with Dignitas, ya wee cock.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

What did you say?

I cannot tell you how hard it was to write with all the spelling mistakes and shit. I'll be blocked by him now when he sees this on here

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

I feel conned... I was genuinely concerned and I honestly feel I’ve been done over.
I’m also annoyed we’ve not had Marlons interpretation of dezza’s cooncil meeting today.

I hear ya. I'm sure we'll get an update in due course, so until then we'll just have to have fun with some silly speculation.

Scenario 1
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley too afraid to go home to the diva bitchfest that awaits him there.

Scenario 2
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has been wandering aimlessly around Paisley trying to decide how many chicken mcnuggets will constitute an apology in a destined-to-fail attempt at averting a full on diva bitchfest.

Scenario 3
Dezza, having failed to score 10 years free rent from the cooncil, has gone home, smothered himself in peanut butter and went up the loft as an act of self flagellation/attrition.

All perfectly plausible don't you think?

Had to prat about with my last post. Got sausages for fingers tonight

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

It was like the BEST bit of sleuthing from PI Mummy2, when she said "get the impression lots of jealousy and bitchy vibes going on towards Mario" my heart plummeted because I knew we had been rumbled. I thought we had all been so careful, posting on a site like Tattle, renowned for its glowing endorsement of instashamers, and being so cryptic with our disdain for him. How on earth did she uncover us?

 

[Mack84]

The noise is Derek running about celebrating his freedom not realising he’s took a wrong turn & went up the loft instead of out the front door. Wee simple del. bless

 

[irishbelle Thnak]

Ok should we give it another 20 minutes then get the cooncil to break his door doon to see he is alright

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I love the way he has to tell us it's a LUXURY carpet, not a shit everyday carpet like us plebs have to buy. Only available if you are a top instagram influencer like Melv. I need to buy new carpets this year, I hope my 107 instagram followers will qualify me to get a luxury carpet and not a shit one.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

God he is so fucking insufferable! I'm planning on re-carpeting my hoose this year, do I see it as a jurrrrnehhhh? No. I will simply go to the local carpet shop, pick a carpet, pay for it and have it fitted. That is not a fucking jurrrrnehhhh, it is a fucking transaction.
I hope his next shit is a hedgehog, the fucking weapon.

In slightly OT news, I'm planning on getting another pup this year, would it be terrible of me to call him Melvin? I was going to call him either Carl (our other dog is Lenny) or Max, but I was lying in bed last night and it popped into my head to call him Melv after our favourite insta non-cleaner and jurrrnehhhh haver

 

[irishbelle Thnak]

So he's off for wee haul

 

[Be More Pacific]

I don’t even understand what he actually means by that? He can barely speak English

Built the whole block. On his own. All 150 storeys. In a day. With only Yorkshire biscuit tea for sustenance.

Probably

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Oh dear god who are these people who send him these messages

See! I told you Melvin was son of God. Curing the sick and disabled with his foul mouth and gobshite ways. I might put a Melvin story on and shove my phone up my arse to see if he can cure my debilitating piles

 

[Kaydeelaydee]

I wonder if oor dezza’s getting a single person council tax rebate....

but that ain’t none of my business

View attachment 71861

Oh Lordy, I've done myself a mischief laughing at that Kermit image!

Congratulations to all the players who correctly answered "E"

You have won yourselves a (virtual) dozen mousetraps and a diamante encrusted letter box

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I really don't understand Melvin and his huns. He posts a story waffling on about his bullshit and doing his pretendy laughs, then his huns story themselves laughing at Melv & tagging him. Then Melv stories them storying themselves laughing at his stories.
Have I wandered into some kind of mental universe?

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

his face as his letterbox gets destroyed

 

[ayeayecaptain]

As St Mario floated down Buchanan Street....people rose from their wheelchairs...ricket infested children threw away their crutches....the blind could all of a sudden see as they kneeled before their saviour......AMEN

 

[Wheretonext]

snuggy, the slanket for the 2020's - for people who have given up making an effort.


The shop who sent it to him clearly know their market, but they are twice the price of most other stockists.

Given the gobshite that’s wearing it, I think a rebrand to ‘wanket’ would be much more suitable