Her house looks like a flea market
Jack Monroe #65 Green gages and ham
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So she got paid to do a cover quote for Stig Abell, the man who used to be the editor of the most hateful, disgusting right wing ‘newspaper’ The Sun, and is now the main presenter of a News UK Radio station owned by Rupert Murdoch which has the primary aim of selling more copies of the right wing paper The Times? Ok babe.
The very same man who published the Katie Hopkins article which likened migrants to cockroaches? Surely not?
First of all, love the way she says 'got that' rather than 'read that' - she clearly hoards books in the same way she hoards everything else, but owning a book is not the same as reading one.
Second of all, no one's suggesting THE ART OF WAR, ffs, Jack - that's some real Patrick Bateman tit. They're mentioning it because they've noticed it in your book pile.
Another book for you, Jack!
Wish there were a ‘Little Miss Shan’t’
Thread suggestion:. "Got that!"
A close second in my mind to..."For there WAS no jam"
A close second in my mind to..."For there WAS no jam"
With her hoarding, I'm reminded of that song from The Little Mermaid:
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has ev'rything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin' around here you'd think
(Sure) she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
(You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty)
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
Fitting, isn't it?!
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has ev'rything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin' around here you'd think
(Sure) she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
(You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty)
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
Fitting, isn't it?!
Her house is an Aladdin’s Cave of possessions. ‘Got that!’
Just like one of those houses that used to fascinate me as a kid - where you’d go in because your mum was being neighbourly, or you were visiting granny, and the sheer amount of belongings was like looking at a treasure trove. I suspect she will not be showing the insides of her cupboard because (a) who needs to see 50,000 identical shirts and (b) she can’t close the doors properly due to the Westwood dresses bursting out. It’s what Viv would have wanted.
If she were so inclined, she could do a garage sale on her driveway and make a mint. No need for Patreon for at least a month.
Just like one of those houses that used to fascinate me as a kid - where you’d go in because your mum was being neighbourly, or you were visiting granny, and the sheer amount of belongings was like looking at a treasure trove. I suspect she will not be showing the insides of her cupboard because (a) who needs to see 50,000 identical shirts and (b) she can’t close the doors properly due to the Westwood dresses bursting out. It’s what Viv would have wanted.
If she were so inclined, she could do a garage sale on her driveway and make a mint. No need for Patreon for at least a month.
I didn't realise the dining table was Cotswold Co as well Seriously, for someone who tries to be so individual I find it odd that she must have walked into the shop and just ordered one of everything!
Seriously, for someone who tries to be so individual I find it odd that she must have walked into the shop and just ordered one of everything!
Don’t forget the smeg(s) and the water rowerTbh I think her problem will be the salary multiplier. It’s what shafts most people & is why it’s so difficult to buy outside of a couple. Largely banks are only willing to lend to 4.5x annual salary (ignoring that 15% of mortgages are allowed to bend the regulations - will get to that at the end). I think she’s looking at properties like her rental, so let’s say £750k? Minus her 10% deposit she’d need a mortgage for £675k, which would require an annual salary of £150k. To get this down she’d need a bigger deposit, or a bigger salary.
As mentioned there are mortgage products (and tbh even lenders) who cover edge cases & there are brokers that would have an initial chat for free. It would just require her saving for a deposit, stamp duty & fees but for some reason she seems hell bent on not doing that?! She’s had so many privileges, years of living subsidised with a millionaire / rich parents / high paying easy work, and yet hasn’t managed? I don’t agree w bashing millennials saying if they stopped buying coffee and £2 avocados they’d own property as it’s clearly not true, but got a small suspicion that 6 £900 Cotswold company pieces / a £400 hammock / thousands in cookbooks aren’t exactly helping the cause are they
But I thought her dining table was a chipped fomica/laminate affair?I didn't realise the dining table was Cotswold Co as well
bleeping hell, I know we are lucky to live in the country and even if we haven't grown courgettes and beans we mostly have to put a game face on when offered gluts of these beauties. Manage to take minus 96 photos of them....
Those bookshelves make me shudder!!! What about Dewey Decimal or Library of Congress!!!!??? Also, I'm sitting looking at my own bookshelves...The majority of the spines are white.
Yes, absolutely x - wondered where all the boring non-brightly coloured books were? We have heaps of books but couldn’t get the colour-coordinated effect with ‘em. Makes me think she has A LOT more books stashed in the Tardis and these are just the pretty ones?
Sneaking suspicion she organised by colour in the first place just to have an eye-catching backdrop for all the TV spots she thought were coming her way during lockdown / after DKL
Oh my god. Can one of you talented fraus pick this up? I'd have a stab at it myself, only my writing ability is shoddy at best
What are all the red books on the bottom right side? All the same book...? Why?
Does she even have a bump in her nose? I've never noticed it. Why does she lie in the most obvious of ways 
I honestly don't believe for a second that she reads even half as much as she claims to...all her 'reading's' done on Twitter (and Tattle.) The books are just an aesthetic so it doesn't matter for a second if they're the same books, as long as they're red
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There a slight difference between someone suggesting a book you already own and saying 'Yes, I have that one, it's wonderful/thought provoking/beautifully illustrated, isn't it?' and barking 'GOT' like they're bleeping stickers from the Euro '98 Panini Collection.
But that seems to be the narrative running throughout.
House in nice area by the sea - GOT
Detached property - GOT
Garage - GOT
Summerhouse/shed - GOT
Wilderness area at back of garden - GOT
Cat of debatable parentage - GOT
Cotswold sideboard - GOT
Cotswold Dresser - GOT
SMEG - GOT
Westwood (Gawd Bless 'Er Soul) Dress - GOT
Art by super famous modern artist - GOT
Water Rower - GOT
Ridiculously oversized table - GOT
Expensive sofa - GOT
Giant bed - GOT
Fake wood wallpaper tit - GOT
Pizza oven (only used once) - GOT
Expensive knives - GOT
Nutribullet - GOT
(I suspect there's a Vitamix hidden somewhere)
Le Crueset - GOT
Most expensive slow cooker - GOT
Fortnightly flower delivery - GOT
Expensive Christmas Tree and decorations - GOT
Wrapping paper from Paperchase in their own Cotswold Storage Unit - GOT
Colour Coded books as per Instagram/Ben Fogle - GOT
Performative/Worthy Book Display - GOT
Fancy crockery - GOT
Ironically cheap IKEA shelving - GOT
Every trendy ingredient, spice or preserve - GOT
Complete disinterest in potato types and the fundamentals of cooking - GOT
I think the howling rage comes when she can't tick off a Middle Class Signifier. Like a dog, a house paid off, etc, etc.
But that seems to be the narrative running throughout.
House in nice area by the sea - GOT
Detached property - GOT
Garage - GOT
Summerhouse/shed - GOT
Wilderness area at back of garden - GOT
Cat of debatable parentage - GOT
Cotswold sideboard - GOT
Cotswold Dresser - GOT
SMEG - GOT
Westwood (Gawd Bless 'Er Soul) Dress - GOT
Art by super famous modern artist - GOT
Water Rower - GOT
Ridiculously oversized table - GOT
Expensive sofa - GOT
Giant bed - GOT
Fake wood wallpaper tit - GOT
Pizza oven (only used once) - GOT
Expensive knives - GOT
Nutribullet - GOT
(I suspect there's a Vitamix hidden somewhere)
Le Crueset - GOT
Most expensive slow cooker - GOT
Fortnightly flower delivery - GOT
Expensive Christmas Tree and decorations - GOT
Wrapping paper from Paperchase in their own Cotswold Storage Unit - GOT
Colour Coded books as per Instagram/Ben Fogle - GOT
Performative/Worthy Book Display - GOT
Fancy crockery - GOT
Ironically cheap IKEA shelving - GOT
Every trendy ingredient, spice or preserve - GOT
Complete disinterest in potato types and the fundamentals of cooking - GOT
I think the howling rage comes when she can't tick off a Middle Class Signifier. Like a dog, a house paid off, etc, etc.
Little Miss Shan’t
It was a bright, sunny morning and Little Miss Shan’t woke up to an email from her agent. The email was asking her to apologise publicly to all the many people on Twitter she had been grumbling and saying bad things about. Little Miss Shan’t crossed her arms. ‘Shan’t!’ she said to her cat.
She went downstairs and thought about what she was going to eat for breakfast. A little voice inside her head suggested that she cook something with texture, and to perhaps not take eleventy poorly-constructed photos of it. Little Miss Shan’t stamped her foot. ‘Shan’t!’ she said to the delivery man, who was dropping off another box of books and a new nutribullet and a third hammock from John Lewis.
Little Miss Shan’t went to sit in her large, quiet garden. She smelt the faint tang of the nearby seafront and watched as a small bird ferried twigs to and from its nest. She gazed at her rather nice-looking house in the morning sun, and another little voice inside her head suggested that perhaps she feels grateful for all that she has, which is far more than many, many people do not have. Little Miss Shan’t pondered this novel notion. She bit into her teething necklace and frowned. ‘Shan’t!’ she grumbled into the folds of her Vivienne Westwood dress.
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