JuliaGulia
Chatty Member
Inspirational...
(with apologies for shaky font - lettering is not my thing, and I was giggling a bit)
- Notice
(with apologies for shaky font - lettering is not my thing, and I was giggling a bit)
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
That would be my TV moment of the decade (I know we're only at the start, but I'm confident nothing in the next 9 years would top it).
Just imagine...
John and Gregg: "So what are you making for us today Jack?"
Jack: "Well I'm just kinda winging it, just chucking in a few things and seeing how it turns out, I'm confident it'll be perfect because I've learned to trust my maverick instincts. I'm so nervous and I've got loads to do, so I'd like to just crack on if that's OK with you, thankyou."
John and Gregg: "OK, but presentation has been a bit of an issue for you in the past. Can you make sure that your dish has restaurant-quality appearance for our panel of judges today?"
Jack: "Yes, absolutely x"
Later...
*frantic music*
John and Gregg: "Two minutes for your starter Jack."
Jack: "FUCK OFF, I'M BUSY"
Later still...
*India Fisher narration*
"Food blogger Jack Monroe has made a salad of wilted frozen spinach, hand-podded borlotti beans and tinned pineapple chunks, topped with grated Spam, malted milk biscuit dust and bottled lemon juice. For her main course, she has prepared a cassoulet of rinsed baked beans, tinned macaroni cheese and salmon paste, served with a fondant standard potato, a Biscoff spread reduction, a lime marmalade puree and a greengage foam, topped with crumbled sage & onion stuffing and plenty of black pepper."
Jack: *proceeds to launch into her poverty story after bringing her dishes to the judges*
Judges: Thank you Jack, if you could just leave us to taste the food...actually, on second thought, could you take it with you please."
Silver Linings
VIP Member
Fuck. Off.
frugal people don’t buy £85 leggings when they’re £3 in Primark. You horrible, horrible hypocrite.
Little Miss Shan’t
It was a bright, sunny morning and Little Miss Shan’t woke up to an email from her agent. The email was asking her to apologise publicly to all the many people on Twitter she had been grumbling and saying bad things about. Little Miss Shan’t crossed her arms. ‘Shan’t!’ she said to her cat.
She went downstairs and thought about what she was going to eat for breakfast. A little voice inside her head suggested that she cook something with texture, and to perhaps not take eleventy poorly-constructed photos of it. Little Miss Shan’t stamped her foot. ‘Shan’t!’ she said to the delivery man, who was dropping off another box of books and a new nutribullet and a third hammock from John Lewis.
Little Miss Shan’t went to sit in her large, quiet garden. She smelt the faint tang of the nearby seafront and watched as a small bird ferried twigs to and from its nest. She gazed at her rather nice-looking house in the morning sun, and another little voice inside her head suggested that perhaps she feels grateful for all that she has, which is far more than many, many people do not have. Little Miss Shan’t pondered this novel notion. She bit into her teething necklace and frowned. ‘Shan’t!’ she grumbled into the folds of her Vivienne Westwood dress.
Congratulations to @JoyceDivision on your second consecutive thread title! Knocking it out of the park!
60 reactions
Recap of thread #64
Friends, Jack Monroe has been BUSY:
60 reactions
Recap of thread #64
Friends, Jack Monroe has been BUSY:
- She needed some bins, but no, not THAT type, cretin! She’s going to use cardboard boxes instead. Is that ok with you?
- She retweeted Marcus Rashford. According to a fan: ‘She has the same passion and drive, for sure.’ Sure, Jan.
- She’s gone back to her original price tiers on Patreon. Could it be that she may not be able to provide a higher-tiered reward system?
- We saw prints of ‘Arm Holding Posy (Not Centred). Southend’ (disclaimer: not actual name) and what her business cards look like.
- She waxed lyrical about greengages from *whisper* Waitrose, took lots of photos of greengages, endeavoured to make jam from said greengages, and did so in her slow cooker. It turns out her jam wasn’t as nice as her grandad’s was.
- Some learned fraus were able to access the hallowed BBC radio dramatisation of her life, and provided hilarious commentary.
- There was Twitter flirtation betwixt Jack and James Wong. James, if you want to be ‘fed treats’, you might be in for a wild surprise.
- Jack had fun with a magnifying glass, using them to take some photos of a handful of
NikNaksberlotti beans. - She plated up The Creature from the Purple Lagoon. There were multiple pictures; she was proud. Fuelled by accident and whimsy, she might post a recipe over the weekend, she might not.
- For the first time in her ‘whole mad life’, she ‘actually fleetingly thinks’ she might want to run a very small restaurant one day. Oh no. Talk her out of it.
- She can recite poetry.
- Talking of creative writing, there have been some fine examples of the art displayed by some of the fraus: an imagined menu for Slop, Southend by @LavaFlake , a gritty, yet touching post-apocalyptic fable by @BlendedSlop and an inspired vignette by @edinburghcastle . There’s nothing much more sublime than ‘Traazers? On a bird?’ for me at the moment
Nahhh
Active member
A middle class white woman piggy backing on the achievements of a working class black man trying to help his community. He doesnt need your help, he's doing just fine on his own.
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Petelgeuse
Well-known member
Dearest Cabal, not only do I have a new thread to follow, my Ex has finally relented and access to the Juniors has been granted, been a long 3 years.
[Inserts Tobias from arrested development shouting Huzzah gif]
[Inserts Tobias from arrested development shouting Huzzah gif]
SweetTransvestite
VIP Member
Waterstones?
Yeah, completed it babe XOXO
Jack, not sure if you've noticed but this plague has been here since March. You've not given a shit about your immune system all year, unless it suited you. You've been to supermarkets, restaurants and pubs. You even fucked off on holiday halfway through.
Jack, you are a bellend. If you don’t want commentary on you putting your heating on, then how’s about you don’t tweet about it. Well done for a wearing a fucking jumper, thermals, vest, slipper socks and vest - it’s all bullshit, but bravo.
BlendedSlop
VIP Member
So for some reason, ever since the riveting greengage jam/caramel/lava/slop saga, I get the 2000 Wheatus "hit" Teenage Dirtbag in my head whenever I read the word greengage, and, well, this is the end result. (Having 4 hours of sleep - sadly not due to anything fun or scandalous - might have also addled my brain...)
--------
Her name is Nigel(la)
I need a sugar momma
Postcards to sell
But still in a shitty dormer
Oh, how she rocks
Likes tweets of my slop
But she surely knows I can't cook
And she'll never collaborate with me
'Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
THAT MAN is a dick
And he took my TV show
But I'd simply kick
His shins 'cause I'm Jack Monroe
I fall under trains
And I'm desperate for fame
But why don't they know who I am
And why do I need three sideboards anyway
Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
Oh yeah
Burnt jam
Mrs J doesn't know what she's missing
My food looks like mould
I'm BUSY but I am lonely
Lo and behold
Somebody's tweeting at me
My backstory's fake
But this must be fate
She seems to know who I am
And there's no blue tick but she seems wealthy
"I own five restaurants in central Edinburgh
I'll pay for the sleeper, bring your blender
I'll roleplay Nigella or Fassbender for you"
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
--------
Her name is Nigel(la)
I need a sugar momma
Postcards to sell
But still in a shitty dormer
Oh, how she rocks
Likes tweets of my slop
But she surely knows I can't cook
And she'll never collaborate with me
'Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
THAT MAN is a dick
And he took my TV show
But I'd simply kick
His shins 'cause I'm Jack Monroe
I fall under trains
And I'm desperate for fame
But why don't they know who I am
And why do I need three sideboards anyway
Cause I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Yes I've made some greengage burnt jam baby
Look at my table laden, baby, with beans
Oh yeah
Burnt jam
Mrs J doesn't know what she's missing
My food looks like mould
I'm BUSY but I am lonely
Lo and behold
Somebody's tweeting at me
My backstory's fake
But this must be fate
She seems to know who I am
And there's no blue tick but she seems wealthy
"I own five restaurants in central Edinburgh
I'll pay for the sleeper, bring your blender
I'll roleplay Nigella or Fassbender for you"
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
Oh yeah, burnt jam
Oh, she doesn't know what she's in for
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
So Jack, why are some potatoes floury and some waxy?
Well, they just ARE, aren't they! Some have flour added in and some have wax added in.
Silver Linings
VIP Member
Or alternatively, Twitter: Where you invite opinion by tweting your own. Innit.
She’s a dickhead. Can’t be arsed with her.
Cabbagestew
Member
I believe when Jack was on benefits she was what you would term under employed. She had her own business, from recollection crafts.
I don’t think she was on income support during that time. Her book is apparently going to be part memoir part vehicle for change?
How exactly? I’ve just spent the last 3 years on universal credit. Both out of work and in. In work every pound I earned I got 63p deduction from my UC
I was in a word broke. I get that benefits are supposed to be a stop gap but it is often reality that you can end up on UC for years. On a pittance. There are millions of people in in work poverty. Jack knows this.
Do I want to hear about her unscrewing her lightbulbs and her son saying more bread more jam please for the thousandth time? No I don’t.
As for the absolute nerve of her saying she’s going to need support due to having to dig deep and relive memories! off you actually jog!
No one is making you write this book you idiot. It’s quite clear that no one is interested in the slop she’s producing and now she’s going on poverty safari again.
I’ve worked shifts over the last 3 years because of the UC taper that meant out of every 7.50 an hour I earned I kept 2.33. She acts like she’s the only person who ever had to turn their heating off or make tough choices
When was the last time she ran a home on 317 quid a month? She could be out there advocating for universal basic income. Not fannying around interviewing people in poverty
I saw that she was talking to Charlotte Hughes on Twitter yesterday. I believe Charlotte is in Sale, one of the pilot areas for uc. For the past few years she’s been out there on the sharp end helping people who are on UC. Outside job centres. In the pouring rain. She’s on UC herself I believe.
I also watched the clip of her tell the Scottish Greens that she likes Scotland and wants us to stay. The actual arrogance of someone rocking up to a conference of a party that’s pro independence and saying that.
Writing her book is going to be harrowing. No it isn’t. She is an absolute clown of an individual.
I think this annoyed me coming in the same week where someone who is in the limelight announced that she has stage 4 cancer. She could be sitting at home feeling sorry for herself but isn’t. Jack on the other hand is preparing herself for the harrowing task of writing a book.
I don’t think she was on income support during that time. Her book is apparently going to be part memoir part vehicle for change?
How exactly? I’ve just spent the last 3 years on universal credit. Both out of work and in. In work every pound I earned I got 63p deduction from my UC
I was in a word broke. I get that benefits are supposed to be a stop gap but it is often reality that you can end up on UC for years. On a pittance. There are millions of people in in work poverty. Jack knows this.
Do I want to hear about her unscrewing her lightbulbs and her son saying more bread more jam please for the thousandth time? No I don’t.
As for the absolute nerve of her saying she’s going to need support due to having to dig deep and relive memories! off you actually jog!
No one is making you write this book you idiot. It’s quite clear that no one is interested in the slop she’s producing and now she’s going on poverty safari again.
I’ve worked shifts over the last 3 years because of the UC taper that meant out of every 7.50 an hour I earned I kept 2.33. She acts like she’s the only person who ever had to turn their heating off or make tough choices
When was the last time she ran a home on 317 quid a month? She could be out there advocating for universal basic income. Not fannying around interviewing people in poverty
I saw that she was talking to Charlotte Hughes on Twitter yesterday. I believe Charlotte is in Sale, one of the pilot areas for uc. For the past few years she’s been out there on the sharp end helping people who are on UC. Outside job centres. In the pouring rain. She’s on UC herself I believe.
I also watched the clip of her tell the Scottish Greens that she likes Scotland and wants us to stay. The actual arrogance of someone rocking up to a conference of a party that’s pro independence and saying that.
Writing her book is going to be harrowing. No it isn’t. She is an absolute clown of an individual.
I think this annoyed me coming in the same week where someone who is in the limelight announced that she has stage 4 cancer. She could be sitting at home feeling sorry for herself but isn’t. Jack on the other hand is preparing herself for the harrowing task of writing a book.
MancBee
VIP Member
I am the last person to defend R Jackie, but tins of stewing steak or corned beef and similar are often the sorts of things found in a foodbank box. It is therefore a good idea to provide some ideas for using such items. Where I do not agree with the Maverick one is the terrible concoctions she comes up with, they would just end up in the bin. When you are relying on foodbanks you can not afford to waste food on a recipe that you may not like. It is not quite as simple as fresh meat is cheaper, it is what you get in the food box, it isn't a choice.If you're struggling, works out much cheaper (plus nicer) to buy a little fresh meat, of cheaper types obviously. A kilo pack of chicken thighs for example in Asda, £1.98
As an example, when I received a tin of stewing steak in a foodbank box, I did not rinse off the gravy and make some sort of slop overpowered with garlic and raw onions with mandarin segments (that I could use for a pudding). I added lots of fresh veg, made pastry and made a pie that fed me and two of my neighbours who were also reliant on benefits. It was healthy and actually very tasty. I do not understand R Jackie's obsession with attempting to make some weird food combinations that people may or may not find appealing (I would put money on that they would not). Because if you are on the breadline you cannot take the risk of wasting what little food you do have.
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Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Petrified but goes out to restaurants with friends.
Doobots
Chatty Member
The Marcus Rashford comments / her trying to latch onto his work is really grinding my gears. A black man who experienced real prolonged poverty is doing great work to help communities, making a huge impact and people are paying attention. What use could he possibly have for her? He's doing fine on his own and doesn't need a white saviour. Especially not a white saviour who isn't even interested in helping him but using him for a leg up in her flailing career. Not that further proof is needed but it shows how much empty bullshit her BLM video was.