The Chateau Diaries #31 Who'll crawl out of the woodwork next?

[KiKiGee]

Paula Dr
1 hour ago
The fact that you are struggling with properly setting up your camera 30 minutes into the Q&A session is a perfect reflection of your idea of "planning". Just like you do with all your chateau projects. It actually answers every question.

 

[FrenchGirl123]

I told you before : different vibes recently in their YT comments.

Riot ?


Carolina Daily
1 hour ago
I don’t understand ? Why does nothing ever get finished ? Why are you always “getting quotes” you have more than enough money to fix all of the terrace so why not do it ? Why is the roof and attic not being sorted ? I used to love your Channel but don’t think you’re serious about restoring your chateau at all . You want it tatted up for a party palace


REPLY

 

[KiKiGee]

Found the new china pattern for Lalande...

 

[Linus]

 

[FrenchGirl123]

I'm always amazed at how Stephanie seems to discover what she has in her chateau every time she leaves her bed.

Today, it was a ceramic bathroom shelf. She had no idea it was there. I mean her chateau is not Versailles or Vaux-le-Vicomte ! Not that big !

I won't comment on the state of this poor terrace. 16 years....

Like I won't comment on the poo everywhere in their stables where they stock pieces of furniture, tiles and woodwork. Disgusting.

Her chateau outside makes me think of a not well kept farm. The state of the courtyard at the back !

And have you noticed the state of the shutters upstairs ? The paint is peeling off. 16 years and nobody to take them down and paint them ?

And now they pretend they can tidy this chateau thanks to Patreons money ? But this is not a question of money. It's about working hard for yourself !

Affreux.

 

[Jeeves]

You're quite right. I despair at it all, I want to organise and project manage the shit show. However, I will resist...

I love the idea of @Gibson , complete with clipboard, taking on the project manager role.
I can imagine people scuttling about, Nutti jumping everytime he walks in, scattering papers everywhere. She's already had an email from Potty, Nic Chicken Head and Oliver informing her that they won't be visiting until the coast is clear. FRK sniffling into her apron as she scrubs everything in sight in the kitchen, Fanny and Phil up to their necks in peacock poop, muttering away to themselves but too terrified to stop when Dan calls "Yoohoo, Fanny, have you finished yet? Gibson's on his way with your next job. Phil did ask Mr and Mrs BJJ to write a note excusing him from strenuous activity but they are hoping that this will prepare him for his next step, a spell in the Royal Netherlands Army.
Selmar's completely bewildered by the new pace of activity. Trotter arrived looking for a place to hide but has already been sent packing. Unfortunately Spero didn't get the memo and arrived courtesy of his Patreon funded travel bursary and has been put to work in the sceptic tank. Steve has been able to put his talents to good use, painting over Daddy's mucky pictures and Sarah is kept busy running up lots of overalls featuring his Lalande logo on the pocket. Mummy and Percy are in charge of procuring the buckets needed for the Grande Sanitisation programme. (Channel 4 are interested in coming along to film.)

 

[Gibson]

Marie: Excerpts from her Inner Goddess book. Available to pre order at some point in the future. All credit to my patrons for paying me to provide content.
Dear Diary,

Today I had a wonderful experience. I was photographed naked! Two lovely ladies had me in allsorts of positions.I'm thrilled as all my hard work has paid off. I've been wondering round the Chateau with no bras on to help Steph. It's worked wonders for vlog views. I wonder if i should start my own. I love living at the Chateau, my flowers look great and I feel like a Goddess dressed at Isabelle's wedding.
Dear Diary,
Leaving today and going to live in the UK. I have a new job and it's all looking good. I have to bunk in with Steph's mates and I'm not keen, but need some money. I will stay positive, it will be a success. Steph loves and believes in me.
Dear Diary,
Well the UK isn't the Chateau. I'm not getting the exposure. Stuff this, I've been on Instagram for a while and Stephs fans follow me. I'm packing it in and following my dream. I am a Goddess after all.
Dear Diary,
I'm back...woohoo. Trouble is tiny pr**ck Philip has taken my place. What a $€£@#$ he is even borrowing Steph's clots [sic], and she promised them to meeee. Hate him.
Dear Diary,
They pissed me off over the wreath! I'm stuck here in this cold ffing stable whilst they are in the warmth (well not that warm) decided to post some pics hahaha. Spiders, mould and a few which will sort out a proper timeline on the vlogs. Take that Philip. Staying positive, my photos look good. Patrons and followers are up. Manifesting my dream.
Dear Diary,
My teats are getting on my nerves! I've done really well on the van fundraiser. My viewers are building up. Good job my allergies make me cry...vlog night tonight. Hehe. Inner Goddess will be out again soon.
Dear Diary,
I am in a new room. Suits me as away from those feckers, I am working hard. Some of my plants died. Dan the gardener was supposed to water them. I won't grass him up on the vlog though. Had lots of lovely comments about my teats. Working those patrons for more ideas about what to do next...they don't really have to tell me though as I have a plan.
Dear Diary,
Bridgerton party. That biatch Nati, didn't help me. I am still a Goddess and will talk about my feelings. Philip looked worse than me though, he doesn't look good in pants. Steph keeps filming his crotch. I Don't know why, except he probably tries to hide hedgehogs in there. Haha. That Canadian woman is bright orange and looks like an oompalumpa. Can't wait to launch my new stuff.
Dear Diary,
Oh yes! I posted pics of me in my underwear. The Goddess is back. My confidence is back. One up on Philip, he hasn't got his own channel and the crotchless wonder can do one. I am manifesting a new life....

Require meat for the teat less
Wonder

To rid YouTube of this pandemic
Toxic shite

Thumbs down

Marie has been Dereked!

 

[Hemerocallis]

Why do I think that Derek Jarvis would have loved this house ?

 

[Train Wreck]

I know if I just dream hard enough, it can happen:
I want to become a historical dress designer as a business (and, to think, I just learned how to make a buttonhole!).
I want to receive florals daily in my own floral studio and whip them into bouquets for my own enjoyment.
I want to convince people to send me my favorite things (china, silver, Dolce & Gabbana cakes!) each week.
I want to convince people it is in both of our best interests to give me money to fix up my house (I promise I will only use it for renovations )

I willingly forgo filming myself weekly (there is not enough money in this world for me to give up my privacy) but if all that other could happen, life would be dreamy

Oh, wait, could someone also pour me wine and feed me on demand? That would also be super-nice.

I cannot figure where I have gone wrong in life. I have four degrees and have worked full time since I was 16 even through all these degrees yet I feel like I am just barely getting by. Yet here are people who I doubt have full time jobs now or ever and are not just existing but thriving on the handouts.

Sorry but I’ve worked a long day today and my tolerance for people like this has reached its limit.

 

[Linus]

Could this be the reason...?

 

[FrenchGirl123]

I don't mind her not speaking perfectly since she is non native. I myself run around for decades saying "few" instead of "view" till one day somebody corrected me. Also asking " is there a free room?" till somebody said "I have one available but not for free" It takes long to be that fluent in a language as she is in English. As you can see from all those Brits living in France for years and not speaking any French.

People seem to forget that Lalanders (except our chatelaine) are not native english speakers.
IMO they are all very good in speaking english - even Selmar who can express his opinions.
And we should keep in mind that they speak a foreign language in front of a camera and they know that thousands of people will watch them around the world.
I wouldn't be that confident myself.

 

[Jeeves]

Dear Marie,
Congratulations on launching your new You Tube Channel. I am sure it will be a huge success. Allow me to make a few suggestions for the continuation of your Success Stories.

Donald Trump
Jeffrey Epstein
Harvey Weinstein
Jimmy Saville
Charles Manson
Fred West
Gary Glitter
Oscar Pistorius
OJ Simpson

 

[ProfessorPlum]

Because stupid bimbos male or female are more concerned with partying.

Heresy! Princess has been a serious custodian of Lalande’s historical restoration for 15 years. There is no partying, there are no bimbos!

 

[KiKiGee]

So now he is trying to garner views by portraying that he is on the spectrum????? It's an insult to anyone with a true disability. They all make my blood boil!!!

 

[Orchid21]

I'm torn between being aghast and laughing.

What's everyone's take on this?
View attachment 545805

Haven't the energy to scroll back from why IJ said it.

Nope, my daughter isn't mental, she's stable.

Pretty appalling from someone who was supposedly head of a mental health unit. Isabelle, having good mental health isn't a personality trait and "mental problems" can effect anyone at any time, for a huge variety of reasons.

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

Good point. It's excruciating watching. As one man to another (well three)...really? Why would you?
Nibbles wouldn't even tempt me. It really is a difference between the sexes. I can't even muster that kind of enthusiasm for my own gifts at birthdays and Christmas (I am not ungrateful) Maybe that is the attraction, their own families don't show enthusiasm, so they send off their heirlooms to Steph as she shows proper orgasmic enthusiasm and it's on TV! That will show their ungrateful relatives.
It bothers me as well. Mrs. G has beautiful curly hair...it's what first attracted me to her. I feel very torn when I see Selmar's hair

Same here. Men are generally unenthusiastic to receive gifts unless they really wanted them (like a new vehicle ).
I also know a few women who are equally unenthused by gifts.

These Cadeaux shows are nothing less than SJ trying to live out her princess dreams, where people from all over the world lavish her with gifts, pay homage to her, and write well wishes, while her subjects (superfans and flying monkeys) watch in awe. After all, she deserves them all because she lives in a castle.

I can imagine how she sends out memos for when they need to film for Cadeaux.

MEMO

To: All Lalanders (except Marie Wiik)

From: HRH Princess Stephanie

Date: April 19, 2021

Re: Filming for Cadeaux GAG

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

We are filming for Cadeaux on April 24 (Sunday) at 5:00PM in the Grand Salon.

Dress code for each will be as follows:
Selmar, dress up like the Mad Hatter.
Philip, wear something respectable (not your granny's jacket, please.)
Steve, wear something that makes you look slimmer.
Natti, wear something red and your old new pair of left-foot boots. Do not outshine me! I repeat, do not ever outshine me.

Sarah won't be at the filming but she will prepare the food. I want wine, tea, and anything PP is allergic to.

 

[Richard Blake]

The terrace, which actually would be a conservation and restoration project, will be done bit by bit over the years, because she doesn't want to spend any money on it. We might see a collapse, before she repairs it (with extra emergency funds sent by her patrons.)

The terrace should take precedence over making new apartments and restoring a lake because it's a hazzard and someone could get hurt if the alcoves being held up by supports collapses or the stairs fall apart. They seriously need a project manager that can prioritize renovation based on necessity and not what will look pretty.

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

She is a trained doctor. Get a JOB!

Thought I read in one of the threads that this couple doesn't "beg."
Now they're begging for the largest amount in the Chateau mafia so far!
Did they both lose their jobs or squander their inheritance? (They're a pretty couple, I must say.)

SJ is such a prolific instructor in the art of grifting and scroungery!

Let's see how many of her associations and affinities will start a Patreon or GoFundMe sooner or later! I mean, BJJ and Natti each a vehicle so they can do SJ's bidding! If FRK can beg for a car, why not the others?

Speaking of FRK....
She's turning 30 next week.... here's her advanced warning to any of you wishing to send her anything!

Ma(h)rie, how about a Cadeaux at the Studio YouTube show?!

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

another wonky lamp

Is that a chamber pot? Why would SJ decorate a room with a freakin' chamber pot?

 

[Milre]

For a French Carte de Sejour (Residency card), Ryan, Billy and the parents should be OK.

Sadie I don't know (not sure if she's been living and working in France for more than 3 years before December 2020).But her daughter must attend a French school I suppose and lives in France.

But for Michael, It would be very hard to prove that he's been working in France continuously during the past 3 years. Or to prove that he has a job (a proper job - not sure that a vlog every 2 months is a job for the French administration). Obviously, he's not a UK pensioner...

One of the conditions is to be a member of the family who stays legally in France. The definition of "member of the family" is : dependent child, dependent parents, disabled sibling etc). Source : French government website).

Not sure this is his case... ?

Michael: Hello everyone, I am back.
I know it's been a while but I had soooo many things to do. In case you are wondering I am here in Manchester in a tiny 2 bedroom flat I share with my roommate Gustave. You know my friend Gustave, I help him setting up a YouTube chanel for his cooking classes " cordon bleue rouge", where he cooks only in his boxershorts. I will post a link down below in case you want to have a look.
It's just easier for me since I couldn't find a flat on my own without being employed.
But you know the situation here in UK, if you are not a nurse you can't find a job. I actually wouldn't mind being a nurse, you know I am good with old women and I have lots of talents but I just can't stand the smell. It's totally different to smell dying people or the odeur of centuries of dust in a château.
But I am positive something great will come up soon. Till then I will keep posting as always on regular basis.
Unfortunately I can't do this from my cottage anymore, since my brother doesn't allow me to use it anymore. Yes, we had a little falling out, nothing serious but he didn't let me take my Aga with me and you all know how much it means to me. I even let my dog and the chickens there but he would not accept this as payment for the shipping costs to UK.
Well, he was always the jealous little brother and he couldn't cope with me having 200000 followers with "his" chateau.
That's probably why he wouldn't tell the French administration that I worked for the last 3 years for him. French government would have even accepted my videos as employment, but they said they only saw Pa and Sean working so it doesn't count.
Actually I am glad I am back. So much bureaucracy to obtain the residency card, it was just not worth it. I am still behind with my thankyou cards, how could I have possibly managed to fill out all those forms which they wouldn't even sent to Madrid. I just took a direct flight to Manchester, it was easier this way. Anyway, now I don't need to take my driving licence anymore, Manchester has such a good public transport! Isn't this great?
Btw, all the Spode got broken when the ceiling came down at the cottage. Does anybody know a good porcelain store in Manchester? I would love to start all over with my collection.